The Kings of Wreckage

My friend John Gjertsen sent me this clip, and I would be downright remiss - nay, negligent! - if I didn't share it with the rest of you:

It starts a little slow, so feel free to skip the first 30 seconds. After that it just keeps getting better, as France's finest pastry chefs drop, devour, and destroy (not necessarily in that order) a cornucopia of cakery.

I can't decide which I like better, this quote:

Or the final few seconds of the chefs chewing. *giggle*

News Bites

This week's "top" headlines, illustrated by Wrecks.

Because that's how the news should be told.

"That's 'Sir' to you!" Star Trek's Patrick Stewart knighted.

And to mark this happy occasion, the saddest Star Trek cake I have ever seen:

Eesh. That's boldly going, all right.

Tiger Woods Hits Three Fans With His Balls

This golf cake really fits the story to a "tee," don't you think?

From the article:

Asked what he discovered at Muirfield Village, Woods laughed.

“Well, I’m capable of playing four rounds in a row,” he said. “Thank you.”

Subway Teaches World What "Tessellate" Means By Finally Agreeing to Do It To Their Cheese

Note: This cheese is not tessellated.
Nor is it cheese.
Nor do I want to sink my teeth into it.

Our final headline is actually from last month, but I had to include it anyway. Here's why:

Student Being Mugged Saved By Actual Ninjas

A-ha! See, I knew it! Ninjas are both awesome AND workers for good.

Why, just look at them all here, enjoying a friendly game of soccer*:

Aw. So cute.

Alaskanmama, Lynn W., Louisa A., Mary Ann S.& Susan H., if soccer's not your thing, then here's a bakery with all KINDS of Ninja designs to choose from:

See? Something for everyone!

*Note from john: It should be noted that Jen firmly believes that anything vaguely rectangular and green with lines on it must, by default, involve soccer. I think it's because she's Irish and enjoys body paint and rioting.

Follow-Up Note from Jen: Do not! Sometimes I think they involve hockey.

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

Hey all,

For the past 16 months or so, Jen has made it her goal in life to post here every single day. And for the most part, she's succeeded.

On vacation? The post goes up.
Christmas day? The post goes up.
Husband dying in the hospital? The post goes up.

The hardest part about this is that she has to be funny, or at least try to be, with every post. This is, well, starting to take its toll. ("No, really, Sweetie, that tic is barely noticeable.") Cake Wrecks was built on funny, but when daily deadlines take precedence, the funny can suffer - and that's not good for anyone.

So starting today, we're gonna be cutting back on Saturday posts, since it's our slowest day. We'll still do our best to post every other day of the week, but if we do miss one from time to time, just know it's in the best interests of Jen's sanity, the quality of the posts, and Cake Wrecks as a whole.

Thanks for understanding, guys. Here's to much, much more facial-tic-free Wreckage and laughter.

Wreck On!

john (the hubby of Jen)

The Final Countdown

(Ok, so it's not really the "final" countdown, but I have that song stuck in my head so I'm going with it.)

Several of you have asked for updates on the charities we're highlighting each day, and since we're at the halfway point, I figured now was a good time. (Oh, and if you haven't check in in a while - well first, shame on you: you call yourself an evil wrecky henchperson? Really? - but second, go here to find out what all this charity stuff is about.)

All totals are as of late Friday evening, and each link goes to the corresponding donation page.

Charity:Water - $11,405 raised online so far. That's a little over halfway to our initial goal of $20K! Every $5K builds a well that serves 250 people in need of clean drinking water, so as of now more than 500 people will be helped thanks to your dollars.

St. Jude Children's Research Hospital - Sorry, we didn't set up a page to track these donations. But you know you gave, right? So that's all that matters.

Heifer International - $5,166 raised online so far. Again, that's over halfway to our $10K goal!

Child's Play - since they also accept Paypal (and prefer it if the donation is more than $1), we don't have totals for Child's Play. On our First Giving page we've had $1,889 given - but again, the majority of us gave via Paypal.

Share Our Strength - Initially featured on Day #2 of the Countdown, so a lot of you donated before we had a way of keeping a tally. (Had to switch to St. Jude because the site wouldn't accept $1 donations.) On our First Giving page now, though, we have $2,332.

Puffy Paws Kitty Haven - Another with two options to give, but we've talked to Rick & Chrissy and they reported over $4,500 given through Paypal. So combined with the $3,632 on the FG page, that's over $8,000 - or enough to feed and house the cats for over two months, plus pay for the deworming meds they needed. Great job, guys - let's see if we can still meet that $10K goal.

Doctors Without Borders - $3,059 raised online so far.

If you haven't had the chance to give your dollar a day to these charities yet, then please consider this as your friendly nudge to do so. Where else can that single smackeroo be put to such great work? Strength in numbers, my friends! Let's do this thing!

And to all of you who have given: thank you, so very much. Here's to a new year made a little better, thanks to your generosity.

Catchin' the Spirit

I've jokingly told my friends and family that I'm boycotting Christmas this year, and I bet a lot of you can relate: too much stress, too little time to sit back and remember what it was that you used to love about this time of year, and too many annoying advertisers screeching that you're a bad parent or friend or loved one if you don't BUY STUFF - and lots of it.


But here's the thing: buying the usual run of candles and foot massagers and, yes, even outrageously funny gift books [wink wink] for my loved ones doesn't get me in the holiday spirit. Frankly, most of these gifts don't get them in the spirit, either.

"Gee, you shouldn't have. No, seriously."

I found inspiration in the form of Wreckie Collette Yates (no relation) and the Charity Cake-Wreck-a-thon she and some friends recently put together in Brighton. See, they asked friends and community members to bring in horrendously decorated baked goods (and boy, were there some doozies) which they sold at a local train station. In one afternoon they managed to raise 450 pounds for two cancer-fighting charities.

(From the left, that's Rachel, Collette, & Helen)

The power of Wreckage, used for good!

Now, Cake Wrecks is the sole source of income for me and John. (We used to be painters, but the economy nixed that.) However, thanks to you readers we can still afford to to give a little.

Which got us thinking: If 3 gals can use Cake Wrecks as a springboard to organize something that cool for charity, why can't we? And since Wreckies are some of the most creative, giving, and nattily dressed folks we know....

(You continue to rock, Mary Beth.)

...then why not get you, the evil wrecky henchpersons, involved?

So here's the deal: instead of buying gifts or trees or decorations this year, John and I are going to donate a minimum of $200 to a different charity or worthy cause, every day, for the next two weeks.

Which ones?

Well, that's where you come in.

See, we have a few organizations in mind, but certainly not 14. So, I'm asking for your recommendations.What are you passionate about? Where do you volunteer your time, talents, and money? Who do you know that needs help? Tell me in the comments (not e-mail!), so that we all can read and learn and maybe even give a little together.

Oh, and if you're worrying that CW is going to turn into a charity-pushing propaganda site for the next few weeks: don't. I'll just be adding a footnote to each day's post giving you the name of the organization, a one-sentence summary, and a link if you want to learn more.

Now, John and I will be choosing each day's charity based on our own individual passions - which might not match up exactly with your own - but even so I'm going to issue you a little challenge. Ready? Here 'tis:

Give one dollar to each day's charity.

If you each give one dollar - just one solitary smackeroo - together we can raise over $80,000 each day. BAM. Just like that. Imagine that 14 times over, all for worthy causes. Imagine the number of lives that could impact. Imagine, if you will...the bragging rights.

Yeah, you heard me. When you get involved in something that awesome, you get major bragging rights.

Ok. So. You pumped? You with me? You...ready for this post to be over? Heh, I hear ya.

Today's charity is Charity: Water. These guys use 100% of all donations to drill wells and provide clean drinking water to developing nations. Believe it or not, 1 out of 8 people on the planet lack this basic life-need, and every $5,000 builds a well that serves over 250 people.

Go here to donate your $1. That's the CW campaign page, where you can watch our progress, leave notes, and learn more. (Watch the video: it'll make you do a happy dance.) I've set us an easy goal - just $20K, or 4 wells - so I can't wait to see how far above and beyond that you guys are going to get us.

It's just a dollar, guys. C'mon. Let's do this together.

Note: PayPal *is* an option to donate, if you click here and hit the red donate button. A few caveats, though: PayPal takes $.30 of your dollar in fees, and your donation can't be tracked as part of the CW campaign that way. However, the point here is to give, so if you're only comfortable using PayPal, then please do so!

Update: One well down! That's right, guys, as of 4PM EST, we raised enough to pay for one well! Just three more to go...

The Cake Wrecks "Virtual" Tour

Not to be confused with the Cake Wrecks "World" Tour, the Cake Wrecks "Virtual" Tour will take you - virtually, of course - to a fabulous new blog or website each day this week. I'm happy to report that the tour stops are a diverse bunch, too, so hopefully you'll find some fun new gems to add to your blogroll.

Today's stop: Blogher.

Blogher's tagline is "The community for women who blog," and odds are you already read a few blogs in their extensive network. At their homepage you will find a plethora (yes, I would say there are a "plethora") of articles on every subject imaginable affecting women.

Things like career:


Parenting:


Current events:

(That's the most adorable celebration of a deadly disease you're likely to see today.)

And of course relationships:

Ah, romance.

(Lest I give you the wrong idea, I should note that Blogher does not actually illustrate all of their articles with cakes. But they should.)

Julie Godar is a managing editor at Blogher, and she and I talk about this blog, the new Cake Wrecks book, the blogs that make me laugh, and much more in her article here. So go, read, enjoy! (Or enjoy, read, and go - I know how those tetchy bladders can be...)


Rebecca, Michael H., Ainsley R., & Cathy B., way to "go"!


- Related Wreckage: Kids These Days

"World" Tour Final Countdown

To commemorate the upcoming book tour (only one week away!) John and I convinced our good friend Ray Lau to design us a nifty little logo. Check it out:

Fun, huh? Or creepy/cute, depending on how you look at it. Be sure to check out Ray's site if you're in the market for a graphic designer.

Since a few of you Tweeting Twits asked for it, I've made the logo available on a shirt (both for men and for women) and also a cute little tote on Zazzle for only $10.55. What's more, Zazzle is running a sale this week, so use the code "PIRATEDAYTEE" and you'll get $3 off every t-shirt you order. What a deal, right?

This will probably be my last tour-related update, so here are just a few tips for those of you planning to come see us.

1) If you haven't already, please RSVP - even if it's a "maybe." We want to make sure we have enough cake, books, and room for everyone. To RSVP, click on your city name in the sidebar on the right

2) If you're planning on buying a book at the store, or if you have a cupcake entry, please try to get there early. We have LOTS of fun stuff to pack into a short amount of time, not the least of which is my signing all of your books, so we don't want you to miss anything.

3) Make sure your cupcake is on a small plate or board of some kind, and that it has your name on it. Those of you who actually write "Your Name" on it will get laughs, but no credit. ;) That matters, because the top three cupcakes will win fabulous prizes. Fabulous, I say!

Oh, and I nearly forgot: I just learned that we still need bakeries to provide the cake in San Francisco and in Dallas. If you're a professional baker in one of those cities, and you'd like to show off your skills and get a little free advertising at the same time, please e-mail me!

And that's it! I can't tell you how excited I am to meet so many of you soon. Come ready to party! Those of you in NY and Bethesda will have the added honor of meeting my Wrecksistant, Anne-Marie, who also happens to be John's sister. Believe me, this is gonna be good.

Book Release Update - Don't Panic. :)

Some of you who have pre-ordered Cake Wrecks are getting e-mails stating that it may not ship for several more weeks, or even as late as early October. Naturally, if you're coming to the book tour you want your copy before that! So we looked into it, and fortunately Andrews McMeel tells us that the book left their warehouses today. Accounting for travel and stocking time, then, it should be on shelves or in the mail to you by next week, just in time for the book tour kick-off. So there shouldn't be any need to cancel your online order - although you may want to call your bookstore for an update if you haven't received your copy by late next week.

Also, if you haven't placed a pre-order, rest assured that each store will have plenty of copies on hand for you to purchase there.

Thanks to those of you who let us know about this, and John and I will see some of you in a few weeks!

- Jen

Like Our New Look?

Hmm, something seems a little different here on Cake Wrecks today, doesn't it?

:D

Yep, behold the glory of our brand new site design! Thanks for the many lovely comments so far; I do hope you'll all find it more streamlined and purty-like.

Shout-out time: many MANY thanks to Awesome Aric (yes, I think that's how I shall refer to him from now on) of Tiki Kitchen Design. Aric has been working with me and John for weeks now, and for every "hey, what if we tried THIS?" he gave us multiple options and somehow managed to mask his desire to throttle us with unbridled patience and enthusiasm. Those of you familiar with web design know just how difficult it is to design a customized site in Blogger, so the fact that Aric was willing to try - and had the skills to write code from the ground up when necessary - has been a godsend. We'll be continuing to tweak some of the links and pages this week, but in the meantime y'all be sure to thank Aric in true CW fashion, k?

And, Aric? We mean that. Truly. ;)

Update: It seems we have all the bugs worked out now but we're hoping you guys can help us out by telling us about any problems you encounter. Let us know okay?

Blog & Tour Update

Hi Guys!

Sorry to interrupt the flow of Wreckage, but I figured it was high time to update you on the coming book tour and also some of what's going on here with the blog.

First, the blog: Over the next month or so you'll see a few more guest posts from both John and my "Wrecksistant" Anne-Marie , since I'm up to my elbows in book promotion and tour stuff. (Yes, really. I promise I'm not just vegging on the couch playing dot Hack. As far as you know, anyway.) Still, I haven't missed a day's posting here in nearly a year, and I have no intention of breaking that record! So y'all be nice to my guest posters, hear? And if you're ever curious as to who wrote what, just look at the footer bar of each post.

The biggest and best news, though, is that Cake Wrecks is getting a makeover. Yes! We're finally getting a professionally designed look! I've grown rather attached to this Minima Blue, though, so that will still feature in the background. The new design will streamline our sidebars (we're even cutting ads - woot!), widen the posting area slightly, and look a whole lot nicer. Look for that to debut sometime in the next three weeks.


Next, book tour stuff:

First, let me tell ya: this tour is going to be *awesome*. We have some of the best bakers and bakeries signed up to provide amazing cakes at each stop, and so far between two and four hundred of you have RSVP'd for each location already. These are going to be some cuh-razy parties! You'll have lots of opportunity to meet and mingle with your fellow Wreckies, hang with me and John, ask us questions, show off your cupcakes, stuff your faces... you get the idea.

(Oh, and re: the cupcake contest: be sure to bring your cupcake on a small paper plate with your name written on it, k? Thaaanks.)

Also, good news for those of you in the San Francisco area: since we had an extra day there anyway, and since so many of you pointed out that our existing stop in Petaluma is a bit of a trek from the bay, we've added another stop in the city itself. To help us plan who will be attending which event, though, we've had to delete the old Petaluma RSVP page and put up two new ones. So, if you're planning to attend either (or both!), please RSVP again here: for San Francisco click here, and for Petaluma click here.

I wish I had similar good news for those of you in Atlanta and Boston, but I think Andrews McMeel is trying to NOT kill me on this, my very first book tour. We now have 12 stops in 16 days, and as someone who dislikes travel and public scrutiny, I can tell you that I may be thoroughly zombified by the end of it. (John and I will be in Atlanta for Dragon*Con next weekend, though, so stay tuned to my Twitter if you want to hunt us down and say hello!)

Also coming up is a "virtual" book tour, during which I will be "visiting" five of my favorite blogs and/or websites. I'll be introducing each of them to you a little closer to the "virtual tour," which will coincide with the "real" tour, and will hopefully introduce you to some neat new sites and "people." Heh. (Excessive quotation marks ftw!)

Well, I think that's it! Thank you so much, my loyal Wrecktators, for making all of these great things possible. I'm pretty overwhelmed right now, but your amazing e-mails, comments, and continued readership have made all the craziness and stress worthwhile. John and I can't wait to meet so many of you on the tour!

- Jen

Come Meet Jen, Who Often Refers To Herself in the Third Person

I've been hinting around about this on both Facebook and Twitter, and now I'm pleased to say I can finally share with you the details of the coming U.S. Cake Wrecks Book Tour!!

Exactly, Jae K.

Uh, you DID know there's a book, right? Because you've already pre-ordered your copy like a good Wrecky henchperson, right?

Well, even if you haven't purchased a copy I hope you'll come say hello (and then purchase a copy). It's not that I'd mind eating all the cake myself (did I mention there'll be cake?) and doing the Q&A with just John (and that John's coming?), but frankly, Andrews McMeel might. So please, block out these dates on your calenders now, and then buy any necessary plane tickets to get you there, because with today's plethora of transportation options I am NOT accepting "it was too far away" as an excuse. (Hey, if I have to get on a plane...)

Ok, ok, just to sweeten the deal further: How about a contest? And even better, one in which no talent is required and you get to eat the results?

Yes, exactly like this, Christine D. Thanks.
(The original is here.)

Yep, in a nutshell: just make a Wreckplica of your choice...but the catch is, it has to be on a cupcake. This is both to keep the entries a manageable size, and (bonus!) just to screw with you. The crowd favorites will win fabulous prizes, which admittedly I haven't decided on yet, but believe me, they're going to be fabulous.

There will also be cake for everyone (bakers, if you'd like to volunteer your services in your city, let me know), so rest assured you will be leaving with a sugar buzz even if you don't bring an entry - but you still should anyway, so that those of us with icing in our hair don't mock you.

Yeah. Like that.

Ok, now that I have you positively salivating with anticipation, here's the schedule:

Orlando, FL
Borders (Winter Park)
Tuesday, September 22, 5PM
(NOTE: This will be my first public appearance EVER. So let me apologize in advance for doing the entire Q&A with a barf bag strategically placed on my lap.)

Portland, OR
Powell’s Books
Friday, September 25, 7:30 pm

Seattle, WA
Third Place Books
Saturday, September 26 6:30 pm

San Francisco, CA
Copperfield's Books (Petaluma)
Sunday, September 27 2:00 pm


Denver, CO
Tattered Cover Bookstore (Historic LoDo)
Tuesday, September 29 7:30 pm

Chicago, IL
Barnes & Noble (Old Orchard)
Thursday, October 1, 7:30 pm

Dallas, TX
Legacy Books
Saturday, October 3, 2:00 pm

Austin, TX
BookPeople
Sunday, October 4, 3:00 pm

Kansas City, MO
Barnes & Noble (Oak Park)
Monday, October 5, 6:00 pm
(NOTE: Yes, technically this is not in Missouri; it's in Kansas. I think these are listed by the closest major city, if that helps explain it any.)

Bethesda, MD
Barnes & Noble
Tuesday, October 6, 7:00 pm

New York, NY
Barnes & Noble (Greenwich Village)
Wednesday, October 7, 7:30 pm

I should mention that this tour started out with only 5 stops, and has grown to what it is now partly due to your exuberant responses on Facebook. So if you feel that some crime of omission has been committed here, by all means, tell me in the comments.

I'd also like to apologize to my international readers, since as you can see this tour is limited to the U.S. Given my dislike of flying in general - and long flights in particular - I have a hard time feeling TOO bad about this, but I am sorry I won't be able to meet all you lovelies in Australia, the UK, Japan, etc. We may try to stream one of the Q&A sessions online for you, so stay tuned.

And finally, if you think you might join us at one of the venues above, please RSVP - even if it's with a "maybe" - by clicking on the city name. This will help us figure out how much cake, prizes, chairs, etc. to have on hand.

Thanks, guys! I look forward to meeting many of you soon!

UPDATE: WOW. Thanks for the frenzied amount of feedback - I knew I could count on you Wreckies to speak your mind! Just remember that *I* am not the one booking this tour, so no accusing me of hatin' on the southeast/northeast, Ok? And rest assured, the powers-that-be are reading your comments here, so I for one have faith that - no matter what happens - I can always blame the outcome on them. :D

Goodbye Captain Eo

I can remember sitting at a friend's kitchen table and hearing "Thriller" for the first time. The synthesizers, the beat, that creepy voice telling a tale of ghouls "getting down" - I was mesmerized. And even though I was pretty young at the time, that memory has stayed with me for over twenty years.

I bet you have a similar story to tell, and fond memories of the childhood icon who had us wearing silver gloves and practicing our moon walk. So in the spirit of the widespread MJ tributes out there today (and because so many of you asked) here are a few Michael Jackson cakes:

The year was 1984, and everyone at the party was soooo jealous.


Care posted this over at Craftin' on the Couch. It's her sixth birthday cake, and I think you can see it was love at first sight. :)

Moving on to more recent creations...

Oddly enough, at a museum near Budapest there is a life-sized Michael Jackson statue made from marzipan:

Marzipan is an almond paste, by the way. So this isn't technically a cake, but it IS edible - technically. That's my excuse for including it, anyway.

And lastly, this morning Daun D. sent me the tribute cake her office ordered:

Although with all that airbrushing, cracked icing, improper spacing, and head-scratching yellow and gray color combo, it looks like a tribute to Cake Wrecks as well as to the King of Pop. Which is only appropriate, I suppose.

Plus, Daun's office had a moon walk contest, complete with prizes for the winners. See, now that is just awesome. In fact, if you're reading this at work I think you should organize moon walk-offs immediately. And take lots of video, too; you never know when your friends might need to blackmail you.

And finally, here's a snippet of one of my all-time favorite MJ incarnations: Captain Eo. (This was a 3D film at Disney, and I still hold out hope that they'll bring it back, even if just for a few days.)



If you want to watch the whole thing, go here.

Thanks to Rob D. & Liz for helping me find these cakes!


- Related Wreckage: See Michael Jackson's 16th birthday cake here.

NOTE: I know Michael Jackson is a controversial character, but let's keep today's comments in good taste, Ok?

Minions, Report!

Thank you all for coming to the evil Wrecky henchpersons meeting. There's only one item of business today, so I'll be brief in briefing you with the brief:

Cake Wrecks is up for Funniest Blog at the '09 BlogLuxe Awards.

I'd be super psyched to win it.

Like, super super psyched.

You can vote once a day now through July 6th, simply by typing in your e-mail address.

That is all. Dismissed!

(Oh, and since there are about a billion blogs on the list, you might have a hard time finding Cake Wrecks. I'd advise using the "find" tool on your web browser.)

Threadcakes Contest

Like to make cakes? Like to eat cakes? Then you'll love the contest Threadless has going on right now: Threadcakes. (If you're not familiar with Threadless, it's a community based tee-shirt company with tons of amazing artist-submitted designs.) The contest is simple: make a cake based on your favorite Threadless design, submit a photo, and hope you win.

There are impressive prize packs racking up for the winners (they're still adding goodies), with separate winners for both 2D and 3D cakes. The contest runs until August 3rd, so you've got plenty of time to find your inspiration design and get baking. They've even got all of last year's cakes posted on the front page to help inspire you/show you what you're up against.

Last year's 1st place winner, along with the shirt design it's based on.

Oh, and did I mention I'm one of the judges?

Yep, me, Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes, and some other fabulous individuals will be making up the judging panel. Now, I warned the folks at Threadcakes that nothing could prepare them for your Wreckish onslaught of creativity, so I'm counting on you guys. So go make me proud!

(Click here to go to Threadcakes.)

Sweet Tweets

Many of you already follow me on Twitter, but for those who don't (and for you newbies) here's a sampling I think is worth repeating.

- "Cake or death?" with Lego illustrations. Very nice.



- Headline: Goat Breaks into Home, Eats Cake. Quote: "I feel sorry for the lady, but it IS kind of funny." http://tinyurl.com/af8cyu

- Does CW have some fans over at ESPN? You be the judge: http://tinyurl.com/c2egye "I want sprinkles." (Thx Ian!)

- Crazy cupcake creepiness:

(source & the cupcake creator's site)

I think I like it. (thx Itsirk!)

- Here's a nifty trip down memory lane: "My Life in Frosting": http://tinyurl.com/23h8yh ET & Vader & Superman, oh my!

(Either this E.T. cake or the Ghostbusters one is my favorite, but check that link out for lots of nostalgia-laced goodness.)

- Need a diversion? Then take this quiz by CW reader Silver and find out which Cake Wreck you are! http://tinyurl.com/cmtekw

And lastly, your Wreck for the day:

- Cakes that look like poo are bad enough, but on your WEDDING DAY?!?

Ah, redneck weddings…

If y'all enjoy today's post I may make "Sweet Tweets" a regular feature here on Wrecks. Thoughts? Questions? Comments?

UPDATE: Fascinating. I had no idea Twitter could inspire such strong feelings of dislike! Chill, everyone: I just thought I'd try something a little different for a post. I'm not trying to "sell" you on Twitter or change my usual writing style - I just wanted to share some fun and funny bits for you non-tweeters, is all. I'll be sure to post less material if I try again in the future, though; it seems most of you agree this post is too long.

Chuck Norris, Bakery Defender

Remember the Chuck Norris Facts phenomenon that blew up several years ago?

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits."

And so on? Well, naturally some of these made their way onto cake:




I haven't heard much about the Norris craze lately, so I assumed it had blown over. Turns out I was wrong: it just blew over to Croatia, as I learned recently from Neatorama.

See, according to the Croatian Times, a bakery there has effectively scared off all would-be burglars by placing a "life-sized" photo of Chuck Norris in their window:

Erm. Apparently their definition of "life-sized" differs slightly from mine. Also, check out the "no hacksaws" sign. [blinking] Uh, guys? What exactly is going on in Croation bakeries these days? I mean, are people seriously shopping for cake while packing sawtoothed metal??

At any rate, the pint-sized power-house's photo seems to be working: employees claim they haven't had a robbery in over a month, which they attribute to would-be thieves' "respect" for Chuck Norris.

Sure, that could be it. Or - and I'm just throwing this out there - perhaps thieves "respect" hacksaw-packing nut jobs jonesing for some carbs. Just a thought.

Happy Birthday to Meeee!

GUESS WHAT?!?

It's muh birfday.

Awwww yeeeeaaah.

Now, I could celebrate by taking a cruise:

(A really really short one.)

Or by getting myself a new pair of...shoes:


Or go the traditional route and just get schnockered on booze sprinkles:

(After which I will apparently choke on ribbon and die. Hm. Ok, maybe not.)

And yet, all of those options (particularly the last one) pale in comparison to how I'm going to celebrate my birthday. How's that, you ask? Well, allow me to tell you...in song.

Hit it, Bobby!

[cranking up Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack]

"Too hot to handle, to cold to hold,
my name is Jen Yates and it's my birthday, yo!
So I'm throwin' a party, virtually speaking,
And I've got amazing news so please keep reading.
Now pack up your group, get a grip, come equipped,
Go pre-order lots of my book and then split!"

[music screeching to a halt] Of course I mean "split" in the ice-cream-eating way, not the hike-taking way - but you knew that, right?

And did you catch the big shocking news*, or were my sweet rhymes too dazzling for you? (*Granted, it's not quite as shocking for you Twits, since I inadvertently leaked it last week...) Yep, that's right: Cake Wrecks the book is now available for pre-order! Can we take a moment to savor that bit of sweet insanity?

[savoring] Mmmm. Yeah. That's the stuff.

Now, since I know how absolutely terrible you must feel over not getting me a birthday present - or even a card! You bum! - may I suggest a way to alleviate that burden? Buy yourself a gift. The gift... [cuing Hallmark music] of laughter:

(NOTE: This is NOT the final cover. Check back at 12 pm EST to vote for the cover you like best!)

[announcer voice] Yes, that's right! You'll get this lovely 6x8 hardcover edition of Cake Wrecks, When Professional Cake Go Hilariously Wrong, with over 19o pages of new Wreckage, fan favorites, behind-the-scenes commentary from Jen, reader stories, cakey controversies, and much, much more, all for the low price of $12.99! What a deal!

Why pre-order today? I'll give you seven good reasons:

7. It costs a heckuva lot less than a CW t-shirt.
6. It makes me look good.
5. Buy one for all your friends, and your Christmas shopping is done.
4. You'll get the book automatically shipped to you as soon as it's released.
3. High volumes of pre-orders somehow factor in to the mysterious industry formula that lands titles on best-sellers lists. Is that a lofty goal? Sure it is. So loft with me, darlings.
2. Every single order will give me a personal warm fuzzy. And it's my birthday, so today's the best time to send me warm fuzzies.

And the number one reason to pre-order Cake Wrecks today? (drum-roll, please.)

1. The Carrot Jockeys command you!

Wrecky World Domination, here they come! ;)

You can order Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong from Barnes & Noble, Borders, or Amazon. (And as a bonus, both Barnes & Noble and Amazon are now offering impressive discounts off the cover price.) So what are you waiting for? Do it! Do it NOW!!

These Cakes Are Not Wrecks (But They Play Them on TV)

So I had an "industry insider*" send me a bunch of photos a while ago from various TV shows celebrating their 100th episode or whatnot. Sadly, there's not much Wreckage here to report (although the Charmed & Boston Legal ones are a little rough), but I thought you might find them interesting anyway. Of course, I have been known to be wrong before...

Those letters are actually 3D. Kinda cool.


This one came with a side of famous feet.

The power of...faded flames?

If you look closely, you'll see there's a glass of scotch on the first tier. Hm. Perhaps the decorator was banking on the age-old adage "Everything looks better through wine-colored glasses."

I like all the medical implements placed around the cake - particularly the little metal tray thingie. I remember throwing up into a larger version of one of those after getting my tonsils removed as a child. [gazing off wistfully] Ah, memories. 'Course, I never thought I'd associate that particular memory with cake, though.


Many thanks to my anonymous industry insider!


*And let me tell ya: I've always wanted one of those.

Easter Update

Remember this cake from last week?

And how I suggested they get some plastic bunny picks to "Easter" it up?

Well, apparently they got the message:

Yep, that's the same bakery, and the same volcano design - but now there's no question that it's an Easter volcano covered with Eastery curly shoelaces and Easterish forest foliage. Excellent work, guys! I'm just glad I could help.


Thanks to Camilla C. for the update!

In Honor of the Rick Roll

The Rickroll has officially been beaten to death, which is why you won't find a 'rolling link here on Wrecks today.* However, it's still pretty funny, and some folks are still doing it, so in honor of those who have or will be rolled today, here's a lovely little accompanying cake:

Carl found it here; it was made by The Bleeding Heart Bakery, and is one of the nicest Rickroll cakes I've seen. I think the decorator really captured the hair height and patented "Rick Astley Dancing Elbows" quite well, don't you?

And while I'm posting April Fool's related news, I've gotta give a birthday shout-out to my big brother, Ben. Yes, my brother was born on April Fool's. And if you think I didn't get some serious teasing-mileage out of that growing up, you are quite mistaken. [wicked grin] Happy birthday, Ben!

*After today, though, all bets are off.