Saturday, November 21, 2009

Because We Need More Holidays

Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's been SO LONG since Halloween, and Thanksgiving isn't 'til Thursday, so what's a bakery to do?

Invent a holiday that goes in-between, of course! So...

Merry Hallowgiving!

Yep, for this fun holiday, vampire pilgrims will chase you through jellyfish graveyards and attempt to force-feed you turkey.*

And after THAT, we'll have Thankmas:

...during which we'll all desperately try to avoid actually using the term "Thankmas" for fear of offending someone, and poo tornadoes will emblazon every hearth. Aww. Don't you just love the holidays winter?

Kate F., & Nikki B., I think "winter, underlined" is going to be my holiday greeting of choice this year. Care to start a trend with me?

- Related Wreckage: The cake that has "winter" underlined on it.

*For some reason I initially had "turkey" capitalized. When I proof-read it later, I wondered why (not to mention how) a zombie pilgrim would try to force-feed someone a Mediterranean country. Which made me snort. Loudly. I even considered leaving it. But we all know what would happen then, right? EPCOT. Yeeeah.
NikkiK said...

I think I'm going to start saying "Epcot" instead of "Epic," because 1) I'm tired of people saying "Epic," and 2) "Epcot" certainly was epic.

Michelle S. said...

poo tornados.

ahahahahahah *choke gasp*


ahhhhahahahaha!

Leighton G. said...

Ha! I love the poop tornadoes with M&Ms!
Leighton

Decadent Housewife said...

Those squiggly things look more like what may have been going on in the decorator's brain.

Decadent Housewife said...

And the first cake looks sort of like Bart Simpson's visage on the back of a plucked turkey.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the "Happy Holidays" cake is a matter of PC so much as it is the baker wanted to cash in on two holidays.

"See, boss, they kinda look like cornucopias AND Christmas stockings! Really ugly brown Christmas stockings, but still stockings! If nobody wants to buy it for Thanksgiving, we got Christmas covered!"

Heidi D said...

The bottom cake has little poo monsters on it. Like something the muppets would create.

Nads' Bakery said...

The second one looks like worms!

franbear said...

That's one way to use up old stock cakes.

Elizabeth said...

The cute little dots next to the poo tornadoes really does it for me!

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

The first one shows what happens when the Keebler Elf takes up smoking. {Sinister, isn't it?)
mocking
wv-puram He should have kept his lungs puram.

Val Russell said...

poo tornados = cornucopias??

Terry Lee said...

poo cornucopias! how, er, bountiful!

the vampire pilgrim cracks me up. maybe they were trying to cash in on thanksgiving and the release of new moon.

or not.

Karen Valinda said...

I saw slugs (I did grow up in the Pacific NW) where you saw tornadoes, but we absolutely agree on the poo! Took a long moment to realize they were cleverly disguised cornucopias - the trail of brightly covered droppings gave it away, eventually...

Renee said...

oh my you have me laughing so much that I'm worried about waking everyone else up...I want my free time to myself!

But the zombies feeding everyone a Turkey...classic!!! :D

Anonymous said...

Don't you think the poo tornado at the top/center kinda looks like a hippo?

Caroline B said...

Nah, the second cake has been decorated by Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo......

Could my word verification be any more appropriate? 'Fesess'...lots of 'em

Etiquette Bitch said...

Urg. My first thought on CW1 was "Evil Teapot."

CW2: Who wants poo for the holidays? Uck.

Anonymous said...

So at Thanksgiving time we're supposed to be thankful for poo tornadoes? Why doesn't anyone tell me these things!!

FiberQat said...

The poo tornadoes really add that festive touch. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and ready to go in the kitchen to cook a 12-course meal.

RHulsey said...

The poop tornados will haunt my dreams

kirstie said...

Epcot instead of Epic! I'll jump on that bandwagon. Now if only we could replace Pwnd with something...

Amanda Mac said...

I just can't quit laughing at "poo tornadoes"... reminds me of the time I was in a little too big of a hurry to take off DS's diaper....

deckardcanine said...

First I thought the first cake was for a combination of Halloween and Lincoln's Birthday.

Marcie said...

Inside jokes for Wreckies. . . Classic.

Miranda said...

No, you see, that second cake is dedicated to Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo.

go check South Park if you don't believe me. ;)

VW: forepini. I am SO not going there.

Larisa said...

My sweet hubby bought me your book, Jen, while at the SeaTac airport. He called and said, "Did you know your favorite cake lady's site has a book?" "Yes," I said, "and you can get it for me for Christmas."

He handed it to me early. :)

Shalen said...

(is feeling the holiday spirit)

Winter underlined, everyone!

Mikewind Dale said...

I thought maybe it was Vampire Pilgrim Planter's Peanut Day?

Julie said...

I thought the poo tornadoes looked more like giant ugly caterpillars, like that big thing in Alice in Wonderland. Ewwwwww.

And I hate to tell you this Jen, but "winter" is so very Northern-Hemisphere-centric of you. Do you think no one lives south of the equator? It's almost summer there. They may feel very slighted. I think you're going to have to come up with something else. "December, underlined" perhaps?

Anonymous said...

That second one seems more like it ought to say "Happy Solidys!"

Katie B said...

Um, I think that's pronounced " Holiclays"

madrobins said...

That's a zombie pilgrim? Maybe it's because I just re-read The Chosen, but I thought it was an Hasidic Vampire. A very cheery one. Wow.

Dorci said...

Can't wait for the moment that using the expression "winter holiday" will even become politically incorrect due to "global warming." Ha!

Harry F. said...

I think the "poo tornados" are cornucoprolites.

Amy said...

Those are pretty "poopy" cakes! LOL
Amy B-H

IslandPearl said...

I still have trouble wrapping my head around what kind of twisted psyche finds poo an acceptible decoration. And yet it is turning up everywhere.

Making me totally rethink my chocolate addiction, I tell ya!

Leanne said...

Okay, the wrecks are bad enough, but I think "cornucoprolites" is my new favourite word... :-) The vampires just need to stop. All of them. Except maybe Dracula, 'cause he was here first (okay, maybe not FIRST, but you know what I mean... ;-) ).

Mary Connealy said...

Cornucopias. I stared a long, long tiem before I got that.

I'm very proud

Siouxzr said...

I love the poop tornado that looks like a hippo at the top of the cw 2 because nothing says have a happy holiday like a hippopotamus-- now if I could just stop humming "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

Yvonne Armstrong said...

Poo Tornados!!!!

You made me snort. Thanks!

Leslie said...

@ Harry F: Cornucoprolites! That is hilarious! Fossilized turkey poo?

Rachel Gray said...

Speaking of sayings-of-choice, my boss gave me a bottle of wine one December. On it was a post it note which read, in full, "Dear Rachel-- Merry."

Gary said...

Harry F. said...
'I think the "poo tornados" are cornucoprolites.'

I think this is one of the most erudite dirty jokes I've ever read. Bravo, Harry!

NYCGirl said...

(Clears throat.) Um. Well. (Brightens) Hey, at least they didn't put an apostrophe in holidays!

Anonymous said...

poop tornadoes! that sounds like a disaster film in the making! Cloudy with a chance of poo meatballs, perhaps? If it wasn't for the scanty sprinkles decorating the poo ends, I would never have realized those were supposed to be cornucopias.

Honestly, wreckerators. We don't need cake right now! it's time for PIE!

Next horror film, "Vampire Pilgrims" on the quest for turkey and cranberry sauce. What a whole new connotation for the colonial settlement.

WV: mater. well that's easy. Latin for mother. or misspelled matter. What does it mater if a vampire pilgrim kidnapped Pocahantas?

Anonymous said...

@Anon 1:02 "Happy Solidys!"

um, considering that these are poo tornadoes with apparent undigested corn kernels, wishing Happy Solids is kind of creepy. Maybe it's not a holiday cake. Maybe it's "Glad you got over your stomach virus" cake. or your irritable bowel syndrome. or something along that line....

WV dines--what gets you started in poo creation in the first place. what goes in, must come out....

joanne said...

I spy a hippo (with his own turds), a couple of caterpillars, a possible crocodile (top left) and a walrus (bottom left). or slugs. leeches? feathers. maybe even a braid (middle right. cornucopias? not even close. This could be an all purpose cake from Halloween through the Christmas season, what with the colors and sentiment.

Does that pilgrim have a nose? and why does he look like a conehead in a top hat? I pictured pilgrims to be hairier.

I know, maybe he was the pilgrim community's tax collector! see the symbolic blood sucking fangs?

@Dorci--LOL

WV culer--what could be culer than a bloodsucking pilgrim? besides the flaming turkeys and squirrels of yesteryear?

infinitehaiku said...

Can't CakeWrecks come out with a series of greeting cards? I think yuou'd make a mint.

_WINTER_

feathergirl said...

That second cake looks like it got a visit from Mr. Hankey.

Wolvie Girl said...

Happy Poo Tornadoes day everybody! We needed another holiday, Falker Satherhood is so far away! And now I'm going to go round singing "Walking In A Winter Underlined" for the next few days. Even though it's Summer here.

VeggieT said...

@NikkiK: That, was, Epc0t!

@jen: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! and a non descript Winter (underlined) season to you too!

PS forgive me a quote "...I'm open to suggestions, Frost-giving, the Frost of July, Frost-hog day..."

Julie said...

I'm not seeing the hippo--more like a manatee I think, real stubby front flippers!

Anonymous said...

As someone from the southern hemisphere, I find the term 'winter' offensive. I vote we adopt the phrase 'Happy particular time of the year'.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Who is in charge of the screening process to hire these cake decorators? SERIOUSLY, I need to know!

Anonymous said...

Mud, mud, glorious mud
Nothing quite like it for....
.
.
turning the stomach!

@Harry F: awesome, science-geek-cake-jokes rule!

MC from NZ

WV: I've stared in hororr at the wrceks so long, my conreas are hurting!

mllymoo22 said...

what i would really like to do is ask for the people who ordered both of those cakes what they were possibly thinking. like, gravy dripping from fangs? and why is his face yellow? is he having food poisoning? poo tornadoes {snicker}

Sixxlet said...

Is it possible that the vampire cake was someone's pathetic attempt to make a New Moon (Twilight) cake? Trying to capitalize on the moving just coming out maybe? Just a guess.

Delibird said...

Why, of course -- these cakes are just in time for Sucksgiving, which happens to be on Nov. 22!

Read more about the modern holiday of Sucksgiving here:

http://sucksgiving.com/

Anonymous said...

"and poo tornadoes will emblazon every hearth"

You realize you're a literary genius, right? This has a kind of neo-Dickensian quality to it...an odd twist to "A Christmas Carol." God bless us every one, indeed.

--kate

wackplayer said...

If you're desperate for a post Halloween holiday, what better than Hallowmas, the day after Hallowmas?

Lest the rest of us not forget Festivus, where you set up a bare aluminum pole (nevermind the distracting tinsel,) air grievances at relatives, give cards to "the Human Fund," and have a Feats of Strength wrestling match to end the day.

Missy said...

Are you sure that's a Thankmas cake? I thought for sure it was to raise awareness for a clean colon.
Get a colonoscopy...and a piece of cake. Poo=Delicious

jen512 said...

Lol at the "Turkey" edit. I found it especially funny because I moved to Turkey 5 months ago.

People are always so shocked when I tell them you can't find turkeys in Turkey. Like, SHOCKED. Did people really believe the two had anything to do with each other? They probably also believe that all the people in Hungry are starving.

Turkeys are native to North America and aren't common in Europe and Asia, so I will be making roast chicken for this year's holiday. Not the same, but still delicious!

Thanks as always for the laughs.

morriganscrow said...

Ahh yes. Nothing says holidays to me more than whirlwinds of excreta. Especially the ones with multi-hued M+Ms stuck in their odiferous funnels....

Anonymous said...

Are you really not over "Epcot" YET? It's well past time to move on.

Anonymous said...

@anony./9:43p.m.-- ...which could be shortened to just, "Happy."

(Though it may still be offensive to the depressed.)


Festivus for the restivus!

Anonymous said...

Jen lives in the Land of Epcot, and she can Epcot all she wants. Epcot away, Jen!



wv: trony-- She can be trony, too, if she feels like it. :P

Mira8 said...

what Michelle said... POO TORNADOS HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I'm dying over here!

Happy Thanksoween Jen!

SyracuseWolvrine said...

at least the Hallowgiving cake recognizes Thanksgiving, rather than some certain theme parks (one of which may or may not be my employer) which start having their Christmas parties the week after the last of the Halloween parties.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Holy sh*t (heh) - you had me at "poo tornadoes".

Jael said...

LOL @Julie regarding "December, underlined"!

Amelia said...

Funny story...my family ACTUALLY celebrates Thanksmas every year. Due to snowbird grandparents, we have Thanksgiving on Thursday and Christmas on Friday. It's a GREAT holiday - don't knock it 'til you try it!

Anonymous said...

Um, Jen, when you said Epcot, you meant Spaceship Earth, right? Hopefully, 75 more people will follow my lead and make the same comment...else you won't lern nuthin! :)

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Poo Cornucopias just scream holiday cheer to me.

(oh dear Lord)


WV: Ingstin: I wouldn't be ingstin these cakes if you paid me!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

I actually snorted at this one. Epcot. Winter Underlined. I'm embracing it ALL!

catholicgirl247 said...

LOL! Very funny! ;)

p jane said...

Good job, y'all! That final turkey/Turkey comment made me snort out loud in an otherwise very VERY quiet office.

Thanks for the laugh, really. This day was sucking badly till that.

Gina said...

I am rolling. Poo tornadoes? Good stuff.

fabulousfinishes said...

"poo tornadoes" !!!!!!!! I just found your blog and I am sitting here wiping the tears from laughter !

cmccrzy said...

I barely recovered enough from the last post to read this one, and I can't stop laughing now...

Thank you for improving my day every time I read this blog. Thank you so much.

Happy holidays.

Anonymous said...

And if you look at the poop tornado at the top, it looks like a hippo. :)

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I am in stitches!! I have spent my day at work thumbing through the cake disasters and bursting out loud with laughter to the bemused looks of my work collegues. I am soooo grateful that you spend the time loading these wrecks onto the site for our amusement it certainly made a dull day a lot brighter.

Tank Ewe Vebby Mush, Alison