Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Twilight Zone

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):


As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)


As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."

Er.

Yeeeahh...so...

Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent
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Trish said...

The last one the "hero" looked like "nerd". All I saw is "what if I'm not the nerd?"

Pip said...

That says "What if I am not the nerd?" You know it!!

Wayne said...

Am I the only one that thinks the last one says "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Jael said...

I thought it said "what if I'm not the nerd?" on the last cake until I read what you typed.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Twilight cakes. Well I must admit, that is actually pretty sane even for Twihards. The new Robert Patterson underwear someone has made is a bit obsessively insane though.

evilsciencechick said...

This is even funnier when you realize that all that black icing is going to dye their poo a very intense green the next day. It's like a special surprise after their sparkly vampire party!

Kirsty said...

I love twilight wreckage! Even with all the blobs of black icing, Edward still looks yummy (pun intended). I think the guidelines in that one cake are suppose to be there, but it was still silly to make them white when in the logo they are the same color as the text.

Wow I just realized how much of a twi-nerd I am. I'm off to go get a life now...

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

On the last one, I saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" I guess "hero" makes more sense.

evitafjord said...

Is that dueling bacon on the last cake? Or are the apple and the chess piece using bacon to duel? Would I know what that is if I'd read the books?

PowerLifterChick said...

Is that BACON on the last cake??!?!?! it sure looks like it from here!

Marybeth Poppins said...

I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?" and my answer was...oh no...you are DEFINITELY the nerd!

Anonymous said...

On the last cake, I (not being a Twilight fan) could have sworn the text at the bottom said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"

evitafjord said...

OMG. The captcha for this comment is nosperm. WTFetch?

Anonymous said...

... surely I'm not the only one who read the word "hero" as "nerd" on the last cake.

Or maybe I am.

Anonymous said...

OK, when I saw "What if I'm not the hero?" on the cake I *really* thought that it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

I like my version better. :-)

Debbo said...

Guess I need another cup of coffee this morning to sharpen the ole eyesight. I initially read the inscription on that last cake as, "so what if I'm not the nerd".

WV: subcowed

Gary said...

Are you sure that last one doesn't say, "What if I'm not the nerd?" That's what it looks like to me, and that makes more sense, somehow.

Justine said...

Um, is that BACON on the last cake? It looks like a icing apple, a white chess piece, and strips of BACON! Perhaps this is an homage to the Beggin' Strips Dog Twilight Fan?

Malek said...

Haha, in the last cake I read "hero" as "nerd", which was even more confusing.

Anonymous said...

I totally saw that last one as "What if i'm not the nerd" LOL

Savannah said...

On the last cake I read "What if I'm not the nerd?" I thought it was a baker mistake, but no just bad piping.

We are looking to adopt. Please view our online profile at http://joshandsavannahadopt.blogspot.com

Bittersweet said...

I was waiting for this day. I have to admit I thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?" and I'm one of the biggest Twilight fans out there. (Also thought that might be bacon on top..hmm)

Tigerwolf said...

Is that BACON on the last cake?

I could totally see me becoming a bacon vampire. Count Oscar Meyer! Who sneaks into peoples' homes, raids their refrigerators, and then makes them breakfast.

And then EATS IT ALL IN FRONT OF THEM!!! Bwaaaaa, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Um...sorry...

^..^

WV: kedness. "Nay, kedness is unacceptable in a Cake Wrecks post!"

mio said...

That last one looks an awful lot like it says, "What if I'm not the nerd?" along the bottom...

WriteCards said...

I know . . . I'm probably one of the few people who hasn't read the Twilight books . . . nor do I plan to unless I HAVE to in order to discuss them with students.

So with that disclaimer, I can honestly say that I don't understand many of today's cakes. The "Forks Twilight" baffled me until I read the explanation.

However, it's the last cake that, ahem, takes the cake! At first glance (and even upon closer inspection), I thought that bottom line said, "What if I'm not the nerd!"

Sigh. Maybe I need to renew my eyeglass prescription again. Then again, maybe not. "Nerd" would make it even wreckier than it already is!

Nobody said...

when i saw that second to last cake, i thought it actually said "What if i'm not the nerd" before getting to what you said about it. also, who doesn't love a couple of humping worms next to a chess piece????

Jennifer K. O'Connell said...

con on the last cake? There's doing EVERYTHING in bacon lately.

-Jennifer O'C

Heather said...

Is that bacon on that last cake?

HorribleLicensePlates said...

I really hope that is bacon on the last cake.

Abby said...

It looks like there is bacon in the middle of that last cake.

Nadine said...

I read that last one as 'What if I'm not the nerd?'

poornamelesscat said...

hm.... I thought that last one said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I'm not a Twilight fan, so I know I'm not getting a lot of the references, but what's the decoration on that cake? I see a bell pepper/apple thing on the left, a chess piece on the right, so what the hell is in the middle?

april said...

I thought that the line on the bottom of the last cake said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"

lol

Susan said...

I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd".

Michelle said...

I read that last cake as "What if I'm not the nerd."

Kashmir said...

Okay, I totally thought that last cake had 'What if I'm not the nerd' instead of the hero line.

Sadly, the nerd line makes more sense to me.....

Beth said...

I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd" and I was sitting here wondering where that line was in the books.

Jean said...

Man, my eyes must be going... I thought that last one said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" hehe..

Fanny said...

You know... I do not appreciate Twilight as a work of literature per se (being extra PC to avoid flame wars on your lovely lovely site!) But I think I would order one of those cakes. Really. They are too darn hilarious.

DameRuth said...

LOL! On that last cake, I seriously thought at first that the nearest side read, " . . . I am not the nerd."

Wait. What?

Sorry, if you're getting a Twilight cake, you probably are a nerd. (But this is OK -- *I'm* a nerd, and I think nerdiness is cool.)

Hey, someone should do a Twilight cake that says, "I want sparkles"! Wouldn't that rock . . .?

Emily said...

...I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Melissa G said...

I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Beth said...

I thought the last cake said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" Frankly, that's the kind of thought that keeps me up at night.

-Sea Nymph- said...

I honestly read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Hanna said...

That last cake actually says 'What if I'm not the nerd?'

Definitely. :P

Jen said...

I totally thought the line on the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd." Twilight fangirl I am not, clearly.

Mario! said...

haha! I thought that last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?" at first.

Amy said...

LOL as usual. Although, on the last one those white lines aren't guide marks....the Twilight movie logo has white sparkly white lines dancing off the letters like that. Just for the record. :) Big fan (of CW and Twilight!).

Trevor said...

Wow, I totally read that last one as "what if I'm not the nerd." I like my reading better. :)

THanks for explaining the "Forks" thing to those of us who avoid Twilight like the plague. If you don't now anything about Twilight, that made NO sense. (Okay, even if you do, I suppose it really don't either....)

Anonymous said...

Anyone else read it "What if I'm not the nerd?"

tkangaroo said...

Does that last one look like it has bacon on it? It does a little, right? So confused. . .

loonieroonie said...

The writing on the last cake looks like it says "What if I'm not the nerd."

Sara said...

Seriously, on that last cake I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

-Sara

Sandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

Did anyone else read "What if I'm not the nerd?" on the bottom cake? Maybe it's just me...

elizabeth said...

The text on the last one, I originally thought ended with the word "nerd". I am much amused.

Anonymous said...

ON that last cake, I was sure it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Yes, I'll be the first to say I know nothing about the books/movies. I'm guessing it's a classic quote.

But what if I'm NOT the nerd?

:-D Lily

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is me, but it looks more like "What if I am not the nerd?" Too funny.

Kay said...

I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?" and was thinking...there's a DOUBT?

tangeria said...

why is there raw bacon on the last cake? wouldn't a few slabs of mutton be a more appropriate meat product, if that is what you are going for?





wv. blects is what i said when i saw the raw bacon on that cake.

Anonymous said...

I thought the last cake said "What if I'mnot the nerd?" Lol. And I must say that nothing says "Twilight" better than powdered sugar covered bacon strips.

abi said...

Oh, man. Somehow I missed that first Twilight post back when you wrote it, so I just saw it for the first time today. Can I just tell you how much more I love you for making a Richard III pun in the title? Now is the twilight of our discontent, indeed.

(Full disclosure: I was an English major, sure, but I wouldn't have recognized the quote except for the Extreme Richard III scene in Thursday Next. Which, Jen, if you haven't read it, RUN, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and get the whole series - you would LOVE them.)

Nic said...

At first glance, I thought that last cake said "What if I'm not the nerd?" :)

Kaylen said...

is that bacon on the last cake?

amy =) said...

hahaha to make that last cake even wreckier (since i'm not a twilight reader or watcher), i thought it said "what if i'm not the nerd?"

Anonymous said...

It took me far too long to realize that the "bell peppers" were supposed to be apples... and even longer to stop staring at the center of the last cake,trying to decide what that bacon-lookin' stuff is supposed to be.

Jury's still out on the last part. I'm going with bacon.

Alex Getts said...

The last one kind of reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Bart calls Australia. At one point, a guy from the government is at the house and shows the family pictures from the Land Down Under, and one of them is a sign advertising the "Yahoo Serious Festival", to which Lisa replies, "I know all those words, but that sign makes no sense." In turn, I know what all of those illustrations are supposed to be, but it makes no sense. :P

Anonymous said...

On the last cake... The first line looks like, "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Stephanie said...

Why does the decoration on the last cake look like bacon to me?

I'm with 1st Anon, I definitely saw "nerd" too! :)

soozenw said...

Yep, I too thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?" I am not seeing "hero".

Leslie said...

I did a Twilight cake for my daughter's birthday and when I looked at it I thought "oh dear god how craptastic" (black fondant...yeah...good times). But after seeing these I suddenly feel like I did a really good job.

Usually I just get giggles here but thanks for the ego boost, Jen.

Yota Armai said...

Why is the toilet paper angry!

Bryna said...

Agreed, it says nerd, not hero. Also, what's with the slabs of bacon on that last cake?

Diana said...

I'm sorry, but I jsut HATE vampires. They are the whiney, lame-ass kings of the world.

I went to UC Santa Cruz, and the poor "I got picked on and beat up in high school" group in thier trenchcoats and top hats, or worse, capes, would play live-action role playing vampire games, wadering around the main street (PAcific) all hours trying to boost thier egos.

"I'm a vampire! I'm so cool! Please think I'm cool! Have a black rose! Vampires are so very depressed and black!"

Pretty much what Anne Rice was doing with her whole Vampire series.

I know I'm in the minortiy here, so bear with me.

Girls like vampires because they are un-threatening sexually (without blood, the "member" cannot function) yet scary and threatening (They can bite you and make you one of them! OoohhhhhHHHhhh!)

Lately, books and movies like "Twilight" have made the vampire even LAMER by turning them into teen hearthrobs. Sort of like David Cassidy with pointy teeth.

Read the original legends. In the beginning, vampires were stinking smelly walking corpses that could tear you apart. They weren't pretty.

They looked and smelled better in Dracula, but let's not forget that Vlad the impaler, well, impaled people. This involved jamming a long sharp pole up the butt and then sticking it in the ground so the live victim could slowly slide down.

How Romantic! What a birthday cake THAT would make!

Forget Vampires. Now werewolves, those guys are cool.

Alex said...

LOVE that every single post in the comments has to do with bacon or "What if I'm not the nerd!" Great minds, or nerd mentality?

Racecar said...

I was going to say that the last cake's line looked like it said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" but it seems that everyone else beat me to it. :}

Anonymous said...

I think the things on top of the last cake are supposed to look like the pictures on the front of the books. An apple, a chess piece and ...drum role...a red ribon. Too bad the ribon in icing looks so much like bacon!

Mandy said...

Is that...bacon, on the last wreck?

These cakes are horrible!

Anonymous said...

I think the things on top of the last cake are supposed to look like the pix on the book covers. An apple, a chess piece and ....drum role...a red ribon. Too bad a ribon looks very much like bacon when done in icing!

Sadie Potts said...

I thought the last cake said "What if I'm not a nerd?"

Bangs said...

Wow. I thought that said nerd, not hero. I also could have sworn they put bacon on that cake. I must get my eyes checked.

maya said...

Yeah, I'm casting my vote for a nerdy bacon-loving wreckreator.

Sydney said...

"Twi-hards"

You mean twi-tards. We had a girl get put in the hospital in our local highschool because she discriminated against the book saying she didn't like it and another girl attacked her giving her a concussion.

Those are horrible cakes. I can't imagine how bad black icing would stain.

Me Again said...

Shame on you, Jen!! I can't believe you missed that whole "What if I'm not the nerd? opportunity!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I, too, definately saw "nerd" instead of "hero" in the last one.

The Boob Nazi said...

It couldn't even be Forks, WA? Not even that much effort?

cyn said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the last cake said "what if I'm not the nerd"

I recently made a Twilight themed cake for my niece. It didn't come out disastrous, aside from having a pic of whats-his-face on it. I was even able to get a pic of myself taking a butcher knife to "Edward's" face. =)

Obviously, I'm not a fan of the series......

Another side note - there is better quality black edible ink out there that doesn't look green.

Ashley said...

Why does #6 have a picture of James Dean on it?

kirakira said...

Twilight to me is pretty much fantasy material for prepubescent teen girls, but this cake honestly made me lol:

http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/4623/twilightcakebq7.jpg

Stella said...

Just a word of warning, the black icing usually stains your lips and et al, BLUE...but not smurf blue. Cheers!

HMCIV said...

What if I'm not the hero? Oh. I first thought it said what if I'm not the nerd.

David B said...

I also saw "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Sunshine Mom said...

"oozing bell peppers" had me laughing out loud!

BeeOhVee said...

As an honest-to-goodness Twilight Mom (registered and all), thank you for posting these. I'm still wiping tears of laughter away.

Anonymous said...

Why is the chick on the 3rd cake (the one for Isabella) about to make out with Rhett Butler?

Anonymous said...

Nerd is the new Epcot.

StuffCooksWant said...

I read "what if I'm not the nerd" too and my immediate thought was "Don't worry, you are!"

eilbeback said...

I'm not saying anything about nerds or bacon. But, ewwwww, drippy blood on a cake? Gack!

LaurenH said...

Well I did NOT know Forks was the name of the town (I think I pride myself on having the LEAST Twilight knowledge of anyone I know) but you're right. Knowing that does nothing to help explain that cake.

Glad I'm not the only one that saw crispy bacon on the last one!

Brandy said...

Glad I am not the only one who saw nerd instead of hero. Also, why is there bacon on that last cake?

Also also, I don't really understand why you would airbrush an entire cake in the first place, rather than just dyeing the icing BEFORE you put it on. That would avoid the white scratch marks, and make all other nicks and imperfections harder to see, too. And just look better.

Terry Lee said...

lovin' your seinfeld reference to "man hands"!!!

that is all. :-)

Sheila Bennett said...

Is that BACON on the last cake?

Anonymous said...

Brandy -
Because it's really hard to dye truly black or truly red frosting without it tasting awful. It's a million times easier to airbrush those colors whenever possible.

Amberosia said...

Doesn't anyone read through the comments before posting? Bacon. Nerd. We get it. :D

As someone already said, the last cake is supposed to be representive of the four book covers: apple, red and white tulip, red ribbon and chess queen. Likewise, all of the text on the border are lines from the books. However, I don't get what the dusting of powdered sugar is all about. Snow? Sparklies? Maybe the dust of ancient Volturi's?

(Whoa. Went for a joke, but all I'm seeing is pathetic Twi-tard.)

Jo said...

Oh, "What if I'm not the hero?" I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd." huh.

Then, what's the deal with the white fire hydrant and red hose? or maybe that's a queen chess piece. But then what's with the peppers attacking each other? WTF? Are these the best quotes available? Maybe I should read the book. I don't understand. I didn't know the vampires had a hydrant/chess connection.

Anonymous said...

On the Isabella cake, is Bella turning into a werewolf? I think her giant hand has claws!

CookieMonster said...

Oh, gracious. Your commentary is the best. Very funny!

In fact, I would never have laughed at those cakes so much without your witty insights.

Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Cakey Goodness said...

I think there needs to be a "What if I'm not the nerd?" t-shirt!!

And thanks, Jen, for making me even *less* interested in Twilight than I ever thought possible.

Jo-Momma said...

I had to come to the comments section because I'm with y'all...the last cake looks like it says "what if I'm not the nerd?"

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Okay. The one where someone drew Edward and Bella (I can't believe I know their names and I've never read the books) is pretty darn awesome (even if poor Bella's arm is a bit swollen...maybe she's allergic to vampire saliva?).

The rest? Black-frosting wrecktastic. See, the way I see it, there's different levels of wrecky--"What the heck is it?", "Poo-like," and "Black frosting." XD

Juli said...

Is that bacon on the last cake?

SarahB said...

yes that totally says "what if I'm not the nerd?" I'm a Twilight fan and it took me a minute to realize that said hero.

Also in defense of the "guideline scratch marks"...I think that was on purpose because the movie art has those lines in the "Twilight" title art. The cake is still hideous though.

Anonymous said...

Loved all the Twilight wreckage. Some of them are just....no words, sorry.
Yes, the last cake looks like it says "nerd". Of course, true Twihard FF fans could think they are refering to "Geekward". After all, you gotta love a geeky Edward.

TF

The Revolutionary said...

Is that BACON on the last cake? If so, Twilight may have just made a fan out of me.

Amy said...

Ooooh...the top one is not too bad at all! Yes, I'd do that.:o)

The bleeding, oozing, rotten apples on the Forks-Twilight cake have me scratching my head in wonder.

And how can you turn "hero" into "nerd"??

~Amy B-H

Anonymous said...

hmmm, nerdy bacon cake for the fat chick with man hands...right on

Bridget Delaney said...

I agree with everybody that says it looks like "nerd."

6p00e5500e2b9c8834 said...

I saw the nerd too!!!

Seattle Mama said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?". Am I the only one who thought "yes, you are"?

Fluffy Cow said...

"Nerd is the new Epcot"

That right there is funny.

Tabitha said...

uh is that bacon on that last cake...double ugh and horrid

Anonymous said...

I could of sworn that last cake said What if im not a nerd? insted of what if im not a hero? Which is halarious!!!

Anonymous said...

OK, OK, I thought "nerd" too for the last cake. But what on earth does the FIRST cake say? "And so the ___ [obscured by label] fill in [scribble] with the dumb"?? I'm lost. (And obviously not a Twilight aficionado.)

giddy girlie said...

Agree with everyone above - the last one looks like "nerd" instead of hero. And also it looks like a depiction of bacon rape. Does that happen in the books?

Anonymous said...

I'm actually disappointed that the Twilight Mom's site is another bloody Twilight fansite and not really for Moms who "enjoy astronomical chitchat".

So hard to find other geek moms...

Anonymous said...

500th person tosay hero looks like nerd!

Anonymous said...

i also saw "what if i'm not the nerd". and what's with the bacon?
-helen

Anonymous said...

The illegible word is "guy." The quote is "What if I'm the bad guy."

Read the book about a million times.

My life is sad.

Tomara said...

Yep... nerd.

Elizabeth said...

Where are the Twilight cake picks when you need them?

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Mitch said...

I believe that the first cake says "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb." But don't quote me on that, I pride myself on having nothing to do with this overrated Twilight obsession.

Kim said...

I read that last cake as 'What if I'm not the nerd' too. Ha!!

Keiko said...

What are the fuzzy brown nipples on the blood stains on the Forks cake?

Kerry said...

Ha! I think I AM the nerd. I read your commentary as "Ferengi" not "Fangirl"

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who saw "nerd" instead of hero.

Chances are, being here, we ARE the nerd. Nobody needs to worry. :-)

Anonymous said...

The last one makes me sad. Here was me thinking that asparagus wrapped in bacon was the least of all the hors d' oeuvres, and now just look at it. Flaunting itself with wonky peppers and skid-mark leaving chess peices all over the place.

Anonymous said...

I totally read the last word as "epcot"

web said...

I'm guessing that "Forks" was just a stand in for a different F word, there...

Anonymous said...

LOL! I love the bacon slices on the bottom cake!

Lindsey said...

I thought the word on the last cake was "herd," not "hero." I was like, "What if I'm not the herd?!!?!?"

TwilightTwins2 said...

As a Twihard I obsessively appreciate anything that pertains to it, even if it's poking fun or mean. So thanks.
And yeah, I think it says "What if I'm not the nerd?" twee hee hee

Melissa said...

i do believe those guidelines are supposed to be a part of the 'twilight' logo. If you look at the movie posters or the one-sheets for the first movie, those guidelines are there albeit done better.

The co-ordinator said...

Yep. I agree with the "what if I'm not the nerd" comments.

Patty said...

I saw a couple slices of bacon and the words "what if I'm not the nerd" on the last one!

Anonymous said...

I hope that in recipes, if for some reason they can't obtain apples, these fine artists do not regularly substitute red bell peppers. Or vice versa.

Last time I checked, they weren't the same thing.

Anonymous said...

To be fair, there WAS a lot of blood involved at Bella's birthday party. Why not recreate the scene in CAKE? Ick.

Crystal said...

Maybe the last cake came with 3-D glasses, with which I might enjoy all the stunning special effects?

Anonymous said...

Haha! I saw "What if I am not the NERD?" also

Anonymous said...

I thought that was Elvis Presley and a morbidly obese Priscilla on the middle cake.

Mel said...

I also saw "nerd" on the last one. But my question is: Is that BACON on the last cake? I don't know what bacon has to do with vampires, but what an idea...cake with bacon on top.

Anonymous said...

Seven cakes in one day-- that is a lot of black icing. If you feel nauseous and your lips are turning blue... you've probably been eating one of these beauties!

I like how the fourth one has a Walmart mark with the little camera symbol on the "postage stamp." You know, to keep you from using this symbol in unauthorized ways that might diminish the image. *snicker*

Janny Tonic said...

"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"...yay!

Janny Tonic said...

"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"....hahaha!

Randomly G-Licious said...

Yes! Cake Wrecks and Twilight - my two favorite blog things smashed into one!

thesacredandtheprofane said...

New t-shirt idea, Jen. You need to have a "what if I'm not the nerd" shirt. I'd so totally buy it. Or at least add it to my Christmas list along with the carrot jockey and sprinkles shirts.

Kristine said...

bwah! why is the chess piece pooing out bacon?

Kristine

kathryn said...

These cakes were hilarious (and a little offensive to a die-hard Twilight fan such as myself). The last one looks like it has bacon on it.

Heather said...

I think the "white scratch marks" are supposed to be there.

They tried to recreate the Twilight movie logo:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a320/BhBear06/Twilight/twilight_logo.jpg

Anonymous said...

baha man hands.

black icing=black teeth.

Em said...

You know what fans of vampires are called, right?

Fang-girls.
hahaha

Sometimes I crack myself up. Especially if the joke is really, really bad.

Alex said...

Yes! I'm not the only person who read "What if I'm not the nerd?"

GeeRome said...

Now, I love Twilight just as much as the next no-longer-a-teenager, sparkling vampire romance obsessed woman ... But why in the world is there BACON on that last cake?

pita said...

oh my what wonderful wreckage!. i'm glad i'm not the only one that saw hero as nerd and thought that the flower and ribbon on the last cake looked like bacon. if it wasn't for the chess piece i probably wouldn't have figured out that they were trying to put the cover art from the 4 books all on one cake. i'm letting my daughter have a party when new moon comes out in november. i will defiantly be making their cupcakes myself after seeing some of this. not sure what we'd end up with for cupcakes if i request werewolf heads.

C. Beth said...

I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.

redraven said...

I'm with Lindsey - I saw the line as "what if I am not the herd". My other reaction was "what the heck - is that BACON on that cake?" Maybe it was a breakfast cake - strawberry jelly and bacon. Very strange. My daughter is 24 and has complete and utter disdain for all things Twi, so I have no idea what the text on the cake is supposed to mean.

Jen, you never fail to make me laugh. Thanks!

WV: swerst Those gotta be some of the swerst cakes I've ever seen!

Anonymous said...

Yes! "What if I'm not the nerd?" T-shirts that have a red bell pepper, bacon-wrapped asparagus, bacon on its own, and a comparably giant, inexplicable white fire hydrant. All on a lopsided black background flaked with snow. Can't believe I didn't go into design professionally.

E.M. Green said...

Trish, Pip, Wayne, Jael, Taylor@, Anonymous (1-18), Debbo, Gary, Malek, Savannah, Bittersweet, Mio, WriteCards, Nobody, Nadine, poornamelesscat, April, Susan, Michelle, Kashmir, Beth, Jean, Dame Ruth, Emily, Melissa G., Beth, -SeaNymph-, Hanna, Jen, Mario, Trevor, loonieroonie, Sara, Emily, Nic, amy=), Stephanie, Bryna, Alex, RaceCar, Sadie Potts, Bangs, cyn, HMCIV, David B, stuffcookswant, Jo, Cakey Goodness, Jo-Momma, SarahB, Amy, Bridget Delaney, giddygirlie, Tomara, Kim, TwilightTwins2, The Coordinator, Mel, Jonnytonic, and Alex,

I saw "nerd" as well.

But I did not notice bacon.

-Green

WV: pinta-Yes, I sailed that boat. What then?

Lizard said...

After having read all 159 "nerd" and "bacon" comments, I have to saythe very very best one is

"And also it looks like a depiction of bacon rape. Does that happen in the books?"

Snort... too funny.
I also saw nerd and would like that on a tee!

WV: czygorte - A phase one goes through on the way to becoming a twihard. You start as a czygorte, become a nerdhero and then become a twihard.

Michelle said...

wait it doesn't say "What If I'm Not the Nerd?" ???


Dribbly... much like the books... (sorry not a fan really)

Enjay said...

Yes to the nerd.
No to the bacon.

What I'd like to know is when are we going to see Edward with a yellow sanding sugar complexion. *Sparkly* LOL!

Oh, and the very first carrot jockey? Dismounted, but we're researching* glues to get him back in the saddle.

Enjay

*by researching I mean the man makes a suggestion and I veto it. So far caulk, gorilla glue, wood glue, super glue and something called liquid weld have been shot down for fear of inducing a grotesque appearance in the crotchal region.

foxfyre said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake.

Fork Twilight indeed.

Anonymous said...

The "Happy Birthday Isabella" cake looks like Elvis and a rather Large Pricilla.
Louise H.

Jill said...

Am I the only one who sees bacon on that last cake? Not that there's ever a wrong time for bacon .... =9

Anonymous said...

What if I'm... the jock? *gasp!*

tara said...

C. Beth said...
I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.
___________________________
Have not read the books either.
Also thought it was a gone with the wind theme

twilighater said...

well...i was gonna say that the last one says "what if im not the nerd"
but the last 50,000 people said that
so
i'll just keep my sinde comments to myself

KarlyH said...

What is with the bacon-looking device on the last one? I agree that it totally looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?" and I thought that was pretty Twilight-appropriate.

Anonymous said...

All that black icing..:S

I'm glad I'm not the only one who say, "what if I'm not the nerd?" xD

Trace and Sarah said...

That looks like bacon strips on the last cake!

allia said...

I also saw "What if I'm not the nerd."
Glad to know I'm not alone.

EeeGee said...

Okay laughing SO hard - so glad there are a loads of us that think it says "What if I'm not the nerd" :-D

(Oh and just in defence of one bit... they're not guide lines, they're actually part of the Twilight logo. Not that it makes it ANY better!!)

Unicorn Girl said...

I thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Melissa said...

I'm glad we all agree the last cake says "nerd." For a second I panicked, but then I remembered that I am most definitely The Nerd.

Syldoran said...

You know what?

If Twilight had actually had fighting bacon strips and such lines as "What if I'm not the nerd?" I might have actually slightly enjoyed reading it.

I want fighting bacon. :v

Sarah said...

I saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake too...no way that says "hero"!

Marcy W. said...

I definitely saw bacon, too, on that last one. And "nerd." I thought it was a spoof cake at first, but the bacon threw me WAY off! Vampires don't eat bacon! Unless they're desperate, maybe. I'm guessing a live pig would work better than a cooked one. Wow. Contemplating the bacon for way too long, here.

Marcy W. said...

I GOT IT!!!!! The bacon-looking stuff is supposed to be the tulip from the cover of "New Moon!" What do I win????? (Maniacal cackle for figuring it out!!!!!!)

Dominique said...

I HATE Twilight with a burning passion that fills my very soul until I feel ablaze with the agony of rage. These cakes cool the flames a little. I mean, Twi-hards have to have a sense of humor about their wrecks, right? So therefore, we CAN coexist!

Anonymous said...

"Quality" cakes to match Twilight's "quality" writing.

Ann said...

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

The good news: today is my birthday!

The bad news: at my age ... another birthday

The good news: my husband and son got me a Cake Wrecks book!

The bad news: they've bogarted the book ... both have read it, and I still haven't had my turn.

Haiku Joy said...

Go on! Forks Twilight!
Forks the nerds AND the heroes.
Forks the bacon too!

holly said...

I read 'nerd'. I see bacon. I wonder about bacon on a cake. And I can't work up much interest in vampires, either to like or hate. Although I did like Bram Stoker's Dracula (the movie) years ago. Pirates are infinitely more interesting creatures, both real and created.

Susan said...

I'm so totally the nerd. And I'll be taking the bacon. Thanks!

*Jewels* said...

Is it me? or does that last cake look like it has bacon on it??

Anonymous said...

I haven't read the books, but I don't remember there being a bacon themed cover... what is that supposed to be on the last cake?

Heather said...

Oh, and WHY IS THEIR BACON ON THAT LAST CAKE?!

Anonymous said...

My fave worlds collided! Thanks so much for the Twi-wreckage!

Klin said...

I totally thought that last one said "what if I'm not the nerd." Threw me for a loop, momentarily.

Little Lovables said...

the handdrawn one is pretty great... what is with bella's ruffle shirt though... it looks as though edwards hand is up there!

Sixxlet said...

It looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?"

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