Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Paper View

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Edible paper. Edible paper. EDIBLE PAPER!! Amaze your friends! Astound your coworkers! All you need is...EDIBLE PAPER!!!

(The following message is brought to you by the National Board of Edible Paper and Non-edible Babies.)

Hey there, baker! Lonely sheet cakes got ya down?

[defeated trombone slide]

No worries. Now you can turn this:

"Boo! That's so BORING and PHOTOLESS!"

...Into THIS!

"Wow! Is that paper? That you can EAT??"

Yes, it is! And now your bakery can make literally trillions of dollars with a little help from this fabulous product, known as...

EDIBLE PAPER!!!


With Edible Paper (and our conveniently included vehicle clip-art starter pack), you can...

Cut costs!

---What better, more cost effective way is there to celebrate a bride-to-be's journey than with...

...recreational vehicle clip-art?

With a few roses and a stick figure bride, this shower cake is ready to roll!

Save time!

---Why waste precious hours fumbling with piping bags when it takes only a second to hit "Print?"

And it's still just as meaningful.

It's EASY!

---No artistic talent? No problem!! Hearts are difficult to draw, but an edible hearse is just a keystroke away!

Death becomes it!

Yes, with Edible Paper, you are only limited by your Imagination*!

*Imagination clip-art packs sold separately.

Now, don't put away that "Eternal Rest" photo pack just yet; when a customer asks you to "just make it nice ," it's really your time to shine!

You can rest in peace knowing your customer is happy.

Do you love fried chicken? I mean, LOVE love it? But not so much that you want to eat anything that actually tastes like fried chicken? Then you're in luck!

It's finger lickin' great!

Edible Paper!
EDIBLE PAPER!
EDIBLE PAPER!!!

Edible Paper. Transforming your baby shower cakes from this...

Into this:

You're welcome.


Thanks to Susan H., Liana E., Nathan S., Dana H., Taryn, Kerry M., Adam D., Wendy M., Mollie B., who think these cakes look pretty tearable.
DarkPrincess said...

That sonogram cake looks like the big alien eating the little alien that pops out of its mouth.

J. said...

I don't know about all of you but I'm going to run out and invest in one of those edible paper companies right now! (Seriously, if "The Graduate" was being made those two words would be "edible paper." I hear there's a great future in it.)

barn said...

Wow. I've never seen a sonogram of the actual conception before. That's really getting ahead of the game!

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Is it bad that I read that post with the voice of "wacky wavy inflatable arm flailing tube man" in my head?

PeaceLoveandSharpies said...

That's probably how my friend got the Jonas Brothers on her birthday cake.

I was embarrassed to be at that party...

Anonymous said...

"Good luck" with a HEARSE??? I don't think they want that guy to fail, they want him to REALLY fail!

bassgirl said...

That fried chicken photo really made my morning. Stopped the munchies dead. Ugh.

wv: angste
These cakes generate a lot of angste.

Lindsay said...

Edible Paper on sale this sunday Sunday SUNDAY!!!

Queen Julian XIII said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I totally lost it at the casket cake. Now I have to figure out how to sneak one of those into my next sibling's birthday party...

Usagi said...

@barn I'm so glad I wasn't the only one to think that. I feel like (slightly) less of a perv now.

Colleen said...

I'm horrified that any of those decorators looked at those cakes and said, yup, that's good work!

I really hope my store doesn't start doing that. We don't have a photo transfer machine so I guess it's a given that we won't do the edible paper thing.

I bet it tastes nasty.

Gali said...

Every single time my faith in humanity dies a tiny bit. Someone at one point really thought these things were a good idea *shudders

Kimmie said...

Every time I think "nah, it can't get any worse than [insert odd cake], I'm SO, SO WRONG.

A casket? A hearse? A box of questionable chicken? What, they couldn't spring for the KFC at least?

I don't even have words for how very odd these are.

Captcha: monsta Only a blind monsta could think these cakes are ok!

May said...

@thesacredandtheprofane: yes! I was just about to make that comment myself!

It's the WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUUUUUBE MAN!

Three Turtles and Their Pet Librarian said...

I've been reading these for a long time, and that TV dinner cake is one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. The colors! The image of greasy fake chicken on frosting! I'm going to have to stop reading until this pregnancy is over...

Ah, but my WV is "readue" - I have to readue every day, regardless of the risks!

Donna said...

Yuck. I have enough fiber in my diet, thankyouverymuch.

elissa said...

The fried chicken cake made me gag. No way would I eat that. Yech!

elissa said...

Oh, and this post gives a whole new perspective on the phrase "gallows humor."

ania said...

I just sat here at my desk and said:

"Whah-whaaaah." (but - you know - imagine it all nasally)

Not the first time a Cake Wrecks post has caused a crack in my fraudulent mask of professional behaviour.

Sharyn in Superior said...

I'm going to order one that says "This page intentionally left blank."

Katherine S said...

Are we sure that is a human baby in the last cake!?

SuBee said...

I was just wishing Taryn good luck in her new job as a hearse driver when I got to the casket cake. I actually jerked back in my chair. I grew up in the funeral business (explains a lot) and I was disgusted by that cake.

Then I got to the sonogram and I was whatever you call one step beyond disgusted. @barn, saw what I saw, so I know it's not just me!

WV: godymiz: Godymiz the tastefully decorated cakes of my youth.

Maureen said...

ROTFL!!!!! Great narration, as always, to these awful, awful wreckies. THANK you!!

Anonymous said...

What on earth are people asking for???? D:

Anonymous said...

I can't help but point out there are SIX candles on the casket cake. Please tell me nobody would do that to a six year old...

Niki said...

I have been to kids birthday parties with edible paper photos on the cakes and they do taste terrible. I think it tastes like black pepper!

Anonymous said...

great commercial!

is Karla marrying the motorhome? where's the stick figure groom?

Felicia and Perry are getting hitched. To what? Each other? a trucking business? that nuclear green icing is really unappealing.

Taryn! good luck for WHAT? in the afterlife? as a funeral director? with her snazzy new budget used-hearse wheels?


Is Hampton turning 6? is he the son of a funeral director? WHY IS THERE AN OPEN CASKET ON HIS CAKE???

These cakes disturb me more than the gross ones. how creepy!

Now why do routine medical exams require cake? do people have ultrasound parties now? wait until you see 3D ultrasound cakes (and you thought edible babies were creepy)

The chicken cake makes me wonder...did the baker accidentally put their lunch package on the printer and decided not to waste the printout? who wants a cake with a package of chicken on it? seriously? who are these bakers/customers???

Anonymous said...

I wonder if you can eat edible paper right out of the package. And how many bakers tried that... (human impression of a goat)

Anonymous said...

Can one still buy um.. edible undies?
Oh the possibilities.
Sweet and what? Lewd?
Mocking

kayk said...

The Banquet cake amuses me -- clearly it's for someone who LOVES fried chicken. I appreciate how the baker tried to match the box colors with the frosting and "happy birthday" script.

Krickette said...

One of the MANY reasons I HATE the guy from Cake Boss: He's obsessed with edible paper! He used it on a cake for OPRAH! Good grief.
Also his cakes are hideous compared to the ones posted here every Sunday.

Libby said...

I'm in love with the casket cake (and i wouldn't put it past my family to give it to me, either)... but an edible sonagram? 0.o ((whimpers))

Remember, wreckers: just because something is possible, that does not mean you need to try it!

Tricia L said...

These cakes need sprinkles.

Becky said...

I'm trying to think of a situation in which somebody would actually want a coffin on a birthday cake.

Nope, can't think of one.

Suzanne said...

The voice in my head while reading this post was the same guy in the Monster Truck Rally commercials.

And regarding the fried chicken cake, I'm sure the customer asked them to make a cake that looks "just like fried chicken - like on Ace of Cakes ya know?"

wv "remoub" It's going to take some effort to remoub that last cake from my mind.

LolaKatz said...

I think the time has come to blame the consumer. Some customers actually asked for these and now we must be subjected to them.
It's a sad state of affairs we have found ourselves in.

sigh.

KiriD said...

I am very glad to know that I am not the only one who saw what I was not supposed to see in the Sonogram Cake. That Sonogram tech must be Kinky!

wv: I can't believe that Sonogram tech was trying to take an image of the sparms before the conception.

ladycrim said...

I hope the "Good Luck" cake is for a budding mortician ... but I doubt it.

WV: "drotten". No further explanation neeeded.

Craig said...

#1 (following examples b & a): Is Karla 5? Is the happy couple going to live in the RV? Now refusing to follow that line of inquiry...

#2 Felicia and Perry could be truckers, I suppose -- there are quite a few couples doing that.

#3 Please tell me Taryn just entered the funeral business. Though I scarcely think 'good luck' is needed -- that's one line of work where a shortage of business is not a problem. 'Death becomes it', indeed.

#4 Hampton the Hampster, perchance? No, I am NOT implying anything sinister happened to that most unlikely of media stars, just playing off the name. We good?

#5 Mmm. Red frosting. Now that's good eats.

#6a is a classic literal. So, it would seem, is 6b. So...Got any more Passover cakes, Jen?

Jen said...

WHAT??? WTF is with the hurse and the casket?? I don't even understand how someone would make that mistake!

bassgirl said...

OK, gotta comment on the clever title. "Paper view", I believe, is a take-off on pay-per-view...

Very subtle, maybe too much so, but I liked it!

wv: inife There are an inife number of ways to wreck a cake!

Amy'sMom said...

Is edible paper leavened?

Zoe said...

In the past, I never understood the comments people made about spitting coffee/breakfast on their computer screen/keyboard/cat when seized with a paroxysm of laughter.

Until today. The edible sonogram made me lose it.
\\\\\
*****
/////
*****
There - my screen looks clearer now!

tiny purple elephant said...

"I WANT SPRINKLES"

Laura P. said...

Too hilarious! You could go into business writing infomercials! Gotta wonder what kind of logic the wreckerators were using to combine some of those pictures and captions.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

@barn, Usagi, KiriD et al
I totally did not see what you saw until you mentioned it. Now I can see nothing else. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Although I would add that if that is the case, I think the patient has a severe case of vagina dentata.

I hope this makes it past the censors. (hi John, Jen, & #1!)

BADKarma! said...

In defense of edible paper, um... I forgot what I was going to say...

WV: (I kid you not, here, this really IS my WV) Ingests - if someone ingests enough edible paper, will he need toilet paper?

Anonymous said...

I know everyone else saw, uh, uhm, the moment of conception in the sonogram. But really, it looks like a raging eagle attacking Voldemort.
Don't know if that's more or less disturbing.

The Freewaydiva said...

For future reference:

http://www.sadtrombone.com

;)

Kimberly said...

Like Strawberry?

how about RAWBERRY?????

Edible paper will make you run like a Kenyan.

You'll have SEVEN HUNDRED BABIES.

Sue ZQ said...

maybe Karla and the future Mr. Karla are going to be living in a mobile home?

But the coffin cake? Happy Birthday? and 6 candles" trying to put those 3 together...wow, it either has to be a joke for a milestone birthday (30, 40...). If not, the other possibilities make me worry for our society.

wv: guess (no, seriously, it IS). sums up cake wrecks and their wreckerators perfectly

Becky Rice said...

Edibile paper? Ew. Just ew.

Jon and Angela said...

Even big-time cake decorating companies like Wilton are getting in on the "edible paper" trend. Check out their newest product--the Punch, Cut, Decorate! http://www.wilton.com/pcd/
All I can say is TACKY!!! I thought Wilton was supposed to help people decorate cakes, not scrapbook on a cake. Yuck!

jazkat11 said...

My Daughter Taryn is going to lve that hearse cake !!!

Anonymous said...

all I can think is with friends and family who think up these cakes who need enemies?

pikkewyntjie said...

The only thing worse that random clip art on a cake is an actual photo of a person, especially a child. The first time I ever saw a photo cake was at a child's birthday party and they were getting close to cutting into her face. I was horrified.

And let me join in wishing Taryn the best of luck in the afterlife! If ancient Egyptians had hearses and edible paper, cakes like that would be found in tombs of pharaohs!

Anonymous said...

I am an artist and I am thrilled with this new medium. I cannot wait to explore its tenacity and abundance!

ShellMG said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

The "Good Luck Taryn" cake has me in awe.

My daughter's name is Taryn. And she's graduating high school next month!

Think she'd let me put a hearse on her grad cake? ;-)

-signed, ShellMG
aka "Taryn's Evil Mother"

OFB said...

Poor Hampton. Six years old and he's got a casket on his cake.

My all-time fave is the cake in the first picture with the rainbow image where you can see the paper peeling up at the corners. Now THAT'S class! Or not. You decide.

Bethie said...

Taryn going to hearse driving school? If Taryn doesn't have good luck at they will be the only one hurt in the car

LittleAsianGirl BigAppetite said...

that banquet cake is so funny hahah

Anonymous said...

Maybe little Hampton likes horses and the wreckerator couldn't read the writing?

Laura said...

Okay, the one with the hearse on it--what exactly are they wishing Taryn good luck in? Her death? (In which case, that is so not cool--she can't even enjoy the death cake.) Maybe she's starting a new career as a hearse driver or funeral director? Hmm...

Pauline said...

I think this might be the first post without any spelling mistakes (on the cakes, I mean)

Daephene said...

Maybe it's the sixth birthday of Hampton Funeral Home? Anniversary would make more sense, but a casket on a person's birthday cake doesn't make any sense anyway.

Kristers said...

Am I the only one thinking about Michael Keaton's character in "Night Shift"?

Ley Firewalker said...

*blinks* Okaaaayyy. This is sad. Sadder then usual, I mean. ;P

miriam's cakes and treats said...

me, personally, I dont think the edible sugar sheets are so hideous, all depends in how you use them. (made a "stack of hundred dollar bills" cake using an enlarged picture of a bill on a sugar sheet) It's how you overuse or abuse the medium that makes it hideous. Ive seen some horribly tacky things done with gum paste and fondant, and I personally hate the overly sweet playdough taste of fondant, doesn't mean that I think no one should use it.

Little Luxuries said...

I really want to know the story behind Taryn's cake.

Anonymous said...

@ Sue ZQ et al, I would think it's MORE cruel and tactless to put a coffin on a 60 year old's birthday cake than a 6 year old's because the 60 year old is a lot closer to the coffin.

Jennifer said...

You should hire this guy to do the commercial:
http://youtu.be/YtespeLin2c
I seriously don't understand why more people aren't making use of edible paper in their everyday lives... Just think: Students printing their school projects on it could leave it around for their pets and then truly say "the dog ate my homework". Easy peasy!

Meghan said...

As a cake decorator for a grocery store that uses an edible image machine, it's not as easy as print most of the time. The edible ink gets clogged and it can literally take an hour to finally print a good edible image of the customers cat. LOL!!

Stefan said...

I guess the pictures on these cakes are exactly what the customers wanted to have printed on there. What else are the bakers supposed to do?

Ellen said...

Paper view -- heheheh.

I can't help myself -- I have "everything's a song cue" syndrome.

To the tune of Paper Moon:


Oh, it’s only a paper top
That’s stuck over a big sheet cake.
But it’s something that Sandra Lee
Would really love to make!

Oh, it’s only a casket pic,
Why would that make a person stare?
And I wonder if Karla plans
To marry Yogi Bear!

Without much taste,
Must be seen to be believed -
An ultra sound
That looks much like the act when the kid was conceived!

It’s a Hewlett and Packard cake,
Just as inky as Brenda Starr.
Hope that eating it won’t earn me
A ride in Taryn’s car!

Anonymous said...

oh, sweet honey mustard!! we go from cakes shaped and decorated like babies to actual fetus photos??

"yes, honey, we were so excited you were going to be born that we ATE you in effigy."

(horrified crying)

-Barbara Anne

Kimberly Chapman said...

I saw an awesome South Park cake at a show once and was astounded by the intricate and exact detail of the characters until I looked closer and could detect the printer lines. I was then utterly disappointed. It felt like cheating, especially in a competition. I don't begrudge businesses edible images or Cricut stuff because it's fast and sells, but in a competition I find both highly off-putting.

Arlene said...

I must admit I am guilty of buying a cake that had an edible Star Wars design on it lol. It was pretty good..if you pretend the paper is just thick frosting. That sonogram cake would make me run screaming from the room.. cause who would want to eat a picture of their baby lol.

Jacinda Green said...

Oh goodness! The ultrasound cake looks like a hot mess. The one with the truck is kind of ridiculous too. Oh and the one with the chicken on it....wow!

flying gargoyle said...

I'm speechless. Just...speechless. Were *any* of these cakes requested with those printed images? (and you're not the only one hearing "wacky, waving, inflatable arm, flailing tube man!" when you read this, thesacredandtheprofane!)

sarah said...

bad taste from birth to grave

wv: ellytoi...yes, I'll eat...OY!

unfortunately there was an error

wv: exter...I'll be exter careful this time

Jeanette said...

I totally read that post with the Power thirst guy's voice yelling at me...

SaraV said...

Reading the narration, all I could think of was the movie "UHF". Spatula City...SPATULA CITY! Where we sell spatulas...and that's all! Guess it's appropriate for a blog about cakes...

Anonymous said...

Ellen, you are simply awesome.

tips hat

-Barbara Anne

Ellen said...

@Barbara Anne:

Thanks! :::curtsies:::

I will never be as funny as the Cake Wrecks crew, but I have my moments!

Sheryl said...

I laughed so hard that snot came out of my nose. Wow. I love this blog.

Greenwick Press said...

I would be the type to asks for a Banquet fried chicken cake. Awesome!

I wonder if you have thought about doing a Sunday Sweets of edible paper? There have to be some people that know how to do it right.

Adriana said...

Ugh, my family freaking loves these cakes. Eww

Gaby said...

edible paper.. but is the ink edible? really?

Anonymous said...

You get what you pay for. All of those cakes were probably under 20 dollars. Furthermore, it's not the decorators fault that customers order picture cakes. For instance? The one with the Semi? I have no doubt in my mind the person who took that picture picked the design out of a book, and they got what they ordered! After saying that.. a lot of these are just ugly! That is the decorators fault, lol.