Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Really? I Mean, Really?!? (Yes, MORE Turkey Wrecks)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Apparently my top "20" ways to wreck a turkey cake just weren't enough for you guys. I know this because some of you are:

a) complaining that the past two days' Wrecks don't technically add up to 20, and

fork) still sending in a truly dizzying array of Wreckage that simply must be shared.

These include gems like...

the Clown Turkey.
[insert joke about a funny taste here]

The Electrocuted Turkey:

Shocking!

The Albino Technicolor Dream Coat Turkey:

At least it's pretty. Which is more than I can say for...

The Vortex of Insanity!!! Turkey:

Someone, somewhere, actually thought this was a good idea. Let's take a moment to really let the impact of that sink in, shall we?

Some of you requested more non-cupcake-cake Turkey Wrecks, though. Nooo problem.

[rapid blinking]

Uh...How do you feel about cupcake Turkey Wrecks?

Turkey snails!
(Just one question: how do you pick them up?)

Rasta Turkey Snails!
(With...chicken heads? Ok. Sure. Why not?)

Ok, Ok, now for some "real" cakes:

Well, the *turkey* looks pretty good, but that green pterodactyls attacking him could use a little work.

And lastly, here's a foul fowl that could give the Coiled Crap Hound a run for its money:

Sweet Steaming Swirls of Stacked Shh...er...Sherbert!! Yeah.
That sorry sucker sure seems surprised.

Jen D., Jaime H., Jen L., Amanda S., Gloria C., Jen P., Bonnie L., & Elaine M., don't look at me like that; I'm sure there's chocolate sherbert*
somewhere.

- Related Wreckage: And Now, a Word from Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes

* Also spelled "sherbet", "shebert" and "shrbrt".
Michelle said...

The turkey cupcakes kind of look like what might happen if the Heatmiser and a turkey loved each other very much...

Marianne said...

eeewww, those first and last ones are REALLY bad...*shudder*

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

The first one looks like an animal wearing a turkey as a suit.

"It puts the lotion on its skin...."

Diana said...

Through the tears running down my face, let me applaud: Brava! Bravissima!

...and ask for a fourth helping tomorrow!

Elissa said...

I actually like the Albino Technicolor Dream Coat Turkey. It has boo-tiful plumage (really!), and a nice face. Perhaps a bit confused at how it ended up with a white neck and colorful tail, but who wouldn't be.

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

I would actually not baulk if I got the albino technicolor turkey. It looks festive! The others will make me see turkey again, in a different sense. Blech!

Anonymous said...

Are those Turkey Snails or Psychedelic Hedgehogs?

Terry Lee said...

a-maz-ing what they've done with alleged turkeys!

methinks someone was on something when they created that vortex of insanity. yikes!!

that last wreck was snort-worthy.

OMG! It's RHIANNON! said...

Good question. How DO you pick up those cupcakes?

Tindy said...

oh dear. That is one helluva poo turkey.

Anonymous said...

Fork - Ha!

And "poo turkey" is my new holiday expletive.

miss. chief said...

Yikes.
That clown turkey is going to haunt my dreams.

Anonymous said...

Whew! I saw that last one (or at least one VERY similar) at my local market last week. I tried to take a picture, but my phone was out of memory. I was rapidly trying to delete, when the baby took a look at it and started wailing. She was either scared or wanted her diaper changed... maybe both.

Jessie

joanne said...

clown turkey looks a little like the Elephant Man. (shudder) with punctuation on his forehead. and a French mustache over his tongue. wearing a rennaissance collar (think Elizabeth I portraits). (and what is the mass of cake
behind him supposed to be?)

#2 must have pissed off Zeus. He looks like he's been shot by 5 bolts of lightning!

AMW said...

LOL! Great alliteration in that last description...

Bryna said...

Who knew that the Turkeys could be so endless in its wrecktatude!?!?!?

joanne said...

"The Albino Technicolor Dream Coat Turkey" LOL!
reminds me of a dove surrounded by shelf mushrooms--the kind that grown on trees. http://americanmushrooms.com/edibles4.htm

Is the Vortex of Insanity a mosaic stepping stone? (oh to stomp on that wrecky little face!)

joanne said...

aw, the cupcake wrecks look like cute little turkey cancan dancers with poofy dresses!

or like they're wearing clown wigs.

turkey cake--what's with the corsage on the lower left? (wimpy orange icing and half-assed airbrushing, too!)

the last one looks like "the panic before the flush"

btw, anyone think yesterday's spoon cake looked like Lady Tottington from "Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit"?

Gary said...

Numbers two, three and four (or B, III, and 8/2, as Jen might say) actually look pretty good-- just not at all like turkeys. The Electrocuted Turkey is one of the least horrible CCCs I've seen, and has a certain ... er ... energy ... to the design. And even the Vortex of Insanity Turkey is charming, in a sort of "Art Brut" way.
But the others ... Crikey!

Before next Thanksgiving, I'm going to see if some foundation will give me a grant to educate people about how turkeys actually look. For example, did you know that they are birds, and have feet, wings, tails, bodies, and heads with beaks? These photos, if I can get the photographers' permission, will be attached to my grant proposal to demonstrate the evils of allowing people who have never seen a turkey (nor, apparently, even a decent picture of one) to try to potray our favorite Thanksgiving entree'.


Can't resist this WV code: quesseso. What Spanish people say when they see the Coiled Crap-Turkey: ?Que ess eso?

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

I am re-thinking having that turkey dinner tomorrow after all. Perhaps I'll have a nice bowl of spaghetti instead.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Lauren said...

I love those jumbo cupcake ones, they're adorable! The rest, ok yeah I see where you're coming from...

SarahJayn said...

I like the technicolor dream coat one. I wouldn't be disappointed if I picked that up. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sheila Bennett said...

The 'electrocuted' is very "shocking"! lol

The vast range of turkey 'wrecks' is amazing. And it makes me wonder if there are any turkey cakes that are actually pleasant to look at.

Renee said...

LOL! I'm amazed at what passes for cakes.

DD insisted that I take a picture of a wreck we found yesterday...as soon as I can figure out how to get it off my phone I'll send it to you. It isn't a turkey...we're pretty sure.

Anonymous said...

I think the turkey snails are kind of adorable!

Mira8 said...

OMG the fun never ends. :) WHY do so many wreckerators make cakes that look like they're made of - or decorated with - poo???

Oh well. Have a great Thanksgiving, Jen and John!

Eve said...

I thought the turkey snails were kind of adorable! Way too much icing, though, and you would have to eat that with a fork.

Capcha: "nomspoo." Appropos of the description of some of the icing in this post, n'est-ce pas?

thesacredandtheprofane said...

O.M.G. I am so glad I did NOT have a mouthful of pop when I saw the pterodactyl one, because I would have wrecked my computer screen. That was laugh out loud FTW. You are a supastah, Jen!


WV: autstro. Those wreckerators autstro go to a class or something to pick up some better skills.

Anonymous said...

the turkey snails will require a fork. or a spoon for all that icing. which may screw up Jen's numbering system (see yesterday's post)

wv: sublerm--rather than sublime, the lame underachievers are sublerm. like these cakes. though albino cake is kinda pretty, for a dove in a fancy costume.

The Black Dog said...

Wow, the steaming pile of sherbet, I wonder if it's a distant cousin to the coiled crap hound.

Wonder what animal will become the next pile to show up on CW?

Katie said...

It's a TURD-key! haha.

Hope said...

My five-year-old thought the sheet cake one had a high heel on it's head. She also couldn't identify several cakes as being turkeys. Now, that's pretty sad when an imaginative five-year-old can't identify the wreckage!

Bonnie said...

The electrocuted Turkey made me spray Sprite out of my nose. That is the most 'shocking' cake I think I've ever seen on this site (har, har!)

And seriously, the swirled pile o' doody cake? Do you think some decorators are just pushing the envelope to (a) see what people are actually willing to purchase, and (spoon) to see if they can make it on your top 20-ish Turkey list?!?

Anonymous said...

The obvious joke for Coiled Crap Turkey was turdkey. Ha.

-WLL

Amanda said...

The technicolor dreamcoat turkey isn't so bad! But the others... wow. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that a small percentage of the cupcakes are really just giant mounds of icing with no cake underneath!

Lyn said...

Sherbet and sherbert are both correct, and yes, there is chocolate sherbert--almost black and extremely good.

But what kind of freak eats cake for Thanksgiving anyway? Thanksgiving is a PIE HOLIDAY.

Otherwise, excellent as usual. Thank goodness!

Shannon said...

The vortex turkey actually made me a little motion sick.

Sadly, I thought the turkey snails were cute but the thought of all that frosting made my teeth retreat back into my head.

Becky said...

I thought the Technicolor Turkey and the snail cupcakes were pretty cute. But yes, those cupcakes would definitely need to be eaten with a large fork!

That last one.... is just wrong...

Anonymous said...

Maybe sheetcake turkey is trying to hide among the leaves to avoid becoming dinner. so he wears a fancy headdress and a leafy codpiece. they forgot the outlining in the rear....

WV: hestu--what it sounds like when certain people sneeze. hestu!

Anonymous said...

But I don't think I WANT to pick up the Turkey snails, thank you all the same. I think I'll just tiptoe away.

Erika said...

I'm curious if there is such thing as a good looking cake that also looks like a turkey. I think we might be asking too much of these bakeries.

Deborah said...

I'm pretty sure the Vortex Turkey is actually one of those beaded car seat covers.

andygirl said...

Oh good lord, where to start? First of all, the albino techicolor dream turkey is a rare and endandered species. I would appreciate a little respect. Secondly, I'm pretty sure the vortex of insanity turkey is really the love child of Simba the Lion King and a turkey. And lastly, a poo turkey is nothing if not incedibly appetizing. I recommend using that guy as a centerpiece througout your Thanksgiving feast. Everyone will thank you for it. *sarcasm font*

Denise396 said...

Nice alliteration!

Love the electrocuted guy.

JTN said...

The grossest turkey cake I saw this season (unfortunately, the picture didn't turn out right) was at the grocery near my home. It was a plated turkey, but sticking out of the back was actual stuffing (ala Stove Top)... not faux stuffing or cake made to look like it.. but Stove Top. ugh.

Stephanie G. said...

THESE ARE AWESOME! I don't think I've ever seen soo many turkey wrecks before and I can't stop LMAO.

Btw, I think that the Turdy Turkey may have just one up'd the Poo Hound ;)

Skye said...

The "vortex of insanity" turkey looks like one of the founding fathers in one of those old fashioned silly wigs. Please tell me someone else sees this too?

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The Albino turkey actually looks all right. Even its wattle is rather artfully done.

The rest want to make me run screaming.

I think the Vortex of Insanity turkey wants to run screaming as well. Just look at that horrified expression!

Joy said...

I'm starting to wonder if there is such a thing as an attractive Thanksgiving cake, or turkey cake. Although, I'm not sure I'd ever really want my cake to look like a turkey. That just confuses my senses.

Anonymous said...

I saw a mustache on the first "turkey", too. And it looks like it is made of plastic.

The Vortex one actually reminded me of the Cowardly Lion....

Dan Bradbury said...

Why is it so hard to make a turkey cake and get it right? I didn't make one for my girlfriend this year but I;ve made several and the worst I've ever done was not have a twinkie to make the head with!

How come no one can manage to get this right? I mean it's really not that hard!

My trick it to bake the cakes in a pyrex bowl, a 8 inch, and 9 inch pie pans and then putting them together. Even without my trick it appalls me how bad they do at this.

I'm going to go at pull out my hair now....

mabila said...

Strangely, after looking at the posts for the past three days, I find that I have NO IDEA what a turkey looks like anymore. Sort of a chicken-snail with curlicues? An orange peacock? A brown rooster with a fluorescent squirrel's tail?!?!?

(Off to watch some nature videos and attempt to regain some semblance of sanity...

Elizabeth said...

Question: Does piling obscene amounts of icing on a regular sized cupcake qualify it for being a "Jumbo" Cupcake?

Also, I'm impressed with these wrecks. Of all the holiday wrecks out there, Thanksgiving wrecks seem to be the most consistent. Yay Turkey Wrecks!!

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

vortex of insanity cake is sad and scary. sheetcake turkey looks to me like some sort of clam with seaweed stuck to it. the turkey cupcakes, particularly the second ones, are simply alarming. i agree that thanksgiving is a pie holiday. the only way to wreck a pie is to drop it.
-helen
wv: binests: these cakes have binests-tremely fun to look at!

Rattlesnake said...

The turkey snails look more like turkey hedgehogs to me. They're kind of cute, but I have no idea how you would pick them up either.

Siouxzr said...

The first cake is not a turkey. It is Homey D. Clown from the In Living Color sketch show. For some reason his head has been stuck on the front of a block of cake. It's just one more instance of the Man trying to keep a brother down.

Terry said...

Sorry, those are not turkey snails. They are obviously turkey hedgehogs. Much better.

Decadent Housewife said...

They all look like turkeys mated with Alf.

lisadh said...

LMAO! Oh, these are great.

I do think the turkey snails/hedgehogs are kinda cute. Maybe these were made for those eating contests where you have your hands tied behind your back. Although that would make the paper part difficult...but hey - the markings of a true champion is overcoming great odds, right? Ha!

Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll!

Avocado_Triffid said...

Is the vortex turkey a 'Total Perspective Vortex' turkey, which exposes your brain to the true vastness of the universe and drives you completely insane? There was definitely cake involved in *that* Vortex... ( Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy reference; the book/radio play, not the movies)...

Hanna said...

But... I *like* the Electrocuted Turkey! It's kind of stylish, and it has this confidence to the design that most real Wrecks lack. I would happily eat it.

Speaking of eating, am I the only one whom it strikes as slightly weird that people apparently feel the need to represent their food/prey with such festive, happy-looking, even anthropomorphic imagery?

MJC said...

I kinda think that the Amazing Albino Technicolor Turkey is kinda cute, in a "so ugly I'm adorable" way.....anyone else?

he looks like he needs a hug.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

I went to VA Tech, so I must say I do appreciate a turkey cake, in all its wrecked glory ... GO HOKIES! And Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

the first set of snail cupcake turkeys it actually cute, though. I could eat themall up (if my blood sugar wouldn't suffer for it).

virginia said...

oh.my.goodness.

Anonymous said...

the poo turkey has me cracking up laughing! Not sure if it is the way it looks or just the word "poo"!

Stephanie said...

Wow... there are no words... except maybe to say that the last one is really crappy-looking. (Couldn't resist, sorry!) :P

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I have have to wonder if there is really cake under all the frosting...just soooo much frosting!

Jim Todd said...

My first thought at seeing the Albino Technicolor Dream Coat Turkey: NBC Peacock...

Anonymous said...

Hey, I like the albino technicolor one - that's pretty good! Or else my standards have dropped. Tough to say.

-Holly

Anonymous said...

See, now, I thought the albino turkey looked more like a dove wearing a flamenco dancer skirt.

Ole'!

Anonymous said...

Yes, chocolate sorbet:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/chocolate-sorbet-recipe/index.html

Which is way more appetizing that THAT thing! Love the posts!

Barbara_in_WA said...

**i tried to quickly scan the comments so i'm not sure if someone already said this**

That last one is a real TURDkey!

RJ Flamingo said...

I'm giving thanks for you - thank you! I so needed this laugh, today!

Dan Bradbury said...

Joy said...
I'm starting to wonder if there is such a thing as an attractive Thanksgiving cake, or turkey cake. Although, I'm not sure I'd ever really want my cake to look like a turkey. That just confuses my sense.

---

Well there is my turkey cakes that I have made. I made this one because our pumpkins didn't grow that year. Anyway have a look.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/TurkeyActivistFront.jpg

Anonymous said...

awwww.....give a decorator a break, some of those were cute...and we aren't talking about full on culinary school grads. A+ for effort (and likeness!)....even if the cake got lost in the "cream"

besos
jenn

Anonymous said...

I thought about this when I went into Carvel today and saw a cake of a turkey with a nose ring (well, that IS what it looked like...)

Lyn said...

I suddenly do not want my Godiva Double chocolate cheesecake. I will have poop etched into my brain after those last few. Yuck!

Amanda B said...

People are getting bored with the same old turkey every year. It's about time we added in a new form of animal.

Deborah in California said...

OK, so I have to cast my vote FOR the Technicolor Albino Turkey - festive, colorful, and ... mutant. And the same for the cancan turkey cupcakes - that I think look more like mini-pinatas. (You've heard of Whack a mole? This could be Twack a Turkey.)

Samantha said...

The clown is terrifying. The facial hair baffles me. Someone must really hate Thanksgiving to make something so horrific. Did I mention I hate clowns? Gahhhhh!

Anonymous said...

The first set of Turkey cupcakes remind me of hedgehogs rather than snails...

MarieA said...

rasta chicken.... bwa ha ha ha... along with the swirl sh.... shudder.. but more bwa ha ha....
who knew there were so many ways to wreck the turkey cake. Perhaps your president should be pardoning the bakers rather than the fowl?

just thinkin it....

Amy said...

The poo turkey literally stinks! haha
~Amy B-H

Alex said...

Oh Geez, love the last poop cake! Mmmm, nothing says yummy like a coiled doo doo!

Noni Mausa said...

Dem ain't no turkey snails! Dem's nudibranchs! http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/06/nudibranchs/doubilet-photography


Your welcome.

Noni

LemurQueen said...

OMG...Vortex of Insanity Turkey looks like he's wearing a fall-colored clown wig!! These are all remarkably BAD!! But, then that's why we love them LOL

Happy Turkey Day everyone!!

Gary said...

Fact: Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey, instead of the eagle, to be our national symbol. But before you start feeling glad it didn't happen that way, wait until you see what the Wreckorators do with eagles!

Twolly said...

That turdkey looks like it got caught in a trash compactor.

Caroline B said...

Gobble gobble gobble....actually, do you mind if I don't? So much colouring and sugar....hallucinating now...

Noni Mausa, those nudibranches are COOL!!

Anonymous said...

Truly, the harvest has been bountiful this Thanksgiving. Thank you wreckerators, and thank you Jen.

I do mean that...the last few days have been extra awesome because there are so many wrecks featured! Not to confuse my holidays (because that was from a few days ago), but it's kind of like Christmas to get so much awesomeness in one day.

--kate

Briii said...

before i read what you had to say after the cupcake wrecks, the first thing i thought was 'how do you pick those things up?!?' and then i read your caption, and couldn't stop laughing! the rest of the post didn't help either. turkeys are so funny to me now!

Anonymous said...

Yes, and turkeys also don't have a stitch of orange or yellow on them. Brown, grey, black, creamy white, irridiscent (sp?), or I have seen all white domesticated ones, but really, orange and yellow? I'd be worried about the mutant genes in that one.
Erin G.

Anonymous said...

Just thought of another thing Technicolor Dream Coat turkey reminded me of. If you've ever seen "That 70s Show," you'll know that transitions between scenes are marked with one or more of the characters doing a dance or something in front of a crazy, technicolored, 70s background. That's sort of what this turkey looks like.

--kate

Noni Mausa said...

Thanks Caroline, nudibranchs are cool indeed. The bright colours are to advertise their poisonousness to predators, I think.

(Hey, waitaminute! Do you think the Turkey cakes? ... nah...)

For extra fun points, look up video of Spanish Dancer nudibranchs.

Noni

Rhonda said...

I love the vortex of insanity turkey. It may not look like a turkey but there's something funky about it.

Is it bad that I just had a "OMG, I could totally make that!" moment over the turkey cupcakes? Sure it was only 3 seconds till my brain thought to question why on earth I'd want to but in those 3 seconds it managed to list the colors and tips and method necessary.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure "Vortex Turkey" is actually The Lion King- Live on Broadway.
"Remember Who You Are. . . "

Nonie said...

Yeah, Nanny Ogg would definitely say (or sing) that those Turkey Snails can never be buggered at all.

Though if one of these decoraters wrote it down, they'd probably spell it "bugered."

Or possibly "bugled."

Does anyone know whether Wilton instructors are now required to warn decorating students about Cake Wrecks? I can just see adding the book to the list of required supplies.

"And this, you see, is the dreaded Poo Swirl. You will avoid it, on pain of--pain."

Anonymous said...

The vortex turkey looks like it's sporting dreadlocks. Is it Jamacian?

C Merry said...

Cake Wrecks aren't made they are born!! :)
Happy Thanksgiving to one of my fave delish sites (it IS still CAKE of course I would eat a wreck anytime :) )

http://happylolday.blogspot.com/2009/11/coming-to-life-104-happy-thanksgiving.html

Sick on Thanksgiving said...

I'm really digging the Vortex of Insanity's curly beard

Jenny said...

I think 'Vortex of Insanity Turkey' looks like he's wearing a multicoloured British judges' wig.

Anonymous said...

the jumbo cupcakes look like the little orange monsters in "labyrinth" who play with their own heads

Sue Ellen said...

Baskin Robbins used to make a Mandarin Chocolate Sherbet, which tasted like a Tootsie Roll.

Kristin said...

I know I'm late to the party, but "electrocuted turkey" had me laughing so hard I was crying at work. My coworkers are like, what is WRONG with you??? I've had residual laughter all day thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

oh god. So much grocery store frosting, so much diabetes
-asher

Anonymous said...

I know "sherbert" is a colloquialism, but it is spelled "sherbet"--the other spelling isn't recognized at all by the OED (or the spellchecker on this site).

Emma said...

Eww,,,,

And you don't pick the cupcakes up; what are you talking about? The are meant to have faces shoved straight into them, clearly!

Cupcakes Lady said...

I wish we celebrated Thanksgiving in the UK. xx

Sally D. said...

hi jen-
think there might be something wrong with your blog loading on my computor coz this:

a) complaining that the past two days' Wrecks don't technically add up to 20, and

fork) still sending in a truly dizzying array of Wreckage that simply must be shared

Is this something wrong with your blog or my computor? Or is it intentional and I just don't get it???????
Thanks,
Sally D.

P.S. Your blog was GREAT as usual :-)

Jill Bayless said...

My husband thinks the first one looks like a rainbow pooping out fat Albert. Hey, Hey Hey!