This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

Wreckies of the Month

It's been a while since we featured the handiwork our noble and crafty henchpersons, so here, without further ado, is what had us in stitches this month:

Get it? Stitches? Eh?

(Wait. Does crochet use "stitches?" )

This was made by Regina W., who was inspired by the classic Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair.

(What, you don't remember the Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair? How could you forget the Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair?!? The Cycloptic Smiley Clover of Despair is a classic. CLASSIC, I say!)

Next we have a slightly more edible homage, which the lucky Becky F. received for her birthday:

Gotta love the ring of "sprinkles."

Then there's, uh, this:

This baby shower cake is actually a Wreck to the third power: Sharon K. made the Jockey homage for her sister's shower, but en route to the party had a brake-slamming incident which resulted in...well, what you see here. Good thing they were already going for a Wreck, huh? :D

Laura M., ran into the most bizarre problem I've ever heard of while trying to order her own Wreck homage: the bakery told her they couldn't do anything, and I quote, that the "Cake Wreckers do, because that's a trademark."

Note to bakers: yes, you can, and no, it's not. (Well, the name is, sure, but feel free to use the popular stuff like "I want sprinkles" or "falker satherhood.")

So, left with no other choice, Laura made her own cake wreck:

And what a lovely wreck it is, too. :)

Next we have Megan T.'s gravity-defying homage:

Megan would like to point out that the jockeys are riding candy corn, thereby making them seasonably appropriate. And also tasty.

By now I'm sure you are all familiar with the classic Good Luck in China/Fireman cake. (And if not, go read Scott's story immediately.) Well, when Jenni T. got a new job, her colleagues made her some impressively wrecky versions of said classic:

There were actually two more, but these were the most amusing. ;)

And finally, Max from Freed's Bakery in Las Vegas put together a fun video of a little literal cake wrecking. Check it out:

Looks like fun. Well, except for the icing-in-the-hair part. [shudder]

Have something wrecks-related to show us? Then send it in! We just might post it. And we even promise not to mock your efforts. Much.

Your Turn!

I've been letting your fan-made wreck-creations build up again in the inbox, guys, so let's get right to some of my favorite submissions from the past month or two:

First, the world-famous Carrot Jockeys continue in their quest for world domination:

From Katie B.

From Janet C.

From Teri B.

And here Julie K. commissioned the prettiest jockey cake EVER from High Tea Bakery:

A more adorable vegetable rodeo has never been had.

(Psst. Guys. You're going backwards.)


Steven B.'s special order made me laugh:

As did Cat T.'s bee-YOO-tiful 3D Fireman of "Good Luck in China" fame:

This next one is left over from the holidays, but I had to show you Aimee M.'s great Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake experiment:

She made it, appropriately enough, as the Feat of Strength for her Festivus celebration. I think two people had to keep eating it until one gagged. Or something. Heh.

On a happier - if still visually disturbing - note:

This, my friends, is a fan-made wreck-creation of one of my all time favorite engagement wrecks. It's also how Jen L.'s boyfriend proposed to her. All together now: Awwwww!


But wait - what's this? My wrecky senses are tingling... I feel like someone else is using the severed hand cake to propose. Who is it? WHO?

(Made by Cakes by Karen)

Mark H., you sly dog, you. Who could say no to a carrot jockey cupid?

Hopefully not you, Wendy Lu.

{UPDATE: Yes, she said yes!}

[sniff] My little wreckies are all growing up and getting married and stuff! [wiping tear] I'm just so...so proud. Love, sprinkles, and "congralatulatons" to you all. And be sure to send pics of the wedding cakes. [evil grin]


So, punk, you think your tribute Wreck is good enough? Huh? Then send it in, and let me be the judge of that.