Friday, July 29, 2011

Stack the Wreck

Friday, July 29, 2011

Helen Keller once said,

"The best way out is always through."


Which is fabulous advice pretty much any time you're not constructing a multi-tier wedding cake.

Cake Construction: You're Doing it Wrong.


Let's go in for a closer look, shall we?


Wow. You know, no matter how contrite the baker might have been, I have to say: those really are the tiers of a clown.

[Bah dum CHA]

Thank you. Thankyouverramuuuch.


Thanks also to Holly M. for putting the "holey" in "Holey wedding cake with big gaping holes in it, Batman!"
Jenniffer said...

OMG! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little! Of all the horrid things I have seen on this site, I cannot believe someone did this!!

Fluffy Cow said...

That's so sad. I don't even have the heart to say something mean or witty about it.

I'll just come back later and see everyone else's comments.

The Pink Drink Ladies said...

My head keeps tilting to the right.

Jackie

bassgirl said...

Tiers of a clown....youch.

It looks like it was made by a building trades person, who wanted to make sure that the columns went right down to the footings for a solid contruction. Wonder if it required a building permit to execute this design?

wv: smorrec Can't wait till Monday so we can see smorrec(s).

Classic Catering said...

Lol, I thought the saying went "a square peg in a round hole"!

~*Jess*~ said...

lol, then I guess I'm not seeing things when it looks like the holes were cut to insert the pillars in?

mel said...

wv sums it up today ---

wv-falti: (with apologies to the very funny British TV show) do I see some falti towers here...?

a toast to the bride and groom: may the tiers of your wedding day be replaced by the happiness of your new life....

Anonymous said...

So close...too bad they didn't camouflage the holes with fresh flowers. It would have been prettier.

cc

zoomom said...

Oh, how horrid! That would not have been easy though. Just further evidence that my husband is right when he says "You've got to be tough to be stupid."

Tara said...

I love your blog :)

RoseAnn said...

What I keep coming back to is...how is the second layer floating above the bottom layer? If the columns go straight through, what is the 2nd tier sitting on?

BADKarma! said...

Hey, at least those columns are stury enough to (mostly) fully support that rather heavy (and pricey - my mom collects this stuff) Lladro cake topper... (I'm trying REALLY, REALLY HARD to make lemonade here - did you notice?)

WV - physi: This cake defies several laws of physis...

Anonymous said...

Forget the cake, the bride topper's gown is pushing the groom off the cliff!
Too late to warn him. :(
mocking

Lady Anne said...

That cannot *possibly* have been made by a professional! I am a hobby-type cake decorator, and I'd have been ashamed to put that on the table! There are tapered columns designed to be pushed through a cake, but those aren't it! Square holes? Yeesh. At least camouflage the holes with flowers or icing ruffles - or something!

Stacey@StuffbyStace said...

Wow. At least chuck some flowers in there to hide it. :-/

Trevor said...

It boggles my mind that anyone, professional or hobbyist wouldn't at least try to hide the holes. But, when someone puts a round peg in a square hole, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Anonymous said...

omg seriously! cover the square holes! is this a budget cake? "um, sorry. your design didn't cover fresh flowers to cover the holes and we've used up all the icing allotted to your cake. we don't have any left to pipe any into those holes."

Lladro cake topper? yikes--hope that doesn't break! next time go with a stacked cake. that's what's in fashion lately anyway.

Maureen said...

Yeah, those gaping holes where the pillars are certainly are bad. But.... does anyone else notice the top tier has slid a little? It isn't centered on the pillars. AND --- the cake topper is way, WAY too big for the cake! I mean, come on! That topper belongs on a cake twice that size. Ug. Wreck on many different levels.

Anonymous said...

Seriously?? O_o

Cher said...

Must. Not. Get. Plastic. Pillars. Covered. In. Frosting.

SaraCVT said...

Originally I wasn't going to comment (that cake defies description) but when I saw my wv I just had to...

sommer: After seeing her cake, the bride thought maybe a sommer wedding HADN'T been a good idea, after all--like everything else, it was overly air-conditioned.

Craig said...

"Tiers of a clown." Perfect.

I've heard of cutting corners, but this is ridiculous.

Pointy-Haired Boss received the order from corporate, Wally came up with the design, Dilbert complained about it and Phil 'blessed' it before it was faxed to the factory in Elbonia.

Looks like one of those deals I have heard about where only the top tier is actual cake (the couple saves that for the 1st anniversary and eats sheet cake along with the guests) while the rest is actually rented. You get the same photo op, save some money and everyone is happy.

In this case, however, the only thing missing is a sash that says, "Fred's Rent-a-Cake".

Lil Z-Bear said...

I love your blog for the hilarity. But despite the atrocious renderings featured here, at the end of the day, all I want to do after reading your blog is eat cake. Lots and lots of cake.

Bin said...

Those gaping holes are distracting us from everything else (and I mean everything!) that is wrong with this cake.
It's barely decorated at all!
They thought they could get away with that with a big cake topper, but it's much too large for the cake.
And you can see lots of crumbs in the icing, which is not smooth.
Just really, really sad.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Um...but you're not supposed to...I mean unless you were trying to make it all one but, no, because...and then why square the holes...um...because...no...

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

*brain death*

Holly Williams said...

For all of you tilting your head going 'Huh??' See if you can figure out which piece(s) the baker forgot (or thought weren't necessary!)
http://www.globalsugarart.com/product.php?id=17662&name=Wilton%20Roman%20Column%20Tier%20Set%20Wilton

Holly W.

EvenSong said...

I don't think they cut holes on purpose--I think the pillars just tried to sink out of sight in shame.

racheld said...

Looks a lot like the first tiered cake I ever did, WAY many years ago. Except it was smooth, and the shells were even and I knew to put another coat over the crumb-coat and to put down the little plates for snapping the columns into.

Other than that---dead ringer.

PS Is that cake chocolate, or are those columns a foot and a half tall?

Naomi said...

You totally asked for this:

(Oh yeah yeah yeah)

If you see a hole in my cake
It's only there tryin' to hold a column
But it still can't hold the weight
This thing is uglier than Gollum
Please ignore my lumpy frosting
The scallop blobs are nothing
I know this looks bad
Cheesy and bad
The bride and the groom are so mad
Even the flower girl's sad

There's some bad wrecks you can bake
But this one takes the cake
The tiers of a clown
On a gold cardboard round
(Um hum oh yeah baby)


And now to draft a letter of apology to Smokey Robinson and every last one of the Miracles.

Sharyn said...

Please, please, please tell me this wasn't Keshia's wedding cake...

Barbara said...

That's just sad. Maybe it looks better if you're drunk. Nope there isn't enough booze in the world for that. The poor topper just makes you tilt your head. This would be a good cake for the couple that you just hate.

Kimberly said...

I truly believe those Lladro figurines are not meant to be cake toppers. I'm glad that our cake decorator was able to convince my mom that it was too heavy for the top of our cake, otherwise something similar may have happened.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just the angle the picture was taken from.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it was just the angle the cake was photographed from.

Anonymous said...

Or maybe it was the angle the cake was photographed from.

Let's see if it gets though this time.

No Cake Fo' You!! said...

OMG Naomi... I love it!!!!!

*humming to your version* yeah that cake is PRETTY BAD!!!!

VW those pillar *busta* hole in the cake....

wassamatta_u said...

I guess you just need to column as you see 'em.

Stephanie said...

And it's off-center to boot. Please tell me they got a refund...

Anonymous said...

@naomi I think I got your WV: sings

Anonymous said...

My first thought - a Lladro topper? That much weight is asking for trouble. And it's off center, maybe.

Second thought - Ah, the topper is nothing compared to the other structural problems here . . .
LittleRed1

WV:nesse. Even Nesse would be appalled at being asked to pay full price for this wreck.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. Did the cake lean over because of the cake topper's design?

Aliza said...

Tiers of joy, column as you see 'em, square peg, falti towers-- great lines, folks. This cake does rather beg for them!

OK, not everyone can afford a Sunday Sweets-calibre decorator, so I'm willing to overlook the highly imperfect icing and trim. After all it IS a chocolate cake; if it tastes good, dessert is saved and the photographer can focus on the happy couple and guests rather than the cake for the photo albums.

But for the way the supports were put in: obviously, that baker was previously an engineer. I recognize that logic: if they could bake, I'd suspect certain friends who once suggested cutting a hole in my living room ceiling to accommodate a too-happy houseplant!! (not being an engineer, I just pruned the plant & gave out cuttings)

Anonymous said...

Naomi's awesome! Of course, it'll take a song like Toni Basil's "Mickey" to get that out of my head now. :D

-Barbara Anne

Quizzy said...

Looks like the baker was more dense than the cake!

Haiku Joy said...

Well, if that's cake, it
comes at much too high a cost:
defying grav'ty.

Anonymous said...

LOL I would have just piped icing around the holes. :-)

Aicats said...

New bakery in town...guess who got their first tiered cake?

wv: autere, what the baker said, "au...? tere?"

dankim23 said...

Ok, there are columns that are MADE to go straight into the cake, not on a column/plate set. But this was NOT it! How awful that whoever did this just decided to stick the squares right on through and not even cover it up! It's just sad I tell you! Very, very sad!

Heather J. said...

I honestly didn't even notice the over-sized cake topper the first time I looked at the pictures. The off center holes were so distracting! I would love to hear why the baker did this!

Susan said...

Yup, Holly, I'd say there's at least one piece missing.....hence the square holes. Took me a minute to figure that out & when I saw your post, I knew I was right. *sigh* I just don't get it.

Also, LOVE the Tiers of a Clown words! Ah, well, like a hatchet, that song is now stuck in my head.....

Anonymous said...

What.

Anonymous said...

Tiers of a clown....

Best pun ever!

Arlene said...

Oh man what a horrid thing to do to someone's wedding cake. I hope they got the deposit back or something. Wow I can't even think of how or why a cake decorator could do this to someone's cake unless this was the first one they made? :( I can see a bridezilla going nuts on this one..and I would agree with her lol.

SusanB. said...

Nice Elvis impression, Jen!

Anonymous said...

Well how should something like this be done?

Naomi said...

Anonymous @ 11:18: "Well how should something like this be done?"

There are many different tiered cake construction techniques, each using a different set of tools to create different effects.

Some cakes are made with support pillars that have narrow bottoms, which are meant to push through the cake and rest on the plate beneath. Other pillars have wide bottoms, which are meant to rest on a plate without touching the cake (the plate can sit on the table or on top of the lower cake layer).

In this instance, the wreckerator used wide-bottomed columns as if they were narrow-bottomed columns. This put big square holes in the cake and made the whole thing lopsided.

So, to answer your question: use the right tools, have plenty of icing on hand, and if you are adding a cake topper, choose one that is the appropriate size and weight for the cake.

UTstatsgirl said...

I think the point was to save time by not having to clean the pillars...

Fun377 said...

Ouch. Who's NOT gonna see that?

Craig said...

I don't buy the punch-through theory. The edges of the holes are pushed up, as would be the case with someone using a knife or a saw. Punching with something left in place would result in edges pushed into the hole.

I also don't see any clear evidence of cake -- I think the lower tiers are hollow, made of either cardboard or drywall and 'frosted' with what looks like plaster of Paris. Only the top tier is real -- it is for the couple to enjoy on the first anniversary.

The square holes are meant to accommodate different column styles -- the wreckerator simply forgot to hide the holes with flowers, piping, bathtub caulk, grommets, duct tape, etc.

Daisy said...

I agree with the other posters about the Lladro figurine...I don't even think it was meant to be a cake topper; I've hefted a Lladro piece much smaller than that and it felt like a paper weight!

Many think that decorating with tiers is a piece of cake ('scuze the pun), but obviously a little bit of physics or maybe even an inkling of DIY common sense is necessary to pull something like this off...

Alexa said...

I'm just wondering what the mess of piping on the right side of the middle tier is. Was it perhaps to cover up the big hole the decorator left behind when she thrust the square columns through the cake while she was busy watching tv? And after they were done they looked at the cake and said "Oh crap, I'll just put this mound of icing on the side and put round columns instead of square columns. Maybe no one will notice."

OGLADI said...

wow. just wow.

Naomi said...

No one's mentioned this yet, but the file names for both pictures say "engagement" rather than "wedding."

The good news: an engagement party cake would be seen by fewer people and have less relevance to the big event than a wedding cake-- fewer hurt feelings, less chance of anyone getting sued.

The bad news: if it's not a wedding cake, odds are good that every last one of those tiers is made of real cake.

wv: satic - Only satic electricity is holding that top tier in place.

Anonymous said...

Okay, there is no excuse for this. Even as a kid I knew that you DON'T CUT HOLES in a cake for pillars like that.

I have to question the brain power of the baker here. Bad enough the overall decorating is poor and I've done BETTER than that as a kid.

Anonymous said...

I think the cake topper pushed the supports down thru the cake.

girlwiththemostcake said...

I'm just so confused..How could this happen? I've seen those invisible pillars, but you just push them right into the cake. You don't need to like, dig a hole...

Melody said...

I love the fact you had posted a wedding cake on July 29, since it's my anniversary! Hope the marriage is more on the level and with a few less um,holes, than the cake!

Arun said...

best cakewrecks pun of all time!

John said...

Wow!! Gorgeous wedding cakes. It's look fantastic design for who make this cakes.