Friday, December 31, 2010

Buzz Kills

Friday, December 31, 2010

Well, my friends, much like the Indian curry at your last office holiday party, another year has passed. Yep. Another year of joys and sorrows. Achievements and failures. Lifelong dreams and The Last Airbender.

Today is a day to spend in thoughtful introspection, evaluation, and redundancy.

Or you could just drink a lot.

"Woo hooo! So long, 2010, sucka!! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

"2011 is gonna be sooo much better!"

See? They put the ribbon on the cake instead of beside it.

So grab your margaritas,

I mean, maracas.

Pop open a bottle of bubbly,

AKA yet another use for the guitar-shaped cake pan.

And ring in the new year with a honey baked ham!

No? This isn't a ham? I was told there would be ham.

Well, take it easy tonight, guys. Have fun, be safe, roast a ham, and we'll see you after the fiesta!

"Fiesta" is Spanish for "mushroom cloud," right?


Thanks to Cabel, Michelle M., Elisabeth B., C.C., Lana, Laux, & Stephanie M., who think that The Last Airbender was a vastly under appreciated gem of the film world.

BWAHAHAHAAA!!!

Just kidding.
The Boob Nazi said...

Oh man, why a guitar cake? Why?!

Jenniffer said...

Ah, the versatile guitar/champagne pan! You can make ANYTHING with that pan! LOL!!

Monica said...

Happy New Year, Jen! Thanks as always for a great post.

The Safe New Year Council would like to remind everyone: Friends don't let friends eat CCCs and drive.

Anonymous said...

Good god, those cakes... do they know what they are making?

Anonymous said...

"I was told there would be ham."
O.M.G. it's always the simple lines that make me laugh the hardest!! In my head that was a prissy, disapproving tone.


You completely missed the boat on cake #2, however, as it's clearly in the shape of the great state of South Carolina. They're celebrating their two thousand and elebenth deliberate visitor (most people don't even realize that they've arrived somewhere).

-Barbara Anne

wv: sampol
"I'd like to sampolsome of your fine Georgia peaches...what do you mean I'm in South Carolina?!? When did THAT happen?"

Stella said...

K, no more CCC's OKAY? The Crown Royal looks almost authentic. oh, Happy New Year!

Tom said...

Happy New Year! Thanks for helping bring the fun in 2010!

Melissa said...

Is it me or does cake #3 look like a penis shooting green goo?? *giggles*

Dawn said...

Long time reader (2+ years), first time commenter. Why now, you ask? Your reference to The Last Airbender. I love The Last Airbender, ... the series. They completely destroyed the story when they made that movie. And I get the impression that you feel the same way. So thank you for the obscure reference.

And thank you for your daily dose of awesome! May your icing always be creamy and may you never mistake a CCC for a legitimate cake. Happy New Year!

Momcat said...

There are actually TWO people in the world who think a glass of champagne shoule have an olive in it!?! Something really bad is going on here.

wv: peashide
How many peashide in glasses of champagne?

stuckinmypedals said...

Wow, what a plethora of CCCs. It's like all the bakers got together to play one last bad joke of the year.

fieldguidetohummingbirds said...

Do you suppose the chamargatini wreckers took bakery jobs after flunking out of bartending school?

Bethany said...

I would like to be the first to unnecessarily point out that no, "fiesta" does not mean "mushroom cloud" in Spanish. It means "party"! Duh...

Happy New Year, you guys! I love reading almost as much as I love eating delicious chocolate cake.

Bethany

Pamela said...

Happy New Year!!! Once again enjoyed the wreakness. As to The Last Airbender. My son got me to watch TV show and I found it delightful. Son was extremly disapointed in the movie. You could say it was a Flick Wreak.

mladybright said...

To think I love a good margarita. Guess that hasn't changed, as these are not good margaritas.

I mean, I expect home bakers like myself to attempt re-usages of pans that they bought for rediculous prices, but a bakery? C'mon.

That bottle of Crown Royal is actually lookin' good at the moment. Something to wipe away the visions of CCCs. (see - no apostrophe - it's plural)

Happy New Year, y'all, and a safe and healthy New Year!!

Please remember, if you're drinking, please do not drive.

Thanks for a year of wonderful laughs, CW!!!!

~~Di

Fedpra said...

What's worse than these cakes? My sister and I are arguing about the "merits" of The Last Airbender. After all these CCC *patooey!* (did I do it right?) I need a drink or too myself..

Marnie said...

Why does the bubbly say 2088?

And Anony at 9:58AM don't be mocking my state. Them's fightin' words.;-)

Rachel said...

OK, while I agree that the champagne/guitar cake was poorly executed, I have to admit, I think the champagne bubbles are a legitimately cute use of cupcakes-as-cake. Again, needs work on the execution, though.

StayNBroke7 said...

2088?

MadTigerKitty said...

Thank you Cake Wrecks Team for all the fun laughs over the past year. I cannot wait for more :)

Happy New Year!!!!


P.S. I got your book and calendar for Christmas and I love them. My family could not stop laughing as they were reading over my shoulder!

Chrispy said...

#3 is definitely Chernobyl Penis. With foamy edges.

Anonymous said...

I almost wish I had passed several tipples so that the cakes looked more appetising...

Happy New Year Jen (and John)! ...and a quick thanks for providing a good cure against dull days. In support, I am waiting on my Cake Wrecks calendar. May 2011 bear prosperity and wrecktacular days to all. *Sends love across Atlantic*

Tricia L said...

You know that Angel Flake Coconut (I think) ad at Easter that shows how to take two round cake layers and turn it into a respectable rabbit by simply carving it properly? I think that's what we need engraved on the bottom of the guitar pan. For example:

"Pan may be used for creating a bottle cake. Use a straight edge to trim off the humpy things on the side. Dispose of trimmings. Use icing of appropriate color (don't use brown icing ... ewww)."

Lis said...

Careful, Anonymous Barbara Anne - I'm with Marnie. Prolly not a good idea to mock a state with a history of starting wars. ;) Actually, that cake DOES look exactly like a map of SC, and I totally missed it until you pointed it out. LOL
Happy New Year, everyone!

wv: derrif. Derr, if you sort of squinch your eyes up and tilt you head just right, this cake doesn't look TOO bad, right?

Lisa said...

Am I the only one that noticed the guitar cake is from the future? 2088 is going to be a wicked year!!

Lisa

Craig said...

Maybe '2088' is when the wreckerator graduates. Someone confused the vintage with the 'best if used by' date? There has to be some theory that makes sense.

When it comes to versatility, nothing beats the heart pan -- see what I did there? -- or CCCs* themselves. But the guitar pan is right up (down?) there.

* I joined the No Apostrophes For Plurals Fan Club. Motto: "...To extend the area of literacy little by little."

wv: undessed

Jessamine Diane said...

Well.... The purple and pink 2011 cake looked nice.... The rest sucked.... But.... ERM.....

Oh God, the things I do in my not-so-spare time. 0-o

Jessamine Diane said...

I mean, I'm on a blog. About cakes. Bad cakes. I still have things I should be doing. Why am I looking at ugly cakes?!

Anonymous said...

Lis & Marnie: with a name like "Barbara Anne" where did you think I came from? tsk, tsk

I will admit to being raised in Orlando but I was born in Columbia and I didn't realize what that cake was supposed to be until the second time I read the blog. All I could see was South Carolina! LOL

-Barbara Anne

BarbW said...

Is it just me or does the "Fiesta" cake look like a mushroom cloud?

Happy New Year Jen and John (and Number 1)! Thanks for all the laughs.

Arlene said...

And yet again I am reminded of why I don't drink lol. Though these cakes are tempting me too I think I will just run away until the wreckerators for these things are forced to eat them.

jeliecam said...

Thanks for all the wonderful blogs of 2010. Keep 'em coming.

Note to the grammar commentors: regarding the plural of single letters and numbers, it is acceptable to use the apostrophe or not (or is that just a Canadian thing?).

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

See... Here's the thing I don't get. Do people not realize that just because you USED a guitar-shaped pan doesn't mean that you can't cut it down to look un-guitar-like?

For that matter, if you want a sheet that is larger than your largest sheet pan, You can make TWO sheets and put 'em together. It's like they think the cake is made from Titanium or something... You can CUT it!... With an actual knife!...

And, if you want a cake shaped like a champagne glass, you can cut one out of a sheet! You don't HAVE to make it look like a poorly-drawn thought-cloud! Amazing!

Anonymous said...

I LOVED THE LAST AIRBENDER! I'm so disappointed they won't be making the rest of the films *sobs*

Little Lovables said...

I actually liked The Last Airbender!!! (expect for the katara casting).

Of course, the movie may have strayed the series (like Eragon did), but hey, I can look beside that :)

Austin's Memory said...

I seriously hope everyone was smart enough to avoid vehicles after drinking.


In loving memory of Austin Blankenship
http://www.kirotv.com/news/26129450/detail.html

Queen Julian XIII said...

I miss the pink elephants. Though I did enjoy crown royal ham...

Anonymous said...

I just added it up, and the cake wreaks fans donated $24,559 to the 12 different charities that Jen posted up. I'm so pround of everyone! And this post was just what I needed to recover from my hangover.

Brandon said...

MCA found you one.
http://beastieboys.com/post/2561346774

Lis said...

Dear Barbara Anne,
Since the only Barbara Anne I have ever actually met was from Georgia, and given the comments in your post . . . my bad, sugar. ;) Here's to SC peaches! And champagne sans olives! (ewwww!)

Adorably Dead said...

Until you pointed it out, I did not notice the distinct guitar shape of that cake. That one wasn't really half bad considering others.

Joy said...

My favorite part of Christmas was watching my 16 year old cousin reading his new Cake Wrecks book, crying because he was laughing so hard. I'm also jealous that my mom bought him the book, and not me!

Heidi said...

If they still haven't invented champagne bottle cake pans by 2088, I don't want to live to see that year. (Granted, I'd be 113 if I did, but that's besides the point.)

Thanks, Jen and John, for another hilarious year! Happy 2011!

HannaSolo said...

Mention of The Last Airbender (great show, terrible movie) + Mention of a mushroom cloud = Reminder of this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soWD8XkBsJM

FRIENDLY MUSHROOM!

SonsuzYaƟam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ali said...

wonder if the crown royal cake had some real rum in it

Len said...

I bleieve the wreckers tought of martinis instead of champagne glasses... like that made more sense but whatever.

Happy new year and thanks for the laughs!

Angela K said...

I hope you guys don't lose all respect for me, but I have to tell you, I liked The Last Airbender. I had seen a few episodes of the series in the past, but it wasn't until I watched the movie that I became a true fan. Once my husband and I were taken in by all the awesome effects and dramatic storyline (I'm still crossing my fingers for sequels), we instantly became obsessed with watching the entire series. Fortunately, just a couple of weeks after we rented this Red Box gem, Nicktoons aired a marathon of the entire series! UNfortunately, however, my stupid DVR screwed up and I missed the first seven episodes. Grrr. Anyway, I just wanted to say that now that I've seen most of the series, I understand how many fans would be disappointed with the movie. But come on, there's no way they could have packed 20 episodes worth of character/relationship development, history, and light-hearted humor into one film. It wasn't the series with real people; it was a dramatic interpretation of the series. Doesn't anyone recall that book series that became a series of underwhelming movies? Oh, what was it called? Oh, I know, Harry Potter!! Don't get mad, I love Harry Potter. I'm just making the point that sometimes filmmakers have to sacrifice certain thematic elements to make their film come to fruition. Some of the "unnecessary" ideas have to be left out. Besides, if it hadn't been for the movie, I probably never would have delved into the animated world of the Four Nations that I now know and love.
That's all. : )

Karen said...

M Night has forever ruined the movie for me. I cringed every time they said 'Ah-ng' instead of 'Ang'. Was it really necessary to change the pronounciation of almost everyones name?

I'm going to go so far as to say that I would gladly buy and consume all of those CCC's *patooie!* rather than be forced to watch it ever again.

Anonymous said...

Your commentary just made me burst into hysterical laughter- now everyone wants to know what I'm reading! Thanks for the unexpected giggles, I totally needed that!