Thursday, January 7, 2010

Signs of Trouble

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sometimes, bakery wreckage isn't just limited to the cakes.

But what is it good for?
(Hooh! Good gah, y'all!)


I'll leave it up to you guys to explain what a "cake derator" does.
(Best definitions gets posted below!)


Every time a surly employee "apologizes," I picture him/her doing finger quotes kinda like this.
(And yes, this was taken in a bakery - pinky swear!)



"Honey, my mom is coming to stay for a few months. Isn't that great? I told her you wouldn't mind. Anyway, be a dear and go get a cake for us all to celebrate with, mkay?"

"You got it, sweetums! I know just the place..."

(From the Engrish "brog.")

And speaking of things to celebrate:

Personally, I like to celebrate cake as often as possible - with more cake.


And finally, a few favs from the archives:

Perfect!


Also known as "Bubble and Squeak."

(That's for you English Wreckies. Please, no need to thank me.)




The lawyers insisted.


Update: I've since heard from the owner of that last bakery, who as I recall blamed the sign on an in-law. Heh. At any rate, I think the sign has now been removed. See? Another example of the power of Wreckage, used for good! :D

Many "thanks" to wreckporters Robb & Abby, Allison M., Matt K., Steph, Kristen F., & Bonbon.

- Related Wreckage: Label Makers


"Winning" derator definitions:

"an apparatus for aerating a derrière after consumption of cake. See also: enema"

"It's clearly a promotional tie-in to the new Indiana Jones movie: Derators of Delost Cake!"
- Christina

"combination of a confectioner's pastry and the Latin word deratoria, meaning "the unspeakable", a professional bakery employee who designs, quality checks, or creates cakes that render the recipients speechless.

But, I think the true essence of the term "Cake Derator" is in the anagram it creates: "Karate Decor."

(I like to imagine "Karate Decor" as being a baby's bedroom decorated with ninjas.)"
- Taylor@MyOlderBrothers

And how about a visual definition, courtesy of Reese B.?

Perfect for those "mouse-filled" party cakes!
StarvingWriteNow said...

well... that "cake derator" either injects frosting into the sponge (like you'd inject vodka into a watermelon or something) or it injects frosting where the sun don't shine (with star and rosette tips to add to the fun!! eeuww!)

homuxeiku-loff said...

I think that Cake Derator is some sort of icing syringe. It'd be better though if it was for cake derision though.

Anonymous said...

Why a Cake Derator must de-rate cakes. Sounds like just the ticket for you Wreck Mavens!
From Anne in Wisconsin

Fencey said...

I've no idea what a cake derator does. Perhaps they find the most gorgeous cakes and use that ominous looking syringe thing to write "FAIL" in red icing across it, effectively de-rating the cake. Wedding cakes get glittery red icing.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Those "puntuation" errors made me "laugh" so hard I "shot" "milk" out my "nose."

Yeah...my air quoting fingers are sore...

webdance said...

cake derator –noun
1. an apparatus for aerating a derrière after consumption of cake. See also: enema

Amy Dungan said...

A Cake "derator" - it means to berate a cake with horrible decorations - thus bestowing eternal shame on said cake.

Anonymous said...

WV cake derator for those times your derriere needs decorating.

I'm boyscoutmomx5 aka Donna S

real WV hunwolit a wallet for your hunnybuns.

Mama G said...

A Cake Derator is the bakery's defense against wreckporters. It makes the CWs immune to being rated and posted on Cake Wrecks, no matter how wrecky they are--in the spirit of those radar detector thingies that speeders use to keep from getting caught on the highways. Wrecks all around. There should be a law against them!

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

Anyone know what the "war cake" sign was supposed to say (or what that cake was supposed to be)?

A derator is obviously a tool used to insure low marks in a cake decorating contest. You would use a rator to get good ratings and a derator, perhaps on an opponent's cake, to get bad ratings.

WriteCards said...

Cake Derrator (was that how it was spelled?):

"But my English teacher told me to 'Open my mouth and speak' and not to be afraid of making mistakes! That's what I did! My English was good enough to get me this job as product translator! How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to CHECK each word to make sure it was a real word?!"

Cake derrator . . . it's someone who passed my class who shouldn't have!

The Cookie Girl said...

I get such a good laugh everytime I read your posts. I love to make and decorate cakes and I am in no way a professional so it really makes me giggle to see cakes that look...well...a little different for a nice way to put it.
As for that cake derator definition....i got nothin'

CJS said...

Cakederator: the living cake version of the terminator.

peewee said...

OH MY! I have just spent a good chunk of my morning over at the Engrish blog. So between laughing at your signs, and laughing at theirs I'm exhausted. I may need to go back to bed. You are "the best".

WriteCards said...

And by the way, now I have to go watch "Rush Hour" again just I can see the Jackie Chan/Chris Rock scenes with "War"

Hooh!

Nicky said...

A cake derator, Derates your cake of course ("to assess the value of (some types of property, such as agricultural land) at a lower rate than others for local taxation").

peewee said...

sorry, I'm still doubled over at the Cake Derator....it's like the pre-quel to all the cakes we've ever seen!!

Ink and Pixel Club said...

Well, if it starts out as a five-star cake, a cake derator works on it to bump it down to four stars or lower, thus "de-rating" the cake.

Anonymous said...

Great! Now I'll be hearing that song in my head all day, but only that part because nobody knows the words past the "what is it good for" part.

Ron and Jessica said...

I'd like to see a Mouse filled cake. But hopefully they would be Chocolate Mouses.

Ron and Jessica said...

I'd like to see a mouse filled cake. But only if it's filled with Chocolate Mouses.

Ron and Jessica

Connie Moreno said...

Are there any mouse filled cakes in California? I need one for my cat.

Latter-Day Flapper said...

I'm sure you know this, but there really is such a thing as "war cake," although I cannot imagine that the unidentifiable object pictured has anything to do with it. The real thing is a spice cake made without eggs, milk, or butter, which were expensive and hard to get during the World Wars. (No, it's not my favorite flavor of cake, either. Give me good, old, extravagant, German chocolate . . . )

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

cake derator - n., combination of a confectioner's pastry and the Latin word deratoria, meaning "the unspeakable", a professional bakery employee who designs, quality checks, or creates cakes that render the recipients speechless.

But, I think the true essence of the term "Cake Derator" is in the anagrams it creates:
"O Cake Retard!" and "Karate Decor."

(I like to imagine "Karate Decor" as being a baby's bedroom decorated with ninjas.)

Anonymous said...

The Cake Derator will suck the air out of any cake - and resulting celebration.

Jules

Culinarychiq said...

I don't understand the concept of war cake. Is the baker declaring war on cake by piling lumps of chocolate broken in rage all over it?

The cake derator is actually misspelled. To delate means to accuse or denounce something and the cake delator was created as an instrument to further hatred and humiliation of cakes. It is often the device responsible for the more unfortunate wrecks that leave us scratching our heads and asking why? Yes, sadly there is an underground movement of people who purposely abuse and wreck cakes to satisfy their own sick hatred of cakey goodness. Little known fact: this is the same movement responsible for the creation of CCCs! Behold their instrument of evil!

The Wrecksistant said...

@ Latter-Day Flapper: OMG! The cake you're talking about is called "Crazy Cake" - and believe it or not, it's the BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE EVER!!! No eggs, no milk, but somehow, it's fantastic! (I have the recipe if anyone's interested :)

Anne-Marie

Jonathan W said...

I'd have to say a cake "derator" is the opposite of a cake "aerator"; namely, it removes all the air from your cake and leaves it a solid, inedible mass.

Lalaith said...

A "Cake Derator" is the finest tool in any Wreckorator's arsenal. It effectively blocks any intelligence from passing from brain through hands to cake, enabling hilarious misspellings, misunderstandings, and other Wreck-appropriate misses! "Derrr... the order form says 'I want sprinkles', so that's what I'll write on the cake!" Jen, I think you invented this product yourself to keep the blog going ;)

purplewowies said...

The cake derator is a tool used to help you masticate.

That being said, I think I'll get one for my brother. He likes to masticate, especially if there's cake involved.

JBPottery said...

Cake derator (noun):
A moderator of bad cakes - as in Jen of Cake Wrecks.
Proper spelling is "cakederator" and quotes are optional when using this word!
Thanks for another laugh filled (not mouse filled)day!

Fanboy Wife said...

Mouse filled party cakes? Is that like the strawberry tart? It doesn’t have much rat in it!

The Cake Derator is shorthand for Cakus Deratorsaurus. It's a distant relative of the Cake Rex.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

The "cake derator" appears to be better suited for, like, some sort of porn store.

Daniel and Tiffany Ward said...

I didn't read all the comments yet so I'm not sure that this was posted.

The 'cake derator' was just a simple smudge of the ink while printing. It's should say 'aerator'. This allows the baker to make the cake super light and airy while also giving taste tests to all around without the client noticing! No need to build up the frosting on that corner that 'accidentally' broke off.

Tiffany W.

Receptionist Row said...

Confession time. I have been guilty of word mix-ups here at work. I make the food labels for our restuarant and here are my more memorable "mouse mistakes":

Mini Dessert Pasties (Pastries)
Pork Lion (Pork Loin)

and my supervisor's favorite (still has it in his office)

Seafood Quickie (Quiche)

For some reason, MSWord doesn't catch those mistakes...I wonder why? [snicker]

Karen said...

Cake Derator: Rates de cakes according to de Wreckerator Scale.

WV: fecabsts. A medical problem caused by eating too many wrecks.

Hilary said...

Cake Derator is used to inject the rat filling into rat filled cakes much like Cake Demouser is used for those mouse filled cakes.

Elizabeth said...

Cake Derrator: This is actually an off brand of the Cake Derrator-inator. Dr. Doofenshmirtz uses it to wreck perfectly good cakes in order to ruin happy celebrations.

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

altar ego said...

I'm still chuckling about the poison bakery. Given that there are other languages identifying the establishing I went to the french, where poison means fish. But fish bakery doesn't really make sense either so I've decided to move on.

Dorci said...

A cake derator, of course! A cake derator is the secret of bakers of all wreckie cakes everywhere. Instead of an aerator, which would inject air, a derator injects dares into all cakes that dare us to eat them. All cakes with poop swirls, unnatural neonish colors, designs that defy all logic and cohesion and of course, the dreaded lumpy CCC cake, all have been injected with dares using the lauded cake derator. Of course, in classic wreckie fashion, derator has been misspelled. It should be darator, of course.

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

Well, to "derate" is to lower the electrical capacity on appliances, so I think to "cake derate" (which a cake derator would do) is to either lower the edibility or visual-decency capacity on cakes... right?

Linda in NY said...

Good times, as always.

For those of us who now have the same 3 lines stuck in our heads and can't remember the rest of the song, here are the lyrics:

War! huh-yeah. What is it good for?Absolutely nothing. Uh-huh. War! huh-yeah. What is it good for?Absolutely nothing. Say it again, y'all. War! huh. Good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me! Ohhh? War! I despise because it means destruction of innocent lives. War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes when their sons go to fight and lose their lives. I said - War! Huh. Good God ya'll. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. War! Whoa, Lord ...What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me? War! It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker. War! Friend only to the undertaker. War! It's an enemy to all mankind. The thought of war blows my mind. War has caused unrest in the younger generation. Induction then destruction-Who wants to die? Ohhh? War! Good God y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it, Say it, Say it. War! Uh-huh Yeah - Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me? War! It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker. War! It's got one friend, that's the undertaker. War has shattered many a young mans dreams. Made him disabled, bitter and mean. Life is much to precious to spend fighting wars these days. War can't give life, it can only take it away. War! Huh. Good God y'all. What is it good for?Absolutely nothing. Say it again War! Whoa, Lord ...What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Listen to me? War! It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker. War! Friend only to the undertaker. Peace, Love and Understanding; tell me, is there no place for them today? They say we must fight to keep our freedom but Lord knows there's got to be a better way. War! Huh. Good God y'all. What is it good for? You tell me. Say it, Say it, Say it. War! Huh. Good God y'all. What is it good for? Stand up and shout it. Nothing!

jgulner said...

Obviously the cake derator is for clearing out the mouse filled party cakes.

jaybthe3 said...

Cake Derator: a tool used to make cakes invisible. Usage: "When you use the cake derator, you can no longer c o' cake."

Anonymous said...

step 1: fill the vessle with the thick white 'cream'
step 2: insert the tip as far as you can into the premade hole
step 3: inject the 'cream'
step 4: Congratulations you have sucessfully filled your baby cakes!

Pink Toads said...

My dear ladies and jellybeans---Cherry Flavored, sit down.
We shall now enlighten the audience with the defination of a "Cake Derator". (Stop clapping, Lime.) A cake derator is a tool essential to ALL bakeries. After all, what bakery DOESN'T want to be on "Cake Wrecks". (A surge of bakers rise to their feet)
Oh......
Erm.....
Uh--- In conclusion, it is the duty of all citizens to eat the deratored cakes as support for bakers who can't afford cake DECORATORS. Thankyou.
Deratored cake will be served at intermission.

One Girl in All The World said...

I just need to say that that chocolate cake in the first pic looks completely yummy. *drool* What a chocoholic dream!
Not sure why it's a "War Cake" though? At "War" with someone allergic to chocolate maybe? lol

Rick said...

The derator is used to remove things that can be mocked. (Or de-berate. See? It's a clever play on words!). It works like this:

1. Stick the needle end into the cake.
2. Pull the plunger (as though drawing blood with an old-fashioned syringe).
3. The derator actually SUCKS the SUCK right out of the cake!

VeggieT said...

A Cake Derator is of course a weapon, cleverly disguised as a cake decorating tool. "Bakers" use these to shoot poison icing at anyone who comes in their bakery to mock their latest "designs." I'd be careful if I were you Jen... Don't take the phrase "Cake or Death" too lightly Jen, I'm just sayin'...

Krystine said...

Cake Derator: Properly punctuated for clarity would be Cake De-rat-or, or the mini pastry gun used to keep the rats away from the cake. Come with several decorative missiles. A must-have for any professional bakery!

Krystine

Maaike said...

A cake derator is an item that instantly turns the cake into a Wreck when used to decorate it (either by adding unneeded letters, or apostrophes, or something else entirely). It de-rates the cake, you see.

Cecile said...

A Derator is something like a debrider, only it works internally. Here's how: Using Royal Icing, decorate the entire surface of your cake with tiny stars. Now showcase your lovely creation prominently in your display window for a few months, until the dust has settled nicely into every crevice. The icing stars should now be set, and hard as granite. Serve to your guests, and just watch their surprise as their esphogi are derated!

Maryanne said...

The 'War' isn't good for 'absolutely nuthin', it's making me want some chocolate right now.

madrobins said...

Are your "cakes" anemic, lifeless, void of pizzazz? Rejoice! Now there's the Cake Derator to solve all your cake-y problems. Just insert a cartridge of nitrous oxide, adrenaline, or methamphetamine (cartridges sold separately) in the handy syringe, insert the tip in the cake, and "PRESTO!" Your cake will be lively, exciting, the toast of the party.

And if you call now, we'll double the offer, and you'll get two Cake Derators for the price of two, including extra syringe tips and a starter cartridge of hydrochloric acid to get you started! Don't delay! Order your Cake Derator today!*

*price does not include shipping and handling, or legal counsel.

Zibu said...

A cake derator is the tool used by wreckarators the world over, to make the cakes drop as far in the ratings as possible. To de-rate the cake.

"Obviously".

Gary said...

Well, the cake derators have been extra-busy lately. I may have to eat a mouse-filled pastry to calm down.
And thanks to you, I know I'll spend the rest of the day humming "War Cake-- What is it good for? Absolutely nuthin'! Huh!"

em-jay said...

A Cake Derator derates cakes, of course...which is much more PC and kind than berating them.

Or maybe it's just a Cake Wreck Rator rating system that was made just for you! Since we can't "rate" a bad cake, we just de-rate it!

I give it a -8.5 derating.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

MOUSE FILLED PARTY CAKES!!!!!!! ( :

skreidle said...

That "Sorry" sign reminds me of the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" "Quotes": http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

See also:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

:)

LutherLiz said...

It isn't Cake Derator. It is a Cake De-RAT-or. I suspect it would also work on those mouse filled cakes too though.

VR said...

"It's not mine, baby!" - Austin Powers....

Gary said...

I didn't know what a "Cake Derator" was until I saw the sign for Mouse Filled Party Cakes (which would be perfect for my cat's birthday, by the way). Obviously, a Cake De-rat-or is used to remove rats from cakes when the baker has mistakenly filled your cake with rats instead of mice, so you can then fill the cakes with proper mice.



I don't know what's up with the "Poison Bakery," but maybe there's a clue in the German signs in the window (e.g. "Kase Kuchen" = "Cheesecakes"). The word "gift" in German means "poison" in English, which is why German tourists laugh themselves silly when they see a sign for a "Gift Shop." So, maybe through some kind of backwards computer assisted re-translation, a bakery for gift cakes turned into a "Poison Bakery."

WV: exozed. Yes, that's exactly what I was saying.

Kathleen said...

A Cake Derator (properly spelled "Cake De-Rater") is a probe used to rate the wreckiness of cakes at home or in any bakery.

I hope that baker who has no public restroom to offer takes his hand "washing" after he does his business in the private loo more seriously than he does his "apologies".

Bek said...

Obviously the cake derator was packaged by a wreckerator's family member. It should read: Cake Berator. For all those moments when you just have to assault a cake with too much flotsam, squiggly misplaced ninja stars, scary babies, and other paraphernalia. That would certainly qualify as berating an otherwise innocent cake.

I was going to mention War Cake's origins, but I see some have beaten me to it... I never liked it. Takes out all the good stuff ;)

kayak said...

The "cake derator" is actually a package wreck -- it's supposed to say "cake berator," which is what we are when we comment on these awful creations!

WV: stslug -- patron of snails and other garden pests.

yellowsnapper said...

The Cake Derator! Leave out the "C" for Cuality!

DoulaVallere said...

Why, the Cake De"rat"or is to help get rid of all those pesky "Mouse Filled Party Cakes", of course!

lstew said...

i'm not entirely sure what a cake derator does, but i know by the shape and name - it goes in the bum. eeep.

kadyb said...

I wonder if the War Cake would make more sense after someone set fire to it?

E.M. Green said...

A cake "derator" (or, more appropriately, deaerator) is a cylindrical device used in the removal of "hot air," or ego, from certain cakewrecks usually called boiler cakes or boiler CCC's, sub category: boiler patooey!.

These particular wrecks are done by wreck artists that see no problem with what they've constructed on cakes no matter the offense or distress it has caused insofar as to calling it art and making a living by it.

Jen's Cakewrecks™ blog is a long-form version of a cake deaerator.

The device shown here leads to instant gratification, allowing the wreckie, or person who received the wreck, to physically disarm the cake using various torture implements without enacting any actual damage on the wrecker.

While the blog acts as a more subversive agent I much prefer the end result of Jen's patented long-form cake deaerator. It often has a more effective and less messy end result.

Besides, that may be a fancy schmancy cake deaerator but I find that a fork often works just as well if not better.

Christina said...

It's clearly a promotional tie-in to the new Indiana Jones movie: Derators of Delost Cake

wv: rechorat-the act of retching while decorating which results in airbrushed poo-swirls

Jiminycricket said...

A derator is used for de-rating (that is, the lowering of) a cake's score overall for good presentation, which leads then to the deriding of cakes. It's what this blog was founded on.

Example: Has that "War" cake been through a war itself, hence the title? I'd rate it a "D".

Anonymous said...

Oh my word!
The pix are odd and funny.
Jen and the posters have let their imaginations run riot today!
Gotta ask...why, why name a bakery "Poison"?

Thank you all for the laughs.
mocking

Jane said...

The "Poison" bakery is supposed to be "Poisson", that's what the Korean underneath it says. Why fish, I don't know.

Anonymous said...

I bet that bakery's not "Sorry" at all.

Tina said...

The War Cake pictured is made by Publix but is usually called Chocolate War Cake. It is Devil's Food cake, fudge icing, jagged shards of chocolate and chocolate dipped strawberries. It is so good. My office will order one for special events.

Anonymous said...

Oh look, they misspelled the size in the upper-left corner of the Cake Derator. Isn't that supposed to be a "U" instead of an "O"? It IS a big Derator!

(Oh, come on... no one else thought the shape was a little... suspicious??!)

WV: ouchler (need I say more?)

Jo said...

I couldn't stop laughing about the mouse-filled cakes.... I think that's my favorite. :)

Melissa (& Billy) said...

All I can think of re: the cake derator is the scene with the "Suck-Cut" on Wayne's World. "It sucks as it cuts!"

Garth: TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIIIIVE!!

So there you go. It sucks the will to be a good cake out of perfectly good cakes and we're left with a wreck. Not humankind's best invention. Sort of like the Slap Chop.

(I wanna see Fitz throw a cake derator over his shoulder into the sink! XD)

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that the UPC/Bar Code has it spelled correctly? Anyways...


In an Emergency Room in China (where said product was made):

Doctor: "Nurse! Quick! Get me a 2500ml triple thick syringe!"
Nurse: [Confused] "A what?"
Doctor: "The Cake Derator! This guy needs to raise hid blood sugar stat!"
Nurse: "So THAT'S what those are used for!"

~Mark T.

Anonymous said...

Nobody's ever been quite sure about the origin of the mystical cake derator, but what is known about it is this: it is created with a little bit of magic. It does just what it sounds like it would do: it de-rates cakes. That is, it adds an impermeable layer to the cake with the frosting that keeps the cake from being rated, as in judged. No cake that has been decorated with a cake derator ever receives negative comments (or positive comments), as every being that sees it is immediately stricken speechless. It has been rumored that the cake derator is now sold by a devious decorating company as an easy way to raise money off of wreckorators (for every wreckorator worth his/her sugar has heard the legend of that magical item which will keep the wielder's cakes free from insult).

Anonymous said...

War cake--hmm. college town? maybe they sell those for food fights? cream pies are a better choice, but with those chocolate spikes, maybe this means "war" (and it's gonna hurt).

cake derator was obviously made in China. Where everything is made these days and English is tough to grasp. Maybe they ran out of room on the package. Still working on a definition/function of a cake derator.

"Poison Bakery"! LOL practical joke? language problem? Chinese mafia post? would love to know the back story on THAT one....

Melissa said...

Another great collection of wrecks!

I don't know WHAT the War Cake is supposed to be ... but that must be the way it's supposed to look, since there's another one behind it.

efsuffolks said...

Cake Derator-

Favored mid-evil torture device of Queen Marie Antoinette for cake wreck makers

BethanyB said...

My office prefers to avoid superfluous punctuation, so instead of putting sorry in quotes, we do things like writting "sorry for the inconvenience" in a font at least five points smaller than whatever the rest of the sign is in.

Anonymous said...

The Cake Derator, manufactured by Hong interprises, artificially inseminates your cake with your choice of "filling". Perfect for any "special occasion".


Thanks for always brightening my day!!
Steph in CA

Breanne said...

(Hooh! Good gah, y'all!)


... that's definitely in my head now.

Molly said...

It's the CA KEDERATOR. It's for applying keds to the feet of the people of CA. A state where everything of significance is now required to end with "ator."

lisadh said...

I've had more fun reading the responses today! Ya'll are very fun and creative.

I loved "Derators of Delost Cake"!! Hahaha! That one gets me! Heehee!

Not sure if that's "poison" or "fish", but either way, I'll keep walking, thank you.

jillb-ilslp said...

The definition offered by Taylor@MyOlderBrothers gets my vote. After reading his, I didn't want to even try. I was thinking something very similar, but he states it so much more eloquently. Love it!
I also vote him as guest moderator/blogger/poster (what is the correct title, anyway?) - if you and John ever decide to take some time off. Between him and the fantastic Anne-Marie, we'd manage quite well until you returned. (As long as you promised to actually return!!!)

By the way, I'm with Anne-Marie on the War Cake! Even as ugly as it looks, I'd eat all that yummy chocolate in a heartbeat. In my world, there's no such thing as "too much chocolate." (or fun!)

Anonymous said...

Cake Derator: a syringe-like apparatus that removes the inside portion of the cake, thus leaving only the wrecky decorations on the outside. This is used to make a statement: it's the inside that counts.

str4y said...

I may be wrong, but it looked as though that 'War Cake' had whole fruits (persimmons, I think) coated in chocolate and globbed onto the sides.

Anonymous said...

Kristine
I know a place that has a sign in the bathroom that says
All emplyees must "wash" their hands before returning to work. :)

Fluffy Cow said...

I know, for certain... the purpose of a Cake Derator is to make on laugh till coffee comes out your nose.

Fluffy Cow- who is off to celebrate cake.

D.B. Echo said...

I'm sure I'm not the only one who read that next-to-last one as "Mouse Filled Panty Cake."

Stoich91 said...

Gah, nothing like a "Cake Derator" to spice up your culinary life, eh? My (fantasy) definition would be something like this:

Cake Derator (noun): A weapon that relies on air preassure and cake pieces to expell cake at a lethal speed towards a target; opperation is similar to that of a water gun, but a pump is used, instead of a trigger. EXAMPLE: ( Hmmm...Cake Derator. Me like. Turn down the speed volume on the ol' derator and shoot cake into opponant's mouth!)

Hee hee...And what cake to shoot? War cake, of course!!! :) Thanks!

dp said...

Use of a cake derator enables any cake wreckorator to turn a would-be 5-star cake into a 4-star cake, etc.

Courtney said...

the cake derator is to get the de-rats and de-mouse out of the mouse filled cakes

Steph Smith said...

"Cake Decorators" are people who like to "spread icing", "lick spoons", go to "Bad Spellers of America Untie" and "How Not To Make A Good Cake" meetings, "bake cakes" and sell the "cakes."

AFNetherton said...

"Cake derator":

1) A simple misspelling (which you're all too familiar with, I'm
sure). That should be a "cake deaerator", which, of course, is used to deaerate cakes. Because there's nothing worse than a fluffy, bubbly cake full of air.

2) It's you! Again, a misspelling, it should have been "cake
derater", one whom lowers the ratings of cakes. If that's not you, then I'm not me! (Except that I am. QED)

Anonymous said...

Yes, let's celebrate cake!

Anonymous said...

Perfect Cakes comming soon just promises wrecks to come!

And mouse-filled cake? how often does THAT misprint happen. and yet, most people probably don't recognize it. What a hilarious image. And gross! Is that the cake they try to sell you after the mice from the rodent-infested kitchen have moved in? Can't waste cake, now. At least the advertising is honest.

"Bubble and squeak"--LOL!! Great reference! (isn't that some sort of Scottish porridge that gets its name from how it sounds when it cooks?)

Anonymous said...

that's what I thought maybe they misspelled "poisson"--which is French for fish. But why would you have a fish bakery anyway? still gross.

jackrabbit said...

to go with that first picture....Cake's cover of War Pigs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caINuHPKkFQ

Anonymous said...

but WHY is it called a war cake? it looks like it survived a war. it looks like a booby trap.

maybe the fish bakery was supposed to be a sushi shop catering to tourists and they mixed up their English and French terminology

Anonymous said...

The Cake Derator is for filling cakes at the Poison Bakery of course!

I wonder if the mouse filled cake is filled with live mice or dead ones? Were they found at the poison bakery, too?

interesting insights, btw, Gary!

wv: rumbucl: a type of rum cake filled with clothing accessory pieces. like a mardi gras king cake with a "prize" in a bite.
(Didn't the Little Rascals make a cake like this in one episode? And come to think of it, instead of bubbling and squeaking, that one bubbled and groaned. Before it blew up)

Anonymous said...

Actually, the Cake Derator is a really old-fashioned (pre-icing bag) dispenser of frosting. Mom and Ma-in-Law both had similar ones with which to decorate homemade cakes - in fact, I just tossed one out last week when I found it lurking in the back of a cabinet. Problem is, it takes both hands to squooge the icing out, leaving _no_ hands available to actually direct the flow in the desired direction. Very hard to use; I've used them to decorate sugar cookes (which is why my sugar cookies don't have icing on 'em any more). Icing/pastry bags are soooo much easier!

Merry from Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

Trixie61 said...

Actually the Cake De-Rat-or lost something in translation. This is unfortunate because the baker making Mouse filled cakes could have used such a handy kitchen tool.

Julie said...

Cake Derator (n): Tool used in baking to destroy or erase evidence of misspelling, off color frosting, inappropriate phrasing or other undesirable content found on cakes (see Cake Wrecks).

Jeremy said...

I'm quite sure I cannot comment on the CakeDerator. Anything I'd have to say would be most inappropriate. For ANY site.

Thumb Biter said...

FYI at the Poison Bakery the Korean text reads "Bbo-a-son" (and then another word I assume to mean bakery?)

Anonymous said...

Flapper, thanks for the info! Taylor--I like your anagrams. did you know Jen painted a Ninja bedroom??

Diana said...

As a wreck enthusiast and an English teacher, I think this rates high up on my "list" of "favorite" posts. "Thanks" for always making me laugh!

Anonymous said...

Anne-marie, like duh! of COURSE we want the recipe! This is a CAKE blog, after all! and there are plenty of chocoholics on here so don't be hoardin' the "best chocolate cake ever" recipe on us now that you've teased us with it! (why is it called "crazy cake"? do you go crazy for it? is it a cake for women having PMS, hence, crazy and war are related?)

wv: unreadi: "Give me a second! the cake is unreadi until I use this cake derator on it!"

Patty Cake said...

I love that song! Cakes that make you go 'DER'... or was that things that make you go hmm?

mossum said...

I actually read it first as "Cake Degrader" which I was thinking you should sue over since that's, ya know, you're job. :)

Anonymous said...

Many thanks to Linda in NY for the lyrics to the song "War" made famous by Edwin Starr in 1969. Reading the lyrics made me curious about the song--I was just a kid when it came out and so it was the "HUH" that I remember and nothing else. But geez, those lyrics are really pretty powerful. You can see Mr. Starr sing it himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-2pNCZiNk

Thanks for the impetus to get a short history lesson today.
I would say that cake pictured looked like a war zone, though.

Bamm-ela said...

Your bilingual Canadian neighbours can help you with this one:
Like the Poison Bakery, something was lost in the translation. The derator comes from the French verb "rater" (rat-ay) which means "to fail" (ex: J'ai raté mon examen: I failed my exam) .

The Derater is highly appropriate to Cake Wrecks fans as to "de-rater" is to undo your failures. Just line that baby up, pull back on the plunger and it will suck up all your frosted spelling errors, miss-shapen flowers and poo-like blobs.

We have them in every grocery store up here. I'm just surprised you've never seen a derator before! Glad to be of help. Bon appétit!

Emma said...

Pretty sure that a cake derator is filled with a magic syrum that is then injected into the center of the cake to make an instant wreck. I think I saw it on cake boss. :D

The Wrecksistant said...

Ok, here's the recipe for the Best Chocolate Cake Ever:

(note: for some reason, I think it's flavorless when it's warm. Please wait until it's completely cool, and it's best if it's kept covered, airtight.)

For a greased or sprayed 13x9 pan.

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
1 tsp. salt
2 tsps. baking soda
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 tsps. vanilla extract
2 cups cold water

Mix the flour, sugar, salt, baking soda and cocoa in a bowl. Add the wet ingredients, mix well (no need to beat it).

Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

Voila!

Jimmy said...

"War Cake," as in "It's chocolate covered shrapnel, thus the awkward shape?" Or because they shot the strawberries right into the side, which would explain their odd placement? Was a derator used to make this? Without a doubt!


Maybe "Derator" is actually a misspelling of "Detonator?"

*sigh...*

wv: "shife"-- similar to what I said when I realized I just posted this comment under the heading "Special Deliveries" from a couple days ago. :D

Anonymous said...

We're not celebrating cake at the Poison Bakery, are we? I don't care if they meant "fish" or not.

Jenn said...

Laugh! "O Cake Retard!"

Anonymous said...

Was the sign for War Cake misspelled? Did they mean "Warped" and it's on the discount shelf?

Cory said...

That thing looks like a Swedish-made penis enlarger. And that's not my bag, baby!

Anonymous said...

It's the derator that's been causing all the problems here, right? Is that the name of your arch-nemesis in the upcoming CW comic? You guys got your Spidey suits ready?

RoseAnn said...

Dang it! I was here this morning...got the "War" song stuck in my head. Came back to check on comments and...it's back!

wv: warconia...I can't make this stuff up!

Anonymous said...

The "Crazy Cake" recipe is a favorite among my friends who keep kosher or who are vegan, but we call it the "Wowie Cake". I'm not sure why.

Anonymous said...

Oh, okay, it's supposed to be mousse. That one took me a few seconds. Not because I don't know how to spell mousse but because I was still trying to figure out the mouse idea.

Anonymous said...

When hearing conversation over the latest blog, 18 year old son said "How can it be mouse if they misspelled moose?" The mind imagery boggles!
from Mandy in Australia

Diane1611 said...

The "Mouse Filled Cake" would be a good birthday present for a cat, don't you think? LOL!

Anonymous said...

I confess to being somewhat annoyed by the "engrish" jokes. Usually I enjoy Cake Wrecks humour, but in this case I think you should refrain. The "engrish" thing is not only over-used, but it also reinforces an unfortunate facet of American culture: xenophobia, and the "making fun" of immigrants. Hate to be the negative one, but I do find it offensive, and I'm not the only one.

Devin said...

I once worked in a store with a bakery, and the bakery manager insisted that using quotes for emphasis was perfectly fine and didn't understand why someone would think it ridiculous. So I erased all her signs.

Anonymous said...

The comments are so funny...almost beats the post....lol.
I work as a cake decorator for Giant Eagle and I never saw THAT sign.. ~ CELEBRATE CAKE ~ ...MUST HAVE BEEN IN CLEVELAND....!

Sarah said...

"SHOW ME YOUR WAR CAKE! DO YOU CALL THAT A WAR CAKE?" - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

Julianne M said...

Is the poison picture a joke about me? this is ray lau

Julianne M said...

gow di cake com yut ho sic say yun

Rebecca said...

The "cake derator" is the dollar store version of the cake decorator that you would pay much more for at a retail location.

Anonymous said...

Is karate what messed up the decor-ating of the war cake?

Terri said...

I don't know if you can use it, but it's an entertaining use of cupcakage...

http://www.steelheadstudio.com/100cupcakes/

-Terri

Anonymous said...

I was picturing more of a mouse-shaped cake with filling. With gray icing, like the armadillo in Steel Magnolias. It's not a party until you start hacking up a dead animal...ew.

Thanks for providing a visual to set me straight! :P

Anonymous said...

lol@Molly (and the CA-ators) *snicker*

Anonymous said...

@Anony 7:29--

Just gearing up for the Olympics!

Anonymous said...

WV: bilingra-- Engrish doesn't offend me, it's just a sign that someone else is becoming bilingra!

Breath-e said...

OH Jen! You should take a day off every week...this has been hilarious!! Oh that's right you are. Good on ya! Love you, girl.

Anonymous said...

When I saw the object in the Cake Derator syringe I'm afraid I laughed so abjectly that I ejected what I was ingesting!
Reverend Mother

Gina said...

We celebrate Cake as often as we can. Oh, what...they're not talking in code? Cake (uppercase C) in our house is code, LOL. DH "Can I have some Cake tonight?" Me "Play your cards right, yeah." Kids "We want some cake, too!!!!!" Poor kids....

Anonymous said...

"You see Dr. Jerkyl, SUCESS. This is a marketing genius, as soon, there shalt be no more Cake "decorators", but a new breed of bakers, my deranged cake creators, a.k.a DERATOR! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

theotherbaldwin said...

I'm a long-time reader, first time writer. I wish this comment was spurred under better circumstances.

What the heck is up with the "brog" remark? What sort of humor are you going for?


Is it the oh-so-not-cliched joke based on the fact that people who are raised surrounded primarily by one or more of the literal thousands of East Asian dialects sometimes switch the L and the R phonemes in speech, because the hard-wiring for certain sound pairs happens in infancy and is one of the first steps toward learning a language, so that the distinction between that particular sound pair then, becomes vestigial and is erased in the brain's speech center during language acquisition in a person's first few years of life, and thus can only rarely be fully retrained?

Whew! Oh man, isn't that "HIRARIOUS?"

Ah, the facts of neurobiology... you give us such delightful racist jokes.

Tess Carter said...

no fighting over the war cake!

Meli said...

I see "Poison Bakery" and can only think "One Bon Bon is poison".

Dummy Essentials said...

Heartiest Congratulations on winning the Blogger's Choice Awards 2009 for the "Best Entertainment Blog" and "Best pop culture blog" category :)
Pooja and Ankit
Dummy Essentials
http://dummy-essentials.blogspot.com/

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

To TheOtherBaldwin,

The name of the blog on which the picture was found is Engrish.com.

They refer to themselves as a "Brog" which is why Jen put it in quotes. No attempt to be funny, just giving credit where credit is due.

It is simple internet etiquette.

john

Rachael said...

Damn, I love this blog.

Anonymous said...

Well, if we assume the "Wreckorator" has a poor grasp of the alphabet, we can see that he meant to make the "W" in to an "M" which would make it a "Mar" cake. But then he was in a huury, so he hastily wrote "r", which should actually have been an "n". Therefore, the cake is really supposed to be a "Man" cake.
"Get" "it"?

Honey Sugar Kitchen said...

the " Cake Derator" helps you you make cake to be shown on Cake Wrecks. lol

Jenn said...

Linda in NY, a big thanks for the lyrics to "War!". I started singing it the minute I saw the chocoholic's dream cake.

I kept thinking
"War!
(HUH)
Wahd iz it good for..
ab-so-loot-ly NUTHin'!"

And then immediately thought of Elaine in the limo with her boss and a guest on their way to his giving a speech.

Anonymous said...

The Engrish blog and this one are the two I check most regularly when I need to get my chuckle on. It's so weird to have them crossing up with each other. Good weird, but still weird.

Vic said...

I think the Cake Derator is an excuse for wreckerators to wreck. Can't spell Decorator? No problem! Derate away!

Tasha said...

I love that the perfect cake sign says "comming soon." perfect cakes, not so perfect spelling.

Casse AKA Catholic Kittie said...

In Albertsons defense it probably really is a mouse filled cake. That is if its like the one I work at but our special is the RAT filled party cake. Enjoy.

motherbynature said...

As others have said, "War Cake" is a real kind of cake. I can't say for sure if that particular cake pictured follows an authentic war cake recipe or if they've just co-opted a title for something irrelevant... but just having a cake with a sign saying "War Cake" doesn't seem like much of a Wreck to me.

And the "Best Chocolate Cake Ever" recipe looks like the "Six Minute Chocolate Cake" from the Moosewood cookbook. It truly is the most AMAZINGLY delicious chocolate cake in existence. You can mix it up right in the pan, no need to use a bowl first.

It's true that it's not great when warm. Let it cool down, put on some glaze or icing or just eat it plain... oooohhhh so good.

Kris said...

It's so sad for me to say that the Mouse Filled Cake sign is from an Albertson's grocery store. I know the signs too well. I used to work there. *Le sigh* Won't be getting a cake anytime soon.

Netanya Hoffman said...

In response to the "Celebrate Cakes" sign, wanted to let you know that I just got home from the Second Annual Cake Awareness Conference in Jerusalem, Israel. I think we were very successful in spreading the message of this very important cause. All kinds of cakes were represented, and lectures included:

Cake, Global Warming, and World Peace
"Let them Eat Cake!": Aren't There Any Other Cake Quotes?
The Edible Word and Cake Identity in a Post-Colonial Society
Rainbow Cake: Is It Political?
and finally,
Lower Your Expectations: When Good Cake Goes Bad (with visuals from CakeWrecks - you'd be proud)

I am hosting next year and we'd love to have you as our keynote speaker if you happen to be on this side of the world. :)

You can find me on Facebook or email me at NetanyaH at gmail. com

Anonymous said...

A "cake derator" is probably some form of Engrish. Over at the Engrish Brog you'll see all kinds of messed-up English. There was one sign that was supposed to say "Do not urinate here. There is a security camera," but the "transrator" screwed up big-time and it now says "No P***ing (On the security camera)".

Kurt said...

Cake Derator - A unique product which uses the latest in "fuzzy logic" to automatically misspell any word written with it. Cake Derators are suspected in the "Under Neat That" and "Falker Satherhood" incidents.

dopefaerie said...

This is what comes from those sorts of cake "derator" tools... Wrecks Ahoy!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/labluegyrl/2079272187/in/set-72157603352904793/

cityrat said...

It gets the rats out of your cakes!

cupcake_killah said...

Well.. I am embarassed to say that I work for the company that the "War Cake" is from. I wish I could slap those "Decorators".. and the Manager, as the sharpied case tag is pretty special, considering we can print out a tag that says anything. I get so sad when I see our store on here.

PS, I belive the War cake as a signature cake we had many years ago, that looked NOTHING like that.

Sexy Sadie said...

I think the cake derator looks like something you'd use to artificially inseminate livestock. Or maybe it's just for decorating "cake".

Kaeul said...

As for the "Poison Bakery": The writing says "쁘아종제과점" (ppeu-a-jong je-gwah-jawm). Jegwajom is the Korean word for bakery. Unfortunately after searching, I found that Ppeuajong really just means "Poison" (it's not the actual Korean word for poison, but it's the sound of the English word "Poison" in Korean letters. Korean doesn't have a "z" sound, but when saying the word "poison" there is a slight z sound. In place of the "z" they use the "j" sound. When writing "pizza hut" it becomes something like "pija"!). Poisson, as in the French word, might be "푸아송" (pu-a-song) in Korean.

Well after all that, it still really doesn't explain why they called it poison bakery!

bobby jackson, all thanks 2 trey said...

cake derator: either a hillbilly is trying to get across to his mom that a "deer-ate-her" cake, or, the more scholarly version: cake deration: to lower the rated electrical capability of electrical apparatus. in this case: to lower the price of the rated cake decorating abilities.