Monday, November 30, 2009

A Whiter Shade of Pale

Monday, November 30, 2009

This past week I neglected to post any cakes highlighting the Native Americans' vital role in the founding of Thanksgiving. This is a grievous oversight, and one which I will attempt to remedy now.


Er...

"Look, I appreciate that he's lily-white and blue-eyed, but do you think you could do something about the brown hair? It seems so...I don't know...ethnic."

"Well, I *could* make his hair lighter, but there's a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"That's our Jesus design."




Hey, Shahala H. & Michele P., don't be afraid to let them show; your true colors are beautiful. (Like a rainbow.)

- Related Wreckage: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow


Note: Just to be clear: I am NOT making fun of Jesus. I am making fun of the fact that He is so often portrayed here in the U.S. as a blue-eyed Caucasian. That is all. Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one.
diddleymaz said...

A Hippy Cake!! is it a Dutch Hippy cake?? chill.....

wendl26 said...

I thought it was a hippie!!! LOL!

wendy

wv: dinglys - i think that will apply to a different cake before long!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Dude has some serious gout. Or mumps. Or something.

Michelle said...

Hil-arity!

Anonymous said...

Haha, I got it! My favorite children's Bible, The Jesus Storybook Bible, is so in part because they actually make Jesus brown and he almost looks (gasp!) Middle Eastern!

Baker's Cakes said...

WHy is that cat wearing a Sonny Bono wig?

Anonymous said...

Maybe this was a pilgrim playing a Native American in the 1st annual Thanksgiving pageant. Obviously he had his cheeks full of nuts from the starter buffet.

Sparky said...

It's sad that when the page loaded, before I'd read a word you'd written, my first thought was "that doesn't look like a Native American."

Apparently I now have the ability to see through wreck layers (such as reality) to the cake design within.

jeni said...

I've always been amused by portrayals of Jesus and Mary as being blonde-haired and blue-eyed. They also tend to have British accents in old movies. Hmm ...

cyn said...

I have to agree with the previous comments: that looks more like a hippy than an Indian.

wv: purest - That is the purest white Indian I've ever seen. How fitting.

Pete said...

Why do you hate the baby Jesus?

Anonymous said...

That made Baby Jesus cry!

Anonymous said...

The Euro-Jesus look has always irritated me. Thanks for the comment. It is probably not possible, and may not be a good idea to make a cake "indian" at all.

Dorci said...

Now I have that song rolling around in my head. Good song, though. :)

Anonymous said...

The portraits of Jesus in my daughter's First Communion workbook all looked like Richard Chamberlain. It was weird looking at Dr. Kildare hanging out with the apostles.

NYCGirl said...

Someone certainly looks pleased! Is it because his long-held wish to become a cat is finally coming true?

joanne said...

I saw an Indian cake (and who would want one of these??) at a local supermarket that looked like a round smiley face cake with face paint added to it. wrecky, indeed. but I couldn't get a picture :(

wv: nopeen--There is nopeen here today. Bathroom is out of order.

Anonymous said...

An Indian CAKE?
Everyone knows Native Americans brought Indian pudding. Sheesh!
Mocking

Mateus said...

It might be one of those Caucasians that claim to be "1/4th Cherokee." They're endemic here in Upstate New York, so either the Caucasians are lying, or the Cherokee were the Jack Harknesses of their era.

Gary said...

Actually, this guy looks kind of like me when I dressed up as a cat for Halloween, except that I had pointed ears on the headband.

Since nobody really knows what Jesus looked like, you can't prove that he didn't resemble those old Nordic Sunday-School pictures. But it's fair to say that, being from the Middle East, he PROBABLY didn't have blue eyes, white skin, or fair hair.

I've seen religious images from various countries that showed Jesus (and Mary, Joseph, etc.) looking like Europeans, Africans, East Asians, South American Indians, etc. (in most cases, the artist drew Jesus to look like his or her own people). Each of these seemed about as convincing as the others to me. It's not the physical features, it's the story that's important.

Which brings me to this classic joke, which I will repeat for the 0.0001% of readers who may not have heard it:
Little girl: "I'm drawing a picture of God."
Teacher: "Nobody knows what God looks like, dear."
Little girl: "That's because I haven't finished my picture, silly."

Doug Warren said...

They gave the Native American the mumps just to maintain the historical accuracy of the mumps outbreaks the settlers shared with them during the first thanksgiving.

Madeleine said...

I'm more concerned that Jesus appears to have kitty whiskers. What's up with that?

Amy said...

I thought it was a 60s "peace out" cake.
Amy B-H
wv: "lionand" lion and what..lamb? Lion and lioness??

VanDyks said...

Do I HAVE to take everything here with a grain of salt? That cake looks gross enough as it is, let alone after adding salt to it.

MV :mabitim. I didn't think anyone would eat that Indian cake, but them my parents saw 'im and mabitim!

CookieMonster said...

Jen, I think it's very funny. And I love Jesus. A lot.

A cat with a Sonny Bono wig! Bwahahahahah!!!!!

kadyb said...

The first thing I saw was that gold Boy Scout emblem in the middle of its face - right there, in the middle. Imagine paying tribute (?) to Boy Scouts, cats, native Americans, and Jesus all in one cake. And a CCC to boot. Is that some kind of record?

Terry Lee said...

hold the smoke signals.

are those cupcakes disguised as mumps?!

honestly, there were some fair-skinned, fair-headed indians (creek indians) of which i'm like, er, 1/64th.

just sayin' ...

{crawling back into my teepee for a puff off my peace pipe.}

kcwc said...

Mateus-- Cherokees are so totally the Jack Harknesses of American History. Irresistible!

Patty O'Chair said...

I didn't realize that Jesus partied at Woodstock.

Natalie said...

Does he have goiters?

Margaret DeAngelis said...

The way my reader loaded the page, I saw the picture and thepart down to "Waht's the problem?", but then had to scroll for the punch line. Made me laugh out loud.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

I don't care what it's SUPPOSED to be, it's scaring me with its crazy-eyed stare of DOOM! Eeeek!

WV: Prolym--Whoever this dude is, he's definitely got a prolym...

Abi said...

Now I'm trying to decide if it's more or less "wrong" to eat a Jesus cake than an American Indian cake.

Melanie said...

The "not making fun of Jesus" disclaimer is even funnier than the caucasion indian.

stormcloud said...

My mother told me that her Jewish friend told her that it was incredibly possible for Middle-eastern peoples to have blond hair and blue eyes <.< I don't remember the exact details, and maybe it was mostly back then, and maybe I'm wrong. I don't know, but just because most Middle-eastern people are dark haired or dark-eyed now doesn't mean that it was the same back then when Europe and America hardly even existed. Where do you think the blond people came from originally?

Either way, this is a saaaaaaad cake. XD

jackie31337 said...

Mateus said It might be one of those Caucasians that claim to be "1/4th Cherokee."

A friend of mine went to college with a girl who was studying on a scholarship for native Hawaiians/Pacific Islanders. She was all around paler than him, and Irish makes up the majority of his ethnic heritage. Maybe this cake was inspired by her relatives.

Anonymous said...

Jesus is portrayed as white in primarily white churches, while in black churches Jesus is portrayed as black. Hispanics portray Jesus as hispanic, but the problem with all the portrayals is Jesus came from the Middle East, so he was not black, white or hispanic, he was Israeli.

Ulrike said...

Why does Jesus have whiskers?

rebecca said...

The blue-eyed blond Matron of Honor at my wedding is Potawatomie, but she doesn't have multicolored whiskers, though I'm willing to bet that she dabbled in sweat bands in her Olivia Newton-John's Let's Get Physical days.

breanna said...

Jen- I am impressed with the Sarah Brighman reference in the title! Love her! Love you!

Anonymous said...

"Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one."...sweet AND salty...yum!!!

Kashmir said...

Procol Harum FTW!

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

Duh...everyone knows Jesus was a black dude, anyway!


PS. I'm a Christian who loves Jesus!

WV:hasch....what this baker musta been smokin'

blueiguana said...

Once again, "thank you" for a much-needed "laugh."
At first I thought that this was a celebratory cake for a high-school revival of Hair.
LOL - My first thought at the Jesus reference was the same Bible as an earlier poster referenced.

Jamie said...

The Jesus comment made me laugh as well. I still recall an article from National Geographic where they used archeological, cultural, and even Biblical evidence to create an image of how Jesus probably looked. Very interesting article:

http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/research/1282186.html?page=1

Anonymous said...

If Jesus were as white as he is sometimes portrayed, then he wouldn't be the Jesus we all know and love. You know why? He would be horribly, horribly sunburned. All the time. 2nd degree burns kind of sunburn. The kind you can die from. He wouldn't have made it to the cross. 40 days in the wilderness... lily white skin... blond hair... think about it.

bassgirl said...

Yipes! I didn't realize that Sarah Brightman did a version of this song. I only knew of the Procol Harum version. The things ya' learn on Cake Wrecks. At least the hair looks like edible chocolate, rather than something, um, unmentionable.

Little Lovables said...

oh, this is so hilarious! perhaps that rash on his chin is smallpox?

that would explain the deathly white pallor of his skin

Melissa Gill said...

Breanna - i think it's an Annie Lennox reference, but I could be wrong. I'm fairly certain Annie was the first to sing it, but I'm not positive on that

Winona said...

This reminds me of when, in third grade, our teacher complained because my female pilgrim drawing depicted her with blue eyeshadow.

Anonymous said...

Obviously this was meant to be taken "with a grain of salt..." did you know salt is iodized because people were lacking iodine in their diets, thus leading to goiters? Kinda like our poor Indian friend here... ;)
-E.S.

CaroCraftnaster, sugarless since 2001, mommaless since 1997 said...

Clearly, that person portrayed in the cake must be M├ętis!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9tis_people_(Canada)

And since most of the aboriginal people who existed before contact were victims of genocide due to the freakin' Pilgrims and ensuing hordes of people and germs invading the New Land, we'll never really know what the first people looked like. Kinda like the Jesus debate...

Anonymous said...

So what should one WRITE on a Jesus cake? Happy 2009th-ish Birthday?

DoctorWhoLuv said...

My little brother, who can't read, is with me at the computer right now. When he saw the picture he said, "Madeleine, is that a bunny? It looks like a bunny!" I cracked up. He asked it so innocently!
~DoctorWhoLuv

shopKCQ said...

LOL reminds me of Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock:

"Uggh, Hugging, it's so ethnic." - Jack Donaghy

smauge said...

What about the Virgin Mary - she's so white Hitler would have kept her for his Aryan Nation. oh, except for that whole Jewish thing...
Mel Gibson doesn't get alot right these days, but at least his holy figures LOOKED like they were from Nazareth!

Anonymous said...

It is not for any of us to judge another's ethnicity - especially based off a shallow character like skin shade.

Christina said...

Ahem...
Procol Harum was the name of the band who originally wrote and recorded "Whiter Shade of Pale" all the way back in the 1960s.
It is also the number one most requested song in Britain of the last 50 years.
Thank you all for making me feel old :p

Anonymous said...

Anonymous' comments about the horrors of pale skin + 40 days in the desert without sunscreen made me cackle. Worse yet, I imagined Jesus wearing a big floppy hat.

The entire office is watching me nervously now, because I can't stop laughing.

Tracy said...

You all know Jesus was a White Man from Cambridge - yes?

(Todays "cake" is too awesome for words.)

Susan said...

Somebody got one too many shots of cortisone.

Jesus is Middle Eastern....God is a bearded old man on a cloud....and I have a friend who says painted images of the Virgin Mary always look like the artist's girlfriend.

Wolvie Girl said...

I don't know what goitres look like so I didn't really see them. I did however see the evil jowls of doom! That poor hippie needs some serious plastic surgery.

Anonymous said...

Have we been watching the tv show Glee or is it just a huge coincidence that they big song on the show last week was "True Colors" too?

Lucia said...

LOL!

Linda said...

OH THE CUPCAKE JOWLS!!!

Princess Peaches said...

As someone who actually is 50% Cherokee (and rolls my eyes whenever someone tells me their grandmother was a cherokee princess. I get it A LOT), it does appear that my mothers people were and ARE the Jack Harnesses of their day.

:-)

Happy Campers said...

Perfect! he he he he

Jenn said...

Can't you tell? It's a Micheal Jackson (post Thriller) Indian

Mira said...

hey! i made some native american and pilgrim cupcakes that i posted on my blog. it was alot of fun.

http://www.booheadswife.com

enjoy!

knitwit said...

My neighbour just brought my kid over some weird bibley books from the 60's. I swear to god, that guy is in them.

In the spirit of not talking behind your back, I thought I should let you know that I linked back to you (twice) in my post today.

http://2kids2dogs.blogspot.com/2009/11/im-wreckerator.html

Thanks for the giggle!

Noni Mausa said...

"...just because most Middle-eastern people are dark haired or dark-eyed now doesn't mean that it was the same back then when Europe and America hardly even existed. Where do you think the blond people came from originally?..."

Hee hee. That would be "Norway."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/Wikinger.jpg

Anonymous said...

In accordance with all the religious texts I ever saw as a child, I was given the impression that Jesus was a white guy with brown eyes and hair, with a short beard. Looked rather like one of the BeeGees, actually.

Kamity said...

This cake is absolutely perfect for today ... I went to MSN and there's a link to a video where this lady saw Jesus in her iron.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26852192/vp/34207687#34207687?GT1=43001

I swear, Jen, you're psychic.

ksaldria said...

I...I feel like I should be offended by this disaster of a cake but I'm not entirely sure why.

Creepy grocery store decorators.

Samantha said...

In honor of this post, I give you this:

http://www.stuffwhitechristianslike.com/2009/02/15-white-jesus.html

Enjoy!

HellboundAlleee said...

Psh. Didn't you know? This is what Jesus looks like!

Katie said...

ok- obviously the decorator has to know that there are no whiskers on humans... sooo.. what is the reason for the lines resembling whiskers? ...wrinkles?? ..scars???
wreckerators do the darndest things

Gary said...

Noni Mausa sez:
'... Hee hee. That would be "Norway."'

Exactly what I was thinking, Noni.

Alisha Rene' said...

it's so sad that you have to put the disclaimer about not offending this person or that. What kind of crap world has this become....? On to more wreckies!

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that Jesus sings tenor.

Anonymous said...

For whoever is saying Jesus was "Israeli" and for anyone else who might believe this...

The difference between an Israeli and an Israelite:
# An Israeli is a citizen of Israel (a political state established 1900 years after Jesus was alive.)
# The Israelites are the children of Israel/Jacob.

In other words:
Yeshua Ben Yosef (Jesus) was not Israeli, he was an Israelite. (There was no political state called "Israel" at that time). He was most likely a Galilean Jew speaking Aramaic language.

Interesting for the discussion of Jesus' skin color: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_of_Jesus

Jess said...

Hm, that's funny, we were just talking about Jesus being portrayed as caucasian yesterday.

Funny story: My mom went to a Catholic getting-through-your-separation weekend this past weekend, and was given this lovely prayer card. Unfortunately, the picture of Jesus on the back was a dead ringer for my (blue-eyed, caucasian) father - who is, of course the one my mom is trying to "move on" from. Ha.

wv: outiful - When you're finally "out", it's beautiful.

Lisa said...

I must be one of the few who noticed the left eye is looking off somewhere else.....

Anonymous said...

Hey Jen! Love de' wrecks. I am *gasping* and excited that you have *morals* (the illusion of such??? :) ), and I respect you for the disclaimer on Jesus, even if it was politics? ;) And taming down on the curse words, as well? Happy day! I (now a *much* happy baker) may visit this wreckily wonderful site more often, now that it's as PG as it's going to get :), as a minor. Kudos and keep it up, por favor! :)

Shielah said...

My husband thinks it looks like Rosie O'Donnell.

Sexy Sadie said...

He looks like he's part cat. He has whiskers!

Dawn said...

Nice! In a groovy kind of way...

Anonymous said...

Ann

Is that really supposed to be cake?
Cause, yikes.

Court said...

Also, I get the whole communion being the body and blood of Christ thing, but I think a Jesus (or Indian head, for that matter) cake is a bridge too far. I say it falls into the same category as a cake in the shape of a baby. Who really wants to eat that???

And LOL at the blue-eyed, palefaced either one!

Anonymous said...

It's a Nephite! LOL ;)

desikaveryn said...

Going to step away from the obvious here and correct a comment.

breanna said...
Jen- I am impressed with the Sarah Brighman reference in the title! Love her! Love you!

As much as I, too, enjoy Sarah Brightman...the song "A Whiter Shade of Pale" was originally done by Procol Harum. Many other people have since covered it. I suggest listening to the original as it is the best version over all.

Thank you :)

Anonymous said...

As a pround super huge retail store wreckreator i will tell u this little number is on a design sheet straight from corporate as a suggested thanksgiving design. Classy just classy! :)

mystic_eye_cda said...

It seems appropriate that if you are going to celebrate his birth in December, when clearly the only time the shepherds are out watching their sheep all night is during the spring lambing that you should also remember him as a blonde-haired blue-eye nordic looking guy ;-)

Mind you in the baker's defense... you know what happens when they use brown icing, it always looks like Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

Anonymous said...

It's a perfect Jesus cake, everyone knows Jesus was a hippy (peace and love, man!) :)

I would feel bad taking this poor smiling cake apart though...

kathryn said...

this indian makes me think about the book of mormon.

http://www.whymormonism.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/Christ_visits_Book_of_Mormon_peoples.jpg

Perfect cake for the Nephite in your life!

Anonymous said...

I do not see Jesus here; I see Quagmire!--Level Best

Cupcakes Lady said...

Does Jesus....have kitty whiskers? Thats...different! ;) xx