Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Like a Boss

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Employee Appreciation Day is coming up this Friday, so I'd like to take a moment to talk to all the bosses out there.


You heard me, peons; we need to discuss how to make you feel appreciated, so scram. Go on.


Are they gone? Just the employers here? Good.


Ok, guys here's the deal: we all know the BEST way to make people feel appreciated is to pay them well, provide excellent benefits, and allow them plenty of time off to spend with their families.

But, luckily for you, cake works just as well.


In fact, I've got some great ideas to improve your company's morale year-round, and all within the budget-friendly confines of your local bakery. Check it out:


1) Cake Memos

What are cake memos? Exactly what they sound like:

Thumbs up for less e-mail!


Even better? Interactive memos:

Just provide each employee with their own colored tube of icing, and watch the communication efficiency improve!



2) Cake Compliments

Single your people out from time to time with a spontaneous compliment. If you can't think of one, just copy a line from the "strengths" column of their last performance review:

[insert lack of "profigency" in spelling joke here]

And don't worry; if you screw it up we both know your intern will just get blamed.


3) Cake Jokes

As with the home, the workplace can sometimes experience disagreements and strife. At times like these, it's helpful to remember that nothing diffuses a tense contract or labor union dispute quite like a little humor:

After you all share a big laugh, no one will mind having their share deducted from their paycheck!



4) Cake Sympathy

Though they may say otherwise, sometimes your employees don't want you to fix their problem; they just want your validation and sympathy.

And just like that, it's alllll better.


5) Cake Kicks to the Curb

And finally, when one of your work family moves on to another company, always be sure to part ways with good grace and affection:

And also maybe a security escort.


Thanks to today's workers Allison O., Sala C., Brittany K., Gary W., Matt I., Bethany H., Jennifer P., & Beth H., who all have profigency in wreckporting.
Trevor said...

I did a literal LOL when I saw the "Sorry your client is a Sociopath" one. OMG. That's awesome!

Tricia L said...

Is it wrong that I soooooo want the sociopath cake?

laughingmom said...

It looks like the client may be an arsonist as well as a sociopath???

Allison said...

I caught the Wisconsin reference in there! On Wisconsin! :)

I wonder if my boss purposely scheduled inventory the day after employee appreciation...

Colleen said...

Love them! Especially the Sociopath one. I just wish it said customer instead of client...then I would have to post it at work.

Thanks for the great cakes! They make me laugh every day and I love going to work, as a cake decorator no less, with a smile on my face.

cyberrbluefoods.wordpress.com

elissa said...

Personally, I'd love to find the "Meeting has been canceled" cake waiting for me in a conference room. What a fabulous idea!

WV: ingeness. These ideas are ingeness ways to boost morale!

Mary Connealy said...

And now my work day officially starts with laughter.

I actually sort of like the sociopath cake. Sometimes nothing is going to help, so there might as well be a sympthetic acknowledgement...and cake.

Gween said...

This post couldn't have landed at a more perfect time. Our bosses decided to celebrate early by letting us all know that our wages will be cut by 5%, effective immediately.
Wasn't that nice of them?

They could have at least put that on a cake to soften the blow.

Anonymous said...

The cakes look yummy-and the messages made me LOLOL

Anonymous said...

Loved the first and last ones--the attitudes contrast nicely with the pretty writing/decorating.

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

I had to stop at the 3rd one. The look of that one is very disturbing. The way the color bled on the surface makes it look furry. It is soo aweful!

And I thought the sociopath cake (with fire?) was great, until I saw that last one. OMG!! I've worked with some who've deserved THAT one!!! It's my fav.

BADKarma! said...

Tricia - if it's wrong, then I don't want to be right either! I, too, want the "sociopath" cake!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Oh those are too funny!

The "effin'" cake actually looks nice! The "effin'" flowers and the "effin'" letters are piped really good!

I don't think a sugar-coma is going to help someone to remember to fill out their time sheet.

So, because the meeting is cancelled, we're supposed to feel warm and "fuzzy" about it? Ewww, runny icing!

I don't know if it's sad or funny to know that we all relate with the "sociopath" cake!

A cake just to know someone's extension? Overworked & Underpaid Day (which is every day!)? Really? I wanna work there! Cake for any silly occasion! I'm all for that!

Well if you're going to *miss* the 3 hour lunches, why are you letting them go and calling them a jerk?

wv: nocerman: Boss says "Are you playing around on the internet again?" You say "Nocerman!"

Classic Steve said...

I'm surprised that none of the three entries linked at the bottom includes "Here is your f****** cake!" Did you forget it?

Does anyone else see severed digits in the sociopath cake?

Anonymous said...

The sociopath cake would barely get a glance at my office - I work in a mental health clinic.

Normie

Goosey said...

Mmmmmm, sociopath chocolate . . .

Amanda D Allen said...

Is there a foot in the fire of that sociopath cake?!?! I'd hate to have that client too.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

@ Classic Steve- yes, I was wondering if those were fingers stuck in amongst the flaming red and orange whatever-they-weres. I was perusing the comments to see if anyone else saw them. Your post makes me feel like less of a sociopath for noticing. Or at least knowing there's others like me out there.

Anonymous said...

On today's headache, I read "profligacy" rather than "proficiency". It was waaaaaay off, but it was funny.

drgns4vr said...

Apparently icing covers hostility pretty well. Anger management with cake!

Anonymous said...

I love the "effin" cake! I must have one. And it is decorated so well and all the words are spelled correctly!

Yes, sociopath cake has what appears to me to be a foot in the fire. *shudders*

I think the giant "Jerk" cookie is radioactive....

I would love to work for a company that gave cake memos...except, without the edible photos, please!

Andrea

Kirsten said...

"Like a Boss" Bwahahahaha! Love it! (Also want that sociopath cake in a bad way. May have to wreckreate it!)

Daisy said...

Except for Cake #5, I'd say today's wrecks have been pretty remarkable for their nice penmanship and spelling! I'm feeling hopeful all of a sudden...

Megan said...

My coworker just told me that she's going to get me the sociopath client cake. Why? Because I really have clients that are sociopaths. Best Cake EVER! :) Thanks for making all the secretaries in our office laugh out loud! :)

Anonymous said...

I sincerely hope the first cake is an inside joke! Someone who has been pestering their friends for a cake--and so they finally gave in. It is very beautifully done!

Is the picture on the second cake of the person "sending" the reminder, or of the one person who never remembers to fill out his time sheet? If so, that's a creative, passive aggressive way to get the point across...

Apparently the meeting has been cancelled for a while...they had enough time to order a cake, and for the icing to sit and bleed all over it.

I guess if your client is a sociopath, then a gift of chocolate is a good thing to help you cope. The "decoration" on the side is interesting--is that a foot standing in what looks to be a campfire? Maybe arson is this person's pathology...

kayk said...

@Loo-E-Loo-I -- I think it means they'll "miss," sarcastically, the Jerk's being out for three hours midday, while the rest of the staff presumably picks up the slack.

I think a workplace with these cake memos would be a decent place to work.

wv: micat. Sometimes CakeWrecks makes me laugh micat right off my lap!

Jennifer Armintrout said...

I love passive-aggressive cakes sooooo much.

NiteNurse said...

I called my boss after I got home this a.m. to suggest her first visit to CW today. Hopefully, she'll get a laugh rather than think I'm being passive aggressive!
I too LOVE the Sociopath Cake and did notice the severed digits. I would have to change the identifier to "patient"("pt." In our world) but doubt I could get away with it even at night; someone would tattle.
Too bad I can't (very) occasionally do a cake that says: Sorry your pt.'s baby will need therapy!

"Just kidding, Boss."

Dawn said...

Profigency in accouting?? Hope their math skills for ACCOUNTING is better than their spelling skills.

judy said...

Decorators rarely get to see frosting color bleed into the whipped topping or ice cream on a cake they've made (or they're paid so little that they don't care), so few of them learn the trick to keeping that from happening:
Pipe your lettering first with white buttercream icing with a slightly larger tip size, and then go over top it with your color buttercream icing in a smaller tip size (this gives it nice dimension too). You can even pipe a thin layer of white buttercream using a flat or leaf tip over the area onto which you're putting color buttercream decorations like flowers to keep the color from bleeding into the whipped topping.

jbreckenridge3 said...

The "Cake Joke" one looks to be a Carvel ice cream cake. Yum!

sunlizzard said...

Did that first one go to @MayorEmanuel's staff??? Hee!

Shalen said...

Judging by the above comments, mental health professionals ready Cake Wrecks! I suggest a new line of cakes saying "Sorry your client is bipolar," "Sorry your client is paranoid psychotic," "Sorry your client is shizophrenic," etc.

Stephanie said...

I'm sure there's a story behind each of these cakes, but I'm not sure I want to know what they are...

Joe said...

These are too funny especially as I'm looking at them while sitting in my cubicle at the office. Yes I agree those do look like fingers coming out from the "flames" on the sociopath cake but when you do a close up on it there's also a white foot sitting on top of the flames. Very fitting.

I especially love that they not only spelled proficiency wrong but they spelled accounting wrong as well. A perfect example of why most people think that they are smarter than their bosses.

Marie said...

I'd love to give the Sociopath one to my sister, who is a real estate agent.

Dorci said...

Passive aggressiveness at its tastiest.

Micalah said...

This is so true! Thanks for a good laugh! Love these cakes!

Lady Mama said...

Those are awesome!

Star B said...

I forsee a whole lot of "Sorry your client is a Sociopath" for Lawyer's Day.
I'm assuming there is a "Lawyer's Day". They have one for everything else.
Then the variants on the theme:
"Sorry your customers are all sociopaths", "Sorry your patients are all hypochonriacs", "I'm sorry your students are all juvenille delinquents".....
the possibilities are endless!

HannaSolo said...

What about a "You're Fired" cake? Someday, when I'm the boss, that's how I'll do all my firing. Nothing softens the blow like a cake.

Jacko said...

I'm pretty sure the "fire" next to the "Sorry your client is a Sociopath" cake is actually some type of fight happening. You know those cartoony fights where there's a dust clouds and random limbs are shown flailing in and out of it?

That said, I love that one!

Lover of Cake said...

I must've spent fifteen minutes staring at that "Sorry your client is a Sociopath" cake. Did anyone else notice that there was a little foot sticking out of the bonfire? Makes me wonder just what kind of work they're doing...

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thought, "Ooh, is that explosion made entirely of frosting? If so, I want it NOW!"

DangGina said...

That "Sorry your client is a Sociopath!" cake is pretty dang awesome. Seriously. That cake (or something like it) would go far in my profession. (I'm a speech-language pathologist who works with children.) However...some of my clients' PARENTS...? Yeah. Applicable. And tasty...

Bree said...

I think this is my favorite post ever!

The time sheet cake would go over very well where I work because the supervisors are always coming to our desks reminding us to fill them out and they love cake. A win-win situation.

The sociopath cake is awesome and Lydia's cake had me cracking up because that has to be the most random thing ever put on a cake.

Anonymous said...

Jules .....

Loved the "Here's your Effin' Cake"...... Too funny!

cyoo said...

nice cake...

eeeeeeemmmmmmmmmm....

Carrietastic said...

You rocked this entry like a BOWSE!

Arlene said...

Lmao at the first one. I would eat it effin happily too. And I would also eat that sociopath cake as it is chocolate. No need to thank me a cake eaters job is never done lol.

Vivienne@yourbrainmedia.com said...

Hey - "Accounting" is also mispelled in one of the cakes. This is so fun fun fun!

Tracy, said...

Brilliant. Just a totally fucking brilliant post from top to bottom, Jen.

Give yourself a raise and an additional 2 weeks paid leave. I authorize it.

LJ said...

I told my friend that I want the cake that says 'Here's your EFFIN' cake'. Knowing her, she'll probably give it to me. In a public place. And I'll laugh until I cry.

Karen said...

Wow, this one might just be the best. I love Cake Wrecks!!!

Ellen said...

I like the fact that, after all of those cakes, the last one is a cookie. Sort of add to the "this is all you deserve, schmo" feeling.

And I still want to know Lydia's new ext.!

Anonymous said...

OMG the first and last are horrible -- especially the last one! Who has that much anger and spite? Hmmm, I'm understanding the reason for the 3-hour lunches...

And what is that thing on the sociopath cake? is that a FOOT sticking out of it? Eeeeeee

Seriously, the sociopath cake should be a staple in bakeries from now on....it is so needed. And the variations are endless: your bus driver, your ride buddy, your kid, your cat, your parent, your neighbor, your husband, your wife, your co-worker (that one would start some fun), your neighbor (oh, did I say that already?) ...and oh yeah, your boss.

Thanks for the pre-work laugh!
--Blondie's Mom