Monday, November 23, 2009

Time to Talk Turkey

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's the time of year again, folks: The time when we gather with loved ones, eat some great food, and, of course, count down The Top 20 Ways to Wreck a Turkey Cake.

Let's get to it!

1. By confusing turkeys with swans:



B. By confusing turkeys with turtles...

...in authentic Argentinian garb.

C. By running out of orange icing:



5. By doing this:


G. By angering the Tiki gods:



F. By using a big piece of plastic:

"So you're telling me all I have to do is arrange these cupcakes so the plastic thing covers them? And there's no way I can screw it up? Hmm. That sounds like a challenge."


VII: By using Alien Autopsy for inspiration:

At least he looks happy. Must be that shag rug they laid him on.

10. By letting a former taxidermist "decorate":



Tune in tomorrow for the next top "10"!

Thanks to Mariah Z., Brody, Amber B., Howard G., Mike T., Judy G., Aaron L., and Anne V. You guys are number G!

- Related Wreckage: And Now, A Word From Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes
Diana said...

You forgot to add "a taxidermist who likes to decorate with coprolites"

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

So, the crazy numbering and the fact that there are only 8 in your top 10 is on purpose, right?

WV: surlywh: emergency message sent by bloggers who get comments like this -- "surly woman, help!"

Whitney said...

Lol at your numbering style. XD



It was 'coutesti'.

Lauren said...

In authentic Argentinian garb! I love it! Miran al pepino...Thanks for the many laughs you bring. Happy Thanksgiving
-Lauren

Hyacinth said...

$24.99 for that wreck?! Are they serious!!!!?????

greeblygreebly said...

Veggie tales referances make my morning.

Anonymous said...

Okay that post was loaded with a lot of poop... I know that's some peoples opinion of getting together with the family but really...

Julie said...

We get 8 today and the top 10 tomorrow, but it's the top 20 ways to wreck a turkey.

Somethin's not adding up Jen.

robyn said...

love love the alien autposy one!!! with the little smile haha

Anonymous said...

Even Bob and Larry would be hard pressed to forgive the wreckers of these "cakes." But they'd do it, 'cause that's how they roll. *singing* Veggie Taaales, Veggie Taaaales!

Andrea in Ohio

tjbmurph said...

ah, the real reason Canadian Thanksgiving is in October...

Anonymous said...

Why did you number them so weirdly? That was only 8. xD

Jackie said...

I think (C) involved confusing turkeys with artichokes.

3T News and Reviews said...

Yay for the VeggieTales reference!

Caroline said...

Heard your interview on the Breakfast Show (in Toronto)...they did not do you justice!! They totally forgot to mention how funny and witty you are :-) Love your site - looking forward to getting the book too!

Babsiegirl said...

My seven year old said, "Those cakes are a crime against nature." My five year old asked, "Mom, is that poop?" 'Nuff said.

Julie said...

I freaking LOVE the reference to "authentic Argentinian garb"!

Miren el pepino....

Kathryn H said...

This is why normal people eat pie at Thanksgiving.

Lucia said...

i can't wait for more!
Happy thanksgiving!

Lucia said...

LOL! WAY TO FUNNY!

Anonymous said...

Loved your "numbering" system.

"Argentinian garb" hahaha....where do you come up with this stuff??

I think I'm going to make the "Swanky" (the turkey-swan hybrid) for Thanksgiving this year. Liven things up a bit.

Beth said...

My almost 4 yr old's response to this post
1. a pirate, no a parrot!
B. What is that? A tree?
C. A peacock
5. Another peacock
G. What's that? I don’t know, aan animal with flowers and tongue?
F. a turkey!
VII. a scarecrow
10. uh, a turkey?

Nala said...

I heart the veggie tales reference!

Miranda said...

Tiki Turkey looks very psychedelic.

If you wanna take substances, take them at home, not at work! Good lord!

I also think some of these people have never seen a live turkey.

Lechelle said...

So awesome. Do we get turkey wrecks all week? Can they possibly get worse than this?

Lechelle

www.kellyandlechelle.com (Hoping to adopt)

Melissa said...

My daughter looked at cake #B and said, "it's a hamburger cake, that's funny!"

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I think I see some unhappy peacocks in there, too.

Angie said...

Is it just me, or is C holding a red wang in it's mouth? Very eeww.

Great commentary!

Heidi D said...

Firstly, the first specimen is more expensive than a real turkey!

B. looks to have the perfect chicken hawk head.

Angering the Tiki Gods got a laugh out loud today. :)) I think it's also a bit reminiscent of South Park turkeys.

Stephanie said...

Yay for Veggietales references!
As for the wrecks, well, I think you pretty much covered it in the commentary.
Oh, and the wonky numbering system was a nice touch. ;)

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

I used to justify my own baking by claiming that extra frosting could fix anything ... this post proves that statement to be false. Very very false.

JS @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/

capri-chan said...

1. I love your numbering.

B. I love how you were completely unable to find a way to describe how they wrecked 5 except for "doing this."

IV. Second-to-last one makes me think of a muppet for some reason. Probably the face.

Anonymous said...

The Tiki gods are not amused. . . not amused at all.

Props for the Veggietales reference!

Donna M. said...

@Anon....we sell "Swanky" where I work...however it's a purse pack of cute decorated tissues...for snot blowing...

Which is what these turkey cakes look like...blown snot in a Swanky *g*


wv: ulfrati "Don't serve those cakes, ulfrati the kids!"

Anonymous said...

I thought the first one was a poor attempt at a phoenix. I didn't make the connection until you told me it was a turkey

joanne said...

I think the Tiki god cake was trying to hypnotize me.

WV: tesest: When you find out that you're having a test you weren't expecting (compelling a stutter.) "We're having a tesest??"

kadyb said...

wv: Sweebim - See that turkey cake over there? Sweebim into the trash!

Could apply to any one of these wrecks!!

Natalie said...

Mmmm! Jen, NOT FAIR! It's too early in the morning for my mouth to be watering for poo covered CCCs. Deeee-lish!

Nice.

joanne said...

That swan wouldn't be half bad if it was supposed to be, well, a swan. As a turkey it looks like a swan that swam through radioactive waste.

The last one looks like a glove with a face.

The one with the plastic--how icky is that going to be when they peel it off to try to eat them CCs?

can't wait to show these to my kids.

prior WV: ressl--how my six year olds would probably spell "wrestle"

Alexandra said...

Marwolaeth ar gyfer dyrcwn i gyd!

Which is welsh for death to all turkeys! (cakes). Especially the plastic number. Plastic AND great globs of poo. YUM!

BekaJoy said...

You officially made my life by referencing Veggie Tales!! (Hey, have any VT cakes to post?)

Erica said...

WV - herjus - Just when you think things can't get any worse, "herjus" goes and proves you wrong.

Nads' Bakery said...

Don't they have supervisors or something to maintain quality control?! I don't understand!

JorgeG said...

Love the Veggie Tales reference!-Mary

Angela Stewart said...

#1 looks like it was made with, you know, longing. Like someone really longed to see a swan. Perhaps because they'd only heard about them by rough description... ;)

Hooray for Veggie Tales too!

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable! Oh! My!

Your book has a waiting list in my local library. :)
Mocking

wv-nifix
There is nifix for these horrors.

Anonymous said...

um...so im kinda thinking that the turkey that got confused with a turtle kinda also looks like a taco...a taco with sour cream that all the lettuce fell off of...hahahaha

Jerry said...

Angering not only the tiki gods but the estate of Edvard Munch is more like it (The Scream, turkey version).

Yay Veggie Tales! Any cebu cakes out there?

Aaron said...

So, I had to take around two minutes to truly appreciate how absolutely horrible the swan-turkey cake is. Can anyone identify the green stuff on the bottom of it? It looks like it might be sprinkles, but I can't tell.

Rattlesnake said...

LOL You have to wonder if some of these wreckorators have never seen a live turkey before.

Gina said...

Dance of the Cucumber reference makes me happy on the Monday after vacation. Thank you!

andygirl said...

"C" looks like a worm with a chef's hat doing a dance in the jungle. Ha. Cha.

Bree said...

The taxidermy cake would be right at home with last week's tornadoes of turds cake.

msyendor said...

turkey turtle looks more like chicken little got hit with a big piece of something.

Love the tiki turkey

Devon R. Edwards said...

1, B, C, 5, G, F.... One way to get confused real fast.

And I believe the Tiki Gods are quite upset. Haha!!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

What is all this about Veggie Tales?
;}

ees plain to seeeeee! (I see!) your brains are very small to sink walking, will be knocking down our wall!

john

Kate said...

LOVE the Veggietales reference. I'll be singing all day! :)

Bek said...

It just always makes me sad to realize that somebody was probably really proud of the work they did on these wrecks. Or that they hate their job that much...

Some of these remind me of 'un chango pelon'

WV: uniqes - What the wreckerators were going for. Unfortunately they got it just right.

Anonymous said...

Why is the alien-abducted turkey wearing an old indian headdress?

Sam said...

Thank you for the Silly Songs with Larry reference, truly made my day!

bookbug said...

Until I realized you were misnumbering on purpose, I thought I was going crazy.

Then I realized it was the turkeys. And I understood.

retric - What people say who are in defense of these kinds of cakes.

Anonymous said...

sorry, but i don't understand the authentic argentinian garb joke???

Jimmy said...

If a turkey doesn't look like one thing, apparently it's going to look like another...and neither one of those things is a turkey, but both are always big favorites here! *snicker*


wv: inelyzed-- by the time you figure out what this word is so you can type it, well, you must be pretty determined to leave a comment.

Oh, Mandy said...

I wish they'd label these "Thanksgiving cake," instead of "turkey cake." It would also help if they would settle on icing that wasn't the color of meaty baby food.

("Here you go, sweetie, a spoonful of turkey, and now a spoonful of cake!" *urp.*)

Jiminycricket said...

I used to just think brown icing was the one to look out for, but now I am reconsidering my feelings about orange, and sometimes green as well.

Anonymous said...

@Jackie-- I thought of artichokes too. Or else unhealthy oysters on the half shell. Blech.

Megan said...

Jen, I love all of the geeky references, and the Veggie Tales one made my morning.

Thanks!

WV: einemene -minie-mo, which is the wreckiest of them all?

Little Lovables said...

Alien Autopsy dude looks like the gleeful worm on the movie Labrynth


"care for some tea?, come inside, meet the mrs"

Anna said...

Loved it!

"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?" - Woody Allen

Anonymous said...

posts like this remind me of why in the book (which I just bought :) ) I was a little disappointed in the "holiday horrors" chapter. I think it only referenced xmas wrecks. But there is such a dirth of Halloween and Thanksgiving wrecks out there that are HILARIOUS! not to mention Easter and the slaughtered lambs....

wv: minex--"And in minex act, I'm going to conjure up some poo tornadoes and slather them on cake!"

Anonymous said...

I loved the Veggie Tale reference!!!

Mica said...

Too funny! Great humor for a stressful time. Will be back tomorrow!

Fanboy Wife said...

How soon before we see someone trace her/his hand with icing?

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to the next set of cakes, numbers j through 17.

Also, I hope there are no more beaks in the upcoming group like the first example. That thing's weirding me out. (Did I just say "upcoming?")

Jen said...

My two year old daughter was sitting on my lap when I looked at today's post and to stop her from squirming I said, "Hey Sophia, look at all these turkeys!" She looked for a minute, cocked her head to the side and said "I don't see any turkeys, momma."

Exaaaaactly my dear.

Anonymous said...

There's a new icing color to worry about--baby poo brown. Is turtle turkey even iced?

at least swanturkey got sprinkles. very few, and why green, and why on the bottom? (and mostly on the cake board. tsk tsk.)Is it supposed to be "grass" as if this turkey is peacefully lounging waiting for that big neck to be chopped off from behind?

maybe it's a chicken on a nest.

C is just scary. no beak? oozing blood? green feathers that look like a palm frond? and a WHITE body? what the heck? this does not qualify as a turkey! more like a worm crawling out from under an egg on a palm frond.

#5 is scary, though the eyelashes are a nice touch on ol' One Eye.

#10--a glove holding a bleeding worm stabbed by a kernel of corn.

Tiki Turkey is wrong on so many levels. the color of the cake background looks like woodgrain. is it a panic stricken face on a cutting board? are the technicolor worms rays of panic or are they worms rushing to Captain Psycho Eyes? the no beak and trail of blood are really disturbing.

Alien turkey is so happily on fire! or on a flower shaped shag rug. again, smiley face does not go when there's supposed to be a BEAK.

It looks like a happy turd with an orphan Annie red fro (and an undigested corn kernel) wearing a brown Rennaissance collar and mating with a fat red dragonfly with spotted wings. Yeeah.

Us3JKJ said...

In "true" cake wrecks style I LOVE your numbering! Hahahaha A-F, then roman numeral nine and finally 10. For some reason that little detail cracked me up more than the cakes! The cakes were just ummm... disturbing!

Thanks for the giggles!
Jenn (In Ohio)

Amy said...

Delightfully Wrecky!

Amy B-H

Cisa said...

F may in fact be the biggest turkey turd I have ever seen...that's not to say that I've actually seen that many turkey turds, but still, look at that thing!

Samantha said...

Oh dear, Jen...I think the combo of the holidays and excessive turkey wreckage has affected you more deeply than you realize--your numbering system has baffled even my deranged mind. I'm particularly fond of 5 and G, though this may be the result of indulging excessively in turducken last night...

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The only one that was mildly okay was "by doing THIS". The face was actually rather cute and the swirled frosting, while reminding me of an afghan we had in our living room during the 1970s, actually requires a bit of skill.

The others would make anyone develop a fear of Thanksgiving (or at least turkeys). Yeee-ikes!

WV: Hyress--We need to hyress a good decorator for our Thanksgiving dessert...not a wreckorator!

Katrina said...

Miren el pepino!!!! Oh I needed that this morning. You know - that's the only Veggie Tales song I know...and it's SUCH a good one.

You're killing me - I need to WAIT for the rest!?!

Fine.....

Pobre tomate :-(

Ulrike said...

VEGGIETALES!!! :-D

Also, number "5" is so confused there's a ? in the frosting!

Anonymous said...

@ Fanboy Wife-- Bwahahaha!

That's all that's left to want for! Maybe tomorrow?

Taze said...

Cake Wrecks was mentioned in PC Mag's list of 50 best blogs of the year:

http://www.pcmag.com/slideshow_viewer/0,1205,l%253D246136%2526a%253D246101%2526po%253D13,00.asp

Congrats! :)

AutumnJade said...

Oh Jen,
You made my day!
I did not catch the Veggie Tales reference right away, but for some reason I was reading your comments in Larry's voice. Ahhhhh, this is true happiness.

ABA2009 said...

I love all your veggietale shout outs!

phantomcranefly said...

I actually thought VII was adorable. It's like the alien equivalent of a puppy going "Play wif me! Pweeeeease? Tummy rub? Hugs? Play wif me!"

Word Verification: crksc "The nearest phonetic equivalent to the name of this alien pet, which cannot be properly pronounced using the human vocal system."

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

The Pilgrims are rolling in their graves.... I just know it.

Danielle said...

hehehe, love the veggie tales reference!

Shannon said...

My nine year old says:

Uhhh...Mom...are those supposed to be...TURKEYS?

Yes, darling. That is what they are supposed to be.

Well, that was a fail.

*chuckle* Yes, dear. It certainly was.

wv: unnedu....as in, unnedu learn how to make turkey cakes.

Jolene said...

"Saaay Peas!" "PEEEEEEEEEEEEEAS!!" Miren el turkey-o!

I love the fact that you have thrown yet another Veggie reference in!!!!

Anonymous said...

Awwww. I love VII!!!!! He's so cute! I want to take him home with me.

T said...

hahaha - still laughing about the "authentic Argentinian garb" - love me some veggie tales ;)

Nonna Beach said...

I can't get over that fact that people actually pay for these horrid cakes and serve them to guests !

Evalis said...

that is a weird and wonderful numbering system you have going there.

And I was doing fairly well till i hit number 5 - yes "that". Everything after "that" just set me off again. Putting the tiki one just afterwards was cruel - its HARD to hold in laughter at work and thats a 1-2 combo if i ever saw one. =P

MeliBusla said...

These are hillarious... like all the stuff you guys always post but... I didn't get "the authentic argentinian garb" joke either... but thanks to google I found out.. it's a song about a cucumber wearing a mexican sombrero and dancing an argentinian ballad (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZjhjvLO4f4)...
How come I never heard about it? :/

Kelly said...

Do these people not realize that the hand-traced turkey is not a realistic turkey model?

Teri said...

I always do love your Veggie Tales references :)

Mel said...

Lots of Publix cakes today.

Delaney said...

Is it just me or does B look like it was originally a taco?

Anonymous said...

That was 8.

Becca said...

Hahaha! I can't help thinking that VII is really cute!

Anonymous said...

wow, you count like my 2 year old. :o)

Anonymous said...

I see the poo swirls are back! Yumm....

Jim said...

I propose that any future comments containing the gratuitous "poo" reference be penalized 25 points. Including this one.

wv: Sterrh: How you combine the ingredients when making haggis. (that's close to another -25)

I am the Purple Smudge of Glee! said...

*and* you want me to pay $25 for #1? That plays with my melon in horrible ways!

Elizabeth said...

Something about number F is making me gag!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Seriously, what's up with these people? I made a turkey cake as a total untrained amateur as one of my first cakes. Could even say I "winged it". Hahahaha...

See: http://kimberlychapman.com/crafts/cakes/cakegallery.html#turkey

Wilton ball pan, fast feathers layered on (so you don't even have to do a good job with fondant!), made a neck and tail that dried overnight and then attached. NOT THAT HARD. Geez.

I am starting to think that some people go into cake decorating because "random toothpaste tube squeezer" is not an actual paid job.

FelixAndAva said...

Do we have any Thanksgiving wrecks that aren't CCCs? ;)

(Says someone who just sent you a CCC photo)

Wendy Blackheart said...

G looks like a uterus!

Sherri said...

Sick and wrong! There are a few that look like the turkey is doing it's, ahemmm... business behind it's tail feathers. Yikes! Who'd eat that?

Wolvie Girl said...

I think I'd call "numbers" F and 10 turdkeys.

Steph said...

I love your allusion to VeggieTales "Authentic Argenteian Garb" (Junior says that in "The Dance of the Cucumber") You are awesome and the cakes you post are hilarious. Your friend from PA, Steph LuAnne B.

blueiguana said...

LOL I would totally buy the Tiki Turkey!

Anonymous said...

LOVE the veggie tales reference! hehe

Ashley Renee said...

Don't lie! You know that first one was a Phoenix!!!!

MelindaB65 said...

Add me to the group who loves the VeggieTales references. :-) As someone whose Facebook quote is, "Was the canoe wood, or aluminum?" I love that you love them, too.

cookie_monster said...

Glad I was not the only one who caught the VeggieTales refrence! that made me smile...and now I've got spanish dancing cukes in my head! I'd rather have a dancing cuke over these cakes, though.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Veggie Tales! That's one of my favourite Silly Songs with Larry ever. Apart from pirates who don't do anything, but that's sort of a given

Tasha said...

I kind of like the vast expanse of frosting on number 10. It's like a canvas for my Thanksgiving dreams.

Jessica said...

I saw two of these in a local grocery store, and immediately thought "Cake Wrecks!" so I'm glad they made it it =)

Jennifer said...

The cake wrecks were good.

The best part of the post wasn't about the cakes, though. It was 1,B, VII. I do that sometimes when I blog, too, and no one comments on it. That's why I must commend you on that!

Awesome dry sense of humor! That just adds so much to the blog!

Anonymous said...

About VII's commentary...innuendo much?? I want what happens behind the bakery counter to STAY behind the bakery counter!

Anonymous said...

Hope no Veggies were injured in the making of that Turkey-Taco thing.

Harry F said...

I like the "Flaming Poo Elmo".

Anonymous said...

wow 24.99 for that mess?!

Jackie Blue said...

lol these were great

Anonymous said...

It's that rarest of mythological creatures: The Turkey-Phoenix! Once a year it climbs into the roaster on its own and lies in the flames until it's crispy, and golden brown...

jenn said...

Umm, gobble gobble? :)

Thanks for the Thanksgiving turkeys. Just wondering--for a future Sunday Sweets--could you do a tribute to The Office? I'm woefully single but would love to see some dream cakes! Thanks.

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like a phoenix

Arbolita said...

I submitted a Turkey CakeWreck and am crossing my fingers I see it tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Are you sure that some of these aren't baseball gloves?

shawne said...

Aw, I saw the turtle-turkey at my store today, and I must respectfully disagree. I was perusing the cake table for wrecks and was pleased to find them all cute and well-done.

Emma said...

thanks for the veggie tales reference...it made my night!

Sandi said...

Veggie Tales

baby cribs said...

LOL! Lot of turkeys made into something weird! Really made me laugh!

Tammi said...

Awesome wreckiness made all the better for introducing me to the Veggie Tales and the Dance of the Cucumber. Thanks fellow readers!!

Carolin said...

Yay for the Veggie Tales reference - "Say Peas!"

Carolin said...

yay for the veggietales reference...."Say Peas!"

catholicgirl247 said...

gross! i think that i am going to be sick!

Becky said...

Authentic Argentinian garb...hee! Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head!

Abby&theJets said...

i love that you love Veggie Tales... really a lot.

ReesePie said...

thanks for the random holla to Larry the cucumber! Love him!

John & Jennifer Savage said...

#G looks like a Louis Wain in the final stages of his insanity, if he'd done turkeys instead of cats.

Anonymous said...

nice list numbers, jen

Anonymous said...

And who, I asked you, would pay $24.99 for those Thanksgiving cupcakes?

Carm

Anonymous said...

My 6 year old walked up and saw the first cake and said "oh a pot of gold". And I said, no it's supposed to be a turkey cake, and he said "but it's cupcakes!" Even he knows that you shouldn't use cupcakes to try and make a real cake!

Anonymous said...

"Our sheep have a problem. They tip over." I would too after seeing these wrecks

Letitia said...

Oh Cakewrecks, I am so thankful for you!!!!

Sexy Sadie said...

Do people not know what turkeys look like!?

Anonymous said...

OMG, OMG,OMG!!!! I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I AM WHEEZING! POSTED YOUR BLOG LINK ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE - MY PASTRY CHEF AND BAKER FREINDS ARE GOING TO GO NUTS!

THANKS; I HAVEN'T LAUGHED THIS HARD IN MONTHS - NOT WHERE IS THAT INHALER??!

Allivymar said...

Alien Autopsy? Awesome game - I own it! Although the alien in the game is actually better looking.

Cupcakes Lady said...

love the Veggietales reference. I'll be singing all day! For sure. :) xx

Zoe said...

anyone else notice it went 1-b-c-5-g-f...?