Don't Mansion It

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the haunted mansion. I am your host. Your...GHOST....host.

And....I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie,
No other specter can deny,
When a ghoul walks in...

Hm? Oh. (Ahem.) Sorry.


Our tour begins here, in this bowling alley.

As you can see, we have pins and needles to spare. (Muah-ha-haa! Puns killed me.)


Ah, but your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding - almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis:

Are these ghosts actually stretching?

Or have they been run over?


Also, what's the deal with this guy?



And consider this dismaying observation:

Strong spirits are a leading cause of gingivitis.

(Look it up.)


We have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand.

Any volun...

David, I'm trying to spiel here. Do you mind?

"Is this real life?"

No, David, this is real death. Run along, now.

My apologies.

As I was saying, we find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running Chills!

The Chills are our resident track team.


Now, as they say, "look alive," and we'll conclude our little tour.

Not that alive.

Oh, and before you go, there's a little matter I forgot to mention:

BEWARE...of shop-lifting ghosts!

"QUICK! Mall security is coming!"

Sunny R., Ticara G., Kartrina R., Jill M., Janet, Annette D., Brady, Jenna A., H.M., & Heidi Y., your ghosts will haunt you until you return...all that stuff they took.