Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Let's Get Physiological

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Gather 'round, my child, and I'll tell you a tale.

A tale...of where you came from.


Now, there are a lot of theories out there about how new babies get here.

Some say it's a bird:

...in a trippy oil painting from the 70s.


Some say it's a plane:

"Geronimooooo!"


And some say it's Superman:

Which, if you think about it, makes about as much sense as the stork.


These are all lies.

And I think it's high time you learned the truth.


The truth is, you didn't arrive by bird, plane, or Kryptonian. You arrived by:

Ram.

And by "ram" I mean "Mommy's magic baby bag."


See, it all started with these brave little tadpoles:

Er...

It all started with these brave gigantic tadpoles.


Together the tadpoles ventured through the winding Fallopian Forests of Ovarium, fought the wily Va-dragon, and ultimately joined forces with the mighty She-Ra in the magic baby bag.

(This is all true.)

And that was the beginning of you!


At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really:

You just floated around, day after day, flicking your fingers.

(*flick flick flick*)


If you're curious where on your mom you were, here's a handy diagram:

So, right armpit during the day, lower hemline at night.


Over time you grew bigger and bigger, and soon your wee little face was scaring the crap out of all our friends:

"Eeeaaaaat meeee."


Finally the emotional day arrived, and your mother and I were simply overcome at the thought of witnessing such a beautiful spectacle of radiant new life. [sigh]

And then a rainbow shot out of your mom's hoo-haw, tossing you a good 10 feet. Haha! You should've seen it, man. It was awesome!


Oh, don't look so worried. You turned out fine.


Thanks to wreckporters Paula L., Elizabeth S., Cariena B., Reed D., Valerie B., Kate M., Ashlee, Amber M., & Anony M., who will never hear "Rainbow Connection" the same way again.
Zoquara said...

Wow... the "Push, Nicole" cake really 'pushed' me over the edge! Who the heck EVER thought that was suitable for a CAKE? Card, maybe, but not something people eat!!! Gross!

WoodElves said...

Seriously? Someone made a childbirth cake? I thought I had seen it all on here...

Kelly said...

TOO funny today! Laughing out loud at that last one.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Thank you for adding the rainbow! Maybe you should have covered up those creepy fetus cupcakes, too....

Wow, I loved your description of conception =). Rock on!

Turi said...

Took me a looong time to see a rem in that one...

Prism said...

Wow--this answers SO MANY QUESTIONS!

Of course, it opens up, many, MANY more--with "why, why, for all that is good and lovely, and rainbow stripey, WHY!" as number one!

Trevor said...

Holy Cow. OMG. I couldn't stop laughing through most of this post. Once I started, I could stop. I love the rainbow Hooha!

Most awesome work. I approve!

Classic Steve said...

The first few cakes are barely wrecky. Then we get to "Happy Sperm Day" and there's no refuge.

The fetus cupcakes are made all the scarier by the fact that I can't tell what's touching the left eyelid. Looks like an adult finger.

Sarah said...

Huh. Wow, my parents fooled ME.

-Sarah-

Penny said...

Va-dragon......LOL....too funny...thanks for the laugh!

Tyler said...

Mommy, why is Superman melting?

Jessica said...

Wow...
if the 7yh cake didn't have the babies' heads randomly floating on the mom's shirt it would have been a really cute cake.

Penny said...

I don't know which was funnier....the "rainbow hoo-ha" or the Va-Dragon. Thanks for the laugh!

Sheena said...

I thought the cupcakes were bad and then we got to "Push Nicole". Who does this???!!!!???

Count Mockula said...

As bad as rainbow birth cake is (and I think "Rainbow Birth" is one of those books for people who want to meditate through birth instead of taking drugs), I'm really disturbed by the fetus cupcakes. It looks like something someone would be offering outside a Planned Parenthood.

Dom said...

I'm going to have nightmares about some of these.

Shannon said...

I love the rainbow at the end. HA HA HA HA HA HA Who wants a cake like that???

Anonymous said...

Wow, and I thought posting sonogram pics on Facebook was disgusting. And then there were cupcakes....

Stuckinmypedals said...

These are disturbing. The fetus cupcakes have left me scarred. I can't even talk about Nicole's rainbow. Blech!

Melissa said...

Wow, I think those cupcakes are going to haunt me....

Love the Doctor Who reference :-)

laughingmom said...

They could have at least given the baby a parachute before they tossed him off of the airplane!

And that Welcome to the World in utero baby looks like the thing that hatched out of the guys stomach in Alien!

Ms. Blasé said...

Seriously?

Especially that LAST one!....

Really??

Lissa said...

I don't know if it's just me (since nobody else seems to be commenting on it) but for the last two posts, I can't see at least half of the pictures...what's going on?

Fluffy Cow said...

Kinda enjoying the sperms on the stork cake too.

I should print this up for "the talk" with my kids.

my wv is "thing". Just had to share.

bassgirl said...

I have to wonder if the "Happy Sperm Day" is a way of telling Ryan that ovulation has been achieved and it's time to get down to busienss? Or maybe it's some sort of vasectomy joke?

Erin said...

oh my, Jen. Your comments are priceless. i laughed out loud at the last one. "A rainbow shot out of your mommy's hoohaw." perfect. that's how i want to give birth - by rainbow.

Naomi said...

On second glance, Push Nicole is wearing a top (with frilly little sleeves, what?) and has some plastic baby bottle flotsam at the edges. It's like at some point in the design process, somebody said, "Let's have her Rainbow Bridge hanging out for the world to see, but don't even imply she might breastfeed this baby because that's just gross!"

Other than that, I laughed from beginning to end. The fetus cakes didn't bother me too much, but I think that stork might give me nightmares.

Jimh. said...

AWESOME!

Ted C said...

The Ryan cake and the Push Nicole cake left me speechless. I mean really, must bakers(and I guess those ordering the cakes)continue to push the boundaries of taste and decorum? Good grief. The baby faced cupcakes are just down right disturbing. Who would want to eat that?

Anonymous said...

I am speechless...

KC

Loo-E Loo-I said...

I'm laughing so hard I've got tears! This is hysterical!

I didn't really need to see the "goo" along with the sperm this early in the morning thank you. Gross.

"At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really" LOL! The baby looks like it's having a baby of its own.

Having had 2 little ones of my own, when they kicked it seemed like they were getting close to the armpit! Not quite that close though.

Those cupcakes were just...wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Poor, poor Nicole. There are sooooo many things wrong about that cake. I mean other than the obvious sheer tackiness of it. The way the cake is presented, Nicole is standing on her head. She has a top that just covers her boobies - or is that a bra? The two extremely long squiggly hairs on her butt (they don't match the other "motion" lines). The fact that there are "motion lines! The baby bottle that seems to also have come out the the rainbow hoo-ha.

I'm guessing from how far the rainbow extends...that they were expecting a boy? There's a pot 'o gold joke there somewhere....

wv: enext: After delivering the baby, the doctor said, "Who's enext?"

Anonymous said...

Is that... a RAINBOW?? OMG!!! Just in case the "push" cake wasn't strange enough, let's add a rainbow shooting out with the baby... I had to run to the bathroom so I could laugh for five minutes without people thinking I was too crazy.

TheOneOnTheRight said...

Today is my heart-son's 17th birthday, and I, at first, was thinking of posting a link to today's blog on his FB wall. Then, I kept going. 17 may be too young.

Though, the rainbow hoohaw toss may explain somethings about him.

wv: sivicles - If a rainbow shoots out of your mother's hoohaw when you're born, is this a sign of the newly discovered STD, sivicles?

orna said...

Hilarious post! I thought the last cake was a tribute to another cake-wrecks horror from way back - the first censored cake :)

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/07/first-censored-cake-wreck.html?showComment=1217046180000

BADKarma! said...

Thanks for this. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I must go poke out my Third Eye with a spork...

Anonymous said...

O_o my face after seeing those cakes

Green Zebra Market Garden said...

Haha! Best post in a long time!!!

Danger Boy said...

I'll admit it. The rainbow babypult shot cake is hilarious to me, and I don't think it's a wreck. I am twisted.

Caroline B said...

Whoa, I hope there was someone with a catcher's mitt waiting at Nicole's nethers!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

@ Anonymous 10:33

The rainbow was added to the picture by Jen as a cover up since Nicole's va-dragon was showing.

Trust me...we don't want to see that.


Speaking of body parts. Nice subtle phallic plane!

Anonymous said...

bwahahahhahahahaaha. geesh i have done that 3 times and never saw the rainbow...but this post is too freakin funny!!!!!! i am still staring at my monitor laugh insainly and my children think mommy has gone over the edge! lmfao!!!!

john said...

Somehow, "Out, Out!" makes me think of Lady Macbeth more than childbirth. You'll never think of Shakespeare the same way again.

And the stork cake--is it really all that bad, considering all the OTHER pregnancy/birth wrecks that have been featured? One word: gelatin.

halfheartedhippie said...

Horrifying. I am tempted to ban all cakes from my baby shower in order to avoid traumatizing the guests. And myself.

Anonymous said...

So what's the story on Ryan? Made a donation? First, um, nocturnal incident? Vasectomy pain?


As for the rest of this post, I will be chuckling nervously for the rest of the day, and I will otherwise be grateful that no child of mine after the first one will be having a baby shower!

Brooke said...

Is it just me who thinks the sperm cake may be a male "menarche" cake? Just me? OK. I have to go bleach my brain now...

Janice said...

I might have to use this for a visual when i explain the birds and bees...er...tadpoles and rams to my daughter.

Marc said...

Superman is Jewish.... who knew?

Dani said...

The other day my 3yr old was talking about how she was once in my belly and then announced that she got there when I swallowed her. I just said, "Um no that's not how you got in there"

Now I've got this handy and tasty tutorial I'm sure she won't be confused any more.

Heidi said...

Did they really name the baby, "Journee"???

JelliDonut said...

I'm sorry but hoo-haws don't belong on cakes, not even if they're shooting out babies. The fetus cupcakes, however, take the cake. Sorry. Couldn't help myself.

Andrea K. said...

@Classic Steve... Yeah -- what the heck IS that thing touching the left eyelid? Eewwwwwwwwwww!!! ALIEN!!!!! Who orders these creepy things?

Oh, and "Va-Dragon"!!! LOVE it!!!

...

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or are there sperm subliminally placed as cattails on the stork cake?? And speaking of sperm, how DOES one celebrate Sperm Day? Although with sperm that size, the possibilities are severely limited, I suppose...

msyendor said...

Thank you. Passing on the tapioca pudding in my lunchbag today.


wv: spoos. No kidding

Anonymous said...

@Woodelves--you must be new ;)

that plane cake is disturbing--dropping babies from the air--yikes! and it looks so blissfully happy and unaware as it's blonde hair blows in the breeze!

Superman in a star-shaped pool? Happy Birthday indeed!

wow, that Ram cake is special! glad it's pink and not in realistic gory colors with a fetus in it. I'm an Aries, that would work for me actually....

and THANK YOU for installing a rainbow censor mark. that was very considerate (and pretty darn funny)

wv: permy: what Nicole's netherregions look like without the rainbow censor

Zhoen said...

"Andy by "ram"" ?

The "Ram" cake is actually very well done. Given to someone just finishing say, an OB GYN medical residency, it would be perfect.

As for the rest, well, if I can't say anything nice... actually, I just can't say anything, being now rendered speechless.

dietplaid said...

Everything makes so much sense now

Anonymous said...

I so want to see the giant tadpoles slay the va-dragon in the fallopian forests. in animation. friggin hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Wow oh wow oh wow...gasping for breath...the sperm cake had me giggling...who wants to swallow that....lmao.....then we get to the rainbow push....tears running down my eyes....the people in my office think I have lost my mind :)...

Elizabeth said...

HAHAHA! Love the rainbow coming out of the Hoo Haw shooting the baby 10 feet away! Perfect!

Anonymous said...

what does wv mean newbie...

T said...

oh lands... I'm just going to be grateful for the rainbow which obscured the HooHa quite well...

and those ultrasound cupcakes made me a little ill... or maybe I shouldn't have eaten Twinkies for breakfast...

one or the other.

No Cake Fo' You! said...

Ummmm happy sperm day??? that cake looks gross!

KittyKat said...

Poor Nicole, spread-eagled on the floor looking more like a dead cockroach than a woman in the middle of giving the miracle of life to a new baby.

These are all great examples of what NOT to do. Kind of like every single "Birth" show on cable tv. Shudder.

Stoich91 said...

hahaha! That was HILARIOUS. Way to butcher the miracle of birth YET AGAIN, fine bakers.

OrvillesMom said...

Gotta say, the uterus cake is actually really pretty, in a ... gynecological way.

The fetus-cakes, however, are going to make many appearances in my nightmares.

WV: disibonm
Honestly, what goes better on a cupcake than a disibonm-ed fetus head?

Loo-E Loo-I said...

@ Anonymous 11:46

"wv" is for Word Verification. It's the word you have to type in to verify that you are not a robot. Sometimes they sound funny enough to create your own word or definition.

Anonymous said...

I've been traumatized!

Anonymous said...

Nicoletta(who doesn't have an account and so mysteriously shows up as "anonymous") says: "You make my EVERY day!"


Less than 3

Mary said...

OMG!!! Those are just wrong! That spem cake is disgudting, I mean who in their right mind is gonna waan eat that? Ok, don't answer that.....omg I just grossed myself out.

Oh and those cupcakes with the sonogram pics...no, no, no, How many times can I say no.

Meghan said...

My daughters were watching She-Ra right as I was reading this. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

We're all laughing, but what are the poor guests at these showers doing to avoid insulting the numbskulls who ordered a chidbirth cake and were lucky enough to get exactly what they wanted?

Shanti said...

You don't want to know how long it took me to realize the rainbow was a censor mark, and not on the actual cake. My retinas thank you!

WV: spologic. The type of logic used by the people who request these cakes and think they're a good idea. Alternate definitition: an apology (like for one of these cakes) delivered through a burst of laughter.

NiteNurse said...

Thiis is the glowing ad I have above today's post:

"Freshen up in between
with Summer's Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths"


Really.
Nicole, are you listening?!

WV: mistizes Summer's Eve spray mistizes your hoo-haw to a new level of loveliness.

Linda said...

While the "push Nicole" cake was bad, I am seriously creeped out by the cupcakes. I guess that will help my diet!

CharlotteFan said...

Wow these are some awesome cakes. The last one is absolutely hilarious. I always enjoy your posting!! This blog and thecharlottejohn.com blog are my two favs by far.

denestria said...

I love how the baby is being dragged along on the outside of the plane and the "T-Rex" silhouette! The rest are just disturbing and should not be allowed near anything going into my mouth.

catatonicsleep said...

My boyfriend did actually arrive on a plane... He wasn't thrown out the door like that poor baby seems to have been though... ^_^

Anonymous said...

I have read this blog every single day for more than a year now. This post is definitely in the top ten. It's right up there with the promiscuous clowns.

Liz in Seattle

Catherine said...

Never Never Never Never! My eyes were burning the whole time. I can't believe people WANT these cakes. You never cease to amaze me on your finds, Jen!

Toni W. said...

You. Rock.
I officially deem this entry Brilliant!!!

ps. Come to StarFest in Denver! Please?

protojew62 said...

OK so it's toss up (of my cookies) btw "Push Nicole" (as in PUSH to get you some new friends!), the ginormous SPERM and the actual photo of a fetus on the cakes...yuk too gross!
WHO DOES THIS STUFF????!!!!

Karen said...

I laughed out loud on the last one too. :^)

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! I laughed so hard!!! Thank you!!!

Michelle said...

I plan to have this conversation from the Simpsons with any child that ever brings up a stork.

Todd: Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.
Ned: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that!
Todd: But you said a stork brought me.
Ned: Uh, that was God disguised as a stork.
Rod: Who brings baby storks?
Ned: There's no such thing as storks! It's all God!
Todd: (praying in front of a statue of a stork) Please bless daddy and mommy...
Ned: Stop praying to that stork!

Anonymous said...

Conversation by my sons, who were looking over my shoulder at the computer (Note to self: only look at cakewrecks after bedtime)

4yo - Why does that guy have a rainbow coming out of his bottom?
6yo - That's not a guy, its a kangaroo!

Charlie said...

And for all of us Leap year babies. we were delivered by Frog, the stork's one day off. Think about it, super sperm looking like tadpoles, totally makes sense now doesn't it?

I'm so glad you shared this, especially since I just found out that I'm expecting again. So now when my two boys ask how this baby got here, I have visuals. lol

CaySedai said...

I just shared this with a friend who is anxiously awaiting the birth of her third child. Maybe the laughter will get her labor to progress. ;-)

Charlie said...

I was waiting for you to finish the story with, and the babies all came riding out on giant carrots.

Evelyn said...

LOVED the bird cake - but then, I graduated form HS in 1972 >ah-hem!<

IMO - the "push" cake isn't half so disturbing as the fetus-face cupcakes.

Melissa said...

The "ram" cake brought back great memories for me. I used to be in the Navy, and my squadron's mascot was the ram. At one time our planes' tail designed looked eerily like that cake. None of the guys who designed it noticed. And they didn't ask any of the girls what it looked like...
~Melissa

Patti said...

Actually....The Superman cake is right on.

I'm a cake decorator myself, and I can tell you, that cake looks exactly like the picture. You can't blame that one on the decorator, you have to blame DC Comics for licensing it to look that hideous, and on the customers who insist on ordering it.

The rest of them are hilarious. = )

donkeyinawhitecoat said...

I'll be honest. Those three dimensional sperm made my eggs shudder in fear.

Cloudy said...

So--what did "Push, Nicole" look like WITHOUT the rainbow??? Too horrible to contemplate!! The fetus cakes were disgusting enough!

WV: deless - as in, deless I see of those cupcake debetter!

Chava Malka Cooper said...

the US pictures creeped me out! i mean, i have a good 3D pic of my little one, i saved it on the computer because the paper they print it on tends to fade, but i would never put it on cake. for. people. to. eat!

wv: poyaniab. nothing, its just funny

*sigh* said...

There should be a cake offender registry. Childbirth cakes must be stopped. Do an image search and see the horror for yourselves. Jen is only showing us a fleeting glimpse of the wreckitude.

A. Fox said...

Um... why is the floating fetus pregnant?

The Baking Pixie said...

I just had my first ultrasound done last week. So this post hit home. All except for the super creepy cupcakes. That's just gross. But I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Va-dragon....priceless. Thank you Jen!

Audrey said...

OMG hilarious! You really outdid yourself with this one, I'm still wiping away the tears of laughter -- and still fighting my gag reflex at the fetus cupcakes, ewwwww!

Anonymous said...

Holy cow! And I thought the FB profile pics of the sonograms were creepy. Yikes!

Star B. said...

The fetus cake, with the tiny arms, and huge abdomen is just wrong, but the fetus cupcakes are so beyond tasteless that I can't think of a word appropriate for this page.
And who knew the Dodge Ram would look so nice in pink?

Bree said...

is it bad that im kinda interested to see what the last cake looks like without the rainbow? hahahaha.

Craig said...

#1 looks like a scene from "The Last Dodo." Apart from that, why does the stork have rubbery legs? People viewing it, I can understand, as they try to suppress laughter.

#2 Note that the emergency slide is deployed. Baby Express: Taking euphemisms to a whole new level. Notice I didn't specify up or down.

#3 Sandra Lee has been at it again, I see...

#4 Brown? How did that find its way into the color scheme? Never mind, I really don't want to know.

#5 Aww. Ryan made his first deposit at the sperm bank, and received a cake. He certainly seems to be a very... er, *manly* fellow...

#6 Is that baby pregnant?

#7 Oh, dear -- the wreckerator would have to have been absent from school that week. Now it has come back to haunt him / her, just like the biology teacher foretold. Is 'mommy' wearing fuzzy pink slippers in the polka-dot rain, or is there more anatomical confusion afoot?

#8 The Three Stooges: The Beginning. Ok, it's really 'The Six Stooges', but that would make no sense.

#9 Where to begin... The first thing I thought of: "Push 'em out, shove 'em out, waaay out!" (Cosby, 'Natural Childbirth') Then I noticed the slight concession to modesty at Nicole's top. Why was that theme abandoned?

Finally: What does it all mean?!?! Thanks for adding the rainbow, though; 'Barely There Censor Bear' would have been awkward. Like this cake doesn't redefine that word, already. It could have been much worse, though; at least no gelatin was involved.

Penni Litwiller said...

Yay for the Dilbert reference! That baby must get paid for flicking his fingers, too.

Anonymous said...

I have absolutely no idea if this is what you were referencing with the *flick flick flick* but it definitely drew to mind the dilbert cartoon from the 90s where they realize they get paid even if all they do is flick their fingers...
http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1994-11-24/

KittyKat said...

OK, here is the deal. If you REALLY want to see the final cake without the rainbow, it's out there.

WARNING: It's very disturbing! There's a good reason there's a rainbow strategically placed on that image. WARNING! You have been warned.

You can google "Push Nicole Cake" and it will come up in its full uncensored "glory" or you can click this link:
http://nowaygirl.com/photos/push-nicole-the-best-ghetto-baby-shower-cake-ever/

Shudder. Cannot Un-see.

Sue said...

This is pee in your pants funny! Thanks for the day brightener!!

Naazju said...

And I shall save this link for my children when they start asking those pesky "where do babies come from" questions. :)

Kim said...

I am 9 months pregnant and my 5 year old wanted to know how the baby got in "there". I didn't know quite how to explain it...until TODAY! Thank you Cake Wrecks for this handy teaching tool.

Alicia said...

I think the one with two baby heads is actually twins. "they are two and soon will be four".

tiny purple elephant said...

the cupcakes with the songogram pictures are the worst!!! really you invite people to your house, make them bring you presents (lol) and then they have to eat pictures of the baby!!!! what ever happened to duckies and bears

Anonymous said...

There are no words to describe the last one, and I am never speechless...

tiny purple elephant said...

Charlie said...
I was waiting for you to finish the story with, and the babies all came riding out on giant carrots.
_________________
hahahaha, well people leave cookies for santa, parents leave carrots out for the stork....

Angie said...

I'm so curious - and horrified - about what "sperm day" is...

That last one was just so very wrong. On many levels.

Holly said...

Not digging the sonogram picture at all. That is just creepy wrong. I on the other hand can enjoy the funny wrongness of the push cake. Also the "ram" cake is actually really pretty if you just ignore the big uterus on the top :)

Jennifer said...

This get better and better... I love you, Cake Wrecks. I love you!

Jungle MOM said...

I laughed so hard I can skip my workout! Oh man, still laughing . . .

Micalah said...

Nice rainbow!
Who puts the baby's face on a cupcake? Am I the only one who thinks that is wrong?

drgns4vr said...

I'm sorry, but the next baby shower I host will not have a cake! I'll serve pie or green Jello or orange popsicles, but I'm not going to risk cake.

scrapopotamos said...

When I went through infertility treatment years ago I had dr. appointments at 6:00 a.m. every other day for 2 straight weeks involving blood draws, hormone shots daily and ultra sounds in the rainbow region. At the end my husband complained that he had to go at 10:30 the last day to make a "deposit" and how much work it was to fit it in his schedule. I asked him if he wanted a cake for that? I think I know what the sperm came must be for, but my hubby''s name isn't Ryan?

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

omg those face cupcakes made me gag. If I was at a baby shower and was expected to eat one of those I would think it was a joke and laugh, then ask where the REAL cupcakes are. flick-flick-flick..

Kathryn said...

That last cake must be a recreation of when the King of All Cosmos's wife gave birth to their son, The Prince....Hahahahhaahahaha....Get it? Get it? Royal Rainbow? Katamari Damacy? Yes? ........well I'm sure some fellow dorky person gets it, and to whoever that is...you're welcome! :D

Lily said...

Did you are the rainbow in as a censor? Or is it exceptionally well defined (and disturbed) piping?

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Lord ...
Some things should never be depicted with or on cake ... or anything else edible. Those foetus cupcakes are REALLy disturbing. I could NOT eat those. *shudder*

As for the "Push Nicole" cake ... well I really wish that my son had been born like that, I'm sure it would've been much less agony than the 6 hours of pushing I had to endure.
And seriously is that the baby's name up in the top left corner??? I'm sure it's supposed to be some "creative spelling" version of Journey, but Journee is French for "day".

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia

Anonymous said...

We had three invitros and I never thought to get my hubby a cake celebrating his contributions to the process. He only got pornos and a big roll of paper towels.

And... oddly enough, our daughter did arrive by plane- from China. We were pretty careful to wait until we landed to throw her out the door, though!

pikkewyntjie said...

Happy Sperm Day? I don't want to know. My best hope is that this is a "The Kids Are All Right" type of situation and Ryan's two moms consider that as important as his birthday and it's the one day a year he gets to see his biological dad.

I, for one, love the realistic sonogram pics and wish they existed when I had my kids, BUT NOT ON FREAKIN' CUPCAKES! The only thing more disturbing that the person who would do this is the person who would eat one!

Nicole's cake--wow! I can just imagine her hubby or partner calling up the exotic bakery. "Hey, remember us? We ordered a cake for our anniversary about 9 months ago. Well, guess what. We need something like that again, only this time . . . "

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD, A PREGNANT BABY T. REX!

Anonymous said...

I think Nicole's baby's name might be "Journey" (or is this wishful thinking?) If so, that has to be one of the most fitting names ever, if the delivery went anything like what is depicted in the cake.

--kate

megan said...

That last cake may have scarred me for life. I'm no longer going to be able to associate rainbows with anything other than vaginas and child birth.

Poor Nicole.

jeebs said...

Odd baby head placement aside, the umbrella cake is very artistic and well done by a true frosting master.

Anonymous said...

Bwahahahahahaha! I love your descriptions!

Debbie from Illinois

Ashlee said...

Most of those, sure, I get it (a bit, or a lot strange), but edible prints of your child's ultrasound?! Eek.

~Ashlee
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com

LizzyBean said...

Mommy's magic baby bag pushed me over the edge with laughter. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I'm more freaked by the fetus cupcakes than Nicole's vagina...but it was a close race...and who said the world is going to crass and a handbasket!

Priscilla said...

Oh my gawd!! That last one made my day!! Who are the crazy people who order these cakes??!! AND eat them???!!!

missib said...

Oh wow! Can you imagine the recipient's face? Or the guests?? And I almost peed my pants laughing at them here! I'd hate to be the person who got the rainbow piece!

Anonymous said...

This is one of my favorite posts ever.

PhoebeK10 said...

Ultrasound pictures...on CUPCAKES?! *runs screaming from the room*

KJ said...

I am laughing out LOUD! Love your posts!

MadTigerKitty said...

OMG... My jaw literally hit the ground when I saw the last cake and I couldn't close it for a whole minute.

The fact that so many of these cakes were well executed makes it so much worse... Aren't the bakers allowed to say, "No"?

Beautiful story though. I will be sure to show my kids this post when they start asking questions :D

Carrietastic said...

Hahaha. Omg. Those cupcakes are so freakin' HORRIBLE.

Adorably Dead said...

I lost it at the flicking fingers. XD And then I whaaaa at the Push Nicole....wow...just ....wow

Boon said...

Tackiest, most horrible cakes EVER.

Anonymous said...

"Hey everyone! I got one of those 3D sonograms at the mall, and I put copies of the little bundle of joy on your cupcakes! Eat Up!"
So awkward!

Arlene said...

I will never think of that song quite the same way ever again..or even want a baby for that matter. Whoever got that last cake must have wanted to hurl it at someone lol. As for those horrifying cupcakes..all I can say is why??

Postmenopaws said...

You could not PAY me to eat one of those fetal cupcakes. O.o

Erik said...

I saw those fetus cupcakes and immediately thought of "Eraserhead". Ugh......

Debbie P said...

I knnow I'm a day late, but man, I'm at work and I can hardly contain my laughter! Loved it!

Meridith said...

my jaw actually dropped at that last one. Hil.a.ri.ous!

Anonymous said...

I love the Eleventh Doctor reference for the airplane cake - Geronimo!

That last cake - LMAO! Tossing the baby 10 feet image is still in my mind - too funny!

wv: hortins - new expletive to replace socially unacceptable ones: Hortins! did you see how he cut me off?

lisacle said...

Today's post is, by far, the funniest one I've seen in a long time. The creepy ultrasound face cupcakes are the best! 8-)

Susan Kane said...

Oh, my. I thought I had seen everything. I was doubled over (not in childbirth or anything) laughing. You are too good. Thanks. Susan

furpurrson said...

Now that I've had some time to think it over, I don't blame the Wreckerators for these horrors. After all, they're just trying to earn a living, even if that means they sometimes have to do things they wish they could turn down... no, I blame the customers, who were apparently brought up with no clue about good taste. Come to think of it, maybe I need to blame THEIR parents.

Either way, I would run screaming from the room if anyone presented me with one of these cakes!

Anonymous said...

The rainbow is something else, but at least it discreetly covers the hoo-ha.

The 3-D ultrasound pictures screened on to the cupcakes, on the other hand, are the worst thing I've seen today, and I've been to regretsy already.

Heidi D said...

flick flick flick. HA HA HA HA! (wiping tear) Thanks for doing what you do.

There was a Yahoo article about the fact that adults don't laugh enough and it affects their health. They need a prescription of Cake Wrecks.

kittymom said...

Sex-ed in junior high school was never this funny!

Jenny said...

But the rainbow is photoshopped, it's not part of the cake.

Ellen said...

I may never sleep - or eat - again.

Those cupcakes . . . the "push" cake . . .EEEEEEEEE!

Anonymous said...

I was fine. (Fine + slightly weirded out.) Until I came to the last cake. I now have tears streaming down my face and I am trying to silence the giggles!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????? Inappropriate, yes! Funny as all get out, completely!!!

Julie the Nerd said...

That ram?uterus Cake looks like a pink version of my college's mascot..... I will never be able to even feign school pride again....

Heidi said...

The one that says "welcome to the world" looks like that T-Rex with the tiny arms from that one kids movie...

Anonymous said...

The foetus one reminds me of Mr. Burns. Eeeexxellent!

Nina Oney said...

That was too funny. Very good work. Loved the push Nicole cake. As for the haters.....You know it was good so just eat it!! haha Nina

Anonymous said...

I am seriously going to be telling this version to my kids instead. :D