Saturday, October 31, 2009

Hail, Hailoween!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

So my question is this: how heavy does your southern accent have to be that you not only pronounce it "Hailoween", but you also think it's spelled that way?

Go on, say it out loud. It's fun. You know you want to.

Hah! See? Told you it was fun.

And speaking of Wrecked inscriptions...

I'm kind of getting a mixed message here.

And speaking of things that are mixed up...

I think somebody needs an anatomy lesson.

And speaking of anatomy:

These are NOT what you think they are.

Unless you think they're simply flesh-colored versions of a "pumpkin" and a "haystack," that is. Then they are what you think they are. Allegedly.

Kind of like how this is allegedly a pumpkin:

...and NOT a turd exploding on the sun.


Chickpea, Katie H., Sarah C., Bill P., & Rebekah F., that stem really wipes out the competition, doesn't it?

- Related Wreckage: Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators
Christie & Doug said...

Man, I was hoping that once you were a skeleton you didn't have to worry about doing squats anymore. You, since you wouldn't have a butt. And adding in the press-your-elbows-together-until-your-shoulders-pop-out-of-joint move is just mean.

WriteCards said...

How can a baker misspell "Halloween?" Even the lowest level of my non-native English speaking classes can spell it!

And the flesh colored things? Well, I thought the one on the left was a tree and the circle on the right was a look at a tree trunk with all the rings visible. After all, there were leaves falling all over the place . . . that means the tree was cut down, right?

Go figure. The skeleton decorator didn't want his/her item to end up on Cakewrecks for having a bad pelvis. Too bad they didn't know that a missing pelvis was just as bad!

Maggie said...

Hailoween sounds, out loud, how I imagine Target Lady from SNL would say it.

If you say it in her accent.....

drgns4vr said...

I think the fourth one is actually supposed to be a cornshock rather than a haystack. Either way, hmmm.
And the poor skeleton--sort of an anatomy student's nightmare. (I thought at first the upper arms were supposed to be wings--or a wing-tip collar.)

Jen said...

Actually, I think that "fleshly colored pumpkin" is actually supposed to be a hay bale.

Allegedly.

Melinda said...

Turd exploding on the sun! Hysterical! And I actually think that's a haystack and one of those round hay bales, though I can see how you got pumpkin with the random leaf right where a stem should be.

TracyCakes said...

DEFINITELY at turd exploding on the sun!!

Nobody said...

WOW Halloween is like Cake Wrecking gold, isn't it???

JHill said...

I made a sad sort of "ohhh" sound when I saw the Happy Birthday cake. That's just not nice.

But, the turd exploding on the sun is hilarious!!!

Chrissy said...

As a biology student who has studied the skeletal systems endlessly, may I just say the skeleton cake might just be my favorite wreck ever.

Chrissy

Becky said...

I can't remember how I came across your blog but I've been reading faithfully since that first time when I started laughing so hard I cried. So I was completely excited to find the new book featured in the new issue of People Magazine under the category of Buzz Book. I think it's pretty exciting, so, congratulations!

Zerotime said...

So that fourth cake isn't Orthanc and... uh... The Eye of Sauron?

LeAnne said...

I thought that was a bug on the pumpkin...the skeleton on the other hand is actually kinda cute.

maya said...

oh! it's supposed to be a stem because I thought it was a mutant turdroach with its legs coming out of its head. and maybe the birthday cake is for a dearly departed, because that's the sort of macabre thing i would do.

thepaperbluebird said...

The media is constantly trying to scare us with doomsday scenarios like Killer Bees, bits of space junk crashing to Earth, Zombies. Little do they know that we are actually in danger of world destruction thanks to a giant turn exploding on the sun!!!

Brian said...

Yuck, I don't have to say it out loud. Hailoween is embedded in my brain from work yesterday as everyone was leaving to go home. Southern hospitality meets serious mispronunciation!

CorningNY said...

That last bright orange cake? I REALLY think that's a giant, blood-swollen tick on it-missing a few legs. Eww.

Cindy said...

The skeleton cake has inspired me to break into song: Leg bone connected to the knee bone / Knee bone connected to the thigh bone / Thigh bone connected to the...

Verification word: domstr. A good place to put an unfixable cake wreck.

jess said...

LOL, I was already saying it out loud...too funny. You rock!!

Happy HAILOWEEN!!!!

Stephanie said...

The "deadly" birthday one definitely falls under the category of "decorator read the first word on the cake topper and failed to read the second." Oops...

I actually thought the last one looked more like a giant squished bug, but exploding turd works too. :P

Brooke said...

I actually know the perfect person for the Happy Birthday cake. My friend put on her facebook this morning,
"Happy Birthday Dad - RIP= Happy Halloween"

That's a creepy equation.

Karen said...

Hailoween! Yup, it was fun to say it out loud. Thanks for the laughs!

VW: arcleu - These wreckorators need to get arcleu.

Kate in Italy said...

You know... I kind of like the 'Turd Exploding on the Sun' image a little better. Go out with a BANG! or Sad Flat Pumpkin... I would choose the smell of burning crap and happiness over depressing gourd-relative any day. But thats just me...

Lucia said...

tee-hee!

FlagFreak said...

I must say, there've been quite a few "Do you see what I see?" posts today.

Cara said...

ROFL at "turd exploding on the sun!" XD

And I'm from south Alabama and I've never heard Halloween pronounced like that, not even by my hickest relatives....

Diana said...

Silly, Hailoween is the night before it hails.

Anonymous said...

So you're not from a rural area are you? The flesh colored things? On the left, a traditional hay stack, on the right, the round "thing with rings" is a round bale. Most of the farmers bale hay into very large round or rectangular bales that can only be moved w/ a tractor/forklift. They usually stand around 6 feet high.

Janice said...

I live in the south and have never heard anyone pronounce it that way either. Apparently somebody does, though!

Hail All Hallows Day!!

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously that skeleton is doing the Funky Chicken.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that the Cake Wrecks Lady is really funny. She writes the funniest comments for these cakes. Sure, the pictures are funny by themselves, but what really makes this blog successful is the spot-on witty stuff she writes under each cake. Just wanted you to know. I really enjoy your blog.

Alias Undercover said...

"There's a little black spot on thsun today..."

Djinn said...

Always enjoy this blog, especially today's gems! But I never comment because I do not understand how to make my Blogger account identity function. The help section doesn't cover this problem, so I appeal to the commenters. Can anyone give me a quick tutorial? Sometimes it works and yet most often it just posts my words as if from anonymous. Maybe it's just the feeling the Hallowe'en spirit? Thanks in advance.

Suzie said...

It looks like the happy skeleton is doing the Charleston. Love your blog.

ros said...

...thigh bones connected to the wrist bones, the wrist bones connected to the ankle bones...

Amy said...

That skeleton is too funny.

Happy Hailloween.;o)

Amy B-H

Melissa said...

Someone else already said it, but I thought the skeleton was doing the Charleston, too. Don't all skeletons do the Charleston? ;)

Thanks for the humor you bring to my day!

Hobbit said...

Apparently, not everyone learned the Halloween song in elementary school: H-A-Double L-O-W-Double E-N spells Halloween!
Happy Hailoween y'all!!

Danielle said...

These are great Halloween wrecks!!! My fiance and I were at Costco (of all places) and decided to walk though the bakery to see if there were any Cake Wrecks. To our surprise, there was!!! It was fantastic! Your site has brought so much joy to so many people. I now find myself looking for failed cakes everywhere I go :)

Danielle

Nona said...

Nope a turd and the sunis it!!

Shari said...

Geez, my mind is so far out of whack..I thought the turd exploding in the sun was a turd on a tomato!

holly said...

Jen! Congrats on the review of CakeWrecks in this week's People!!! For once, I knew what book they were talking about!!

So happy for you.

wv: estrappy. I am wearing estrappy high heel tonight with my costume.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I thought the flesh colored one was a tree and a hay roll, at first glance.

holly said...

Skeletal legs are definitely messed up. Everyone knows the greater trochanter is on the lateral edge of the humerus, rather than the medial.

wv: cobsesed. What happens when people fixate on corn.

Shannon said...

I think that last one is the turdiest looking one yet.

Do you think the winged creatures on the birthday/RIP cake are birds or bats?

Anonymous said...

You know, I thought that last one was a turd exploding on the sun too, but then I saw the sprinkles, and it was clear to me that it was a pumpkin. Really a crucial element for any pumpkin cake.

--kate

Anonymous said...

I am originally from a rural area, but we never saw a reason to celebrate hay on a cake. Is the Halloween connection supposed to be in the flesh color of the hay? Is it a scene from one of those "Children of the Corn" movies?

Sally said...

I'm from North Carolina, and I know many people who pronounce "Carolina" "Care -uh-LAH-nuh", but Halloween would probably be "Hal-uh- WANE" not hailoween. To me it sounds like it should be pronounced with aspirated H's. HHHappy HHHailoween. =P I also agree with the person who thinks the flesh colored round thing is a hay bail. Although I honestly must say, I stared at that for about 2 straight minutes just trying to figure out what the heck it could be. I thought the tall one might be a misshapen tree... but upon review, I think it's some wheat stalks tied together..... Keep up the awesome work. =)

Sheila said...

Ahaa... I actually *did* think it was a haystack. Though I didn't think the other thing was a pumpkin, I thought it was one of those rolled-up hay things. Maybe I'm naive and sheltered? :-P

Rebecca said...

How is it that you do not get incredibly irritated by people who point out the obvious and entirely miss your humor?

Sarah Carrico said...

AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I was really hoping my skeleton cake pic would make it on... I'm glad everyone enjoyed it - I'd been giggling at it for a few days before I took the photo. Happy H'ween!

Kimberly Chapman said...

1) Hailoween makes me think of that South Park episode with the woodland creatures singing, "Have a Merry Woodland Christmas...Hail Satan!"

2) Now now, someone could have a birthday on Hailoween and want a dual-purpose cake.

Oh crap, I shouldn't say it that way or these freaky bakers you keep finding will put two dolphins on it...

3) Now now again, maybe the bones were found that way in the remains of some torture chamber that was buried mid-torture by the ash and lava from a volcano. And...um...the other bones were...um...

Meh, I got nothing.

Harriet said...

Not really on topic for the post...

But I think Frank Warren AKA Mr. Postsecret may read Cakewrecks:

http://twitpic.com/myc6z

Jennifer said...

Ok... I actually was saying "Hailoween" out loud before you told me too. And sitting here, alone, laughing at the pronunciation.

Seriously... the things we do for you!

Breath-e said...

MIxed message, definitely mixed...oy.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't that birthday cake remind you of that other one you posted a bit back for the nine year old, with the parent's graves?

Anonymous said...

I respectfully suggest that the term "flesh coloured" could be considered narrow minded. Flesh is LOTS of different colours. Choosing to describe beige as "flesh coloured" is not cool.

Anonymous said...

Happy Halloween, um, I mean Hailoween. I want even more Halloween wreckage! Keep it coming, won't you please. Tomorrow's Day of The Dead and stuff.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anon @ 9:30,

Didn't think I'd put your comment through did you? Well I did. But you're wrong.

"Flesh" is defined as "the soft substance consisting of muscle and fat that is found between the skin and bones of an animal or human."

So cut open the belly of any random chubby dude on the street* and we all look pretty much the same: a rather nasty yellowish, pinkish beige-ish color.

And that, my anonymous friend, deserves a booya.

john

*Please don't cut anyone open.

LamontWayne said...

The cake I submitted was WAY funnier and worse than these! ...oh well, at least its on the Fail Blog.

http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2779266816

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

faunablues said...

For the poop pumpkin, I could also see the "stem" as an eggplant with tentacle arms.

Anonymous said...

Big congrats on being featured on 'The Graham Norton Show'!!!
Now you're even famous-er.

Anonymous said...

Holy cow! You guys got a shout out on The Graham Norton Show tonight.

An awesome moment... :-)

Steph

Chris Mower said...

The last one looks like a spider tick maggot, if there is such a thing.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Hahaha...hey John, a friend of mine once quite rightly pointed out that if anyone's skin was the colour of "flesh tone", at least as defined by band-aids, they should seek a doctor's help immediately.

Anonymous said...

I think of "flesh"-colored as the color of Band-Aids, which match the skin of absolutely nobody I've even known. Happy Hailoween!

Jaime said...

As a girl who lives in the rural south, I'ma go ahead and tell you that that's a sheaf of wheat and/or corn on the left and a hay roll on the right. Both traditionally that color (more or less), thought that explains neither the plain white background nor the psychedelic jack o'lantern flotsam...I'll leave that one up to you!

Lina said...

The second one reminds me that, strangely, despite having a Hallowe'en birthday (I turned 27, btw), my birthdays have lacked a true Hallowe'en/birthday crossover wreck. I feel cheated.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. I just saw it on the Graham Norton Show on BBC America!

The Redhead Riter said...

Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
~ Shakespeare "Macbeth"~

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Kaede said...

Doesn't everybody pronounce Carolina as "Care-uh-LAH-nuh"? If you think that's a poser try Mebane. Go ahead, try it.
It's pronounced MEB-ain. Try Manteo.
Nope it's not Man-TAY-o. It's MAN-ee-o.

But did anyone else see that on the corn shock cake that the leaves are SMILING?
WV puncetic I believe the definition of puncetic is how those folks spelled Hailoween.

miss leigh said...

who's graham norton? sorry i was reading the comments
leigh

Haiku Joy said...

Snow White's glass coffin
one-upped by glass tombstones in
a white, white field.

Eva said...

I said Happy Hailoween out loud before being encouraged to do so, and I'm glad I'm not the only one, Jennifer!

Amanda said...

ROFL... oh man, I got to the bottom with merely a snicker at the "Hailoween" cake (because I live in the south and have heard some people actually pronounce it this way), but then I saw the phrase "not a turd exploding on the sun". I'm still laughing! Jen, you are awesome!

Anonymous said...

Subcutaneous fat is yellow. Our muscles look basically look like cuts of beef, very healthy red. I've never seen a 'flesh' colored bandaid in either of those colors. And if it is something meant to be used on the outer layer of dermis, why would they call it 'flesh'?

Just pondering.

Kelli said...

I'm not sure I see a different meaning in the first cake. I see a bound cornstalks and a round hay bale. That could be because I grew up on a farm though.

As for the "pumpkin".. that's a little disturbing. It looks as if a dog took a potty break on it.

daundelyon said...

A friend of mine was actually born on Halloween. I think he'd find that wreck pretty amusing.

Red Wolf said...

I thought it was a haystack and a hay bale (the rolled kind.)

skatej said...

We don't say it "hailoween" in the south, we say it more like "howloween" so I don't know what kind of accent you'd have to have...

Tammi said...

That "RIP" birthday cake made me click through today but the "flesh-colored" chat has me weighing in. Dictionary aside, John, the "what is flesh colored" question has been going for some time. Maybe you didn't know? Crayola removed their "flesh-colored" crayon because of the debate, Bandaid (I believe) offered additional colors because of the debate, pantyhose had the same, and so on.

It's the little things that define a much greater issue of systemic "us versus them" race issue and whose flesh is normalized is one of those.

A little substance with all the sweet cake wreckage does a body good, so glad to see this thread diversion.

On with the wreckage!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey Tammi,

I actually did know about it but being a stickler for definition, it's always bugged me that "Flesh" and "Skin" have become interchangeable. It's not the same thing. I know it's a matter of semantics.

Quick bad analogy. A banana is considered a fruit. It also has fruit beneath it's peel which, while part of the fruit, is not in and of itself fruit. It's the peel. See? Flesh is the fruit and skin is the peel.

What color is the fruit of a banana? White even though the fruit, as a whole, is yellow. Now I'm confusing myself.

My point? It doesn't make one culturally insensitive or bigoted to use a term correctly, even if everyone else uses it wrong.

john

p.s. Is it just me or is everyone in the world getting just a bit too sensitive.

Tiainspace said...

neck-bone's connected to the... elbow-bone?

Calibug said...

My heavens! I thought the last one was a Giant Tick!!!ewwwwww Deb

Anonymous said...

The thigh bone's connected to... (ahhhhh-nothing!!!)

Shannon said...

To me, Hailoween isn't so much Southern as old lady with a really nasal voice....just try it.

Bryna said...

HAY! Well, at least, that's what I thought the 4th cake was. A corn stalk and a bale of hay... That does not make it any better, of course!

Happy Hailoween

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Whoa! Day-glo orange frosting on that 'pumpkin'. Don't think that's going to do my insides much good.

Abby said...

i caved and said "Hailoween" and laughed for a good 5 minutes.

fantastic.
thank you. so much : )

Yummy Funny Cakes said...

I'm curious if the northern USA accent analog to the Southern "Hailoween" would manifest itself in sports-themed cakes, where we really draw out our long-O sounds, e.g. "Goooooooooooooooooooooo Team"

Really t'ink ya do a good job wit' dis site, eh.

Moraelyn said...

I have two words to explain that Skeleton Cake: "JAZZ HANDS!"

Anonymous said...

I live in Tokyo and I can get you some Ginza Cozy Corner meringue pets. They're royal icing, and sometimes they have jelly bodies. The cute here is surreal, so much of it-I'm pretty much cuted out. Wish you could see the cute cake stuff at the 100Yen stores. Cute, Cute, CUTE! ARGH!!!!
let me know if you're interested- and Happy Falkersatherhood!
Colleen
pipilou@aol.com

Laser Potato said...

The "haystack" cake looks like a bunch of bundled sheaves of wheat (the famous Van Gogh painting comes to mind; tinyurl.com/yzckhhv) and a rolled hay bale rather than a haystack and a pumpkin. What *I* want to know is why they're surrounded by hitodama! (Hitodama are mysterious, small lights that resemble flames that supposedly appear near graveyards; they're the generic Japanese depiction of ghosts. There's a similar supernatural phenomenon in the UK, but they call them something boring like "grave-lights" or the like.)

Anonymous said...

What I love is that the skeleton one it is sitting right next to some throw away cameras... Just like it's saying, hey look I'm a wreck!! Take my picture!! Marketing scheme by the bakery? Hmmm... Maybe?..

RJLittle said...

Hm... That last one could also be a small, unfortunate cephalopod clinging to a large, orange rock. I'm thinking cuttlefish.

Though the turd exploding on the sun bit did make me laugh out loud. The comedic timing was perfect.

Anna said...

Wow, the last one was pretty bad, but the caption sent me into hysterics. :)

Anna said...

Also, "Hailoween" immediately makes me think of Paula Dean in the Smithfield Ham commercials. And I AM Southern. :)

Laura L. said...

Not even the true-blue southerners where I live pronounce it "Hailoween."
The worst I've ever heard it pronounced was a very heavy Howl-uh-ween or Hawl-uh-ween. A toddler once told me "Happy Haul-a-wayne," but I merely passed that off as the child's age and his Joker costume. (Get it? Bruce Wayne? Batman? Oh forget it; that was a lame joke)

Cupcakes Lady said...

That skeleton is funny. Made me giggle. Not long now to halloween. ;) xx

Anonymous said...

I knew someone at my school who's accent was so heavy that they thought that "finger" was spelled "fanger." She never lived it down.

wheeler1114 said...

"Black-hole sun ,won't you come,and wash away the pain?....."