Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bringing a Whole New Meaning to "Foot in Mouth"

Saturday, July 26, 2008


Yes, it's supposed to be a foot: a "Chinese Lotus (Bound) Foot" to be precise. (It's what the Chinese used to do to their women's feet, back when the thought of fallen arches struck terror in the hearts of mere mortals.)

Yes, it was for a podiatrist. Because when a doctor is forced to look at and/or handle other people's feet all day every day, I'm sure said doctor can think of nothing more appealing than eating a giant version of one of the most hideous foot deformities possible. ("Alright! Please, tell me you got Pistachio ice cream to go with!?!")

This is one instance where I actually pity the baker responsible; to make this, she had to reference an actual photo. (All together now! Ewwwwww.) Click here to see her Flickr account, which has a link to the photo.

B.F., I think the toenails have got to be the worst part.
Sunshine said...

There's no way I would have been able to eat that thing. It could have been a chocolate fountain underneath all that fondant and I still couldn't have done it... and the toenails... ewwww.

Julia said...

I was going to say that, as horrible as this is, someone actually ordered it, so you can't blame the baker. But then I read the comment on Flickr. She picked this all by herself. Ewwwww.

tay said...

Oh...my...goodness, you are so funny. At least this "foot" isn't stinky.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

she should have stuck with the "candy corns."

Anissa said...

{Oh my God -- That is so nasty -- It looks like the toenails would crunch when bit into -- Makes my stomach turn just to think about someone putting that in there mouth -- It would take more than ice-cream for me to even think about eating that.Just hope it don't smell like it looks}

Sunny Lea said...

What the...

I mean really, who would eat that?

Who?

CC said...

I found your blog earlier this week. And I have never laughed so hard. I was a grocery store Deli/Bakery supervisor for a few years, so the store cakes really crack me up.

And this cake is just plain nasty. And I have to agree the toenails...nasty.

Mafiosos! said...

I need bleach for my eyes! very creative, but don't know if I could eat it!

CraftyJennee said...

Maybe she figured she'd never have another chance to make a cake shaped like a deformed foot. Maybe she thought, "This is my debut as an artist!" Well, she's famous now!

Herb of DC said...

I don't even think foot fetishists would like this cake. At least I don't.

seven said...

That is gross.

Andrew said...

As if being expected to eat a cake that looks like a foot and has disgusting toenails isn't sufficiently grotesque, making light of a hideous absue of human rights is simply unconscionable. I doubt the countless victims of this mutilation would be amused.

Seoul Brother said...

Great. A cake with hammer toes.

Fantastic.

Maybe it's a molten cake, so when you slice it, it oozes....toejam.

But as bad as that is, can you imagine what kind of disturbed mess that would be served up for a proctologist (a bundt cake, surely)?

Alice said...

This is so funny, as soon as I read the post title and saw the picture I said out loud: Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Way ahead of your instruction to do so ;)

Anonymous said...

I think I just threw up a little.

TheCourteousChihuahua said...

Bleh! I almost think the thorax cake would be better than that! Have you seen the thorax cake, Jen??? I can send you the link. ;-) tee, hee! (running for cover)

nataliecakes said...

Jeeze... what do you even say about this thing? I suppose if Food Network had a Gross Cake Challenge it would have a fighting chance.

svearose said...

Oh, wow! That is one awesomely bad cake! Now we know why Chinese women wore those little tiny shoes. Who would want to see such a foot? Let alone eat it!

MaryO said...

Gawdawful!!!!!!!!!!!

Amber said...

That is NASTY!

Anonymous said...

What did they have in the middle.... jam? (haha)

Kathie said...

Love your site. Got a good laugh. BUT.....don't feel much like cake right now.
Blessings from Costa Rica

Jen said...

@thecourteouschihuahua,
[chucking wadded-up paper ball in your direction] Keep runnin', smarty pants.

;)

monica said...

That is the worst possible thing I have ever seen done to a cake. There should be a law against that. Cakes have rights too! Bring on the SPC! Society for the Protection of Cakes.

Claudia said...

OMG feet on their own scare me... but this... I threw up in my mouth a bit.

HOLY COW that's one ugly cake/

Jenifer said...

*runs away screaming*

Wow. Just...wow.

ana said...

You guys have to admit, the baker did a great job, it's so realistic!

Things Hand Made said...

I have just read your blog from beginning to end and now have to go and get a tissue to wipe my eyes. I have not laughed that much in ages. Keep up the good work!

Danielle said...

Oh. Oh. Oh. That is.. That is not right. I really wish I hadn't just eaten lunch because it is threatening to come back up after seeing that cake.

Kira said...

Oh my. Just looking at that makes me feel nauseous, I can't imagine what I would do if I saw it in person and tried to take a bite!!!

Mercy's Maid said...

eww...I wonder what the toenails are made out of.

Tracy Sherwood said...

A+ for "Realism in Cake Art",

A+ for putting in the effort to research the career of the person being honored,

Possible F from the person ordering the cake assuming that they really wanted to eat it!

I don't know whether to applaud, laugh or gag.

Anonymous said...

Disgusting. Did anyone check her other photos on flickr? They include another not very appetizing cake and a gingerbread crack house.

Persephone said...

I recognised what it was before reading the commentary (I'm no podiatrist, but I've seen pictures of it before). Is it bad that I actually like the idea?
(yes. I know you're going to say yes. And that the way I feel about it isn't going to be popular).
As for making light of a shameful human rights abuse... I suppose that if one can't make light of anything painful or bad, there's not much room left to humour. Death is not funny, neither are madness, disease or someone getting hurt in one way or another, but I know few jokes that don't involve any of the above.

Anyway, thank you for your fabulous blog, I enjoy it tremendously.
Now hand me a slice of this cake.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
http://tinyurl.com/5ovhgd

Angela said...

Those toes totally have fungus!! I'm sure the podiatrist knew that though...

Anonymous said...

You might as well shut this blog down right now because you will NEVER find a cake that looks worse than that. What the...?

liz

Mrs. Tantrum said...

I was going to eat dinner then I opened up this and am totally never going to eat again.

I want to look at that Flickr site, but am too scared.

Those toenails look real. Did she get them out of an old man's trash can or something?

cakebrain said...

I am so glad I found your blog...I haven't laughed so hard in a while! my abs are finally getting the workout they need! Imagine having to eat the slice with toes: toenails and toe-jam in one mouthful! :p

Heather said...

did you see her gingerbread crack house?

http://flickr.com/photos/52702311@N00/2142334528/

windo said...

i just threw up a bit in my mouth, and it probably tasted better than this cake.

Andrew said...

I agree that humor is a great tool to fight injustice and tragedy. I somehow doubt that this was the intent of this cake, however. Of course, the intent of this cake, or rather the person commissioning it, is quite beyond comprehension, so I could be wrong :-)

Alicia said...

This is possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I can't tear my eyes away from this trainwreck.

mintnasty said...

Thank you for the lovely accolades! This piece was actually commissioned by the podiatrist's receptionist (who had seen my portfolio). Apparently he loved it. ;)

Offensive cakes are my specialty, and creating them is very therapeutic. I can assure you I use quality ingredients and mostly scratch recipes (unless it's a last-minute order, then organic box mix). For instance, the fondant on this foot is actually a buttercream base, so it doesn't have that disgusting gummy fondant taste.

My current site is down right now due to laziness in upgrading the gallery script, but at least I have now been inspired to create an Offensive Cakes folder in my Flickr account for your pleasure. Among my favorites are "melons with electrical tape pasties," "mangina," and "gingerbread d*ck in a box."

Enjoy!

Chris said...

Oooooh! Can I have a slice with toenail on it? Please!?

Aly K said...

They did a foot cake for a podiatrist on "Ace of Cakes," but it was a normal foot. Still gross, though.

Anonymous said...

It's like "Altered States" starring Rhoda Morgenstern.

RATSAWGOD said...

Actually, Chinese women didn't bind their feet because of fallen arches, they were made to bind their feet as little girls to keep them small and dainty. As the women grew older, it wasn't uncommon for them to loose their smaller toes due to rot and fungus and weak bone growth. Bless them- it's the stuff of nightmares.

angeljoy said...

Eeeewwww. tell me how many people were actually able to eat this without gagging?

angeljoy said...

On second thought, if it was cream cheese icing....that makes everything better

Chaobell said...

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Why? Why would anyone think this is a good idea? D: D: D:

Anonymous said...

OH. MY. GOD. Just when I thought that the internet could NEVER show me anything more horrible - THIS! AAAAAGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THIS CAKE!

Jobot said...

Really, what kind of person thinks "I know what would be a great idea, a cake shaped like a deformed foot!"

Anonymous said...

I thought it was Joe Camel at first.

Juliet said...

That scrap of cloth around the ankle keeps reminding me of a shriner's hat. The shriner in question, alas, seems to have a serious skin disease.

Dani said...

Haha, that is pretty gross. But it looks pretty good for a lotus foot i have to say. I wrote an article on the things here:
www.seafoodpunch.com

and trust me, that cake probably tastes and smells way better than the real thing. the cake maker did a decent job...

DangGina said...

THe sickest cake I've ever seen. In defense of the cake decorator, she got it spot-on; I saw some pix of the nasty feet and it haunted my dreams for the next few nights. There's no way I'd put that thing NEAR my mouth!

chandler said...

I will look at feet the same way again

whizkidforte said...

Oh gosh, oh gosh - please tell me that the baker did not cover this cake with high-end fondant (marshmallow, Fondx, Satin Ice, and blah-blah-blah)! Please tell me that they used the "el cheapo" Wilton brand so I can tolerably peel it off!

Xydexx said...

Ew.

No.

No no no.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

WHY????? *cries*

Anonymous said...

How do you know he's making light of it? There are many podiatrists who perform surgeries to correct these types of deformities. In fact, I know one who does the corrections entirely free of charge for Chinese who immigrate to the United States. I would consider that cause for celebration. People need to stop being so d*mn sensitive.

Cupcakes Lady said...

This makes my stomach turn, there no way I could eat it. Ewww ;) xx

Haiku Joy said...

"Cake should be one foot"
read the baker. Skipped over
"in diameter."