Monday, December 6, 2010

BREAKING NEWS

Monday, December 6, 2010

Michael Jackson is DEAD!!!!!

But he still somehow managed to release a new album this month called "Michael." Great. I'm a fully functioning human being that can't even remember to take out the trash, and this guy put out an album after being dead for a year and a half. (Does that make him a "working stiff"? Rim shot.) Anywhoozle, no better time than now to take a look back at some MJ classics.

This wreckorator was a smooth criminal to send this pretty young thing out the door:

Because "Triller" and "birthday night" go together like thumbless hand in glittery glove.

Remember the time...

...that Michael dressed up as Uncle Sam for the Thriller album cover? Neither do I. In fact I think the album originally looked something like this:

Note: I said, "something like this." Sans weird neck growth. On the bright side, they got the hand down the pants right. (Insert "Beat It" reference here.)

Ooooh, MJ cookie cakes. The way you make me feel is just....

...sad. And hungry. Mostly hungry. Kinda sad.

And this black and white cookie looks more like an ad for Soul Glo.


but it's nothing compared to this off the wall version of the King of Pop:

Yes, that's Michael Jackson, Armenian style. And it's bad. It's dangerous. It's dirty Diana.

Becca973, Mischa P., Jennifer D., Kimberly, Lila S., Felicity P., Shannon B., if you want to scream about all the MJ songs, you are not alone. But, I won't stop till I get enough. After all, it's human nature to like the man in the mirror... cause it's thriller... I like the Jackson 5. I'm out.
jo said...

edible paper and cookie cakes do not a happy marriage make. at least, I hope that's edible. looks like copy paper when there's no white icing to smoosh it into.

the MJ cookie--they got his skin coloring (white) and pointy turned up elf nose just right!

that last one, though. are we sure that's not (unrecognizable) Elvis? I don't know if he ever worked barefoot but that outfit looks familiar.

Anonymous said...

They got the nose right on the cookie, but I never knew Michael was a white guy....

SuBee said...

That last cake does not depict Michael Jackson. It is Yoko Ono waiting for John Lennon to return to bed during their famous "sleep-in for peace." Apparently John needed to use the john.
That's all that we're saying.

Elibateh said...

Anonymous didn't know Michael Jackson was a white guy???
Did you sleep through the last 15 years of MJ's life? Oh he was as white as snow.

Rachel said...

I'm prett sure that weird blurb on the far right of the first cake is supposed to be the thumb. . . we all know that Michael had a strange genetic disorder that causes his thumb to sprout out of his index finger's knuckle. . .right?

Rachel said...

I think the glove on the first cake does have a thumb. Well, I take that back. A malignant growth doesn't exactly offer the dexterity of a thumb, does it?

mn_me said...

These are just ... so... wrong... in so many ways...

as we in the Midwest say, ISH!

Addie

BADKarma! said...

STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!.

(Kaffkaffkaff... ahurk... Kaffkaffkaff)... Ahem...

Okay, I'm better now...

WV - Fornisu - This seems oddly appropriate for a Michael Jackson thread, but I'm not getting into why... O_o

Erin said...

This post was so Rockin' Robin.

I'm sure it was a page out of ABC, it's easy as 123, as simple as do re me...

Tara said...

I was thinking the cookie looked a little like Betty Boop.

Muria said...

You're absolutely sure that last one isn't Prince (is that what he's calling himself these days?)?

Really, I understand the temptation to try to put real people on cakes (DD makes me make a wreck every year for her birthday because she thinks I can draw in frosting), but I wish they would stop. People are just wrong on cakes. Even if you can draw in frosting.

T said...

every one as awful as possible - but you did get a verbal "ba dum bum" for that working stiff joke :):

Amanda Mac said...

Well... the black-and-white one at least got the nose right. Just sayin'.

And I dang near fell out of my chair at the "beat it" reference.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Yes, I'm with the others who see the thumb protruding from the index finger.

Any minute now you'll get hate mail from the American Alliance For People With Thumbs Growing Out of Unexpected Places. How dare you exclude them. Tsk tsk and all of that!

Also, this makes me ***NEED*** to go find a web version of the Weird Al "Eat It" video.

Kelly said...

I think the cookie looks like Samantha from the Bewitched intro...

Mary Connealy said...

Michael Jackson, reduced to frosting.

His fate.

Jenny Jo said...

I LOVE the Uncle Sam cake. I would order that cake for my own birthday.

msyendor said...

ok. How many out there are mentally trying to compose new lyrics?

... add some more sprinkles, add a whole bunch. Watch for the flotsam or your cake will go "crunch" when you eat it ... eat it ...

You guys gotta do a "thriller" cake video for next Holloween. Please?

Anonymous said...

I want a MJ patriotic cake! LOVE IT!!!

Craig said...

I wonder if there are any Diana Ross cakes that could be used in a side-by-side comparison.

How is it that wreckerators can produce a recognizable likeness of this guy but of nothing or no one else? Even the words on the 'patriotic' (gag!) cake are spelled correctly. What is the median age of wreckerators, anyway -- 16? That would explain a lot...

Laura P. said...

at least they got his wacked out nose right on the cookie! i was never a fan of mj. these wrecks just reenforce that feeling.

Leah said...

It took me squinting at the screen, but I worked out that the thing he's holding in the last cake is a microphone. My first thought: is that...an IV line? O_O

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

The Jesus Juice is missing for that last one. Frankly, I found nothing about MJ "sexy" and he got more and more unappealing and grotesque as the years went by. Blecchhhh.

Anonymous said...

Regardless if the image on the last cake depicts Michael, Elvis or John, I cringe to think he's holding a whip (or a plug in "personal massager")

Slerk in Ottawa

Alison's Book Marks said...

Who orders, bakes, or hacks into a cake that memorializes...well, ANYONE?!? The DOB-DOD thing gave me the willies.

Why?!? In the name of all that is holy would anyone put an Uncle Sam hat on MJ?

It's a sad, sad world we live in...but, We Are The World. :)

SuperDaisy said...

I agree with Muria- I think the last one looks like Prince.

Monkeyville said...

That last one looks like Snape to me, should Snape ever wear white instead of black.

Maybe I've been watching too much Harry Potter...

MissNay said...

Awwww I love Michael. :(
But post humous albums kinda creep me out.

Shannon said...

The fact that you even mentioned Soul Glo just made this the awesomest thing I have read all day...

Anonymous said...

The weird neck growth one is not too bad(other than the weird neck growth) the patriotic one is just weird, while the rest make want to Just Beat THEM

Cake Cop said...

"Do you remember the time".... when bakers could spell?...

...If somebody gave me one of those MJ cakes I would "Keep it in the closet" so nobody had to look at it...

... I confronted the baker about the terrible job he did and he replied, "Don't blame me. 'Blame it on the Boogie'." I stared at him in disbelief, "You mean you were 'Working Day and Night' and this hideous mess is all you've got to show for yourself?" He wiped his hands on his grimy apron before moving in close and snarling, "Do you 'Wanna be Startin' Something?'."

JennySRP said...

Oh Michael I miss you so. Hahah even your readers are hilarious!
I hope you have some Michael Sunday Sweets hidden in your archive somewhere *sigh*

orangechick1 said...

orangechick1

A lady at work told me about a month ago that if Michael Jackson asked her, she'd be willing to have his children... I wonder if he can do that beyond the grave too!

These were halarious!

Arlene said...

I thought that "hand" on the first cake was some sort of weird ghost. Scary and horrifying at the same time lol. And anyone who says edible paper is delicious needs to have their taste buds examined..if they have any that is. Icky stuff.

ycleped said...

I am loving the Soul Glo reference so much. <3

Cinzia said...

Is it sad that I was able to sing the whole SoulGlo song along with the commercial? Just remember, "When you think of garbage, think of Akeem."

Leah_the_Nosher said...

I was at a wedding last month, and folks walked off the dance floor when Michael Jackson songs came on. The reason, "I'm not dancing to songs written by a child molester."

I guess that goes doubly so for eating a cake with a picture of a child molester on it...

Anonymous said...

Omg this is so funny...I love it

Mamma Cluck said...

Ewwwww Pedophile cookies! That's icky.

ClaireBear said...

(Insert "Beat It" reference here.)

I fell over laughing from this. So freaking hilarious!

Stephenie Daily said...

Love the "Coming to America" refrence.