Monday, October 19, 2009

Sideshow Slideshow

Monday, October 19, 2009

(Yeah, just try saying that three times fast.)

Step right up, folks! Witness the stupendous, astounding, incomprehensibly incomprehensible, Freak Animal Mutations Only a Baker Could Create!

First, feast your eyes on a spectacle n'er before seen this side of Pooville...

The crappily conjoined cupcake kitties!
Yessir, there's nuthin' like a few fecal felines to show a baker's "anything goes" attitude - especially when they number two. [smirk]

Well it looks like a frog, but I detect some monkey business.


"Walk the dog"? Looks more like "Scrape the Sidewalk."

And don't you love it when Wrecks are so unrecognizable that the bakers have to write us little clues on the cake board? I think I'll have to do a whole post on those soon...

Oh, but first, remember that kiddy song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"

meeyOW.


Ok, last one - just for the "shell" of it:


"Dude, I used to have nightmares about a turtle that looked exactly like this when I was little."

"But that was a long time ago. How can you be sure?"

"Turtle recall."


Thanks to Wreckporters Sarah P., Melissa T., Meredith, Kristin C., & Ed P.!

- Related Wreckage: Blame Decopac
Jasini said...

I have no trouble saying that three times fast.

That that that.

Milton said...

Note to self: do not attempt to eat cereal while reading CakeWrecks.


"Turtle Recall"

spews milk and cereal bits on to monitor

BWAHAHAHA

Debbra said...

Walter.
Tango.
Foxtrot.

nuff said

Ellen said...

The best thing about the tiger is the extra cupcake/ paw print off to the side!

Hyacinth said...

Those green things are turtles? Are you sure???

MarliO said...

Turtles? I thought those were possessed radioactive beehives!

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

"Turtle recall" - that's awesome.

I figured you'd go with "those blobs look returtled."
Or maybe "these put the turd in turtle!"

deckardcanine said...

"Turtle recall" is so bad I wish I'd thought of it.

Natasha D said...

OK so I got through the whole post with my 22 month son looking at the pictures, but when we got to the poo-turtles he just pointed and kept going "uu-uuu-uuu". Even he thought they were incomprehensible. Doesn't bode well, now does it?

Anonymous said...

Do people actually BUY these???

Anonymous said...

"turtle recall" ??!!!!

boo! hiss!

(ok, I did a literal lol, so kudos to you there)

Colleen said...

OMG that last joke actually made me laugh out loud. My daughter even looked at me funny. Turtle recall...hehehehehhe.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Okay, so where's the jackalope cake? :)

Mike Owens said...

Are you sure those are supposed to be turtles?

I'm Lori...and maybe I'm you, too. said...

Yeah, I think I have to agree. The turtles are definitely the scariest things on there. Holy crap! Are we even sure those aren't flesh-eating aliens?

Cat Skyfire said...

You made me groan with the Turtle Recall.

And my eyes are now hurting from the wreckage.

Sarah McNair said...

My 3 year old son just asked me "What are those green things by the tiger". Turtle schmurtle I say!

SoCalAmy said...

Those turtles scare me.

RoseAnn said...

Thanks! Now I have the "ears hang low" song stuck in my head!

joyce said...

maybe the first picture is showing the inner desire of the baker for some fuzzy slippers for Christmas???

Anonymous said...

Not related to this post, but you might be interested to know that Amazon shipped pre-orders of your book in the Uk today.

Jim Todd said...

Re: the one that looks like a frog/monkey cross:

(singing in his best Kermit The Frog voice)

"It's not easy being brown..."

Nikki said...

Those so-called turtles look like piles of alien poop. With faces.

Sweet Success said...

Animals on crack. Look at the dogs eye!

peaches1111_00 said...

LOOK! It's a TURDle!!

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

those are grossness!!!!

str4y said...

heh. Turtle recall.

Jenn said...

turtle recall....

I actually groaned aloud. :) Loved it tho.

Jenn

Jill J said...

My 5 year old said the the "turtles" were "probably aliens."

Anonymous said...

Don't you mean "turdle"?

Bek said...

Wait. Wait. Wait.

That brown monkey frog thing... it's supposed to be a monkey? Because it took me a good 2 minutes to realize it wasn't a brown frog with something stuck on it's head. The bananas gave it away.

Green poo turtles. Yum.

WV: Terma. As in, these wreckerators should be terma-nated from their current positions.

Mrs. X said...

My 5 year old saw the picture of the turtles and said, "ALIENS!"

Anonymous said...

Those conjoined turd cats shall haunt my dreams!! ((shudders))

WriteCards said...

Those "kitties" look like old (and I mean, very old) slippers.

Those "turtles" look like poo piles. Very sick poo piles!

Janella said...

Those are turtles?? They look like aliens! Or maybe they are turtles made of alien poo??

Stephanie said...

Turtle recall...
*snickers*
Niiice. ;)

Anonymous said...

Ok, I like to challenge myself to identify the cakes before reading the commentary, then I go back and read it all. I had absolutely no idea those were supposed to be turtles...That is a pretty amazing wreck.

VeggieT said...

Turtle Recall?...................................
..........................................
..........................................
..........................................
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..cough cough ahem...

nice...

Jo UK said...

I think the special effects department of the BBC who deal with making props for Dr Who would be interested to see that last photo . . . . or maybe they check in here every now and then to get new ideas for their freaky alien characters . . .

Madeleine said...

I thought that first set of cupcakes was supposed to be a pair of bunny slippers. Maybe a pair of bunny slippers made of poo, but still.

As for the turtles, if you hadn't told me that was what they were, I would not have guessed "turtle" myself. Nuclear Plants After the Meltdown would have been my first guess.

Anonymous said...

Kid: Daddy, I want Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Decorator: (writing) mutant turtles...

Anonymous said...

OMG! That first one looks like two kitties peeking out from under a pile a of poo! The the tiger one looks like he has those hipster ear-plug thingies. Then, man it just gets weirder and scarier from there. I am amazed at the never-ending selection of terrifying cakes offered up for real hard-earned cash.

jess said...

that frog monkey cake scare the hell out of me...really it looks like it would be squatiing on some level of Dante's inferno.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Do people actually buy this crap?

Kelly said...

The "cats" look like poorly made slippers. Frogs are amphibians and rarely have belly buttons or eyebrows, but they are all about rocking the matador hats, so I'm not sure what that one is supposed to be. The dog could be from the old "Davey and Golieth" cartoon, if it weren't so swirly - and I do mean swirly! I would so order the Tony the Tiger splat; it's hilarious! I won't even try to top turtle recall. It just can't be done. You are the Pun-Master!

WV: bechec - Are these cakes wrecks? You bechec!

Michele said...

LMAO @ Turtle Recall!!

word verification: dewshne I'll let y'all have fun w/ that one...lol

Kerri said...

They're not "turtles," they're "TURDLES"!!!

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

I thought the 1st one was a 2-headed racoon.

Caroline B said...

Still can't get my head around the fact people are supposed to BUY these poor rejects from The Island of Dr. Moreau!
Got your book in the post last Saturday - heehee, been chuckling over it ever since

LaurenH said...

did...did those two sumo-turtlebots kill mini blue Santa????

I'm so confused.

Vickie said...

The last one reminds me of something I would of found in my lil girls diaper a few years ago as for the "Frokey" (frog monkey) my lil girl loved it.

Cory said...

I think they're the turtle-like aliens from The Fifth Element, the Mondoshawan.

PetalsYoga said...

I will be using the term, " a few fecal felines" as often as possible today...

Great post as always.

ladycrim said...

I think we found the turtles that caused the salmonella outbreak ...

Char said...

Is there any cake under the mound of turtle frosting? EWWW!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer, Crazy Woman said...

Those siamese kitties make me want to diet.

Natballs said...

Those looks like cakes I would make.
Seriously.

Hobbit said...

Oh, poor kitties! Not only do they have heads too small in proportion to their bodies, but their bodies are covered in poo! Something unfortunate happen in the litter box? Poor kitties.
Thanks for the morning spit take, guys!

Chrissy said...

I think the Monkey/Frog is actually a Mr.Potato Head with well... bananas on the bottom. Come on, the hat, ears and eyes. Anyone???

Amy said...

Fecal Felines..gag.
~Amy B

Erin said...

The green blob cupcakes remind me of the Mondoshawans from Fifth Element.

Hartley said...

The Dog CCC, my three year old says, "Awww, that's a nice cat-skunk cake." LOL

Hartley
hartleysboys.blogspot.com

Evie said...

Love the bad puns. (Turtle Recall - rofl). Just like in the old Dilbert cartoons before he focused solely on office life.

Megan said...

I hypothesize that on the tiger cake the Team Mom (I'm assuming this is for some sort of child's team) ordered a certain number of cupcakes (say, 20) and that the bakery couldn't possibly cram another cupcake into that crazy tiger head. So they added one to the side to complete the order.

Please excuse me, I just spent an inordinate amount of time wondering why there was a random cupcake off to the side on the tiger cake and this is what I came up with. Had to share.

Angela said...

Yikes. I got nothing else.

eco_kitty said...

I agree with the others. Turtles do indeed look like poo piles.

I was reminded of this time when my son (he was about 1 at the time) had too many of those green freezer pops (his grandmother did it).

Yes... green poo. Perhaps the baker was recalling a similar event? ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure these are turtles. They look like the weird aliens from "The 5th Element" or the ones from "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy!"
Take your pick. ;)

Ashley said...

Re: the joke at the end of this post. Jen, you're so hilarious! I heart you.

Andy Mathis said...

Those turtles sort look like squished schleestacks from Land of the Lost, the 70's version.

Anonymous said...

"Turtle Recall"...HA!HA!

The Walk the Dog "cake" looks like a turtle head morphed on to some sort of hobbyhorse body.

I love turtles, but not these!

Krusho said...

I think Monkey Frog needs to be on a shirt or apron...just sayin' ;)

Sarah said...

Oh my. I very nearly snorted Root Beer out my nose while reading this post. It was a close thing. God, those cupcake creatures are horrifying and yet so hilarious.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The cats scare me (run faaaar away!), but the tiger made me laugh. It's not so "grrrrreat!"

Turtles? Those are TURTLES?

*resumes running faaaaaar away*

Melissa (& Billy) said...

And I forgot about the dog. The dog looks...I dunno. I wouldn't want to be in a dark room with a dog that has crazy eyes like that.

Nor a frog/monkey thing. "Mommy, the eyes are following me!!"

These are more wrecky than usual--and that's saying something!

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

No, that last one looks like the spawn of the Michelin man and the Incredible Hulk. Not that's a hook-up.

WV: welly
Do you welly think so? I welly do.

Jaemi said...

Those "turtles" look a little like the the "turd" the older brother, Chet, got turned into in the movie Weird Science!!

Katharina from Germany said...

Sorry for being off-topic (the pictures have rendered me quite speechless), just wanted to tell that your book has been delivered to my home in Germany today and we LOVE it!
I know I'm probably not the first German to have ordered it, but still...:)

Deborah in California said...

No. No. No. The AWFUL (snort) pun-opportunity aside, surely those green blobs were sent to remind us to Wash Our Hands. They are clearly GERMS from the heretofore unknown Turtle-Flu virus. So you turtle-ly need to remember to take your vitamins and get plenty of rest..... Especially you, John.

Splorp! What's that, Cake Decorator Person? Oh... Let's call it a turtle.

all the best to you,
Deborah in California

dharmamama said...

Are those "turtles", cupcakes covered in green poo, I mean frosting? Maybe they've never seen a turtle?

"Well, they're green. And round. And... that's about it."

feathergirl said...

Why don't they just start making entire cakes out of frosting? Sheesh.

Cake Believe said...

Turtle Recall????

Get your a$$ to Mars...
Get your a$$ to Mars....
Get your a$$ to Mars....

Mary said...

Turtle recall....lol

Haiku Joy said...

Wicked cool tiger
cranks up his flesh tunnels' gauge,
smiles despite crossed eyes.

Cyndi said...

My 11 year old son thinks the punchline on the last cake should say,"Turdle Recall".
My kid cracks me up.

rachelle said...

i laughed out loud when i saw the turtle faces.

lisa said...

I have never seen "cupcake cakes" in real life...who? why? what were they thinking?

I did look back on your blog a few days ago, reading all your old posts and my three year old was in my lap when we saw the caterpillar and where the wild things are. I know what I am going to try and do for her and her sisters' birthdays in June (wild thigns) and Aug (very hungry...)

Thanks for the blog! Its great to escape to durring time outs =)

Erin said...

You heartless people, have none of you noticed!? That poor monkey, his arms are coming out of his FACE! Oh, the horror those wreckerators inflict on poor, unsuspecting animal cakes.

Nicholas Piasecki said...

Whispers the words....

I kind of like the tiger.

(Hides in shame.)

Kimberly Chapman said...

OMG that monkey thing scared me as I scrolled past quickly by mistake. It was a like mask of horror flashing on my screen.

I shouldn't look at this blog before bed...I'll have nightmares...

Crystal said...

There is no excuse for not thinking twice before you break out the brown icing, people!

Angie said...

LOL, it's 2cats1cup(cakecake)!

Ricebubbles said...

Does everybody notice the conjoint cat twins, who have been run over, the heads-neither of them- match the colour of the body. Not even if you mashed the head colours together would you get that colour. As a cat lover I am appalled.

Now the monkey frog. I'm not going to go on about its shape. I AM however going to ask if the gel things for arms and above the head are bath gel which often comes like that...not in that colour though.

I'm not even going to comment on the dog which seems to have been pieced together from petrified poop in an effort to recreate some semblance of a malformed bear, kept as a pet dog.

The tiger looks like it was once a tiger rug, was spewed on by some fluoro paint eating kid and then steam rolled.

What HAS the baker been eating?
green poop turtles??
i wonder what the inspiration for THAT one was
I think the swirly-ness to the green should have us ALL worried.

Beth said...

LMAo

"Walk the dog"? Looks more like "Scrape the Sidewalk."

And don't you love it when Wrecks are so unrecognizable that the bakers have to write us little clues on the cake board? I think I'll have to do a whole post on those soon...

A whole post on that would be great!!!

Thank you for your blog!!!

sleeplessnights04 said...

I know you've read it before but "Turtle Recall" ha ha ha!

Connie said...

My 3 year old said the frog was a monkey and just look confused at the turtles and said "What is it Mama??"

stashmuffin said...

I am in pain, and it's not punny.

urbangirl said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... I think iv seen these turtles before to.... ;)

Jess T said...

Whenever I need a laugh, you always come through! :)

diopsideanddiamonds said...

I can't figure out why The Evil Empire insists on using the poo-tube for all of their cupcake and cupcake-like items. I mean, I get the ease, but for the love of cake, use a star tip!

Anonymous said...

I think the "Walk the Dog" one isn't actually a dog, but is actually a warning of what will happen on your floor if you forget to do just that.

Anonymous said...

Could we have a post dedicated to WalMart cakes that DON'T suck? Some of us WM decorators are actually pretty good, which is amazing considering the complete lack of training we get. "Here's some frosting, figure it out!" Speed and keeping the shelves full is more important than quality, but some of us do manage both...

Teddy Started It said...

DAMN! How'd you know those were turtles?!?!

pantherliwong said...

it's like green poo with ghost faces...how could they let this happen?!?

Sexy Sadie said...

Oh man, those turtle things are creepy!

E.M. Green said...

Thank you for making me smile when I didn't want to.

maxon said...

Oh, turtles - I see it now.

Wait - no I don't.

Tess Carter said...

I could be wrong... I HOPE I'm wrong, but based on knowledge learned from a lingerie shower game, I'm pretty sure 'walk the dog' is a euphemism...

which makes it all the more disturbing.

Anonymous said...

oops I meant frog...in a monkey costume. -eve

Kylie said...

Turtle recall! That pun was so bad, it caused me physical pain. That "tiger" ccc reminded me of that part from the movie Drop Dead Fred where Fred's head got stuck in the refrigerator...does anyone else remember it?
Here is a link to the photo...
http://content8.flixster.com/photo/11/02/81/11028126_gal.jpg ?

Amy said...

That tiger looks like they used a UTERUS mold and colored it orange. So VERY wrong.

Suzanne Dargie said...

Okay! I laughed until I snorted! How embarrassing!

Ashley said...

Turtle Recall?

AHAHAHAHAH!

That is seriously the funniest thing I've heard all week.

ranzkiedoodles said...

they're not green poo?

joyce said...

those green things ... are they going to start reciting bad poetry soon?

Andrea said...

The top one looks like poo-slippers and the last one looks like what happens when I eat corn.

Andrea

Stephanie said...

Crappily conjoined cupcake kitties--there's no way you can read that aloud and not laugh.

Mary said...

Is it bad that I saw those turtles and automatically saw a World of Warcraft character?

http://common.allakhazam.com/images/d/4/d4cdd505428a425c46e7ca752353d333.png

You be the judge!

consignmentcafe said...

turdles...laughing at all! thanks for the gigles

Kristin st paul MN said...

ah- what is coming out of the side of the monkey-frog? looks a little...YIKES!