Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Move Over, Hallmark

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tired of the same ol' "Happy Birthday"s, "Congraderaultions", and "I Want Sprinkles?" Then consider these inspiring sentiments the next time you order a cake.

Perfect for the neighbor kid's party!

Assuming you're moving soon, of course.


Here's a solid, any-occasion choice:

Although it's especially effective when dropped off anonymously in the office break room.



For when the get-well and sympathy cards just seem too namby-pamby.



I'd tell you what Hipster Cake does, but it's a really obscure activity. You've probably never heard of it.


Because you can never be too specific.


I think I speak for Amy & Claudia when I say: that had better be chocolate.


There's this new "budget-friendly" home insurance plan around: It doesn't actually cover any losses, but you do get this nice cookie cake:

If only all bad news were delivered via cake. Can you imagine?

"He's breaking up with me?? Why that lousy, rotten, om nom nom ooh, hey! Raspberry filling!"


Thanks to Anony M., Kris K., Lauren M., Dawn M., Gal N., Amy D., & Melissa K., who might go back to cards after this.
Muria said...

Can't really imagine ordering any of those exact cakes, but that PMS cake looks delicious!

Libby said...

I want a video of that emo cake cutting itself. The cake is a lie!

J. said...

ROTFL. Love, love, love this post. (I am still wiping the tears from my eyes.) I cannot believe those cakes are for real. That said, I so need to add the PMS cake to my list of ways to embarrass your pre-teen or teenage daughter. Awesome. :-)

Erin said...

What are those weird looking yellow 'Yoda-esque' floating heads on the pregnancy cake?

Anne-with-an-e said...

The "Sorry about the herpes" cake has really gotten around, like it's gone viral or something...
*runs and ducks*

Jennifer Alexandra said...

I believe the yellow Yodas are bees.

marineof2 said...

No wonder the teen got pregnant! They told them about the bees and flowers instead of the birds and the bees! ;)

Alison in Texas said...

Ha ha! What the hipster cake does is too obscure! Hilarious! I nearly spit my coffee on the computer.

Does the pregnancy cake say Congratulations on your Teen Pregnancy? Wow. I blame MTV.

flying gargoyle said...

"Emo cake cuts itself" is my new life mantra.

And is that "Sorry you got robbed" note on a cookie? If so, oh, the irony that they don't get a real cake!

Mel said...

You know, a break up cake makes an awesome substitute for a voodoo doll! Um, not saying that I know that for a fact or anything...

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL, yes, it would be nice when "life happens" you get a cake to make it all better. Nom nom nom...

I don't know which is worse...having the words PMS or menarche?

wv: brall: Amy & Claudia are going to brall to see who gets that chocolate cake! Then afterwards, they can blame it on PMS!

Jenniffer said...

"Emo Cake Cuts Itself" is just begging to be made into a T-Shirt! As always, you start my day off with a hearty laugh!

Shannon said...

Welcome to PMS cake is hysterical. I hope they have a therapy fund set up for Amy & Claudia! LOL

Anonymous said...

WHAT does the third one say????? As for the rest-how embaressing O_o

Donna said...

Kinda makes me want to put a "Herpes" cake in my company's break room....

Sif said...

Anne-with-an-e: Your comments on the herpes cake made me laugh harder than the actual cake.

Rachel said...

These cakes spark some excellent philosophical debate. Is it really a wreck if you get exactly what you ask for?

Momcat said...

WV lotsidu: I gots lotsidu today but I can't stop lookin' at these cakes!

S + J =B, D & P said...

its not very pretty but i think i really love the big girl pants cake- and i may use it someday!

Blake said...

Oh come on...I am so tempted to order a cake that says "Sorry about the herpes" and leave it on my neighbor's doorstep.

Anonymous said...

Emo cake is to mainstream he should try cutting other people

Anonymous said...

I thought the "sorry you got robbed" one was a sponge. Does not look edible. My fave is the PMS cake. If only I had daughters....

Andrea

Steve the Pocket said...

Once again I am reminded of that Dairy Queen commercial where the narrator says "What if we made cakes for all occasions?" and it shows Dairy Queen ice cream cakes with stuff like "Parole Denied" written on them.

Promise said...

The emo cake made me laugh!

Winona said...

I see nothing wrong with the "put on your big girl pants" one - I say that all the time to my chorus, lol!!

Mary said...

Emo cake cuts itself....ahahah that's brilliant.

JW said...

Emo cake is awesome.

mel said...

I think those are sperm on the "sorry you were robbed" cake, which means it was probably given to someone who's trying to get pregnant but hasn't so far...or maybe I've just been reading this blog too long...(as if that could ever happen!)

wv - litto: a very small slice of cake, as in "Just a litto one for me."

BADKarma! said...

In the circles I run with, "Emo Cake" would be a big hit, actually... Hmm... I wonder what that says about us... O_o

ANYhoo...

WV - decim: A mounting body of evidence proves it's possible for a creative wreckerator to decim-ate ANY OCCASION. ANY. OCCASION.

J. R. W. said...

I'm surprised no one's noticed the eyebrows on the Teen Pregnancy Cake bees. Like mine at the moment, they're raised... probably judgementally.

Yes, judgemental bees. I did just go there.

Le Merveilleux Chef said...

The PMS cake was supposed to say 'Welcome to PM's" for a friend of mine who just started working the evening shift at her hospital. She posted it to Facebook and I told her she should submit it here, soooo funny and I'm glad to see it made it to a post :D

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I just don't get the "Emo" cake. Would someone please explain?

The Writing Goddess said...

How can you possibly put on your big girl pants if you're wearing those big blue boxing gloves?

That "robbed" cookie thing looks like it's made out of Playdough, which, if my preschool memories don't fail me, tastes disgusting.

WV: ameneste - All wreckerators from today's post should hope there's a bakers' ameneste day declared soon.

Lindz said...

This post reminds me of the Sex & the City episode where Miranda eats the entire cookie cake all at once so she won't see the "I Love You" message staring at her anymore.

Angel said...

Emo is a term used for people, usually teens, who listen to a certain type of rock music, dress a certain way, etc. They are usually "emo"tional and whine about how terrible everything is, even when wearing a $60 pair of jeans that mommy paid for. It's not untypical for an emo kid to cut oneself. It's just part of the "appeal."

Sadie said...

The "Sorry about the Herpes" cake is a reference to a Spongebob episode, believe it or not.

We got one that said that for my pastor on his birthday last year. He thought it was hilarious but we had a hard time explaining to all the church members why we couldn't share haha.

Pantone Swatches said...

This shouldn't be funny at all, but I laughed at every single one. I think my favorite is the Emo-Cake. How would you explain this to a baker and what were the bakers thinking making these cakes?

missoularedhead said...

My teenaged daughter's birthday celebration is this weekend, and I'm thinking about that emo cake…too much?

Becky said...

I <3 the Emo cake!

Jen said...

Bahahahaha! The emo cake is hilarious!

Mama Bat said...

I really love that "Emo" cake. That made my little goth heart bleed happy for a second....
=P

Evalis said...

Maybe it was conditioning from the first cake, but i'm reading the third one as "Pat on your big girl parts"

Jerry said...

I want to believe "almost legal" was made for a law student. I REALLY want to believe this.

These are some amazing cakes. Shows you can say anything with cake.
But I have to ask what the frick are those blue blobs on the big girl pants cake? Malformed big girl pants?

Mandybear said...

I hate the emo one. Self injury is symptomatic of serious mental illness and I hate that it's now an Internet meme on a cake. Imagine how hard it is for teens and young adults who have the serious compulsion to cut their skin, break their bones, and burn themselves to get help when everyone thinks it's just an emo thing or a cry for attention. /rant

I do love the rest of them, especially the herpes cake :)

Anonymous said...

I actually thought the PMS one was pretty funny...I would have much preferred cake over "The Talk." And I find the bees (aka yellow Slimers)on the teen pregnancy cake surprisingly disturbing for some reason...

Micalah said...

That sun, flowers and bees cake is from Costco!
Yuck!

Chantelle said...

Anne-with-an-e, you crack me up!

Pandora said...

Made my day, especially the hipster line..

WV: Those brownies can hempa any problem.

Anna B. said...

I've made a "sorry about the herpes" cake. It was from one frat boy to another. But the "hipster cake" reminds me of the best cake I've ever had to do (at the same job): "The shrubbery unnamed me."

Anonymous said...

The "cutter" cake was in INCREDIBLY poor taste. For people like me, that's like seeing a joke "cancer" cake.

MissNay said...

Holy crap I wish I had the congratulations on your teen pregnancy cake. My cousin is 17, pregnant with her second and neither children have an identified father out of the pool of contendors.

wv:enbrays
when you enbrays a man, be ready for the consequences

Ruth Elida said...

Are they serious? Do they just do those cakes to be on Cake Wrecks?

Aviatrix said...

Like Jerry, I want to recast a cake so it makes sense. I think the "teen pregnancy one" is for a young lady who met a suitable life partner, got married, or at least settled in a stable domestic arrangement right out of highschool and is now expecting the planned birth of her first child.

Or maybe it's congratualting the Duggars on the conception of one of their last seven children.

Kc said...

Haha oh that's awesome. I love the WMO cake and the almost legal one, nice touch!!

Kc

http://a-sparkley-silver-lining.blogspot.com/

Karate Los Angeles said...

These are so inappropriate and yet so funny. The "Emo" cake is by far my favorite, but the Herpes cake comes in a close second. After all, how would you feel if you got a cake like that?

Ryan Egesdahl said...

Wait a minute...did a decorator actually spell "congratulations" correctly? Do my eyes deceive me? It *can* be done!

andygirl said...

emo cake gave me a big guffaw and then I scared my cats. hilarious! I'd buy that cake.

Robyn said...

I think the sun on the teen pregnancy cake is really kind of cute!

Casi Bludorn said...

Believe it or not, I delivered a break up on a cookie cake once. It said "We are breaking up." The lady laughed at me when I ordered it. The boy, well he just said "I don't like cookie cake." ugh.. he had it coming.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha cracked me up! especially the PMS cake...

btw to people whining about it:
I used to be Emo
I DO cut myself (kid's don't do it at home)
I DO have problems with people who has problems with it.

...but I found the Emo cake H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S
come on ppl! there's something called HUMOR, you should try it some time, or go read another blog.
With Luv,
Anniie
P.S. Jen, you are my hero xD

Anonymous said...

Now I'm thinking of getting a "Put on your big girl pants" for my recently potty trained daughter and niece! These were awesome!

Arlene said...

Lol I thought that flowery cake said congrats on your jean pregnancy. I love how a cake can express fake flowery happiness over it while trying to make it seem like they are happy for them.. way to go wreckerators. I would so be all over that PMS cake seeing as mine wont go away.. eternal pms.. needs cake lol.

Anonymous said...

Not that I've actually done this but you should be aware that it IS possible to make icing out of ExLax so always avoid chocolate frosted break-up cakes!

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the 'Almost Legal' cake is in reference to gay marriage? That would make sense, with the rainbow and all.

Kristen said...

Oh wow these were hilarious! I think I like the emo cake the best, I was laughing so hard at that one. My jaw also dropped at the teen pregnancy one...I can't believe these were actually ordered.

Anonymous said...

To the ex-emo who found the cutting cake funny: there are those of us who don't find mocking of our illness funny. I'm 35, I've never been emo, but I have schotzoaffective disorder. It's a very serious problem where I hear voices that tell me to cut and break the bones in my hands and arms. Being associated with emos and people that do it to be part of a counter culture makes me want to throw up.

Tart said...

Good thing most people can laugh at life and it's hardships and quirks rather than moan and complain!

Love them!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm shocked at the EMO cake. Self-injury is a serious mental disorder. If someone you loved was a cutter (and not EMO) it would break your heart to see something so serious and troubling made light of.

Allison said...

OMG the emo cake is awesome. So is the hipster comment. And the PMS cake. Okay, it's all awesome. Always.

Momcat said...

I felt it coming..."EMCOT"

Lidi Di said...

Is it me or is that last cake robbed of frosting?!

Anonymous said...

When she was a child, a friend once went to a birthday party where the birthday cake had a doll head, far larger than any of these clown heads, just sticking up out of the top of it.

It was no professional cake, but suddenly finding that photo in an old album had us wiping our eyes with laughter.

Anonymous said...

The emo cake is not even funny. My best friend is a cutter, and is a very sad situation. I'm am just appalled. Not okay at all.

Anonymous said...

I think the "Almost legal" cake refers to same-sex marriage. Any other interpretation would be just creepy.

wv: plingshi: the sound made by a plastic flotsam piece being flicked off the top of your cake slice and richocheting off the wall

Vikki said...

I wonder if the PMS cake is from Schuberts Bakery in San Francisco. It looks like a Schuberts cake.

If it was, it must have been delicious. At my old job we bought our staff birthday cakes from there all the time.

www.schuberts-bakery.com

Theodore said...

After that last one, I wept for the future of a world with such morons in it (either the idiots who can't read a cake form, or the idiots who can't fill one out right, which ever it is..... I pray for the latter) After this one, the tears are of laughter.

therobotmommy said...

The emo cake makes me sad. Get it?!? Sad!! Hahaha. I slay myself.

Bhakti said...

LOL! That PMS cake gave me a great idea: I think I will call my local bakery and create a standing order for a small chocolate cake to be delivered to my house on a monthly basis!! Haha!

Miranda said...

Love the Emo cake. I want one.
It'll be my birthday cake this year.