Thursday, July 31, 2008

Ow.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I'm pretty sure I just burst a blood vessel in my right eye, looking at this.

[squinting] From what I can see, this appears to be a pimp-mobile on a suicide run through a radioactive river of blood - only it's a radioactive river of blood with jaunty blue outlining.

I love the extra cupcake stuck on the side, too: what's that supposed to be? A pit stop?

If you want to give yourself a migraine, try reading what it says in front of the car. Don't see any writing? Look closer. No, closer. Let's see...I think it says...

Dang it!

There went the other eye.



Jen E., I think you owe me a bottle of Visine.
Dea said...

The cupcake cakes have to stop! They just do!!!

MaryO said...

OMG! Are those flames shooting out the back of the pimpmobile or is about to run over some sheafs of wheat? I'm afraid I'm having issues determining the front from the back of the P-M :-)

Whoa. That is one LOUD BIRTHDAY.... cake wreck!

Always hilarious! I'm still laughing!

Amanda said...

I'm heading to a wedding in a few weeks that will feature a cupcake-wedding-cake (that is to say, a wedding cake made of cupcakes) that are all Nightmare Before Christmas and Star Wars themed. Will I be taking pictures? Oh yes, I think so...

Amanda said...

Isn't that car facing backwards?

*Michelle said...

Is the black thing in the creepy-eye-thing supposed to be a tire?

Is the base supposed to be old school Hot Wheels logo-ish? Or is it some freaky squid?

mr-ocho said...

Wow.

It says:

"Happy
Birthday
MAX!"

What is the black thing in the middle of the loop?

Beth said...

I knew immediately it was a hot wheels cake, but I too can't even look long enough to read the writing!! Blah, and so messy... whats with the moldy green cupcakes underneath all that mess of frosting?

Ben Ostrowsky said...

It says "Happy Birthday MAX!".

Right As Rain Creations said...

I think it says "Happy Birthday Max!"

But I have a migraine now, so I can't double check.

Andi said...

Yeah those flames are coming out the front of the car. That's just not right. They need to have the driver diving out of the car since it's obviously on fire.

Super Jen said...

Is it just me, or is the car on there backwards? The flames, they seem to be shooting out the *front* of the car, which is never a good thing.

rainy5982 said...

umm maybe its supposed to be a hot wheels race car track thingy... I knew growing up with a brother would come in handy one day!

John Gjertsen said...

technically, how is it even possible to turn icing (or fondant?) that color? I've exhausted much red food coloring and usually only get a dark pink at best. That is like inedible looking.

V. Nicharico said...

I *think* it says "Happy Birthday Max!" in front of the car, only it's upside down...and the car seems to be backwards, so the flames are shooting out the front. 0.o

But lord, that's almost blinding!!

{Anissa} said...

I can't read what it says if I try any harder I will go blind.

Mom O'Teens said...

Okay, I could have sworn it said, "Happy Birthday, Urkel," which would make this all even more hilarious.

that girl down south said...

I looked at this and saw bright red french fries. Although I think they are flames.

Jenna said...

Pretty sure that's supposed to be a Speed Racer cake.

Anonymous said...

I remember what that car was put into production. The Pimp Mobile is actually a toy from a horrible movie, that is actually not as bad as this cake. Bravo.

The movie?

Batman and Robin.
That is your riddler mobile. That or the cake is just so bad that it caused a horrible association and a misremembering of more horrid things.

gerg said...

Poooor max. :(

Jessica S. said...

Are those crinkle-cut french fries shooting out of the back of the car? And is that a tire that flew off the car while it was doing the hairpin turn?

Sean said...

It actually looks like the flames are shooting out the front of the pimpmobile. Look at the engine placement, flame job on the car, the tailfins and the front grille.

Of course counting the candles, this is a five-year-old's birthday cake. All he's going to remember is the purple car, blowing out the candles and eating a cupcake.

Then again he'll probably freak out behind the wheel in driver's ed, screaming "There's blood everywhere!"

Beth said...

The extra cubcake is actually the end of the track that previously curved down and under the upper track.

The perspective is a little off, though...

cinderella22383 said...

Just thought I would add that someone bought that cake. I had to make one of those for Wal-mart when they were short handed. But it was a whole cake not cup cakes.

Kate said...

Ugh, and the orange ooze dripping down the side doesn't make it any better...

Meichelle said...

I love love love your site. I happened upon your blog and have read every post since the beginning...:) hehe. my fav is the fireman. hehehe..
meichelle

Sari said...

I don't understand the drooping icing over all the cupcakes. It's melting over the side of the tie dyed cupcakes. Whoever eats this is going to have red teeth for a week with all that food coloring.

TheCourteousChihuahua said...

I think it would be less painful looking directly into the sun!!!!

Elizabeth Staley said...

OMG, Jessica S, I thought the same thing about those "flames"! Either that or they look like Lion Brand Homespun Yarn... I can't figure out what either crinkle cut fries OR yarn would be doing on a birthday cake though.

This is truly a disaster of epic proportions...

Chris said...

Wait. You need Visine?!? That stuff is like supplemental tears. That's the LAST thing I need after the gushing my eyes have done after looking briefly at THAT monstrosity.

I think that has to be the absolute worst "cake" I have ever seen. Seriously, folks. Let's leave this to the professionals. Please.

kasey said...

I just want to know why some of the cupcakes are frosted on the side - like over the paper - and then others are not. Poor Max, this cake is a mess!!

Terri said...

OK, That hurt!
Check out this site and look at the bust cake of a bride..
http://cakepicturegallery.com/v/bridal-shower-cakes/Cool+bridal+shower+cake.jpg.html

evil cake lady said...

1. the cupcake "cakes" DO have to stop! immediately!

2. lion brand homespun yarn!

3. i agree with all of those who think the fire (or lion brand homespun yarn) is coming out of the front of the car

4. i CAN'T BELIEVE somebody paid for this wreck!!!

5. max, you may only be five (and happy birthday by the way), but you totally got shafted. sorry guy.

chamoisee said...

This is a cake made from a Hot Wheels cake kit. I think I may have made the one for a flat 1/4 sheet cake before. At any rate, it's badly made. The decorator should have kept the frosting to the tops of the cupcakes, and skill is just generally lacking throughout. It's sloppily executed. The car *is* backwards, the blue border should be thicker and smoothly curving, because cupcakes are particularly hard to meld into a visual whole. The black thing in the center, I don;t know what it's called, but it's part of the kit. I think it's some part of the race track, a support for the track that is supposed to be winding around it. You can view a picture of how it should look by googling for "Hot Wheels Spin Out cake". It isn't my favorite cake kit to begin with, but even a very cute kit can result in a crummy cake if the decorator is apathetic.

jeri said...

I just stumbled onto your blog today and it is my new favorite. You are hilarious. Keep them coming!

Packer Family said...

Oh Wow! I came to your blog from another friends blog and me and my husband just looked at everyone of your post and I have genuine tears from laughing so much! I will for sure be "returning". JK the " " are the funniest thing ever!

enoo said...

Eek, the colors, the shape, the backward car ... I can hardly believe someone really paid for this. Poor clients.
And the message on the front/back of the car look like it was writen with ketchup, ewwww...

Sleepwalker said...

Someone's apparently having a Hot Wheels flashback. I'd be willing to bet that toxic icing is going to taste about as good as the plastic track that supposedly inspired this creation.

The backwards car, the sloppy job...just plain BAD!!

Jules said...

I can't stand cakes made with cupcakes welded together and this cake demonstrates why!

Your blog is fab and it certainly brings a smile to my face.

3BG said...

Hey, maybe this Cake was made for Mel Gibson, the Original "Mad Max!"
That's why it has the crazy colors! Can't wait to see how they make a "Road Warrior" cake, or how about Icing portraying Tina Turner at the "ThunderDome"? That won't pop a blood vessel, that will cause a stroke!

Elvira said...

Oh My. Poor Max. Someone actually PAID for this cake? you mean they actually went to a store, looked at the cake and then handed the sales person money for it? Say it ain't so! BTW, the car is backwards, the black thing is a tire and too much red dye in the frosting makes it taste bitter. Bitter like Max will be in 20 years when he looks back on that cake.

Anonymous said...

Poor Max!

It is supposed to look like this...http://publix.com/food/catalog/ImageDetail.do?id=1189&childId=1

Rachael M. said...

Awww - I mean, it's not the best executed hot wheels track I've ever seen, but I totally get what it's supposed to be...

except for why the flames are shooting from the front of the car. Clearly, this car is an agent of evil.

Katy said...

i love your website!!! just discovered it this week and it's hilarious. hopefully i'll never have a cake end up on here... :-)

Vel said...

LOL, this is hysterical.

Manders said...

This blog is too funny!! Love it!!

Anonymous said...

I just think it's so awesome that the google ad right next to this post is for Lasik eye surgery.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

This was professional???!?! Good god.

Tara said...

I'm seriously shocked that anyone was able to make out the "Happy Birthday Max" on the front. I can't read that at all. If this was an attempt from an unskilled mom trying to make her son's birthday dreams of a Hot Wheels cake come true, I'd think it was a really cute effort. But a professional made this?? Really?? Why? Just why? And I have to agree with others: the flames are definitely shooting out of the front of the car and they might just be crinkle cut french fries.

Nic said...

So wait, you are telling me that a "professional" made this one at Publix (thanks to the link by anon)??

Jen said...

You guys crack me up! Every Cake Wreck is technically "professional", inasmuch as someone was paid to produce it. So after all we've seen, you're telling me THIS one shocks you? ;) Par for the course, my friends!

Anonymous said...

I just found this blog. Being a professional cake decorator myself, I find these absolutely hilarious. This one reminds me of something one of my co-workers(who is not at all a cake decorator, just an overly enthusiastic cashier) made and gave to a customer before I saw how terrible it was. I wanted to call and apologize, but my stupid co-worker had already ripped up the order form with his number on it. Oops.

Susie PSU said...

Yup, that cake is something else. I'm having difficulty coming up with a word to describe it.
Disaster, perhaps.

Nic said...

Well, I know that this isn't the wreckiest of cakes you've had on here, but at least most of the others have a plastic platter or evidence of a piping tool (although people can have those at home). This one just looks homemade.

wrekehavoc said...

my 5 year old just saw this. he said, "mama, i want this cake for my birthday." just don't even know how on earth i could reproduce such incredible cake-osity.

Jennifer said...

Who writes with red icing on a red cake?!

Joanna said...

I just found your blog, and read through all of the posts. I am laughing so hard I am crying. I have to say that the 1st post is my favorite. I am still laughing. I will definitely be checking in again. Keep up the Grate "work" LOL.

Miss Attitude said...

You're blog is hysterical. One of my friends just sent me the link. I love it! I've never seen anything like it, both the blog and the cakes!

Shady said...

I just discovered your blog. Or should I say THE BEST BLOG EVER. I never knew cakes could be so unintentionally funny (and WRONG!)

Anonymous said...

OMG, I can't believe someone paid for this! But sure enough I searched "publix hot wheels cake" and found this: http://www.publix.com/food/catalog/Bakery/DecoratedCakes/Kids/1189/DecoratedCakeDetail.do?id=1189
It's arguably better than the one on your blog, but why would anyone buy it, even with the car in the correct direction?

TodgeWatherly said...

that was hilarious. your commentary is always dead on to what i'm thinking. and yea lol the cupcake on the side is effing funny.

Caitie said...

your blog is one of the most hilarious blogs I have ever read!

I hope the terrible cakes just keep on coming, so that this blog can keep on going as well!

Kelly said...

not only is the car on backwards, but the flames look like crinkle cut fries covered in icing. just awkward.

Anonymous said...

It really bothers me that they didn't even get the front end of the car correct... flames out the front? Geez...

Nikki said...

Besides the horror that is the "decoration", why did this happen on top of a pile of cupcakes? Who decided that frosting a group of cakes as if they were one was ever a good idea?

Anne-Marie said...

Oh my goodness, you're right - that cake does make the eyes hurt! But I about split my sides open laughing. Thanks for that. =)

I bet the frosting tastes horrible with all of that red dye. Ick...

Ann said...

OMG!!! I just found your blog. I love it! I have laughed more at these cakes and your perfect comments than I have in a long while. Thanks for making me laugh.

Dodi said...

Holy Cow! I just found this site through a friend's recommendation... and I am howling with laughter at this site. I have a few favorites already... "Naked Mohawk-Baby Carrot Jockeys" and "Makes you wonder what the card said" made me cry I was laughing so hard.

LOVE YOU!!! I'll def. subscribe!

billybob said...

This thing looks like pure cupcakes all jammed togeter with some toxic icing on top, they didn't even build a proper cake or even take off the cup cake wrappers first, holla!

Sarah said...

There's no way that kids should ingest that much food coloring. His mom is going to think there's blood in his stool. For like, a week.

Trudi said...

OK, as a professional cake decorator, I have spent an hour laughing at your blog! I'm so glad I have found this because even on my worst days (when nothing goes right - and yes, they happen to the best of us!), these cakes make my work look genius! As for cupcake cakes, hey, I make a lot of them, but they look good!

Shakespere said...

Hi. I enjoyed reading your blog. Thankse

indycitygirl said...

I work for Publix and have seen this cake upclose and personal and the people in the bakery did a great job at my work,DEAR LORD,it looked nothing like the hack job thats posted here!!!That is one scary cake posted here.Great blog BTW!!

The Urban Chic said...

Okay, I found a link with more cakes if you want to check them out to critque. I also used to make cakes and would love for you to poke fun at them. It was a hobby and I know all the mistakes and the outrageous comments you could make. Will have to make a blog so you can see them and give me some poking-lol. I can take it.

These are not my cakes.
http://gs260.photobucket.com/groups/ii29/5SS4ELW9PO/?start=all

Georgie B said...

Fascinating blog!

Got hooked up to it through a pasted link in Topix.

I'm gonna like this one.

Dorothy said...

Aww, I can tell someone worked hard on this cake, but they didn't really THINK it through. It's just horrible..gag! =[

Sequoya said...

Oh man this blog is amazing and I can't get enough of it. Let us know if we can help you get the freeze off. I hope it comes back soon because I am hooked!

The Diva on a Diet said...

Congrats - I've chosen to pass on my Arte y Pico award to you because I love your blog. Feel free to join in the fun and pass it on, or skip it if you're not into it. Either way, no cakes will be wrecked in the process.

Rules for passing along the award are here:

Rules

Happy baking!

Vicki said...

why is the PM driving INTO the flaming exhaust?

cathy said...

That is hilarious! My 4 yr old son saw the picture and asked if I could make a cake like that for him - LOL!

maxflash said...

All heck is gonna break loose when those flames shooting out from under the car catch those candles on fire.

water_bearer said...

I just found the link to your blog on Fugly Horse of the Day! about 20 minutes ago and have read the whole thing. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard. Brilliant! Personally, I thought that car was about to run over some human-sized en fuego french fries... or perhaps it's supposed to be a fire-breathing car replete with directional flame-throwing capabilities in order to put the drowning tractor tire around the corner out of its misery??? Either way, I think I've looked too long. I feel an aneurysm coming on.

Amy Ellen said...

OMG just found your blog. Too funny. Thanks for all the laughs today.
Amy

CCW said...

Just stumbled across your blog and have been laughing for the past 45 minutes straight! *Whew* This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever seen!!! Love all your commentary too!

rachescakes said...

I just discovered your blog, you had me and my husband laughing so hard we were in tears.

I hope to never have one of my cakes featured on here. I've made some terrible ones, but never sold them, thank goodness!

Oh, and I have no idea why cake decorators don't use punctuation on their cakes, after reading your blog, I realized I'm guilty of that too. Don't worry, I'll start!

Nancy said...

I just want to thank you for your blog. It made my day, keep up the good work!

John said...

Reminds me of the routine that Eddie Murphy used to do about home-made Big Macs. I can just hear the kid's mom:

"Max, I can make a cool cake for you at home for a lot cheaper than the bakery. See?!"

"Mom, this cake sucks. And it's not even a cake it's a bunch of cupcakes glued together with frosting. I want to be adopted."

But now I've read all the other comments and I see that it was actually a store-bought cake! I'm going to leave my comment, though, because I worked so hard on it.

Anonymous said...

yup, that is a copyright exclusive Hot Wheels cake that is featured in the DecoPac catalog. Yeah... the colors are a *bit* off....... Nice mess too!

Amanda said...

I figured out that pit-stop cupcake! It's the beginning of the slide - it's supposed to look like it goes under and around. Really badly done...

plastiqueponi said...

Did a BAD job of matching that Hot Wheels cake in the DecoPac/Bakery Crafts catalogs...

Copycats! lol!

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I recognized this immediately. Both my nine-year-old and I decided it was an attempt to replicate something from the Hot Wheels World Racer movie.

It's even on the front of the movie box! Clearly, I have been spending too much time in the kids' pop culture.

Anonymous said...

I think the red road is supposed to be the Hot Wheels logo, but I could be wrong. Still a massive wreck of sugar and pain.

Mandy said...

Im pretty sure it says Happy Birthday Mark. We're looking at it backwards or upside down. This is terrifying.

Mandy said...

NO its Max! Happy Birthday Max...

lisa said...

O my goodness. I am laughing my ass off at that one.

Anonymous said...

Max is clearly being raised to be a good Klingon. All good warriors must cross The River of Blood to get to Stovokor.

Anonymous said...

Yes this is a commercial cake and it can be purchased at Publix and Wal-Mart. I saw this cake at our local Wal-Mart and I was also confused by the shape of the cake. The one here had a two cupcake pit stop area.
I agree that it is a pretty ugly cake. However, I actually bought it because it was the only "boy" cake available for a last minute party. And let me say it was quite the hit among the four year old set.

Jen E. said...

Hi all. Max's mom here.

So this was the cake that my boy picked out at Publix, despite my best efforts to steer him toward the Lego or Wall-e cakes, which weren't quite so, um... orange.... and weird. But it was his 5th b'day and his choice.

My mistake was picking up the damn thing less than an hour before the party, which left me with NO time to find something else. Regardless, he LOVED it.

Thanks to Jen for the hilarious site and for posting our photo contribution to "sweet" cake-wreck-dom.

Gavin Magrath said...

Actually this cake is totally awesome. Really. Awesome.

Doody Mac said...

And the car is backwards!! I seriously now have a headache from looking at that.

MELISSA said...

I figured the cake was a "6" maybe?

Cat said...

OMG. I can't stop laughing. I'm now doing that wheezy, shaking, shudder of a laugh. I just found you today and I am thoroughly enjoying your wit. Can we be best friends forever?! :-)

Kara said...

Looks like bacon coming out the back of the car.

Cassie said...

Huh. I just found this blog and this entry - 4+ pages back - has got me laughing to the point of tears. The commentary is seriously the best part - though the cakes are pretty good...er...bad...too. :D

Jasry said...

I showed this to my 7 year old son, and he was all "Wow, what an awesome cake! I want the car!" All the hard work I've put in over the past 6 years (his 1st cake is unmentionable) was for naught, if something like this makes him happy. *sigh*

laura said...

I know what that little thing on the side is supposed to be, It's where the track curved around and came under itself.

hunieshine said...

I just want to know why there is a spare tire in the middle of the curl? Did it fly off? Is it even a tire?

Aaaaggghh!

Anonymous said...

I think its about to make a jump, those are flames, but the creator of the cake put the car on backwards(as well as how horrible the cake looks, being a CCC and all...). but any ways, thats just what I think...

Valerie S said...

Is the car backwards? pretty sure the flames are coming out the front

Sympathetic Revulsion said...

the extra cupcake on the side is what appears to me as the "3-d ending to the loop-d-doop ramp like thing"

Anonymous said...

I think its suppose to look the car is going down some kind of ramp, but the baker couldn't quite pull off the 3d look and it looks like they couldn't tell which end of the car was which. If done right, I like the concept for a little boys cake.

Cupcakes Lady said...

Cupcakes...is that what that is?? How do you come up with that idea?! lol x

Anonymous said...

I think it is supposed to look like this: http://morganssweetclub.com/images/img082.jpg Poor Max... And there is one thing that cupcake cakes are great for, getting cake handed out to antsy kids before you get run over while they are not so patiently waiting for you to cut a real cake.