Monday, August 16, 2010

Win With Civility

Monday, August 16, 2010

Did you know August is National 'Win with Civility' Month? It's true; the internets told me so.

And since we could all use a reminder from time to time that "polite is always right," I've prepared a few handy tips.

Civility Tip #1 - Always precede a negative comment with a positive one:


Civility Tip #2 - Practice an attitude of gratitude:

And maybe your spelling.


Civility Tip #3 - Instead of rudely pointing out the birthday girl's faults, try focusing on her accomplishments:


Or, if s/he has no accomplishments to speak of, then try complimenting a physical feature.


There! See how easy it is to be polite?

Now, you try!

Ok, well, that's not so much a compliment as it is a reminder of old age - which is never polite. Why not try opening up, instead? You know, tell her how you really feel?

Um.
Ok.
Well, while I applaud your honesty, that's...not very positive.

Ok, new tactic: Is there anything you can congratulate her on? Something worth complimenting?

Ah, much better.

So remember, kids: polite is always right, and successfully kicking narcotics calls for frosted cheesecake.

Don't ask me why; it just does.


Thanks to Wreckporters Whitney M., Birdy, Susan K., Heather R., Andrea F., Gina G., & Janet S., who, for the record, have never had frosted cheesecake.

The Boob Nazi said...

passiveaggressivecakes.com?

Amanda Mac said...

That first one has some of the prettiest writing I've seen on a cake in a long time...

I bet "nice clavicles" was an inside joke. Sounds like something a med or nursing student would say.

JRM said...

"So remember, kids: polite is always right, and successfully kicking narcotics calls for frosted cheesecake."

Because it's easier to kick one habit when you've got another to fall back on. And what could be a tastier addiction than frosted cheesecake? And it would quickly help you add on the pounds lost to heroin addiction. Or something.

Christine said...

Wonder if the "tolerable" one is a Pride and Prejudice reference?

Anne said...

Please tell me these are all friendly jokes (well, except for not going to jail and kicking opiates - those can be real).

Word verification = screblin - Wreckerator: "Hold on a minute; I've got some screblin to do on these here cakes, coz folks wants words on 'em."

Nancy said...

The 1st and 3rd have great handwriting! (Thinking positive.)

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I guess I'd rather be called "tolerable" than ... a whole bunch of nastier things.

Anonymous said...

*teaspit* Aw, geez, I just cleaned the screen yesterday!!

About lost it on the 'never been to jail'.... But I love the celebration of noteworthy accomplishments!!

~~Di

Mummy said...

I am going to ask for my cake this year to say 32 and Never been to jail. I think that rocks.

Anonymous said...

I'm hoping the first two cakes were for people in the hospital? Or maybe the second one was for somebody in jail, and it had a tasty, iron-rich file filling?

- DB

wv: musedata, as in, "they were not a musedata their cakes!"

Anonymous said...

the subtle joke in the last cake is hilarious.

Christy said...

What exactly are those marks all over the 60-year-old's cake? Animal print of some sort? Confetti? Wrinkles?

antikythera said...

For my mother's 60th birthday this summer, we got her a cake that said "Happy Birthday, you're 8 1/2 (in dog years)".

Katie said...

I also wondered if "Tolerable" was a P&P reference, but shouldn't they have added an "I suppose" to really nail it.

Tony said...

The "clavicles" one made me think immediately of this fight from Metal Gear: Ghost Babel ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV2xiEPzWWU

Yeaaaah, giant nerd hat over here. :3

Anonymous said...

Clavicals? Is that something similar to clavicles?

Brooke said...

Poor Whitney! They hate having her around AND they nom her cake before she can photograph it! That's cold, man.

Aris said...

this post reminds me of Home Movies' Compliment Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75zeLwreamI

or was it supposed to???

LaurenH said...

Mmm...I'd take 'never been to jail' as a compliment if I could have that cake. It looks delicious.

Even better, I might pick up opiates if people were going to get me cheesecake when I quit! Yum :)

goblue562 said...

I think that the black things all over the 60 year old's cake are leeches. :)

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with you on one point - "You Are Tolerable" is VERY positive. You should have seen the "You Are INtolerable" cakes they rejected!

mouseears2007 said...

I get so freaking confused by these cakes. How does ANYONE think putting some of these messages on cakes is a good idea?!

Steve the Pocket said...

"Thank God my leaving WHAT?"

"See, that's why nobody here can stand you. Friggin' grammar Nazi."

Sarah said...

Are those leaches on the 60 cake?!

A Paperback Writer said...

Is that cream cheese frosting on the opiates cake? If so, then, heck, anything's a good excuse for that.

Anonymous said...

And Whitney's cake has such nice handwriting and smooth frosting too.

--Blue Jean

Lydia said...

"You have nice clavicles" is a line from the TV series True Blood. Teri said that to Arlene.

Nick, April and Aidan said...

I feel almost certain the "You have nice clavicles" is a quote from a movie I have seen recently. But Google failed me.

BB, Miami said...

Could the leeches on the 60th birthday cake have been meant for tiger stripes? The cake is orange(ish).

Amy said...

The last cake reminded me of a 1 Year Clean party we threw for a friend who went through rehab to kick painkillers. The cake we got him was in the shape of a large capsule with "Percocet" written across it in the most beautiful calligraphy ever. No pictures (of course!), but he laughed so hard, he cried. Some of the guests were less than . . . enthusiastic.
Sometimes inside jokes are best left unexplained.

Gary said...

Can I skip the opiates, and go right to the cheesecake?

"You have nice clavacals" almost makes it, but then it misspells "clavicles." The dictionary is your friend, bakers.

On the other hand, "Sweet 16 Never been to jail" strikes me as something to celebrate. Beautiful cake (or tart or whatever it is), too. I'd eat that.

CookieMonster said...

I love it!

So funny!

Single Dad Laughing said...

Hmmmm... like the comment I got on one of my blog posts: "This is the funniest thing I've ever read. If I'd never read anything at all."

Single Dad Laughing

Anonymous said...

"You have nice clavicals" is a True Blood Season 1 reference, I believe....Could be wrong, but I think Hoytt Fortenberry says it to a girl he's trying to impress.

Anonymous said...

"You have nice clavicles" is Egon to Janine in Ghostbusters.

Anonymous said...

It IS a True Blood line. But I was incorrect. Teri says it to Arlene! Just pulled out my DVDs to look it up! lol!

Anonymous said...

Clavicles. Dude, he couldn't even spell clavicles.

I'm totally in love with the "you are tolerable" cake. May have to use that for family sometime soon.

Alex F. said...

I'm surprised Jen didn't comment on the misspelling of "clavicles"

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Alex F.,

People get tweaked at us when we point everything out. Plus, the vast majority of our readers are stinkin' brilliant so we figure they'll catch most of them.

Peace out, yo!

john

Christina said...

My 4 year old niece asked me to click on a cute cake in this post. As we scrolled down, she discovered that there are no cute cakes. Too bad she can't read to understand that saying no to drugs gets you a cheesecake:)

Stephanie said...

I see I'm not the only one whose mind immediately went to Pride and Prejudice with the "tolerable" one. I wonder if the recipient was a Jane Austen fan. Not sure what the deal is with the tie-dye airbrushing though...

As for the others, I'm trying to decide if I want to know the stories behind them (because inscriptions that strange have to have some kind of story attached).

T said...

I think I'm going to copy that sweet 16 one - the teens'll love it!

caferacers66 said...

Your clavicles are better accentuated via use of opiates, but then you have to get the monkey off your back man. Then you get the cake. ok then. wow.

once again I just LONG to see what the wreckerator /clients look like.\ mad props on the pretty handwriting though.!

Joyce said...

Thanks for all the compliments on the first cake, I made that and the master wrote on it.

Whitney is my friend btw and that was a surprise (and friendly) gift to her.

Lola Vauntz said...

I am proud to say that I ordered the first cake on this post for a friend. It is, indeed, an inside joke, and one that the bakery didn't get. When a friend went to pick it up, they were afraid to give it to him, thinking someone in their kitchen had made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Anonymous said...

I laughed harder at the comments, specifically the revelation that the over-rated "True Blood" ripped off "Ghostbusters."

BADKarma! said...

"You have nice clavicals"... OMG... ROFLMAOH.

Now THAT'S what I call "damning with faint praise"! (At least the baker spelled "clavicals" correctly).

Anonymous said...

My friends from breast cancer support group often say what's on the first cake, glad you found us but hate that you're here...

Jerry said...

I like the fact the "congratulations on kicking opiates" cake looks like a big giant pill. Also that they spelled "congratulations" correctly.

chiffonade said...

I imagine the first couple of cakes ("we hate that you're here") are about hospital stays.

Love the "kicking opiates" cake. Hey, celebrate the good stuff, no matter what it is.

Ironica said...

They're a bit premature on the kicking opiates one... unless that's a vegan cheesecake.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=casomorphin

Anonymous said...

http://www.movie-page.com/scripts/Ghostbusters.htm

I think "You have nice clavicles" is a quote from Ghost Busters.

I don't know how accurate this script is because I have't seen it in a while.

Koli said...

I LOVE the sweet sixteen cake, its hilarious ^_^

Anonymous said...

heheheheh any excuse for cake

... said...

Had to think of this:
"I'm not allowed to eat cheesecake. Just protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks." - A Very Potter Sequel

linguina said...

I'm picturing the Sweet 16 cake being ordered by the grandparents of the birthday girl's toddler. And it is gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the tolerance cake is a gay reference; the rainbow color motif is what made me think about that. So often, people use the word "tolerance" in conjunction with "gays," and I've heard people balk at that. "I'd like to be more than tolerated." I wonder if it's an inside joke based on that?

Anonymous said...

I share names with whoever had the first cake...including last initial...I about died laughing when I saw it!

Arlene said...

Lol I think I nearly choked on my soda reading all these cakes. Wow such anger these wreckerators are showing. Some are actually kinda pretty in a way but nothing beats the thank god your leaving cake. Heck I would have liked that one when I left to get married lol. Because I would agree with it :D.

Aviatrix said...

I tried to be polite to all these cakes, but damn, it's more fun being snarky!

#1 The handwriting is so beautiful, and they even spelled "you're" correctly. It was very sweet of Whitney's cellblock to get her a cake to commiserate her having to spend her birthday in prison. Plus there's a file baked inside.

#2 The recipient of the cake is a lovely person who was expected to leave the ICU on a slab. Everyone is so happy she is leaving on her own two feet that they got her a cake.

#3 Whitney's sister may be a slut, but so long as she doesn't charge for it, she can celebrate her birthday on the outside.

#4 See? I told you it didn't take much to get with Whitney's sister.

#5 Recipient recently lost her job as a zebra tamer for being unqualified. Cake intended to remind her she is qualified for something.

#6 This is a touching breakthrough from a father to his gay son. After many years of separation he took to heart Jesus' words of love and tolerance and made the first step. Next year he might let his son eat off the china instead of giving him a paper plate for his cake.

#7 It's a poppyseed cake.

shikishinobi said...

Riiiiiiiight! Sure! If you honestly say so. While the cakes LOOK good enough, I'm sure there has to be a logical explanation for some of this. Are these honest mistakes or did someone ACTUALLY order these things? Some I can say 'yes, they probably did,' but the rest confuse me. I'm going back to bed.

Anonymous said...

hi good day

Craig said...

#1 The wreckerator was afraid they had made a mistake? Having no fear (or awareness) of mistakes is what makes a wreckerator in the first place. Since this is a properly-executed inside joke (even spelled correctly and written legibly!), this is no wreck. The 'share and enjoy' area at the side is probably part of the joke. One hopes.

#2 Perhaps this cake was to celebrate the successful restoration to health of a favorite rosebush. At least the 'G' is capitalized. That almost atones for the missing apostrophe and 'e'.

#3 The line used to be, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed." That went out about the time I was born, so I wonder what the cakeworthy occasion will be in 10 years -- 'Hasn't Killed Anyone Today (that we know of)'? I join Mr. Incredible in asking, "Why do they keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity?!"

#4 [Singing] "Three of these letters are not like the other ones..."

"Let's see... C-l-a-v-i-c...wait, is it l-e-s or a-l-s? Clavic-less or clavic-ALs? Ohmygod, it must be a-l-s! I'm like totally glad I learned phonics and stuff! I gotta go -- finish it for me, newbie."

#5 "I told you having this party on the 'African Queen' was a bad idea -- the leeches would get to the cake in no time! Plus, I was far from sure we'd make it back, what with that engine sounding like it did. But the captain was a real character." Bonus: Shop-note-as-inscription. Who needs tact, anyway?

#7 As an major fan of cheesecake, I am fairly certain the surface of this cake is frosting-free. Except for the writing, of course. I'll add my own congratulations to the recipient, and to the decorator for the nice writing and spelling.

All good things deserve cheesecake -- why is this one a wreck?

Kay Richardson said...

I was given a cake with an abusive message on it once. I ate it anyway, but it tasted of regret.

sarah said...

haha always a lovely read!

Amanda said...

I agree with what some have already said--some of these cakes have such lovely writing! I love the first and last ones, and the "sweet 16" cake.

We've done a couple of inside-joke cakes, the most fun of which happened around the time Napoleon Dynamite came out. My friend's mother had overcome a difficult health challenge and decided to turn over a new leaf in life and go back to school to get her degree. So of course, we made my friend a cake that said "Your MOM goes to college" and decorated it with tater tots. :D

Anonymous said...

#4 is definitely not a professional cake! The cake part looks fine but the writing is horrible. I just can't believe that that's a professional cake. However, the "Sweet Sixteen" cake had beautiful handwriting!!

Anonymous said...

I am demanding a "You are tolerable" tie-dyed cake for my birthday this year. Love it.

Jen said...

I was once told I have nice shoulders, which was nice...but it was after my friends little brother tried massaging them...ew.

Notebook In Hand said...

Some of these are hilarious! And I hope are just jokes.

Gale said...

That never been to jail cake is just gorgeous! If someone's gonna congratulate me on THAT...well, at very least it should be on THAT cake.

Meal Replacement said...

lol... these cakes are funny! The second cake is perfect for a friend who's leaving town next weekend. :)

Mercy D'souza said...

Too funny. But how could anyone actually write some of these things on a cake? I don't get it.

Layne said...

The opiates cake made another of my favorite blogs"
http://drgrumpyinthehouse.blogspot.com/2010/08/party-on-dude.html

Anonymous said...

I so wish I could have brought that first cake brought to every single family reunion that my cousin Whitney attended...

Ellie said...

"you are tolerable" Who doesn't want to hear that?!

Mags said...

LMBO!!! "Congrats on kicking opiates!!!" That's hilarious!!


Now you need a cake celebrating completing the steps at "Overeater's Anonymous."

Or "I beat anorexia."

:)

Synthia said...

I think the "nice clavicals" cake could be a reference to an Alkaline Trio song with a line that says "I wanna wake up next to you kissing the curve of your clavicals"...But then again, I could be giving these people way too much credit.

Raul said...

Any fan of Chris Rock's would have preferred the "never been to jail" cake to be a giant cookie instead.