My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?

Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,
'Cause nothing says "marriage,"
like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty.
How sad for you,
'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.

(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

The Far Side of the Bakery

During the traditional "Ongo Longo" dance, the natives express thanks for the year's crops, the tribe's health, and for the glandular defect running rampant in the island's pigs.

The scientists found that results were mixed. Some mice seemed to enjoy the whistling spleen, while others were petrified beyond all bowel control.

As the minutes ticked by, Elmo realized with dawning horror that this was one staring contest he might not win.

Batman would later have cause to regret his rather insensitive "manual control" quip.

Wall-E considered. On the one hand, he adored Eve and wanted to make her happy. But on the other, he was surrounded by mounds of crap.

Thanks to Susan S., Beth M., Kimmi D., Bianca S., & Karen P. for the wrecks, and to Gary Larson - once again - for allowing me to be raised on The Far Side.

The Future's So Brite...

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

Literally In A Class All Their Own

It's a good thing graduation season is winding down, guys; I think the nation's Wreckerators need a little break:

I honestly thought this was a tribute cake for a CW fan.

It wasn't.

And if you're skeptical, allow me to show you this next gem:

I know I should be focusing on "where hat would be," but really I just want to know what the squiggle under Connor's name is. A stethoscope? A funky P? Or - for a little irony - is that where the hat should be?

Or how about this one?

I'll give you two guesses what the "junior league logo" looks like.

This last one is a little hard to read, so I'll transcribe it below:

1st line: Help, I'm stuck in a wreckery.

2nd line: No, seriously. Get me out of here.

3rd line: [indecipherable sobbing]

Thanks to Nick L., C.S., Shannon D., & Tanya G., who think that last baker needs to pull herself together; she's gone all to pieces!

Sunday Sweets: Geek Wedding Cakes!

Hi guys! john (the hubby of Jen) here. Jen asked me to write Sweets this week since she is apparently "busy" doing "everything else." (What? I moderate comments!)

Now, the problem is that today we have thoroughly awesome geek wedding cakes, and I am not, in the strictest sense of the word, a geek. At least, not to the degree which I've married into. However, for your entertainment and enlightenment I will now valiantly attempt to decipher these cakes without the help of Jen OR the interwebs. (May the Shwartz be with me!)

Right then! Our first cake...

By Truly Scrumptious Cakes

...is something steampunky! (Is that a word?) The gears and general awesomeness give it away. I also guarantee that when Jen and I get married again (to each other, I mean), our wedding cake will be something like this.

Oh, good, another easy one:

Submitted by Jess; baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?

Batman and Wonder Woman! Great colors. And I think the bottom tier is... Metropolis? Maybe?


K, now they're getting harder:

Sub'd by Amanda H. and made by Dufflet

Right. The adorable mushroom toppers are from a Mario game, and the cake is decorated in binary. Booyah. Just don't go asking me to translate it. (And if you do, I'll guess it's something like "In geekiness, and in über geekiness, I thee wed.)

Now we're getting old school:

By Cupcake Couture

Oh yeah. PacMan and Mrs. PacMan! I missed a lot of my childhood because of those two. And PacMan should always wear a top hat, don't you think?

Look! It's Epcot!

Sub'd by Leah M. and made by Vallum House Cakes

Just kidding. (It's Spaceship Earth) (And no, that actually doesn't ever get old.)

Actually, I know that the thing on the side is an AT-AT because Jen has a baby one on her desk, and I know that Chewy would not be marrying an Ewok. (Though it's adorable on the cake.)

Okay! I'm on a roll! This next one is...um...

Sub'd by Chris M. and made by Pink Cake Box

No clue. I see math and hearts. Is there a video game with math and hearts? No?

(Why is Jen sighing so loudly behind me? And what is xkcd?)


Oh boy, I'm gonna get in trouble for this next one:

Sub'd by Maj G.; baker unknown

Is it... Zelda? Made of Lego? I don't... I never played it, so...

*sigh*

Look, this is harder than it looks, Ok?


Uh-oh..

Made by redpanda19

Oh! Oh! I know this! What is that show called?!? It's on the tip of my mind. It's got Bender and... that cyclops lady... Futurama!

Haha! And I've never even seen it!

Also, that crash-landing into the cake thing is genius.


This one I definitely know:

Cake by Queen of Cakes and topper by Sweet Frost Tops

Portal! Jen and I are actually playing the co-op version now.
(Well, not now now. I'm writing this post now. You get the idea.)

On a side note, I just realized something: If you write "The cake is a lie" on a cake, isn't that statement itself a lie? Technically, the lie is a lie since the cake is a cake.

Aaand now my brain hurts.


Let's wrap this up with one of my favorite cakes of all time, made by a baker who made one of our book tour cakes in Austin:

By Coco Paloma Desserts; photo by Sweet Caroline Photography

Godzilla!

And also a... transformer version of Godzilla?

Ya know, I just realized: I've never seen Godzilla. So Transformer Mrs. Godzilla could totally be in there. Huh.

Here's another angle:

Aaaamazing. Especially when you realize that the 'Zillas are edible. 'Cuz, oh yes, they are.

(And speaking of figures, did you notice the bride is holding the groom? Too funny.)


Well, I hope you enjoyed these geeky wedding Sweets, everyone. And if you have a Sweet of your own you'd like to share, please send it to Sunday Sweets (at) Cake Wrecks (dot) com.

Oh, and have a great Sunday.

I'll be playing Portal.

Darth's Greatest Hits

Cake Wrecks reader Jessica H. has a yearly tradition with us: she sends us her daughter's amazing Darth Vader mash-up birthday cake, and we post it.

You might remember little Sarah's 4th birthday cake:

(This was Sarah's idea, by the way. Coolest 4-year-old ever? I'm thinking YES.)

Or her fifth birthday cake:

Ok, so it kind of looks like someone sat on it. But you have to admit: the mental image of Vader swatting at Tinkerbell with his light saber is pretty darn epic.

Anyway, Sarah recently celebrated her sixth birthday, and I think you'll agree it was her best Vader mash-up cake yet:

Darth Vader, riding a My Little Pony over a rainbow.

Oh, and the Pony has a Death Star on her butt.

Frankly, just the description is made of win.

All of these cakes were made by their local Dairy Queen, and this latest masterpiece was hand-piped by "a young guy who can't have been over 19 years old," and who was apparently quite worried that he didn't get all the details quite right.

Proving there may be hope for the nation's bakeries, after all.


Many thanks again to Jessica H., and also a belated "Happy Birthday" and "May the Force be with you," to my new favorite geek girl, Sarah, who I hear was super excited to see her first two cakes on the blog. Lookin' forward to seeing what you dream up for next year, Sarah! (And may I suggest...Rainbow Brite?)

Swing and a Miss

NOTE: Today's post may not be appropriate for young children who understand double entendres.

Look, I'm not going to say I'm proud of what I first saw when I looked at this cake, butt...

Ok, I'm a little proud.

Also, dad's ball seems a little low.



Speaking of which, go ahead: tell me this placement wasn't intentional:

And maybe I'm out in left field here, but don't you usually tend to see this kind of thing around third base?


Still, at least that baker has actually seen a baseball bat before. This one seems to have confused it with some kind of joystick:

And in related news, something something "some kind of joystick."

See? These jokes practically write themselves.


Ah. I see the force is strong with this one:

Show off.

Also, is that a Chef's hat, or a pile of poo? 'Cuz I can't make heads or tails of it.


And finally, men, do you experience a burning sensation when you go?

...to bat, I mean? Go to bat?

Thanks to Adria P., Amy U., Stephanie D., A. R., Denise H., and V.D. for that last joke.

Tickled Pink

Here in the good 'ol US of A, pretty much everything gets its own holiday. Got a toothache? February 9th is your day! Like air? So do I! Let's celebrate together on November 11th, National Air Day! And if anybody needs me on September 16th, I'll be enjoying National Stay Away From Seattle Day by, uh, continuing to live in Florida.

So anyway, today is National Pink Day, and by gosh, we're going to celebrate it - both the color *and* the singer. Why, you ask? Same reason we climb mountains: too much free time and we're crazy. DUH.

Hit it!

I think I just lost my talent
I don't know where it went.
Good thing I have this necklace
And lots of pink fondant:

Na-na-na-na na-na na
That's not even real fondant. (Ha!)


I got a brand new airbrush
I hope I'm using it right:

These sprinkles are giving me trouble,
Let's tuck 'em out of sight:

Na-na-na-na na-na na
That cake is out of sight!

Meh, so what?
I'm still a Wreck Star
I got my wreck moves
And I don't need yooouu.. except to buy my cakes.
And maybe not complain to my manager.

So...um...yeah.

[scuffing toe and avoiding eye contact]

Next verse!

The shower cake's on the table
I'm sure it'll be a hit:

This one may look like a sphincter,
But what else rhymes with "hit?"

Na-na-na-na na-na na
Something that rhymes with "hit!"


Meh, so what?
That'll buff out:

And four legs are so "out":


And Nicki is gooonnnaaa die!

Na-na-na-na na-na na

But pink makes it all alright!

Happy Pink Day, y'all.

Thanks to Rachel T., Amy U., Heather L., Sara H., Holly E., Brenda M., Sherry L., & Natalie W. for getting that song stuck in our heads. I'll just be over here humming It's a Small World for a while.

Reach for the Skyyyyy!

Graduates, now that you've graduated, a whole new world of possibilities is open to you!

Possibilities like...

...getting arrested in an old-timey Western.

Oh, c'mon, I can't be the only one who hears Woody from Toy Story saying this, can I?




And that's not the only problem. Nope, it seems that some bakers are having trouble understanding what those white things are called:

And they're not doing so great on the "clouds," either.

Now, you might think that nixing the troublesome "sky" component all together would help:

But then, you also might think that's not how you spell "congratulations" OR "banner," so that just shows what you know. [eye roll]

Thanks to Meg K., Katie K., & Lindsey M., who prefer reaching for the stars.

Especially when they're named Johnny Depp or Nathan Fillion. (Mrowr.)

It's Sinfully Delicious!

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporter JD R., who will play devil's advocate anytime, if it gets her chocolate cake.

Making New Friends

In an effort to get to know you readers a bit better, today I thought we'd have one of you introduce yourselves. You know, foster a little more community and whatnot.

So, take it away, Debbie!

Hello! My name is Debbie, and this is my first attempt at a Cake Wrecks bio. So I'm nervous, but excited at the same time! Wheee!

So, I'm just going to start talking about what I like, and hope you like it!

Um. Let's see. I am... a relatively new Cake Wrecks reader. Um. I love...

...cats.

I love every kind of cat.

I love cats with fur, and cats without fur, and cats in hats, and cats that don't even look like cats...


[sniffle]

I'm sorry. I just...I just really love cats.

[wiping eyes]

And...and I just want to hug all of them because I love them but I can't 'cuz that's crazy I can't hug every cat. BUT I WANT TO. You know? I WANT TO HUG EVERY CAT.

[blowing nose]

Um. Wow. Sorry - I got a little emotional there. Heh.

I also like to...to...

[sob]

I'm sorry; I'm thinking about cats again.

I just...I just LOVE them, and I WANT them. I want them in a basket, and I want them in little bow ties, and I want them to be on a rainbow, and I want a house FULL OF CATS and we would all ROLL AROUND...


[more sobbing]

'Cuz they're all just so CUTE with their little whiskers...



...and their little ears...



...and their little delicious vital organs...

So, yeah. I guess you could say I'm a cat lover.

Um.

And I like to run.

Thanks to Minyassa, David G., Judy E., Briana T., Rachel R., Nancy S., Michelle F., Emily Z., & Stewart C., who are also inspired to run. Far, far away.


And if you haven't seen the live action version of today's post yet, here 'tis: