Thursday, December 9, 2010

Star Wars: The Next Generation

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Remember Katie, the little girl with the Star Wars water bottle who's been unofficially adopted by every geek on the Internet? Well, in Katie's honor, tomorrow is Wear and Share Star Wars Day!

This is a day to rock your Star Wars clothing or accessories, and also to donate a Star Wars or other geeky toy to your local shelter or hospital. Cool, right?

Now, for this special occasion Jen has asked me, Number 1, to write a Star Wars themed post. What Jen doesn't realize (and what I'm not going to tell her), is that I've never seen Star Wars. Ever. But I've seen Spaceballs a whole bunch of times, so I figure this'll be no biggie.

Ok, so, the movie is set in space, "the final frontier", sometime in the future. Luke Skywalter is the pilot for the Star Ship Firefly.

("Oh I'm sorry, we don't make Star Wars cakes at this bakery, but we'll happily make you one with plenty of 'space'." [Yeah. Seriously.])

Skywalter has to save the beautiful Princess Leia from the evil grip of Dark Vader and his Terminators:

"We will destroy Hans Solo by playing checkers."

In order to get past all of the Cylons, Skywalter makes some friends with magical powers:

RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man.

RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man follow Luke to the planet Vogon. There they find a short psychic Muppet in a swamp:

Slimer.

Slimer tells Luke to "use the force," but Luke doesn't know what that means so he shoots him. (First.) Luke and his gang then go back to the Enterprise to fight Dark Vader and rescue Princess Leia. Again.

But the ship is now underwater, which makes it impossible to turn on their Life Savers.

Dark Vader thinks it's unfair that Luke brought friends to help him fight, so Vader calls a friend of his own:

Accio pixie power!!

But wait! Slimer pops up from the dead and casts lightning into Vader's helmet. Pew! Pew!Vader falls to the ocean floor, and Slimer says, "You killed my father; prepare to die!" Then he crosses the tachyon streams to open a wormhole which sends Vader back to Gozer.

Then Luke, Slimer, CP30, RD2D, Scully, Mulder, and Superman all run to rescue the beautiful Princess Leia a third time, and she proclaims her love for Luke:

And they all live together on the island until John Locke finds himself dead in the coffin.

THE END


Thanks, Amanda K., Anony M., Autumn P., Amanda N., Sarah, Jessica H., Ruth K., and Mattie T. And as the brown coats say, "Live long, and may the force be with you." So say we all.


UPDATE from Jen:
Don't miss today's CNN article on Katie, with quotes from yours truly!
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afrancis said...

To the Cake Wrecks crew - you guys are awesome! To Katie - that hat is awesome! I just might have to figure out how to knit one now.

This is HYSTERICAL! Love the tink-vader alliance! While I couldn't wear Star Wars to work today I'm going to rock it like it's no one's business tomorrow! (And go looking for a water bottle with Luke and Yoda!)

Shanti said...

Primarily posting because my wv is "holodica". Isn't that where Darth Vader and Tinkerbell hold their fight simulation training? The holodica on board the Firefly D?

T said...

the cakes were funny - but the text... priceless :) love it!!!

Aliza said...

Oh dear... I keep saying that I'm not into sci fi, and was proud of my successfully avoiding Star Wars until several friends conspired to inflict 3 episodes on me some few years back. The sad thing? I got far too many of the references to be able to keep claiming that! I really am far more of a geek than I realized-- but that's probably because of the friends to whom I'm comparing myself.

That was one very funny post!!

PS If you truly haven't seen Star Wars yet, then don't give in-- what was once innovative is now beyond dated, so you can't get past the cheesiness of the special effects, the lame acting and plot. Think of how something like Lost is going to seem 30 years down the road, to the next generation. It's a real let-down. You had to see it when it was still new and fabulous. Instead, indulge in all the wonderful things that are it's legacy.

Katie said...

Love Katie's Leia hat :)

Anonymous said...

Is it just my bifocals playing tricks? seriously...Luke Skywalter?? really...have no interest in reading all 200 comments but did no one else catch that?

Sarah said...

Wow... just, wow...

That was so full of Geek, I'm speechless.

Kalani said...

Hey Anonymous,

The whole point of the post is that Number 2 got all the geek references deliberately wrong.

Aimee said...

This may be my all-time favorite post simply because of the sheer amount of geek!

Claire in CO said...

Now THAT was funny. Thank you John :)

Gretch Valencic said...

This is my contribution to Katie and Wear and Share Star Wars day: http://www.lifeisforthebirds.com/archivepages/maytheforcebewithkatie.html

Buffy said...

I. Want. Katie's. Cap!

TwilightTwins2 said...

WHERE CAN I GET KATIE'S HAT?!? Oh, and great post! RD2D. bwah ha ha!!

LD said...

While not the best well cake I've seen...(ha!)
Any girl who wants both Tinkerbell and Darth Vader on her birthday cake sounds pretty cool. :D

Vicki said...

Great post!
Even better than Jim Halpert on The Office explaining Battlestar Galactica.
"It's about this guy, Dumbledore Calrissian, who's got to take The Ring back to Mordor."

MCR said...

Simply stated, I love CW (and Epbot, of course, since i'm handing out blog love). Today's post was absolutely outstanding. I loved every line, and was very happy w/the multiple tie-ins...and ending w/John Locke in the coffin, I snorted, out loud, slightly embarassing but true. Thank you for making my day, LOVE!

Trista said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Classroom of Jamie Jay said...

HA! That's awesome!

SweetCelebrations.US said...

OMG so many geek references, so little time!! LOVE your blog, lady!!!

Anonymous said...

When I saw the first cake, I absolutely believed it was Howard Cosell, famous sporscaster. I couldn't imagine why someone would want him on a cake. See his photo on Wikipedia.

Kelly said...

I laughed so hard I cried! LOL that was an epic and amazingly awesome story. And I miss LOST.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only who noticed it's supposed to be R2D@ instead of RD2D?

pnclaura said...

HAHAHAHAA!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! Best refs EVAR!

Becky said...

Even though 200 people already said it, let me also say that this post rocked with awesome!

Anonymous said...

I love this blog so much!! I do have to point something out that was bugging me though, it's R2D2, not RD2D.

Karen said...

this was just awesome reading, thanks for today's cheering-up!

Anonymous said...

By the way it's R2D2 not RD2D... And Darth Vader is chilling with spiderman too. Love your blog!!!

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite post ever!
Mandy

Anonymous said...

The vogon planet is actually called vogsphere.

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