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Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's TOO DARN HOT

If you're not one of the people complaining about the heat right now, then you're one of the people complaining about the people complaining about the heat.

Either way, we all have the same problem:

Bad bikini cakes.


Yep, this record-breaking heat wave has clearly addled bakers' brains, my friends, and the results simply aren't pretty.


Unless maybe you're looking for two trees in a Seuss-ian landscape.

Er...

[head tilt]

Naaaah.



Whoah. It's like I can't even see the tomato soup skin!



[singing] The hills are ALIIIIVE...

With butterfly CENsor dots!


No, wait. I have a better song.

(Ahem hem hem.)


From the MOUNT-ains,

To the VAL-leys,

To the OH-shoot!

Is that a THOOOOONG?

GOOOOOD bless America!

My...

Oooohhh soooo wroooong!



Thanks to Heather R., Melissa D., Heather H., Ellen G., & Ginny, who will never look at a heart cookie the same way again.

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73 comments:

  1. Recipes In ReviewJuly 28, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    They all seem to resemble what I imagine the landscape on another planet would look like.

    Professionals? Pa Ha Ha

    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    Went for my mammogram yesterday. I'd like to put these in the squishy-tit machine!

    WV:ovens-really, ovens!

    ReplyDelete
  3. phelpsgurlJuly 28, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    HAhAHAHAhahA!
    I am SOOO hearing Kate Smith sing that...which makes it a whole lot funnier...

    WV: unclut - An uncle with an unusual pasttime.

    ReplyDelete
  4. GoodyJuly 28, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    I like the clever placement of the sun in the last picture. it reminds me of something...

    ReplyDelete
  5. SuBeeJuly 28, 2011 at 9:43 AM

    That butterfly nipple cake? I can't imagine breasts looking less appealing.
    It's like two massive, orange mountains protected by giant Mothra-like butterflies.

    AND they're all a little heavy on the spray tan. Except for the cookie with the horrible skin disease. A result of too much exposure to the sun, perhaps.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ScorpJuly 28, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    Time to get some sunscreen.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KerriJuly 28, 2011 at 9:47 AM

    Wow, not only is that a thong cake... it's a thong WINDOW display! What bakery thought that beauty up?

    ReplyDelete
  8. TrekGirlJuly 28, 2011 at 9:47 AM

    You should have to pass a test showing you can decorate well to get a special license to make anatomical cakes...

    On second thought, no one should EVER make thong cakes... wrong... so wrong...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haiku JoyJuly 28, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Hey, Summer Lover,
    consider a new parlor.
    Tramp stamp's akilter.

    ReplyDelete
  10. mouseJuly 28, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    ...my first reaction would have been censored. So I'll just say, well, I don't think I'd want to eat a piece of someone's behind.
    :-)

    (Happy Thursday Jen! Please no cadaver cakes tomorrow.)

    WV: eters. Who wants two eters this hear cake?

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Call me a stickler for detail, but #2 is either a great contortionist or somebody put the ass and breasts on the same side.

    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haiku JoyJuly 28, 2011 at 9:53 AM

    Yellow polka-dot
    stuffs ice cubes down her swimsuit.
    Refreshing! Drippy!

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    I love how the upside down heart/bikini cake has a tramp stamp. Because it wasn't quite bad enough.

    ReplyDelete
  14. TrevorJuly 28, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    That's awesome. I'm not sure why the butterflies were on the one cake. If I saw that normally, I'd never have guessed what it was SUPPOSED to be.

    ReplyDelete
  15. SharynJuly 28, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    Did anybody else notice the giant zit on the thong cake's ample expanses? (I hope I didn't insult the baker, but she needs to learn to turn the other cheek...)

    ReplyDelete
  16. phelpsgurlJuly 28, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    That last one looks like an omage to "Grease - Redneck Edition":

    ♪Summer lover
    Got me tat
    Summer lover
    Tat was so bad♪

    WV: amyou - Creative cursing.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 10:04 AM

    I have lost all interest in heart shaped cakes or cookies. Anytime I see a heart motif I'll be thinking of female booties and tramp stamps...

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    is a cookie "cake" trully considered cake? or is it in the same category as a CCC?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Loo-E Loo-IJuly 28, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    wv: ilina
    She wore an ilina bina Dr. Seuss landscape...err polka-dot bikina...

    I really know better than to ask, but(t)...why is there a DOLL next to the thong cake?? O.o

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    "IS THAT A THOOOOOONG" Had me laughing out loud. Love it

    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  21. melJuly 28, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    A couple of quickies…

    Cake #3: “Sergeant, that’s not what I meant when I said to camouflage the bazookas….”

    Last cake: when they saw how bad their cake turned out, it just wrecked ‘em…..

    wv-fixtums: you'd think when the bakers saw these they woulda fixtums...

    ReplyDelete
  22. BtbsgalJuly 28, 2011 at 10:52 AM

    On the second cake ... is the butt piece on backwards?

    WV: Lycolas - ask your doctor if Lycolas is right for you. Side effects may include spontaneously wandering body parts.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Monika FischerJuly 28, 2011 at 10:58 AM

    Hey I've been complaining about the LACK of heat! Send some of your hot weather and inappropriate cakes to the west coast!

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 10:59 AM

    @ Mel - you crack me up!

    And I think the camo-bikini is actually well done.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 11:02 AM

    The bakers who made those were suffering from heatstroke-how else do you explain those O_o

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    Did anyone else notice that the one in the camo bikini has no belly button?

    Heather

    ReplyDelete
  27. SaraCVTJuly 28, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    I live in the Pacific Northwest, one of the very few areas of the US that is NOT sweltering. Instead, we are wondering if it is EVER going to be summer before it gets to be fall. But given the temperatures in the rest of the country, I recently suggested to my mother that it might be the path of wisdom for us to just shut up.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Caroline BJuly 28, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    'It was an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini....'
    Somehow I don't think that's what the songwriter had in mind. Have any of these bakers actually seen a woman?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Mary BJuly 28, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    #2 - Baby got back! And boobs! On her back...

    ReplyDelete
  30. elissaJuly 28, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    Ha ha ha .... ha.... um. heh. Hm. Snort. Giggle.
    Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

    My cube-maze neighbors are wondering.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    #1's mutant body is boastin a rather fuzzy looking bikini. makes me think of pom poms with those dots. and it's not such an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, is it?

    #2--trees in a Seussian landscape? I totally see it! and I prefer it that way....otherwise, I think we have some sort of "sexy" undergarments with garters connecting the two pieces, rather than a bikini. *shudder*

    #3: spray tan camo chick! makes me wonder if that's her underwear or her bikini? and if she's the hunter or the hunted?

    #$ & 5: OMG I love the songs! butterfly censor dots and a thong? TERRIFYING! who orders a cake like this--and from a display case?? Maybe the wreckerator is a little hard up and is working off his frustrations by molding these cakes. Beware--buyers, especially if there's a cream filling!

    #6: yet another scary use for a heart shaped pan. meanwhile, that thong/sun placement is rather unfortunate. makes it look like the thong is riding down and exposing the sunny sphincter. YOWZA

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 11:39 AM

    though the butterflies on the mountains caught me off guard (is this a desert and butterflies are lost in it?) who is their market they're filling this display case hoping to attract? boobs with butterflies? a butt with a thong? next to dolls??? little girls, shield thy eyes!

    the cookie cake having chocolate chips in it is really weird looking--like this person is mottled with moles.

    camo cake looks like it has a footprint on it!

    Seuss trees in ladybug land at least has a bellybutton. and look, it's two heart shaped pans end to end, yet ANOTHER recycled use for them. that baker should at least get props for most realistic skin tone in the icing shade. everything else looks like bad spray tan/tan in a bottle (too orange!)

    wv: trancol. how you feel after a couple of cocktails on a quiet beach. "ah, it's so trancol here!"

    ReplyDelete
  33. Heather J.July 28, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    Wow, I have to go on vacation with my family starting this afternoon and been dreading having to go to the pool. These "cakes" actually look worse than me in a bathing suit! WIN!

    ReplyDelete
  34. it's the hippy undertonesJuly 28, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    I'm disturbed by the fact that anyone anywhere thinks that any of these cakes might in anyway resemble the female form.

    wv: ovelubba. Obviously, none of these wreckorators have ever seen an ovelubba in person.

    ReplyDelete
  35. AngieJuly 28, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    "To the oh-shoot, is that a thong?" I'll never sing that song the same way again. Thanks. Really.

    And those cakes... Yikes. I detest this heat, but even my brain isn't cooked enough to find those cakes edible.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Haiku JoyJuly 28, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Maybe cake-boobs have
    two "on the back for dancing."
    Thank you, Ruth Wallis!


    ~~~
    Here is her song "Boobs" with a still of an album cover. Her NY Times obit describes her as "genteelly risqué.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPiAY9MALoE

    ReplyDelete
  37. CraigJuly 28, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Re: opening comment: I'm in the second group. I *remember* 'hot' -- what we're getting this year (in 'sunny' Southern Cal) so far ain't it. (People complaining about 'the heat' when the thermometer barely tops 80 need a checkup.)

    #1 Rather than inflict another 'itsy-bitsy' reference, I'll just note that this one gives a new meaning to the term 'navel orange'.

    #2 Another use for the heart pan. Only this one is arse-backwards.

    #3 "Do you not know your back from your front, private?"

    #4 Orange-y. Which word always recalls the Cars' 'Bye Bye Love'.

    #5 I was momentarily confused. I thought the above theme was continuing, then the perspective -- and the world -- shifted. Thong is wrong.

    #6 I don't think this is a heart pan. I do think cookie 'cakes' (and heart cakes from today on) belong in the CCC category. Butt cakes belong in the dumpster.

    ReplyDelete
  38. CarlaJuly 28, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    I love that the thong cake is in the display case right next to the doll cake. Must be a wide assortment of customers that cruise that bakery.
    "Look sweetie, that dolly cake would be great for your birthday and the a** cake would be perfect for daddy's birthday."

    ReplyDelete
  39. Tiffany in TopekaJuly 28, 2011 at 12:48 PM

    I so wish there was a way to give certain comments a "thumbs up"..... Does this mean I spend too much time of Facebook???

    ReplyDelete
  40. Receptionist RowJuly 28, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    There was once a time when I could say that a giant cookie has never made me 'clinch'. This is no longer the case. But a 'tramp-stamped, thong wearing blotchy butt-checked cookie' has changed my clinching habits for good...well...not for the good, just for EVER!

    Wow!!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. The English TeacherJuly 28, 2011 at 1:25 PM

    And I'm just mystified as to why a bikini needs suspenders in the first place....

    ReplyDelete
  42. M.A.L. DiariesJuly 28, 2011 at 1:50 PM

    It's not the heat... it's the stupidity.

    (I wish I could say I invented that, but alas it is stolen. From somewhere.)

    ReplyDelete
  43. StephanieJuly 28, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Yikes... good thing I have a strong stomach - I just ate! o_O

    Oh, and my WV is freak - how appropriate. :P

    ReplyDelete
  44. JellyJoJuly 28, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    That last one... Um, maybe I'm just dirty-minded, but I don't think that's a tramp stamp. I'm pretty sure that's what my friends and I call a "wonk". As in, you "wink" with your eye, and "wonk" with your... Well, let's just say it's a step beyond the traditional "mooning"!

    WV: ratici - Is that a cute little ratici? Why yes it is! Come here, little rat and have some cheese!

    ReplyDelete
  45. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    These are the kinds of cakes I'd expect to see on a planet that has never before come in contact with actual humans.

    That Dr. Seuss one looked like the bulging, blood-shot eyes of some cartoon villain. Spooky.

    I thought the butterflies had alighted atop the ruins of a radio-active sandcastle.

    Those thong cakes give a whole new meaning to the term "tastes like $hi+!" Ew.

    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  46. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    AAAAAAND now Cole Porter's in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  47. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    wv: ashhoes - are you sure that's a tramp stamp and not the ashhoes?

    would love to know where these come from, since it seems every day there is at least one that seems related to the day's post

    ReplyDelete
  48. smallflyJuly 28, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    My 3 year old son came in on the middle of this one. Starting with the Seuss cake, he saw a "ladybug, a bug, butterflies, ooh a PEACH!"

    ReplyDelete
  49. SheepeysJuly 28, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Am I the only one who sees two small brains in #2? These are all amazingly disturbing...

    ReplyDelete
  50. BarbaraJuly 28, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    I'm one of the complainers about the heat. I'm also the one that complains when it's too cold. So I'm a year round complainer. I'll always find something to complain about.

    Oh sure I'm also in the mood for dismembered cake on a hot summer day. That first one looks like it has some weird skin condition. I think that's a belly button although I'm not really sure.

    The camo one is pretty good if you ignore the red skin. I guess someone forgot to put her sunscreen on. I think I'd be too scared to eat any of these cakes along with being very amused like that thong cake. Nothing beats a piece of thong cake after dinner.

    ReplyDelete
  51. M.E.PEREZJuly 28, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    gosh you're so lucky the weather here in France has been terrible for more than a month!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 5:30 PM

    Don't look all that bad to me actually.

    ReplyDelete
  53. SamJuly 28, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    Nothing says "summer" like a nice slice of buttercream buttfloss.

    ReplyDelete
  54. wolfkittenJuly 28, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    Might i just add that the thong cake gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'get a piece of a$$'.

    ReplyDelete
  55. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    Okay, that first cake looks like it was knitted with some really thick sweater yarn made of icing.

    That camo bikini cake COULD have been good if the skin tone was less 'tomato-y' and the bikini itself was smoother.

    Oh dear LORD! THONG COOKIE IS WRONG!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  56. MorganJuly 28, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    It's winter here. We have a digital thermometer in the kitchen. I don't know why, because all it does is remind me how INCREDIBLY COLD it is *inside* the house.

    (It's 15 in the kitchen, btw. I know that's not really *that cold* but it doesn't really get much colder here in Sydney. It is apparently 11 outside.)

    ReplyDelete
  57. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Well if we MUST talk about the weather...I would RATHER talk about the Front Bum cake...
    but
    I'm checking in from sunny South Africa where it is the middle of winter, and last week I was sunnying my itsy bitsy camo bikini on the beach in 27Celcius (thats hecic winter warm in farenheit for you) and THIS week half the country has been SNOWED under in blizzards. People stranded their cars for 2 days! Seriously.
    Just so wreckerators know the rest of the world is also feeling the effects of global warming. And.. Er ... Um... Which country is the main contributor to the worlds's carbon emissisions..oh poop wrong blog... Sorry nevermind.Fire up them SUVs...

    ReplyDelete
  58. msyendorJuly 28, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    @sheepeys, my first thought on Cake #2 was "boobs for brains" + a**backwards

    wv: subil -- the baker's subil reminder with the cookie thong butt is that the sun is also a star. Ew.

    ReplyDelete
  59. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    Is it just me or is cake #2 shaped kind of like a dog bisquit?

    ReplyDelete
  60. KMLJuly 28, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Awww,the first one looks like my 3-mo post-partum body in a bikini. I'm gonna go eat more cake now. :o(

    ReplyDelete
  61. MuffinJuly 28, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    The second cake must be sporting back cleavage because the bottom half looks like a bottom.

    In regards to the thong cookie....I guess the sun does shine there after all, or shines out.

    ReplyDelete
  62. LaurenJuly 28, 2011 at 10:51 PM

    well...at least the thong cake didn't have any chocolate icing. That could have been baaaaaad

    ReplyDelete
  63. KimpossibleJuly 28, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    Wow!!! I dont even know what to say!!!

    ReplyDelete
  64. GeekByMarriageJuly 28, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    I kid you not the yellow bikini boobs were 3 inches thick with pure icing.... the horror!!

    ReplyDelete
  65. InayaJuly 28, 2011 at 11:28 PM

    The Dr. Seuss landscape is seen and can't be unseen. And for once I think I'm glad for that.

    Love the songs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  66. AnonymousJuly 28, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    Is it too soon to call Epcot on the bottom/boob cake?

    wv- sawint: What I just sawint quite right...

    ReplyDelete
  67. UnknownJuly 29, 2011 at 12:27 AM

    No need to floss after eating these cakes since they already did it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  68. ArleneJuly 29, 2011 at 1:18 AM

    Either wreckerators have never seen boobs before or these cakes have been surgically enhanced lmao. I have never seen such huge melons before at least not on a cake...wow.

    ReplyDelete
  69. AnonymousJuly 29, 2011 at 5:44 AM

    They're not going to get them photorealistic, you know. Cake and flesh are two different things.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Katie (Kali)July 29, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I love the song! I might have to start using that song if I ever go to the beach. However, seeing that I live in the Rocky Mountains in a landlocked state, that sadly won't be soon. But we are missing the heat wave at least, Western Montana is roughly 70 during the day, mid 40's at night.

    ReplyDelete
  71. JamieJuly 29, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    That second one looks like brain balloons or something.

    ReplyDelete
  72. GaleJuly 30, 2011 at 1:55 AM

    The worst thing about that last one is, chocolate chips make for very bad skin!

    ReplyDelete
  73. AnonymousJuly 30, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    I think that cake #5 looks like a turkey. Ya, a turkey in a thong. Yikes.

    ReplyDelete

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