Monday, October 5, 2009

A Long Shot

Monday, October 5, 2009

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.

Why?

Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:


[crickets chirping]

Hm?

What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!

No?

Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:


Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?


(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.


Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?


- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart


* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
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Samantha said...

Arrrrrghh,

Time to amass your wreckerator troops to work some anti-wreckination magic on the both of you. Wishing you all the best and a hyperspeed recovery. I definitely saw a uterus at first for the first cake, so thought, "Ok, they're in the hospital, that makes sense", but the cheeky white piping on the edge wouldn't leave me alone, so I thought perhaps it was a pair of naughty Santa-themed panties...I personally feel it's a bit too early for such things (still preparing for Halloween), but maybe you found yourselves in an overly enthusiastic holiday town. Thanks for the clarification, but I may just choose to continue to see it my way. XD

Tamsin said...

I'm a long-time lurker and I'm upset for you guys that John is currently a CCC (Critical Condition Cakewrecker). Seriously, it must be very scary and I felt so sorry for you both having to cancel the tour for this reason. Just wanted to wish you both lots of luck and I hope you're both feeling better very soon.

Pickyknitter said...

Celebrate Life! Avoid Death! Can the nurses rig up a buttercream IV?

ladycrim said...

Ah, the Fighting Texas Ladyparts.

Best wishes to John for a swift recovery!

Pinar said...

I hope everything works out well and John recovers quickly. Take care of yourself so you don't succumb to the wreckage too....

E.M. Green said...

Dear Critical Condition John,

I send my heartfelt prayers to your wrecked body. I send good energies and warm fuzzy feelings to your possibly addled mind. I send hare kamas and hare krishnas to your unsettled soul. I send golden crosses and silver stars of david to your unbalanced spirit. I send positive energy and quantum level positive thinking to the Universe knowing it will aid in healing your individual cells with the sound of my neurons firing in tune with the vibrations of the Universe.

But, really, I just want you to GET WELL SOON.

Sincerely,
Green

W.V.: reint n. v. southern pronunciation of comment noun or verb "rent."

Doublen~Erinn said...

I'm sorry to hear about John. I hope he gets well soon. We all need both of your witty commentary to get us through our day.

Jenn said...

I'm keeping you in my prayers! Get well soon, hope recovery is a piece of cake. (urgggh). But really, y'all are two of my very favorite online people, and I look forward to your posts each morning. So I'm sending the most well-wishes I can from Boston. <3 <3

Penelope said...

I just discovered your Cake Wrecks blog and now it is a must see every week day (I stay far, far away from computers on weekends!) as I try to perfect my "work avoidance" technique. Thanks so much for doing this and I hope both of you make a speedy recovery!!

Here's my husband's favorite joke for John:

What's brown and sticky?


A stick!

(I didn't say my husband was funny now did I?)

Big Fan in Portland

Beth Welge said...

Ya'll hang in there! We missed you in Austin, but I think ICU counts as an acceptable excuse. I'm sending up a prayer for you both.

Oh.. and as to the "Longhorn" cakes - when I was in 8th grade sex ed, our teacher showed us a model of the female reproductive system and showed us how to remember the parts by comparing them to a Longhorn. (Fallopian tubes/horns, ovaries/ears, etc.) We truly bleed orange here!

Pilar said...

I am sooooo sad that you guys won't be coming to New York :( But I hope you both feel better soon. I please please please reschedule the tour when you're well!
PS> I have a friend who thinks this is the funniest joke ever: Did you hear about the evil tuna? He was rotten to the albacore.
PPS> My friend was wrong

Maaike said...

I hope John will be better soon, but as usually is the case, if you get unlucky everything that can go wrong goes wrong, right?


A joke.

Johnny goes to school. His teacher asks him: "Can you tell me the first three letters of the alphabet?" John: "No sir, I've got no idea." Teacher: "I can't believe it! If you come back tomorrow I want you to know it, or else..."

So Johnny goes home. And he asks his dad: "What's the first letter of the alphabet?" Dad is a businessman, and now was very bad timing, as he was just finishing a large deal. So he says: "Don't disturb me! I've got more important things to do."

Then he decides to go to his sister. She just loves singing, and that's exactly what she's doing when he knocks at her door. "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

Then he goes to his brother, who is a superman fan. He's just watching his favorite episode. "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" "Tenenene.... SU-perman!"


The next day Johnny goes to school. The teacher asks him: "So, Johnny, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" "Don't disturb me! I've got more important things to do." "You rude, rude boy! Go to the corridor immediately and I don't want to see you here for the rest of the day." "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" "Who exactly do you think you are?" "Tenenene.... SU-perman!"

Melinda said...

I was out of town, so I got this news late. Get better John! So sad to hear this happened at all, let alone in the middle of your book tour!

Shelli said...

I never comment, but I wanted to send you my best wishes and prayers for his quick recovery. I enjoy your site so much, and I'm so sorry to hear about such misfortunes.

Andrea said...

Oh Jen, John -- I honestly don't know what to say!! I'm of course sad that I won't get to see you in Bethesda, but I'm really REALLY incredibly sorry for the reason!!! Geez!!

Okay -- all my "get well quick" prayers are heading your way!!! If only I knew how to fax you some Matzoh Ball soup... (Jewish Penicillin!!) I guess some really bad cake jokes will have to do instead... Here goes...

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
They both get sliced.

Why do you put the candles on top the birthday cake?
It's too hard to put the candles on the bottom.

What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
"Hey, what's eating you?"

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."


Hey, I warned you they were bad!!
GET WELL SOON!!!

Anonymous said...

PLEASE GET BETTER SOON. I love both of you and think you guys rock.

OK, jokes.... NOt sure if this one is in here (no time to read the 200 some odd comments).

There are 2 muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin "boy is it hot in here." The other muffin says "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Sorry but that is my favorite joke of all time. I know it is silly and cheesy but it has baked goods in it. I guess I could have changed it to say "There are 2 cupcakes in a oven." Hope you enjoy it :)

Fluzz said...

Get well soon both of you! We can happily cope without wreckage for you both to recover and be well.

After Scott's comment about that last cake looking like a uterus I'm slightly peturbed that my verification word is "vagicala"!

dcwlksnrayne said...

Hey John and Jen,
Hugs and speedy recovery wishes to you both. Wanted to let you know my kids ( ages 13-18) love your site and often we gather around computer and cry ( with laughter) together. AH.. family time!
Joke: ok pretty lame but
" why did the tuna cross the ocean?"
Because he though he was the 'chicken of the sea'

ok... i'm sorry didn't mean to make you gag! Hugs : )

MarliO said...

Yeah, I'm voting for charred uterus on #1 too *clutches belly protectively. Aaaaaaack!

drgns4vr said...

Good grief! You didn't need to get sick just so I wouldn't have to bake and decorate a cupcake when you come to Kansas City! (I won't even sing a chorus of "If I knew You Were Coming I'd a Baked a Cake", so you don't have to add an ear infection to John's problems.)
Seriously, I'm hoping you both get to feeling better soon.

Cassie said...

I thought it looked like a uterus too. I'm sorry you guys are feeling bad and hope you get well soon!

Jammies said...

Jen and John, I'm so sorry. Healthy wishes to you both.

Joan said...

So sorry to hear John is still doing poorly. Tell him to be happy this didn't happen in Ireland. I had a case of septicemia in Co. Claire (should have stuck to the Guinness) and I spent a week "in hospital" there. Every day I had to wave off the elderly nun who wanted to pray the rosary with me. By day four I was saying, "I really appreciate it, Sister, but I'm still not Catholic..."
Seriously, speaking from personal experience, John has the easy part of this crisis: he just has to lay there & get better. You have to run around and change schedules, find a place to stay, figure out where to get meals, etc. My heart goes out to you.
I'm in Dallas, so I add myself to the list of locals offering home-cooked meals, errands run, the loan of a cat or two, or anything else that would help. jinksb@gmail.com

LizB said...

I've been reading CW for almost as long as you've been writing it but never posted before (although I've shown it to everyone who walks into my house I think). Not to beat a wrecked longhorn, but you both are in our thoughts and mental hugs are being sent! My son would like to send along his favorite joke - he's just turned 4 so prepare yourself...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!

*groan* I know, it's supposed to make you feel better not worse, but he means well. :D We all know that getting well takes as long as it takes but we're hoping it's sooner rather than later. Feel better soon.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Whoa. Looked less like a Longhorn cake and much, much more like a bikini bottom.

I thought maybe you guys were in Cancun or something at a topless beach. XD

Linda said...

Feel better soon, John! Today is the 40th Birthday of Monty Python's Flying Circus premiering on the BBC, so you need to do some celebrating!

Thomas Westgard said...

I'll try to keep this as clean as possible - Not the first time someone made the Texas Longhorns look like a team of ---------

Hope the humor lightens your situation. Rest well and good luck!

Janelle88 said...

Sending you and John best wishes and hope for a speedy recovery!

Wendy C said...

Sending up prayers for a speedy recovery for John and peace for you in the midst of it.

Stacey said...

Both of you feel better soon! Here's a good one!

A f ew days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the
engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there." If you're not sure what a 710 is click here: http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

Dawn's Recipes said...

Sorry to hear he's still doing so poorly. I hope both of you are feeling better soon!

By the way, I thought that first cake was supposed to be the female reproductive system...but, yeah, Longhorns. Sure, I'll buy that!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry John is so sick. Praying that he feels better very very soon. And praying for you, as well.

SRBurk

Ceili said...

huh, It started out like an unfinished Dali... and then morphed into some strange genetic mutation, but the backwards 'n' bullets made my day.

Get better J & J. Hope this note finds you in better health and on the road to recovery.
Canada

denise said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!
Sending good thought and prayers your way for speedy and complete recoveries!
denise
Surviving breasr cancer (in Texas!)
http://www.TeamDenise.org

meg said...

Don't think I've ever commented here even though I've followed since the beginning...

No prayers from me since I'm not sure what bad things would become you if I did, but my good health thoughts are coming your way! I spent way too much time in hospitals as a kid, and it's no fun, ever. :( Hope you can get out of there soon!

Lisa said...

I thought the top picture was suppossed to be something dirty minded, like a body "part" but I was wrong!!

Carson said...

My prayers are with you both! I was distraught to read the news today. Another longtime reader but first-time poster here; and I must tell you that I was delighted to find the book at my local Borders last weekend. I could not, however, read it in the store, because I was laughing so hard, I was afraid I was going to disturb everyone else. :)

Kathi in NJ said...

SO sorry to hear things have not gotten any better! But I am impressed with your "Can do" spirit. Absolutely nothing half-assed about your way of ending it! Feel better soon and all my best!

Laura said...

Jenn...I have loved your blog posts for ages. I do hope John recovers soon. keep us updated but take care of yourself too.

Anonymous said...

John, As an honorary Texan for the time being, you'll be needin' to pray to God, the Longhorns (ignore the false idol Aggies) and Sam Houston, in that order.

Since you're so sick, we'll do it for you for now. You'll see, you'll be delievered back to health in no time flat.

Stefan said...

Hi, and thank you for the most amusing site in years. Laugh myself silly every time I come here.

Quick cake-oriented question; Here in Scandinavia, when we cut and serve cake- we traditionally exclaim marriage related nonsense depending on how the cake slice is seated on the plate. Upright means "Oh, look who'll be getting married before new year's eve!", Toppled cake means "Aw schucks. Maybe next year."
Is this balderdash existant in your strange and remote homes of the world?

Tigerwolf said...

Oh no! You're supposed to be here eating Kansas City barbecue until you burst! Everyone get well soon, and remember, sometimes the Great Bakery of Life gives you a cupcake cake (ptooie!).

^..^

sd said...

Wow, I'm so sorry - it's bad enough to be seriously ill, but to be seriously ill that far from home must be awful. Sending thoughts for a speedy recovery.

Sarah

Liz said...

Oh my! Feel better!

Tana said...

Sending prayers and well-wishes your way. My 4-year-old (who loves the cakes, but can rarely identify them from his limited perspective) send you the following:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kangaroo.
Kangaroo who?
Giant one. Eating....bugs!

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

Wow - poor John! My thoughts are with you both and I hope he has a speedy recovery!

Southern Sugar said...

Jen, sending many wishes for a speedy and full recovery to you and John. Head injury, flu, AND a staph infection? Poor guy!

Also, does anyone else find it funny that the longhorn logo basically looks like the female reproductive system or is that just me? Go HOGS!

Drawn to Caricature said...

Hope John recovers soon. I also thought the first cake was a uterus but the second one makes me think of "Jurassic Park"

Anonymous said...

I've never posted, but your site brings a lot of laughter to my day. I hope you both are feeling better soon!

Reuven said...

Your husband, who I don't know, is in our thoughts and prayers! I hope he makes a speedy and complete recovery.

andygirl said...

I thought the first one was a pair of panties. Now THAT would have been delicious.

Christina said...

I will keep you both in my thoughts! Get well soon John!

Mrs. Darcy said...

Seriously, how are you not freaking out? We're in the neighborhood, need anything?

Laurie said...

The trouble with writing a humor blog is that when you write things like "John has a head injury, pneumonia and a staph infection" readers(me)think "hmmm,that's not really that funny", then are horrified to realize it's true! Geez, you guys, get well quickly! Healing thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.

Melissa said...

I pray John makes a full recovery and soon! I love your work and come here on a daily basis but I rarely comment. I had to today to show my love and support!

Melissa

MommaWriter said...

I hope John's on the mend soon. And you know they're all right that it's O.K. if you drop the ball on the blog for a little while. If we haven't been in that kind of hospital situation, we know we don't want to be!

Sending well wishes for both of you...and hoping your own ailment was fleeting, Jen.

A lame joke for John...because my mom was a Texas Longhorn and my dad an A&M Aggie...

Q: Why did the Aggie check out only one book from the school library?


A: The rest had all been colored in already.

Clara said...

I am so sorry you both got sick! I'm hoping that John's bloodwork comes back clear soon.

And those 'Horns cakes have to have been made by Aggie fans...;)

LibraryLadyJulia said...

I'm so sorry to hear you're both ill. Very best wishes to you both (you do us all such a lot of good by giving us a dependable laugh or three or ten a day, and I hope it all rebounds on you.)

This is a New England accent joke:

Q. What do you call a blind doe?

A. No i-dee-yah.

WV: biono. Said out loud, the noise the microbes will make as they flee you and John, never to return. "Bye-oh-noooooo!"

Anonymous said...

Wow, sorry to hear about all your troubles. I don't think I ever commented here before, but I want you both to know that yet another random dude out on the internet reads Cake Wrecks often and gets a lot of laughs. I hope you both get well soon, and thanks for the hours of laughs.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading for a while now, hope John gets well soon!

threekidchaos said...

I knew about the pneumonia & the staph infection but when did the head injury happen & what kind of hospital are you in?!

Sending lots of prayers & good thoughts your way. It sounds like you need them!

Keri said...

So very sorry to hear about your husband's unexpected illness. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Take good care of him and yourself...your loyal readers will still be here!

~annie said...

De-lurking to say these cakes brought nothing to mind so much as diseased or mutilated uteri. Sick, I know. Apropos: Get well wishes to John!

Jolly said...

praying for you all to heal quickly. So sad for you that the tour had to be canceled!! As a Sooner, I especially appreciated these Texas wrecks ;o)

deemack said...

I'm so sorry to hear that the wrecking has left the cakes and wrecked itself upon those that support all wrecked baked goods. Please take care!

californiawithlove said...

Oh my goodness- best wishes to John and hopes for a speedy recovery.

Christine said...

I am so sad to hear that John is still in the ICU.
You are both in my prayers.

Here's a joke that you might find funny:

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - "These men have jobs".
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - "These men have jobs and love kids".
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - "These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking".
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework".
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak".
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - "You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please".

Marisol said...

I really hope that you are feeling better, and that you get on your feet really soon
Take care, my prayers are with you

CarolinaNightingale said...

Thinking about you guys today. and Sending prayers. And going to the kitchen to make a cake.

Git We'll Son, JOhN & Jin. (Can't figure out how to wrekc that up worse...)

CookieMonster said...

That was funny. Thanks for the update. I'm really sorry you had to cancel the rest of the tour!

Embo said...

I just wanted to say that it takes a serious hardass to keep posting regularly while her husband is in the ICU.

My hat would totally be off to you if I wore a hat, and I hope you both feel better soon.

Lindalou said...

Get better John...seriously, the cakes will all still be here when you get out and get back home. (Travel is way over-rated.)

Rach said...

So sorry to hear about John! If you need anything please let me know as I am in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Anyways, just thought you would find it funny that we do siggy challenges on theknot.com on our local board and this week/last week the challenge was worst cake wreck from your site! If you want to check out what some of us have chosen feel free :)

http://tinyurl.com/d2gb3

Love your site! It provides laughter always!

-Rachel

Samantha C said...

get better, both of you. best wishes to John!

Kat said...

If you are going to do something, you might as well do your best. And if anyone knows wrecks, it's you guys.

I frequently lurk around your blog, I'm sorry to hear of your illness. Sending well-wishes and good thoughts in your direction!

Lottifish said...

Oh my gosh, that's horrible. I hope John feels better soon!

Meghan said...

Our family is praying for your family. Get well John!

Catherine E said...

Hope you both recover quickly! I'm a huge fan and LOVE your blog.

Catherine E.

Mrs Mom said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you both from the coastal southland. Hoping to hear wonderful news about John soon, and also that you are holding up well too Jen!

Just think of the wreck that is begging to be created to memorialize this trip, ONCE IT IS DONE!

Suzanne said...

Speedy recovery to both of you!

Cat said...

I'm sad to say after my initial thought of uterus passed I immediately recognized those cakes as longhorns. I blame that on the fact that I live in Austin.

I wish a speedy recovery to you and John, Sad you didn't make it down here to the capitol, but there's always next time, right?

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and John. Best of luck to him for a speedy recovery.

Emily said...

Wow... and I thought my week was bad. Hoping you get out of that crazy shotgun strawberry state and back to making fun of cakes.

lisadh said...

I hope this "detour" doesn't skew your opinion of The Great State of Texas. We fans are rootin' for your speedy recovery!!

As for today's post, I can only hope that there is equal wreckage out there for Aggies, Red Raiders, and Sooners, and that we will be seeing them veeeerry soooon...

Natalie said...

Head injury too? Poor John! What are we going to hear about tomorrow? Good lord! Jen, I hope you're done kneeling to the porcelain Buddha... Seeing your loved ones sick can be so gut-wrenching. Ho-o!

It's nice to see that serious illness is all it takes to bring your blog-stalkers out of the woodworks! Well played, you two!

Seriously though. I'm praying hard for you two. Your presence on this Earth brings so much joy to so many people that you just need to get well, OK? You have a big calling.

Anonymous said...

John and Jen,

We missed you in Austin, but know that our hearts and thoughts are with you. Please get well soon, John.

Sandy

Visione Bella said...

Ok.... I thought the red one was a red thong... and that's about as tasteless as a CCC (ptooie!) can get! Yeesh.....

Beki said...

*deep breath* OKAY . . .

All the best to John. I hope you are feeling better.

You are amazing to get any post out at all.


Much love.

Anonymous said...

Oh NO! Prayers and hugs for you both!

Rebecca said...

Please take time to focus on your poor hubby-the tour and the postings can wait. When he decides to get sick he really means it! Healthy thoughts to you both!

krazykris said...

OMG! I can't believe ya'll got so sick here in Texas. I truly feel terrible for you and John** Apparently, the border guards decided to unleash a biological weapon of mass illness throughout the state to make sure anyone, native resident of the state or not, is suffering from a crippling viral and/or baterial infection. Obviously, the CDC has been cautioned not to let this information get out so people won't stop travelling*

Longherns Rule!!!!

*this is strictly my own convoluted theory that may in fact be true, or not. But just like the whole JFK and Hoffa mysteries, we may never hear the real version of the truth.
**Until then, my thoughts go out to you and John and fervently wish you much better health in the future.

I'm Just a Girl said...

A cake wreck joke...

A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says, “Put ‘You’re not getting older,’ at the top and ‘You’re getting better’ at the bottom.”

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

“You’re not getting older at the top, You’re getting better at the bottom.”

John, get well soon (don't eat the hospital food, maybe that will speed things up). Don't hesitate to post if there's some way us wreck-fans can help!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer, Crazy Woman said...

I am so sorry to read John is in the hospital. I hope he makes a quick recovery. All my best, J

Etiquette Bitch said...

ugh. disgusting. i'm actually sick to my stomach today (other reasons) but then seeing CW2....I need to go now.

Helen said...

I've been a fan for ages but never commented before - thanks for brightening our lives with the cake wrecks! Really hope he's better soon; take care of yourself as well.

mzmclean2000 said...

Honestly? I thought the first one was a screwed up mouth and some sort of a dentist cake. Either way.. not right.

HEAD INJURY? You didn't tell us about a HEAD INJURY! Ay yi yi.. can't take him ANYWHERE!!

Hope you are both feeling better and that JOhn improves soon! Care to use your psychic powers of cake to schedule me an engagement? lol
**hugs to you both**

terri s said...

glad to see the sense of humor has not been sidelined by a little ol' sickness. still praying for you both to recover soon!
terri

Kore said...

I'm so sorry that John is so ill. I hope that he has a quick recovery.

Angela said...

Okay, glad Scott said that because I thought it was a uterus, too.

Prayers for a speedy recovery.

Kendra said...

I have been reading this blog for a long time but have never commented before. I'm sending get well dust and doing the hokey pokey that John is well soon.

Martha said...

Jen and John (hubby of Jen),

Received your book (finally!) a few days ago devoured it cover to cover while laughing hysterically. Yes, a few people asked me if I was ok. So sorry to hear that you are feeling ill. Prayers from Nashville go your way! Get better soon!

Jennifer B said...

At least I'm not the only one who had guessed the first picture was a uterus!

diopsideanddiamonds said...

Oh no, how terrible! I hope he getts better soon!

(Also, I thought the first one was a giant tongue. Say "Aaaaah!")

Lawgirl said...

Praying for John's speedy recovery!

Kelly said...

As awful as this is, I hope that you realize that he two of you are never away from home. We, your loyal fans, stand ready to fill in as friends and family wherever and in whatever condition you find yourselves.

Now stop working to make us feel better and heal, darn it!

KritterBugg said...

Goodness gracious, are those cakes terrible, and that CCC (patooey!)-ugh! But so sad to hear all the bad things happening on the tour- I wish you both the best... Praying for you both!

Anonymous said...

"What did the Zero say to the Eight?"

"Nice belt."

Auntie Meme said...

Based on the first cake, I'd say that John is at Santa's Strip Club. Sorry to find out that's not the case. Bummer about the tour, but we're all buying the book anyway. You can post a bookplate with your signature and we'll print it out on edible paper for some DIY cakewrectory.

FavorCenter said...

I thought were back on hysterectomy cakes. Maybe if John had a hysterectomy it would cure him? Best wishes, I sure hope you both get well SOON and can get back to civilization!

Anonymous said...

Get well soon! Both of you!

ella
austin tx fan

Muum said...

oh, I hope everybody is better fast!

Deliasgone said...

I am so glad that I wasn't the only one that thought the loch-ness cake looks more like a uterus complete with ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Bek said...

you mean looking at a CCC replica of the female reproductive system doesn't make John feel like jumping on up out of the hospital bed? Imagine!

Continually praying you're both on the mend and on the road home soon!

WV: kerful - as in, Bakeries should be more kerful in their choice of who is allowed to touch the icing bags.

Susan said...

I hope John's ok! I didn't get to meet you guys, but my sister got me an autographed books... yes, I own my sister $60!! She'll get it. Eventually.

Anonymous said...

If hes gonna be in the hospital, at least its in a place where its warm. Chicago is nasty and cold, not a fun place to be sick.

Drew said...

Wait, I thought the wreck on the top was supposed to be some frilly lingerie from Victoria's Secret!

AlisonH said...

That post title is giving me the shivers. Hang in there, John and Jen! There are cakes waiting for you once you get away from hospital food (be theirs via IV or plastic trays). Real cake, even GOOD cake!

Not like, say, the warm sugar-free jello cubes they serve that I told them was colored flavored vasoline and nowaynohow, thankyouverymuch.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one that thought the first pic was Santa Claus panties?

Romana1 said...

First time posting here, but I've been following your blog for a while now-I love it!

Thoughts and prayers for you and John! Hope all is well soon.

shadow said...

I thought that first one was a uterus, too. >.>

Sending lots of happy thoughts and good vibes -- all certified wreck-free! -- your way! Hang in there and don't lose that sense of humor.

WV: "Ousle" -- figuring out what those wrecks were was such an ousle!

Leine said...

I didn't read through all the jokes, so I don't know if this one is already posted....

Two goldfish are in a tank. The first one turns to the other and asks

"So, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Alisha Rene' said...

sending reiki all your way!

Colony's Cakes said...

How awful! our prayers go out to John, I hope everything turns out okay! keep the wreckage coming! We love it!!

raegan said...

a guy hears a knock on his door and when he answeres it there is a snail sitting on his front porch. the man immediately snatches up the snail and hurls it through the air and slams the door shut. two weeks later he hears another knock and when he opens the door again there is a snail. the snail screams, "what the hell was that all about??"

Anonymous said...

I thought the first picture was a uterus!

StefRobrts said...

I was afraid John was getting a hysterectomy for a minute there! Whatever the problems, get well soon!

Brenda said...

You mean that first wreck wasn't for a bachelorette party??

Melantrys said...

All the best wishes to your husband!
Hope he'll make a speedy recovery!

Barbara_in_WA said...

sending postive thoughts John's way for a speedy recovery....

jennifer said...

You are both in my prayers and thoughts.

You are so lucky to have each other, I can tell in the writing that
John adores Jen
and
Jen adores him back.

("Get well soon!")
under neat that
smiley face ;)

Mark and April Skinner said...

De-lurking to wish John a heartfelt get-well-soon :) I'm an ICU nurse myself - the combo sounds pretty snarky to me ... hope he does okay! Take care of you too, hope you're on the mend.

Michele said...

Sending you guys some healing vibes. I know you don't need any cake. Seriously, I hope things get better fast.

Anonymous said...

I pray Jon has a full recovery...and soon. Take it easy, Jen, and get well soon.

Jasmine said...

Been there done that and bought the tee-shirt (hospital gift shop!) on the staph infection thing--it sucks but you can make it!!! And if any part swells at all (my left foot) you can put heat on it and *poof* it disappears.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Sarah said...

Don't normally comment, but felt I had to send good wishes both your ways.

redraven said...

Holy canolli you two! This definitely doesn't sound like fun times on the book signing circuit!!

I'm thinking of you both, and sending plenty of positive energy your way. Thanks for keeping the wrecks coming, despite it all.

Get well soon. Hugs!!

(WV: dentsici) John, may St. Volewart of Dentsici appear at your bedside and bless your teeth.

T.F. said...

I'm not usually the praying type, but you two are in my prayers. Here's to a speedy recovery so you can climb back on the carrot and ride off into the wreckset. (CLEARLY we need you. You're much better at wordplay than the rest of us.)

Anonymous said...

I love your site!! Please give my best to John, Mr Wreck. So sorry to hear, and he's in our hearts for a speedy recovery.

GAMECAT said...

Jen & John ~

What terrible news! I'm so glad your sense of humor hasn't desserted you. (Sorry, bad pun!)

My prayers are with you both! Please don't worry about us Wreckies - just concentrate on getting better and getting home.

In the meantime, as soon as I find something funny for John, I'll post it!

Kristie said...

I thought it was a uterus, too. (Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first one on this site!) But since you were using it as a clue to your geographical location, I was stumped.
You and John are in my prayers!

Karen said...

Oh my gosh, I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. Now for my bad joke:

Q: Did you know that 50% of optometrists in China have cataracts?

A: And the other half drive Rinkin' Continentals.

Ba dum pum.

Erin K. said...

Thoughts and prayers headed your way! When you both get recovered, I look forward to some sort of staph infection-themed cake, or maybe a pneumonia cake, although I have no idea what that would look like. (No flu cake though. I do know what that would look like - yuck.) Get well soon!

oddharmonic said...

@Alicia, who commented on Houston hospitals: Dallas has an excellent brain injury program at the UT Dallas Center for BrainHealth. It's no Texas Medical Center, but I think Dallas does okay.

My husband had a traumatic brain injury a few years ago, so we have become well-acquainted with the brain injury treatment options in Dallas.

Kat N. said...

WHOAH. The first one was like... WOOOOW I thought it was like a pair of panties or something. XD The frilly white banner thing and the soft red color. Pfft. XD

And omg D: I'm so sorry *HUGS* I hope you guys get better. >___< I hope you all get better soon :C

BJP said...

sending lots of good thoughts your way from NC!

SonomaLass said...

Give John our best wishes, and be sure to take good care of yourself, too. We feel extra special here in Petaluma, since we were on the part of the tour that actually took place. And no, we are not going to offer to sell the copies you signed to people in the canceled part of the tour, not even for LOTS OF MONEY.

Kerri said...

Amazingly, I immediately recognized the first wreck as the Longhorns logo. But maybe that's because I've seen it botched so many times.

Jeez, John, all the injuries and illnesses -- it reminds me of that poor cop car in Jumanji - it just keeps getting the crap beat out of it.

Get well soon. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Now I'm extra impressed... you managed to make me laugh, and bring tears to my eyes in one post.

Wishing John a speedy, complete recovery...

-Val in Oregon

Achmed Fubar said...

What's the last thing a redneck/Texan says before he dies?

"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Get well soon John. Sorry we didn't get to meet you too. Your Wife did great at the Dallas book signing and the cake was great too.

Achmed Fubar & Amy W.
N. Richland Hills, TX.

Cake_or_Death said...

Positive thoughts and good karma coming your way, for you and John.

Now, on to the commentary. I really, really thought #1 was a uterus - couldn't figure out if it meant you were in Utah or in utero. Scary prospect, either way.

Char-broiled Nessie - love it!! I figured out it was a football, but couldn't quite grasp why there are poop-waves around it. Must be a Texas-thing.

That last thing? Still trying to work out the relationship b/w shotgun shells & strawberries. I thought one picked strawberries - didn't know they had to be shot. I'll show more respect next time I'm in the produce dept.

Pat P.

WV prerfau - i'll say a little prerfau you (and John)

Anonymous said...

Cake Wrecks brightens my day every day. I am a teacher, and I check it mid day during my prep period. It gives me a laugh and a little perspective to help ready me for my afternoon classes full of eager (well, maybe not eager, per se) eigth graders. It is a goal of mine that no student who spends a year with me in language arts will become a future wreckerator.

I mean, a girl can dream!

Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery!

MelissaW said...

Dear John,

Stay positive, don't let the nurses and docs give you any crap, and make sure they bring you some snacks. Here is joke for you:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


FISH!

I hope the both of you get well soon.

MJC said...

Hey, Jen and John-

So sorry that you guys had to cut your tour short! But as you said, when you wreck a tour, you don't go half way ;)

Hope you feel better soon, John- and here's a joke to liven your mood:

An Englishman, an Irishman, and an American are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking Guiness, when the American turns to the English one and says:
"You know, last week I discovered that if this Guiness makes you fly! The English guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in Guiness makes you fly!"
"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
> street below. All the sudden, he swoops straight up, flies around the building three times, and lands back on his bar stool. He meets the Englishman again, who is astonished.
"Well, what the heck," the English guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward -
rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ....his body hits the sidewalk with a loud "splat."
Back upstairs, the Irishman who had been silent the whole time turns to the American, and shakes his head. He says, "You know, Superman, you're a real arse when you're drunk."


The End :)

Amy said...

Wow, I hope y'all get better soon!!!

OtakuLoki said...

I'm so sorry to hear that John is going through that. I hope he recovers soon, and completely.

Adalee said...

Hi Jen & John,

I'm another longtime reader & first time commenter! I just wanted to pass along my prayers for a speedy recovery, and post a little quote to cheer John up:

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."

"Why, what did she tell you?"

"I don't know, I didn't listen!"

-Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Carrie said...

Oh my gosh. My thoughts are with John for a quick recovery, and with you for peace and calm with all the stress and worry. Pneumonia and staph infection are no joke. (Plus a head injury? Yikes.)

You guys deserve all the most beautiful "Get Well Soon" Sunday sweets in the world.

Carrie said...

Oh, and here's the joke the nurse told me this morning while she was giving me my flu shot:

Knock knock.
(Who's there?)
Little old lady.
(Little old lady who?)
I didn't know you could yodel!

A true classic, that one.

Donna M. said...

Wow...I saw the first one and thought "they're in the land of sexy panties?", saw the second one and said "Ewww Jen's uterus dried up" My brother in law is from Texas..can't figure him out either ROFL

Take care of yourself and John, I think we can live without wrecks for a while...actually it'll give everybody more time to find wrecks *g*

lawnajo said...

the first 2 look like the Health teacher's chalkboard sketch of a uterus. I'm glad that you can still find humor in this unfortunate situation. God Bless!

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hopefully next tour you can come up to Canada!

Denestria said...

I've had pneumonia before, it was awful. I can't imagine being sick in others ways on top of that. Hope John gets well soon.

Otney said...

We hope that he recovers fully and quickly. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Critical? OH MY! Please do get better soon. You both are SO dear to all of us. That you could give us all a laugh at a time like this, WOW! However, as someone who lived through a ruptured appendix (and two surgeries needed to clean the mess), I KNOW that laughter can truly help when you're low. Bless you for all you (Jen and John) do to make this world a bit brighter.

On a slightly different note, I must admit that I saw womens' panties with the first cake. Then I thought, "They are in their undies?" Why not, if your sick, right? Of course, if John is in womens' panties, you may have even MORE reasons to be worried about him!

Get well soon!
-WM

Anonymous said...

Hee-hee...wrecked the Wreck tour...
Sorry, I know it's not funny and I hate that John is sick in Texas. We have so much more to offer ya'll than that! Love the site, wanted to come to the Dallas signing but my son has pneumonia this week, too. I'm going to get the book for myself for my birthday, though!
My sister just sent me this funny and I'm sharing:

In Memoriam

With all the sadness going on in the world at the moment, it's worth reflecting on the passing of an important person, whose death went virtually unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

Love from Amy in North Richland Hills

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers going out to John and Jen. How sweet you are Jen, to appologize for having to cancel the tour. You don't have to appologize. Speedy Recovery John!

johännah said...

i thought the first two pics were uteruses!


fell better guys. i hope texas is terating you well.

cakelady72 said...

Warm, wrecky well wishes from the Pacific Northwest. Missed you guys in Portland because I'd just had surgery. Hope John gets better soon and you take care of yourself as well.

Kim said...

Oh goodness!! I hope John feels better soon.

Silver Tomato Productions said...

My condolances to John and you and well. I hope he feels better.

Anonymous said...

I saw the Longhorns symbol right away. But what they hell is up with the strawberries and shotgun shells?!? I lived in Texas for 2 years and NEVER saw anything that bizarre!

Joke for John:

Per God's instructions, Noah loaded up all the animals onto the ark, 2 by 2. When the rain stopped, he opened the doors to the boat to let them out, admonishing them to "be fruitful and multiply" -- just as God had ordered.

Taking one last look around the ark, Noah saw two snakes huddling in the corner. "What's wrong?" he said to the serpents."Go forth! Be fruitful and multiply, just like God said!"

"We can't," said the snakes.

"Why not?" asked Noah.

"Because we're adders."

Sorry to cause you more pain with that one!

TLC

Adele said...

Poor John, prayers for a quick reecovery. Wrecking oneself is not funny one little bit. Now as for the Cakes du jour....I was thinking John & Jenn are in a uterus, no wait a burned uterus, then of course you gave it away with the picture of an actual long horn uterus. God Bless you guys and no more unfunny business.
Adele

Kristen said...

Take care of yourselves you two!

diddleymaz said...

Praying for you,take care and God Bless.

Anonymous said...

wow, i really hope it's all goiing to get better from here on.

word verification Diedd, ...well let's not go there

Anonymous said...

Dear Jen and John, My goodness, I don't visit your site for a few days and look what happens!!! All my best to you both; hugs and prayers and healing energy ... so you'll soon be actively pursuing those sloppy cakes and other "creative endeavors" in the cake decorating trade. ~ Deborah in California

Pasifika said...

I'm sure everyone would understand if you took a break from posting, but it's great you have the time and energy to bring us these wrecks.

I've been a Cake Wrecks reader for a good while now, and I finally had to comment, if only to join the chorus: I hope John recovers soon and I wish you both all the best.

Vanessa of Seattle said...

Isn't it nice to know that so many people care about you guys? But John needn't have gone to all this trouble to force it out of us! All he had to do was ask. Sheesh!

My favorite joke!
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires!
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks!

Hahahahaha hoooo weee! (Wiping tears from my eyes!) Take care, both of you.

But seriously. You guys take care and I am sending out all of my good vibes and saved up karma in your direction.

Rachel T. said...

I think you two are just allergic to Texas and Longhorns - come next door to Oklahoma and the Cowboys, and we'll be sure to treat you far better!

My prayers for a speedy recovery are with you.

~Rachel

Karasu said...

I couldn't think of a joke that wasn't off-color to include in my get-well wishes yesterday, but I just remembered this which made me laugh when I first read it. Maybe you all will get a chuckle out of it...

http://badgods.com/shamblingmound.html

Still praying for you all and sending healing energy from Japan.

Kinipayla said...

I hope John gets better. *Yells out "Get better John"*

Another Julia said...

Wishing John the quickest recovery possible. (And you, too, Jen..yikes). Hope you're both much, much better very soon.

Meagan said...

Quick! Write a post for later this week that says "Wow! John made a miraculous recovery. The hospital is now wondering if he is from another planet since he healed so spectacularly."
Use that foreshadowing to your advantage.
Get better soon

rainbowmummy said...

I'd be lying if I said that you guys would be in my prayers because I am an atheist, but I am so sorry to hear about this, I hope everything is ok. My thoughts and wishes are with you.

It is all to easy to forget that behind humour blogs are real people. Be ok.

xx

Estir_BunE said...

in my continued thoughts and prayers... God speed to recovery!

moochmom said...

Oh Jen,
so sorry to hear about your misadventures in Dallas. Prayers and healthy thoughts are headed John's way.

Brooke said...

Best wishes thanks for the update and the wrecks.

Sharon said...

Here's a joke:

What's the difference between the swine flu and the bird flu?

With the swine flu you need oinkment and with the bird flu you need tweetment.

Hope that silly joke gave you a little smile in exchange for all the belly laughs you have given me!

Sharon

Liesel said...

Oh goodness, that does not sound at all good. Please keep us updated. What is the prognosis? I hope you are finding a way to keep your humor. I'm sure you both could use it right now. Thinking of you.

feathergirl said...

I really thought that first cake was underwear.

John, I'm sorry to hear that you're in critical condition. I hope you recover soon. Something to quell your boredom:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

CarolH said...

Thinking about you both in Iowa -- we love your work here, too. Get well! And now here is my favorite joke for you that never fails to get even the junior high kids giggling on Beggar's Night. (In Des Moines, the kids have to tell a joke on Beggar's Night which is the night BEFORE Halloween. No idea why.) Anyway:
Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the Cement Wall?

A: Dam!

Anonymous said...

Just pray that John does not have CA MRSA in the Texas sized variety. I am assuming the Blunt Head Trauma was when he "fell out" due to the hypoxemia from the pneumonia and hypotension.

You and John need the constant stream of Cake Wrecks now more than ever. Laughter does indeed release various factors that help with our health.

The other lesson here - more hand sanitizer or hand washing. (All that buttercream and fondant are wonderful media for buggers.)

Sonya said...

Sending my healing thoughts to John (and to you). I hope all is well very, very soon!

a long time, silent reader.
Viva Cake Wrecks!

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

what does that last one have to do with longhorns? i'm lost!

Catherine O'Dannal said...

thats great.

Melissa Bulter said...

laughing my face off!

Anonymous said...

a big "get well" to both of you.

and i'm so sorry that my very first comment on your blog (that i've been reading forever) has to be this way.

in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way...

~~paula

Melissa Butler said...

laughing my face off!

Cathy-Cate said...

Totally uteri!

I'm not a Twitterer but just for you, I peeked, and am glad to see good reports!

Here's one of my few jokes. My now 14-year-old loved it -- when she was three.

Q: What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

A: Hot cross bunnies!

One day at a time, and hang in there! Lots of good thoughts and mojo coming at you both, especially John!

newsjunkie said...

So sorry to hear of John's hospitalization. I hope he is better soon!!

No worries about the tour, you just focus on getting you both better.

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