Cake Wrecks

We Moved!!!

2011-08-06T01:12:00.010-04:00

Cake Wrecks has moved! You are being redirected to the new site!

If the redirect doesn't work, please go to either cakewrecks.com or cakewrecks.squarespace.com.

To Our Blogroll Followers

2011-08-05T12:00:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone,

Some of you may have noticed that you haven't seen any updates from Cake Wrecks in a few days and I wanted to give you a heads up. On Friday night, Cake Wrecks moved to a new host and will no longer be publishing on blogspot. So, if you'd still like to receive updates from us, simply change the settings in your blogroll to read cakewrecks.com or cakewrecks.squarespace.com instead of cakewrecks.blogspot.com. That's it!

Thanks so much for reading and Wreck On!

john (the hubby of Jen)

National yawn Golf Month

2011-08-05T09:30:00.005-04:00

Contrary to popular belief, golf is not a complete waste of time. Many people, for example, use golf as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome money. Other, more talented players, actually use it as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome marriages.

"Just getting the Tiger's eye view, dear!"

Still, whatever your reasons, golf can be an "entertaining," "exciting," and "fun" "sport."

So let's look at some golf cakes, shall we?

Now, the object of golf is to hit a tiny ball...

...off a large pile of crap. This is known as the "drop shot."

Next, assuming that you manage to hit the ball, you may end up on "the green."

So lush.

Now, golf courses come in all shapes and sizes, which allows for a wide range of difficulty, scenery, and funny faces:

"The good news is you've got a nice straight shot.

"The bad news is that ball is to scale."

Which reminds me: would you believe the term "lead foot" originated in golf?

If so, then let me tell you the one about the goofy cake blogger who knew obscure factoids about sports.

Every golfer worth his pom-pom hat/argyle knee-socks/plaid bloomers knows the importance of a great golf bag:

Which is apparently what this is.

In fact, this style of bag is known as the "Schweitzer Bag," named after the famous German golfer, Albert Bag.

And finally, let's go over some essential golf terminology:

Fore = what you yell before you whack someone with a golf ball.

For = how you indicate who gets the ugly golf cake.

"Four" = *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

Golf claps all 'round to wreckporters Brandi T., Lauren F., Sam, Zakes C., K Eva., Stephanie, and Amelia B.

Available Exclusively at the Geiger Counter!

2011-08-04T09:30:00.003-04:00

When it comes to powerfully good cake, the choice is (nu)clear:

And here's some fuel for thought: this wasn't a special order. It was just out in the display case, on the off chance someone was having a nuclear power plant themed occasion worth celebrating.

HOW WELL THEY KNOW ME.

Thanks to Clare M. for the rad wreckporting.

Vehicular Cakeslaughter

2011-08-03T09:30:00.002-04:00

Every now and then - and I'm not saying this happens often - professional bakers have a little trouble making cakes that look like...well, anything. (See examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, and here .)

Perhaps hardest of all is the vehicle cake. There's just something about all those shapes and circles and squares that drives even the most hardened Shop-a-Lot Davinci to edible clip art with the watermarks still on:

Now, if only we had a picture of chocolate drizzle and sprinkles...

So let's say you want KITT from Knight Rider on your cake:

Binka binka binka binka dinka binka dinka binka...

[That was me singing the theme song. Obviously.]

Rather than attempt the entire car, your baker might try to home in on KITT's most distinguishing feature:

The ketchup-and-mustard smear under his seat.

Or how about this tractor?

At first glance, you might think this could be broken down into a simple drawing of two boxes on two wheels.

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

It's an extremely complicated design, and rendering it in icing is so unbelievably difficult that the finished product would be far beyond the bounds of mere mortal comprehension.

Yeah. Like that.

And finally, let's say your child wants a school bus cake:

(Oh, you know this is going to be good.)

You might end up with this:

It's not short. It's "fun sized!"

Thanks to Andie K., Brooke & Mike K., Lea B., & Pete H. for keeping us on track today.

Killer Thrillers (HEEhee!)

2011-08-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

[howling wind]

[howling dog]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]

Darkness falls across the land...

Prince Humperdink: SKIP to the end!

Oh. Ok.

[ahem]

The fowl-est stench is in the air...

"Quack."

The FUNK of forty thousand years!

Give or take an eon.

And Grizzly ghouls from EVERY tomb...

Or maybe a Canadian Black Bear, eh?

Are closing in...to seal your DOOM.

Patriotically.

And though you fight to stay alive...

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm missin'myarm, and whereismyface?"

Your body starts to SHIVER.

...me timbers!

(Or maybe that's Orlando Bloom. Hm? LADIES?)

For no MERE MORTAL can resist...

Baby Cthulhu!

Or...

... David Caruso riding a unicorn under a double rainbow!

The EVIL...

(Oh. Or that)

...of...

THE GRILLER.

MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

AHA...

Wait.

Is that supposed to be steak?

Ew.

Thanks to Melinda M., Sarah C., Natasha, Nell H., John M., Rebecca J., Carrie, Robin L., Wolfie, and P. Humperdink for saving us from having to find a cake for "y'alls neighborhood."

Cheap Cheat Sheets

2011-08-01T09:30:00.001-04:00

Ah, where WOULD we be without those helpful hints from our friendly wreckerators?

"WHAT IN HOLY...oh. It says, 'Meow!'

"So it must be something that can imitate a cat."

Sometimes the hints are fairly subtle:

Pssst. You misspelled "Poopy."

While wiser wreckerators go for slightly more direct labeling:

Finally answering the question, "Can I get a what-what?"

Rainbow!

Um...strawberry!

Diploma?

Now you're just screwing with us.

And finally, my favorite, no doubt written after someone was asked just a few times too many:

Thanks to Sara A., Julia L., Stephanie L., Sadie P., Rose B., Anne B., Elizabeth S., & Erin F., who are all going, "OoooOOooh, NOW I see it!"

Sunday Sweets: Threadcakes 2011

2011-07-31T09:30:00.003-04:00

It's Threadcakes time again, peeps! This is the contest inviting you (yes, YOU) to make a cake of your favorite Threadless shirt design. There are fun prizes, and your cakes are judged by the likes of Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes, Bakerella, Bake and Destroy, and yes, even yours truly. :D

One of my favorite parts is seeing how folks interpret a 2D illustration into a 3D cake sculpture. You know, like this:

"The Friendly Spirit"

By Rebecca Mcdowell

So fun. The moss is made from green coloring and ground almonds! Genius.

Here's a fun throwback to our old-school arcade pals:

"This Game Sucks"

And its 3D interpretation:

By Elina Prawito of bake-a-boo

Now I want to play Super Mario Bros.

This zombie sandwich is an adorable choice for Threadcakes:

"Breaaad"

And this little cake is to die for!

By Melissa Cody

I love how his little zombie legs are bursting through the baggie! Great detail.

You would think this next heavily detailed design would be impossible to replicate in cake:

"Carpooling is Fun!"

But this baker totally brought it to life. Adorable!

By Jessica Keller

Click on the link to read Jessica's extensive process in creating this cake. And if you think Jessica's style looks familiar, it's because she made the Yoshi cake from last year's contest!

This is a cute design on its own:

"Pros Cons"

But the baker really thought outside the (cigar) box when building this cake.

By Trina Tee

The box is made of vanilla cake with white chocolate berry swiss meringue buttercream. Mmmmm.... cigars.

There's a 2D category in the Threadcakes contest as well. This is where detail and painting really shine.

I love this original design:

"Bloombox"

So naturally, its cakey counterpart is just as fun!

By Melissa Schmalz of It Could Be Sweet

That takes a steady hand.

I wouldn't want to tackle this incredibly detailed design:

"Sounds of The Ocean"

But the baker really made it pop by adding the 3D elements.

By Leanne Massey of Victorious Sponge

It took Leanne five days to mold all those pieces! Outstanding work.

The designs that feature comics are always fun to see as cakes.

"Captain Obvious"

The paint is key in getting the look right.

By Sarah Woodward

Sarah just graduated HIGH SCHOOL! She's really got a talent for baking and art... obviously.

This next design has a lot of detail to begin with.

"My Life is a Game (a New Stage)"

But the baker really pulled it off:

By Henry Ma

And finally, this sweet design is a great choice for a Threadcake:

"If On A Winter's Night Young Lovers"

By Joy Ortiz

Absolutely beautiful.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com. And don't forget to check out Threadcakes for more amazing cakes!

Stack the Wreck

2011-07-29T09:30:00.001-04:00

Helen Keller once said,

"The best way out is always through."

Which is fabulous advice pretty much any time you're not constructing a multi-tier wedding cake.

Cake Construction: You're Doing it Wrong.

Let's go in for a closer look, shall we?

Wow. You know, no matter how contrite the baker might have been, I have to say: those really are the tiers of a clown.

[Bah dum CHA]

Thank you. Thankyouverramuuuch.

Thanks also to Holly M. for putting the "holey" in "Holey wedding cake with big gaping holes in it, Batman!"

It's TOO DARN HOT

2011-07-28T09:30:00.002-04:00

If you're not one of the people complaining about the heat right now, then you're one of the people complaining about the people complaining about the heat.

Either way, we all have the same problem:

Bad bikini cakes.

Yep, this record-breaking heat wave has clearly addled bakers' brains, my friends, and the results simply aren't pretty.

Unless maybe you're looking for two trees in a Seuss-ian landscape.

Er...

[head tilt]

Naaaah.

Whoah. It's like I can't even see the tomato soup skin!

[singing] The hills are ALIIIIVE...

With butterfly CENsor dots!

No, wait. I have a better song.

(Ahem hem hem.)

From the MOUNT-ains,

To the VAL-leys,

To the OH-shoot!

Is that a THOOOOONG?

GOOOOOD bless America!

My...

Oooohhh soooo wroooong!

Thanks to Heather R., Melissa D., Heather H., Ellen G., & Ginny, who will never look at a heart cookie the same way again.

Cake Wrecks: The People's Court Edition

2011-07-27T09:30:00.002-04:00

Guys, I get a lot of wreck reactions via e-mail. I've seen multi-page rants IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS from bridezillas, blistering sarcasm from disappointed parents, and more "LOL"s than I can count. I've even known one or two brides who had to take their bakers to court to get a refund.

However.

I've never - ever - seen someone sue a baker for over $4,300 over a misspelled name on a $55 cake.

UNTIL NOW.

If you can't see the video because you're at work, count yourself lucky. Frankly, I was ready to bash my own head in after the first three minutes. That lady gives crazy a bad name.

Oh, and here's the wreck in question - or at least part of it:

The judge reads the baker the riot act over the cracks in the icing, but also points out to the mom that if you saddle your child with a ridiculously spelled name (it's pronounced "Kiesha" but spelled "Keshia") then you pretty much have to expect people to screw it up for her entire lifetime. And so stop sweating the small stuff already.

Good advice all 'round, wouldn't you say?

Oh, and if *I* were that baker, I think I'd have replaced the cake with something a little more appropriate:

:D

(Then I'd direct Ms. Crazy Pants to this blog for an eye-opening dose of perspective.)

Thanks to Kathy D. and David S., who are consulting their lawyers. So watch out, moms.

Homophoned In

2011-07-26T09:30:00.001-04:00

Here's one way to tell if a cake order was made over the phone:

Followed by a three hour tour?

[For the record, that joke makes me feel reeeeally old.]

John and I just sat here saying the words "our" and "are" ad nauseam. We sounded a lot like the seagulls in Finding Nemo: "Our? Are? Hour? R? Arr?"

Still, I take comfort in knowing you're all doing the exact same thing.

Now this one made us sound like the Count from Sesame Street. Which is to say, AWESOME.
In fact, from now on, I'm always pronouncing "welcome" like "wheeel come."

Sometimes a cake makes you wonder about its back story...

...but the good news is Sam actually didn't give a flying crap.

And finally, here's a girl with a need for speed:

Yep. Rose really likes to put the petal to the medal.

Thanks to Rachel N., Sarah D., Scot N., Kelly R., F.F., & Jon A., who only caught that last line because they've had their coffee. Good work, guys.

Overselling It

2011-07-25T09:30:00.006-04:00

"Good day, Madam! Please allow me to welcome you to the West Rutheford Winery, Gastropub and Patisserie. Might I offer you a moist towelette?"

"Um, no. I just need to order a cake for my son's birthday, please."

"But of course! We have many, many cakes to choose from. If I may point out on our Ménu dú Jöur, here you see we have our Incredibly Moist Chocolate Cake Uniquely Finished By Hand With Butter Cream Icing."

"As you can see, it is 'Great For Any Occasion.'"

"Finished by hand? Are you sure feet weren't involved?" [smirking]

[ahem] "Ah, yes, very amusing. Well, Madam, if that is not your particular cup of Earl Gray, might I suggest our Moist Gold Cake Uniquely Hand Finished Tastes Just Like A Real "WATERMELON"?

"Soooo, it tastes like a watermelon?"

"Not at all, Madam. It tastes like a 'WATERMELON.'"

"Ah."

"Ah, but I have saved the best for last! It is the pièce de résistance of our repertoire, the crème de la crème, the horloge de le stylo du la baguette fo di fa fa! Behold!

"A Rich Belgian Chocolate Cup filled with a layer of moist yellow Cake, Fudge, and sweet cream Ice Cream and topped with fluffy white Frosting...

...and a menstrual duo."

"Ew."

"As you might expect, this is available but once a month."

...

"Madam? Wait! Where are you going?!"

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Dawn C. and Aimee W. who are just glad that last one isn't red velvet.

Oh, and since *I* couldn't figure it out, I thought you might want to know that last label should read minstrel - which is apparently a type of cake. Plus, when Aimee pointed it out to the manager she shrugged, said they were all probably like that, and put it back on the shelf. Yay, quality control!

Sunday Sweets: Harry's Sweet Send-Off

2011-07-24T09:30:00.003-04:00

Though the movie premiered last weekend, Potter Mania is still going strong here at the Yates household. I finished up John's custom carved wand display a few days ago, and we've been having a blast searching and sorting through all the Sweets flooding our inbox.

So, without further ado, here are the rest of the best of the best Potter cakes! (Oh, and if you missed the first half, click here.)

First, a magically delicious monster book of monsters:

By Caketopia

Have I mentioned that I'd like one of those displayed in my office, too?

This one is like an edible still-life; I had to do a double take before I realized it was cake:

By Cake Central member Goonergirl

Even more I-can't-believe-it's-cake:

By Artisan Cake Company

The lightning bolt font is especially...striking.

[bah-dum-CHA!]

Artisan Cake Company also made the best edible golden snitches:

By Artisan Cake Company

They're chocolate truffles, and I totally want to make some. Hit the link above for instructions.

More adorable cupcakes:

By Cute Little Cupcakes

By Clares Cupcakes

For those of you who believe it's the inside that counts, Darla over at Bakingdom did a fantastic house colors cake:

By Bakingdom

Hit the link to see how she did it.

I featured an amazing replica of Hagrid's hut last week, but here's one more:

By Cake Central member PennieK

Ah - wait for it - MAZING.

And here's another jaw-dropping Sorting Hat, too:

Submitted by Jessica W. and made by Highland Bakery

Complete with a hand painted Hogwarts Express on the bottom tier. BRILLIANT!

From hand painted to hand sculpted:

Submitted by Ellen B. and made by The Sugarcraft Emporium

This Hogwarts Express cake includes the entire platform!

Simply adorable:

By Cake Hero

I like how the striped board looks like Harry's scarf. Clever!

Another cool design:

By Border City Cakes

Charm City Cakes (aka Ace of Cakes) again did a castle cake for the movie premier, but this time it was the battle-scarred Hogwarts:

Submitted by Emily J. and made by Charm City Cakes

Turn out the lights, and you'll see their creation really shine:

...and smoke. Wow.

Well, there you have it, fellow muggles! Hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long Potter Sweets feature. Now I'm off to collapse.

Happy Sunday!

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

The Search for the World's Most Disturbing Shower Cake ENDS HERE

2011-07-22T09:30:00.000-04:00

You know how I'm always telling you baby butt cakes could be so much worse?

Things are about to get so much worse.

Heads up!

Wow. This is so stinkin' sexy, I almost didn't even notice the outie belly button.

Because fetus cookies are SO last year:

Goes great with mother's milk.

And lots of screaming.

Proving once again that bakers are takings posts on this blog as inspiration:

I'm torn (ha! Ew.) between asking what that gray pouch thing hanging out is and desperately, desperately, not wanting to know. In fact, know what? Don't tell me. I'm never having kids, so knowing what the inner lining's poop chute or whatever looks like is just one of those things I never need to know. Seriously. Leave me to my blissful ignorance.

And finally, look. I realize that a lot of talent was required to make some of these wrecks - I do! However, no amount of talent will ever make any part of this look yummy to me:

In fact, you could say the amount of talent a baker has when making a placenta has an inverse reaction to how much I want to eat said placenta.

Or, in other words:

SWEET BETTY CROCKER I AM NEVER EATING AGAIN.

Thanks to Matt R., Sarah M., Carl G., & Heather A. for today's gut-busters. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to skip lunch.

Atlantis, We Have a Problem

2011-07-21T09:30:00.003-04:00

When celebrating ten years with the space program, remember:

One wrecker's space shuttle is another's castle.

With a giant dong on it.

Thanks to Rochelle W. for reminding us that women in space have come a long way.

They're Gonna Need 'Em

2011-07-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

Ask where the second "e" went all you want; *I* want to know what's in that icing. [shudder]

Sorry, Ash, you only get one.

Aw, this is my fav "favewell" cake ever. It's the bes!

I'm a little unclear on the message here. Is it:

"Best wishes! Here's a pile of crap! With plastic! And curly ribbon!"

Yes? No? Am I close?

Ok, so in the Ghostbusters video game (oh, c'mon, you knew I was a nerd) there's this cursed clock that claims to show the exact time of death for anyone who looks at it. Creepy, right?

Well, guess what came to mind when I saw this cake?

You think this Wreckerator knows something about Beck Y's future - say, around 10 PM - that we don't? I mean, she filled in everything else from "play with gran kids" to "gardaning," so that lone blank spot is looking pretty dang ominous, if you ask me.

In fact, maybe the baker should just get right to the point:

Or:

Buuuuuh...

Buhbye.

Thanks to W.C., Ashley B., April C., Ginny B., Heather J., Betsy U., & Jennifer H. for all the fell wishes.

Summer Sweeps

2011-07-19T09:30:00.003-04:00

We have an exciting new lineup of shows for you this Summer, target demographic viewers! That's right, who needs scripts, stars, or self-respect when you could be watching "Joan Rivers' Surgery Cam," "Bulimic Hoarders with STDs Who Didn't Know They Were Pregnant," or "Temptation Island 12"?

And be sure to set your DVR for these soon-to-be-hits...

An unlikely partnership leads a con artist-turned-Tennis-enthusiast to teach his young Ninja protégé yodeling in...

What a Racket!

Our hot new teen drama, A Lot Like Twilight, features plenty of drama, betrayal, more drama, pale guys who might be vampires, crying, rippling abs, and whatever this is:

Yeah. Dramatic.

And, by popular demand, the star of the much beloved Microsoft Word program, That Paperclip Guy, gets his own reality show! Don't miss the fun as he and his plucky sidekick Bulbous tour the nation, terrorizing interns!

"I see you're trying to write a letter!

BWAHAHAHA!! So. Not. Happening."

You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama:

Grey's Podiatry

And finally, for those of you mired in hopeless childhood nostalgia that forces you to hurl money at anything from the 80s or 90s, don't miss our re-boot of the season:

Mighty Morphin Power Fishermen!

So, TV fans, pop the popcorn, grab the remote, and get ready to watch reruns on Hulu! Yeah!

Thanks to Joshua W., Courtney S., Cari C., & Cheryl S. for today's Fail Lineup.

Aw, Poo

2011-07-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

Let this be a warning to anyone nicknamed "Peanut."

"Howdy ho!"

"Let's see...we've got a big pitted clump of chocolate icing, and lots of red gel leaking out the cracks. What else does this cake need?

"Oh! I know!"

"More roughage!"

(A pine tree counts, right?)

Suddenly, having my mouth washed out with soap doesn't sound like such a bad thing:

Giving new, literal meaning to a "sh*t-eating grin?"

(Btw, I made sounds I didn't think were humanly possible when I first saw this photo. Kind of a hairball-esque gargle. It was horrifying.)

Bakers, when making chocolate seashells for a wedding cake, here's something to keep in mind:

They *do* make white chocolate.

Bakers, when looking for a quick way to clean the chocolate sauce off your fingers, here's another thing to keep in mind:

Don't do this.

And finally: bakers, when attempting to entice your customers with a sweet chocolate treat, here's the last thing that should be on your mind:

Gnarly poop fingers.

Of dooooom.

Thanks to Ashley/Peanut, Megan E., Tracey S., Kate M., Fabiola I., & Chani, who actually have a band named "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM." In my mind. Where it's AWESOME.

Sunday Sweets: And All Was Well

2011-07-17T09:30:00.004-04:00

With the final Harry Potter movie opening this weekend, we've come at last to the final chapter (zing!) in a long, beautiful friendship. Assuming your friends like to make movies messing with your favorite books, I mean. (Do NOT get John started, guys. Just...don't.)

Ahem.

So, fellow fans, feast your eyes on some of the best Potter Sweets ever to grace our Muggle coil!

Submitted by Lee F. and made by Beryl Byrd

I like the way the moon and clouds are supported by thin wires - such a great background touch.

It doesn't get much more classic than this:

By Debbie Does Cakes

The aging on the book pages is *perfect*.

While I admit the movie's Sorting Hat is kind of creepy, most of the cakes I've seen tend to make him look like he wants to eat your brains. This one strikes the perfect balance, though:

By Love to Cake

A hat tip to the baker!

There's more to this next one than meets the eye:

By Deb Kichline

This cake was motorized, y'all, with the top branch rotating so the snitches flew in circles!

It also had a custom cake stand with hidden speakers that played the movie's theme song. WOW. Hit the link above for more pics and details.

Here's a fun LEGO version of Harry:

Submitted by Hannah A. and made by Dream Day Cakes

Perfection.

And check out this adorable little Hedwig:

By Lisa's Cakes

That must be one cool Granny. Love it.

Hagrid also got a squee-worthy makeover:

Submitted by Maggie B. and made by her friend, Lydia B.

He even has his pink umbrella!! LOVE.

Hagrid's house here looks like a scale model, complete with Buckbeak in the yard:

Made by Mollie and found via

Forget eating it; I want this displayed in my office!

Here's another amazing Potter cake:

By Yuma Couture Cakes

Hm, can a cake be a horcrux? The symbol is the sign of the Deathly Hallows, there's a howler letter, Harry's wand, and check out the crazy detail in the basilisk fang:

And now, some oh-so-adorable cupcakes:

By Isa Herzog

See the cauldron with the spitting flames? I want that one.

Yeesh. Would you believe I'm only halfway through my Potter Sweets? Well, you know what that means: double feature! So tune in next week for more, and if you made a Sweets-worthy Potter cake this weekend, be sure to send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Wreckies of the Month

2011-07-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

Every week we're delighted to receive plenty of your cakey homages, wreck-creations, and fan art. And, from time to time, I like to both encourage this behavior and share the giggles by spotlighting a few personal favorites. So let's get right to it, shall we?

First, a nod to Katherine S. for her version of the world's best baby shower cake:

Let us all pause in appreciation of proper parenting, shall we?

Carmel C. went the extra mile with her Carrot Jockey homage and eschewed the plastic jockeys for handmade ones:

And somehow that is much, MUCH more disturbing.

I think I like it.

Amber A. celebrated her three-year-old daughter's birthday the old-school way:

With Dino Jockeys!

Usually I only showcase cakey homages to this blog, but Sarah Jane J.'s recreation of the famous cake from Hyperbole and a Half was simply too good not to share:

And for those of you unfamiliar with Allie of Hyperbole and a Half - first, shame on you! - and secondly, here's the cake we're talking about:

Next, from our very own J Rose - the genius who brought you that playable dress-a-wreck program - here is yours truly, dressed as a Hogwarts student, and getting a Howler from an irate wizard for making fun of cauldron cakes:

(Ten geek points if you spotted the hidden Mickey before reading this sentence. Five after.)

And because I like to remind the world that I am, in fact, a stellar role model for children, here's a sampling of artwork made entirely with child labor:

First, 12-year-old Chloe made this birthday card for her mom, Regina:

The bottom reads, "We dyed our mohawks green in honor of your birthday!" and the inside read, "Hope your birthday isn't a wreck!"

Someone get this girl to design us a greeting card line, STAT.

Next, a fine art piece brought home from school by 5-year-old Claudia S., and sent in by her mom, Susan:

Thinking of little Claudia's teacher's reaction to this masterpiece makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Now, you may be thinking that a five-year-old must surely - SURELY - be my youngest fan.

Au contraire, my misinformed friend!

BEHOLD!!! THE MAGNIFICENCE!!!!

My friends, this nameless girl baby is YOUR NEW MASTER. Bow down in fealty!!

Or maybe just say how cute she is in the comments.

That works, too.

And for those of you desperate for back story, Colleen T. says,

"Ever since my mother-in-law pointed out that my baby has a natural Mohawk, I’ve been dying to strip her down and sit her on a carrot. The other day, I got my wish!"

Your wish, and a billion others, Colleen. Well done.

A Harry Situation

2011-07-15T09:30:00.005-04:00

My friends, today marks a tragic milestone for Harry Potter fans.

It's the day I feature more Harry Potter wrecks.

Ten points from Bakingdor!

And you're to stay after class and chop up every single High School Musical cellphone deco kit.

'Cuz I hate those things.

Here's a positively dizzying array of wreck:

See that photo of the little girl under the cake? She's wearing the same expression I had when *I* first saw this cake: confused, disappointed, and slightly nauseated.

I'll give you a hint on this next one:

It's a golden snitch.

To be fair, maybe it's supposed to be the one Harry spit out.

I'm sorry, but I have to bring back two old favorites:

Eat your heart out, Daniel Radcliffe.

Or maybe just your unfortunately rendered underbite.

Don't you hate it when your Quidditch cakes turns into Harry Potter and the Deathly Gallows?

Tsk, tsk. Such a noose-ance.

EVERYONE REMAIN CALM.

This is not Hedwig:

It's Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon.

Who is a total square.

And finally, while I know not everyone out there loves Harry Potter as much as I do, at least we can all agree on one thing:

There is about to be some SERIOUS nerd rage going on in here.

Thanks to Emily R., Jackie N., Char M., Rebecca J., Erin M., Jesse D., & Michelle M., who think Team Lupin vs Team Snape would work. You know, because of Snape's sparkling personality.

john (the hubby of Jen) In The Flesh

2011-07-14T09:30:00.002-04:00

My friends, today is National Nude Day, which is why I... [ripping off Velcro pants]...will be writing this post entirely butt nekkid. Aw yeeeah. In fact, I suggest you join me! Just be considerate of your family and cubicle mates, and be sure to walk around and extend a personal invitation to each of them, too.

Now, you may be asking yourself, how will I know that john (the hubby of Jen) is actually naked? Well, here's a picture as proof:

I like to oil up when I write about cake.

Now, let's do this thing!

Here we have a ...

I'm sorry. Excuse me...this chair is really...erph!...scratchy.

So. Here's a turtle:

Oh! Hang on a sec; my neighbor is watering her lawn.

[opening door]

Hi, Mildred! Did you know it's National Nude Day?

Mildred? Don't run so fast, dear, remember your hip surgery!!

She's such a sweetie.

Now, check out this hot little chick:

That is some serious duck face.

(Question: is it ok to scratch below the belt with a back scratcher? Asking for a friend.)

And now, a taco:

Or possibly a hot dog.

Never thought I'd get those two mixed up, to be honest.

(Another question: are wood back scratchers dishwasher-safe?)

Huh. That's odd. Ever get the feeling somebody's watching you?

Must be the cold draft in here.

[crossing legs]

And finally, because this post has been the picture of modesty and decorum so far, let's end with something really inappropriate:

Hey, Carol G., Marianne F., Susan M., Sarah A., & Alexandra, for the last time: I'm up here.

Brought to You By Seymour Butz

2011-07-13T09:30:00.001-04:00

Remember when I used to rail against the cannibalistic indignity that is the baby butt cake?

Ah, those were some good times.

....

Let's do that again!

Hm. Given those "legs" and the hastily edited "Baby," you have to wonder what the baker thought s/he was making.

After all, bakers don't always have the firmest grasp on the whole "edible butt" concept.

For example, "broken legs shoved under a table" isn't quite what we're going for here:

Ow.

Parents, don't let childhood obesity get the upper butt on you:

Also watch out for TLS - teeny leg syndrome.

And while you're at it, parents, maybe wait 'til your baby is a little older before dousing her lower half with self-tanner:

I mean, c'mon, the cheeky little devil is barely half-grown!

'Course, sometimes a butt cake is more than just a butt cake.:

Sometimes it's a Toddler Torso cake.

Or, if you're lucky, sometimes it's a snaggle-toothed-monster-popping-through-a-sheet-cake-and-about-to-eat-a-rose cake:

Don't even try to tell me you don't see it.

And finally, for those of you who, like me, think the idea of ingesting a cake shaped like the poop-factory end of an infant is kind of disturbing, just remember:

...it sure beats getting a head.

Thanks to Maria S., Deidre P., Aubrey A., Anony M., Renee W., Roman S., & Debra for cracking us up today.

The Wayward Pupil

2011-07-12T09:30:00.000-04:00

I dare you to play "I Spy" with your kids on this one:

"I spy...with my one little...AAAUUGGHH!!"

Thanks to Lori P. for bringing a whole new meaning to "a wandering eye."

And also for making Number1 laugh for like five minutes straight.

Here Comes the Snide

2011-07-11T09:30:00.001-04:00

In honor of all the summer weddings this month, I decided to sing a little song.

(With apologies to Nat King Cole.)

Unforgettable...

That's what you are.

Unforgettable!

Beyond subpar!

Like a song of love that CLINGS to me...

(ew)

How the thought of you does THINGS to me...

(seeing...red...)

Never before has something been mooore...

UNFORGETTABLE!!

Someone will pay!

And forever moooore...

They'll rue the day!

That's why darling...

It's incredible...

That a wreck...

So unforgettable...

Could also be so...

...dang inedible too.

Thanks to Christin S., Amanda C., Rachael H., Jessi T., Chelsea W., Chase C., Amy S., Angela I., & Susan C. for scaring all the brides-to-be out there.

Sunday Sweets: Modern Marvels

2011-07-10T09:30:00.001-04:00

Today we're spotlighting wedding cakes with a modern twist. Unusual shapes, clean lines, bold colors - these aren't your grandmothers' wedding cakes. (Unless your grandma was really, really cool.)

Let's start with what I first thought was a stack of brilliant dishware:

By Baking Arts

Wowee - check out that color! And it's actually striped modeling chocolate, not fondant. Amazing.

I love it when bakers experiment with a wedding cake's shape and height. You know, like this:

Submitted by Elizabeth H. and made by Maggie Austin Cake

Formal, but still fun. Love it.

Extra tall bottom tiers are a neat way to liven up more traditional round cakes, too:

By Rouvelee's Creations

Plus that graphic black and white pattern manages to be both modern and timeless all at once.

This next one is also by Rouvelee, because I couldn't pick just one of her amazing cakes:

By Rouvelee's Creations

Look at those swirls! Totally swoon-worthy.

If you asked an artist for an extremely abstract, minimalistic interpretation of sea foam and crashing waves, you might get something like this:

By Gateaux Inc.

Kinda cool, right?

I had to zoom in on this one before I realized the ribbons weren't real ribbons:

Sub'd by Jennifer H., made by Salt Cake City

Sharp corners, crisp lines - just perfect.

Here's another that might fool you into thinking it's wrapped in real ribbon:

Submitted by Kaitlin M., photo by Lisa Lefkowitz, baker unknown

And those graduated colors! I literally gasped the first time I saw this - such great girly goodness.

There's something about sunny yellow accents with black and white that always makes me smile:
Photo by photoARTworks, cake by Something Sweet Cake Studio

Beauuutiful. And I was delighted when I realized this is by the baker who made our very first cake at our very first book tour stop here in Orlando. (Love ya, Johnnie!)

We've seen our fair share of peacock wedding cakes, but here's a more modern twist on all that beautiful plumage:

Submitted by Heidi T.; By Betty Crocker Recipes

So...would you call that shade Norwegian Blue? [innocent smile]

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets (at) Cake Wrecks (dot) com.

When Cakes Need Copy Editors

2011-07-08T09:30:00.003-04:00

People often bemoan the fact that we don't have spell check for cakes, but as every writer knows, spell check doesn't catch everything.

After all, this IS spelled correctly:

I once participated in a Rock-A-Thon when I was a teenager: a group of us rocked in rocking chairs for eight hours straight to raise money for charity. Now, if I'd had the option to rock a thong, instead?

Um. Yeah, I would've stuck with the rocking chair.

They wish, baker. They wish.

Calling your boss "sexy" is a risky endeavor at the best of times - but it certainly doesn't help when the baker forgets a letter in "sexiest."

But hey, it's just a tiny mistake. The rest of the spelling is perfect!*

Bakers, take note: there is a difference between "inquire" and "imply." Don't worry, though; mixing the two up would only be a problem when discussing potentially controversial things. You know, like medication or something.

Oops.

And finally, when Steve and Marcus were planning their joint birthday party, they went with a Back to the Future inspired "Enchantment Under the Sea" theme - naturally.

One question, guys: Why wasn't I invited?

They ordered a cake with "Enchantment Under the Sea" written on it - and when the baker misspelled "enchantment" on the order form, Marcus immediately began hoping for a Cake Wreck.

Well, they did get one, but not in the way he expected. See, apparently the baker mistook "the sea" to mean the cake's deco pack, and...well...

You must admit: as wrecks go, this is kinda awesome.

Thanks to Ashli D., Ann Marie P., Erika T., Shea, & Marcus H. for being awl-around grate guise.

*Note: Sarcasm.

Parental Payback

2011-07-07T09:30:00.001-04:00

Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.

Plus your kids might be a pain, too.

Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.

Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.

Yep, there's something about seeing their favorite lovable character transformed into a homicidal psychopath that could slightly unhinge more impressionable minds.

"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."

Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?

"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!

"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on.

"Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"

Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...

Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!

Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:

I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.

Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)

Free Throws

2011-07-06T09:30:00.000-04:00

A while back one of our readers suggested a fun activity for the next book tour: set up plain frosted cakes, and let contestants hurl various bits of candy, flotsam, and ribbon at said cakes. Whichever looks "best" wins.

Unfortunately, I think some wreckerators out there took this as career advice.

And believe me: there are no winners here.

Wow. I didn't know you could get that kind of distance out of mini marshmallows.

You know what they always say about edible splatter paint!:

Nothing, actually. They're all too busy trying to avoid the pieces with the poo-colored jelly beans.

Here's one that made use of the drop method:

Most of it even landed on the cake!

Of course, when you're lobbing across such great distances, some breakage is to be expected:

Boops.

You can see that a lot of throwing went into this one:

(Psst. Throwing up counts, right?)

Hang on a sec, something's wrong.

This one's making me hungry:

Mmmm.

Curse you, Wreckerators, and your nefarious mind-washing piles of whipped cream and berry goodness!

I mean, what next? Will a professional chef on a national reality show get in on the act??

[holding head] We're too late! AAHHHH!!

(The 'kill it' caption was added by Serious Eats, btw, which has a hilarious episode recap here. I wonder where they might have gotten their inspiration, hmmm? :D)

Thanks to Jill N., Ashlee M., Cassie G., Julie V., Kimberly B., & Elizabeth L., who all get to be first in line come book-tour-throwing time.

Window Pains

2011-07-05T09:30:00.002-04:00

So, you're opening a bakery. You've watched too much Cake Boss, opened a few dozen credit card accounts, and "sampled" enough cupcakes to confidently differentiate between "ganache" and "monkey poo."

What next?

The window display, of course!

This is your place to shine, aspiring baker! Show the people what you can really do!

Ah.

I see you're of the "writing on Styrofoam rounds with a Sharpie" skill set.

We can work with that.

After all, the most important thing is getting customers through the door - even if it is only to ask, "Dear God, what IS that THING?!"

It's a pacifier. You know, a cake for suckers?

Now, a good window display should appeal to both kids and kids at heart. Remember, cakes are all about fun! And color! And post-apocalyptic death tableaus!

Just think of all the gas-mask party favors you could make. Ooh, and festive radioactive warning streamers! Glowing fruit punch? Mushroom cloud side-cakes? Really, the possibilities are endless.

Of course, edible barren wastelands aren't for everyone. That's why you should also advertise your more [winkwink] adult flavors. [nudgenudge]

Photo removed at the request of the baker.

Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

And you can tell by the way that plastic half-lady is smelling her armpit that her plastic whole lady counterparts are gonna be hella sexy.

Or, if you're limited on space, you could always kill two birds with one horrendously disturbing Barbie cake:

Hey, how do you think Barbie paid for all those different careers, kids?

Well, bakers, however you choose to design your displays, just be sure they communicate friendliness, poise, and professionalism.

And also a strong grasp on the spelling of "ho bag":

Because, really, nothing is worse than a misspelled "ho bag" on your cookie cake.

Thanks to Amber P., Bianca S., Lauren C., Lauren R., Betsy R., & Dana F., who wonder if perhaps this showed up on C.M.'s performance review.

Go Fourth and Celebrate!

2011-07-04T09:30:00.003-04:00

Though we usually just refer to today as the 4th of July, we here in the U.S. are celebrating something far greater than just a date on the calendar:

Our "Indenpdants."

Hm. I guess that's why most bakers stick to "Happy Fourth," huh? Less to mess up that way.

*headdesk*

You know, the fact that someone had to print that flag out, notice the red ink was gone, and yet choose to use it anyway is why I love this country. It just goes to show that through guts, ingenuity, and perseverance of spirit... I will never be out of a job.

Here's one that serves as a reminder of the date, minus any emotional bossing around:

Happy or not, here it comes!!

(And who wants to bet the other side just says, "July"?)

Same idea, even poorer execution:

Well, that's a first.

And when they're not wrecking cakes, some bakers take turns making other "collssal" mistakes:

Given the context, I have to assume that "collssal" = "patriotic skid marks."

And finally, while I'm not sure this Marines cake was made specifically for today, I think it serves as an excellent reminder of what we in this country value above all else:

Sneaking the first piece before the rest of the family comes in.

Thanks to Lauren O., Laura S., Elizabeth K., Michele G., Susan C., & Amy H., who know that sometimes you just have to even out that side a few more bites.

Sunday Sweets: The "Eh" Team

2011-07-03T09:30:00.006-04:00

Today we've decided to feature some amazing cakes in honor of Canada Day, which was Friday.

"But, john the hubby of Jen!" you say, "The fourth of July is tomorrow! We need cakes with American flags! And American things! And...you know...America!"

Well, tough. We've picked on Canada enough over the years, and they deserve at least one day of Sweets for putting up with us.

Plus we used up our best American cakes for Memorial Day.

But mostly that first thing.

Er, before we proceed, I think I should mention that Jen & I have logged many, many hours into determining the least offensive, least stereotypical way to write today's post.

Then we gave up and just wrote what we wanted anyway. Sorry. As Craig Ferguson would say, "I look forward to your letters."

Let's start with some sweet Canadian flags:

By Cookievonster

Perfection. And after looking at hundreds of Canadian flag cakes, I can say with complete confidence that the maple leaf is officially the hardest thing in the world to draw accurately.

You might think I'll be posting a moose cake next. BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

By Cake Central member krazyb5

Check out that shading! Such great perspective - and almost completely fondant-free.

Plus, from my extensive research I now know that there are almost twice as many black bears in Canada as there are in the U.S. I can also tell you Canada's gross national product and the top five cleanest cities, but Jen tells me that would be "boring as snot," so I guess I won't now.

And...uh...here's a beaver cake:

By The Femme Fondants

Stereotypical? Yes.

Freakin' adorable? ALSO yes.

Now how's about a little Canadian landmarkage?

By Bobbette and Belle

That is the CN Tower. It's 1,815.4 feet - or 553.33 meters - tall and weighs 118,000 tonnes.

So I'm not sure those people are to scale.

These cute crustaceans, either:

By Frosted Happy

Obviously this post wouldn't be complete without a cake representing Canada's national winter sport:

By Cake Central member sugar-2

Hockey! Or as my French-Canadian dad calls it, 'ockey!

That's their Olympic jersey, too. Pretty sweet.

Speaking of sports, are you ready to have your mind blown?

By Eat Cake Be Merry

It turns out that basketball was invented by a Canadian. Which is why *I* only root for the Raptors. When I watch basketball, I mean. (Which is never.)

Oh, and do you see that texture?

The decorator made each tiny little divot with a #2 icing tip. A. Mazing.

Here's something else uniquely Canadian:

By Irresistible Desserts

Tim Hortons!

Okay, so there are also some in Ohio, but that's almost Canada anyway, right?

Besides, we couldn't find any cakes of poutine, tuques, or adorable accents.

Then there's Canada's other beverage of choice:

By Rouvelee's Creations

Beer! (In a tree!)

And get this: those beer bottles and "ice" are molded hard candy. Even the melted bits on the board! I'm amazed. Definitely one of the most convincing bottle cakes I've ever seen.

What's that? You want a little Canadian history? Ok, how's this: did you know that Louis Jolliet (a Canadian) was the first explorer to map the Mississippi river?

By Pink Cake Box

Is it too much to hope the map layer is made of Mississippi mud cake?

And so, in conclusion, I'm sorry I couldn't find a Barenaked Ladies/Nathan Fillion mash-up cake, since I'm told that many of you believe a Barenaked Fillion would make your entire year.

However...

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

By Whimsy Cakes

If I had a million dollars...I'd buy, like, ten of these cakes.

Happy Belated Canada Day, Canada! Thanks for being the most polite, fun-loving, and best sense-of-humor-having readers we could ask for.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Big Bangs

2011-07-01T09:30:00.004-04:00

Note: Today's post contains a word that starts with "p" and rhymes with "Venus." Parents, please parent accordingly.

Before you head out to stock up on fireworks this weekend, here's a handy tip from the folks over at Lamebook:

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

(Also: ow.)

What I meant was, when it comes to fireworks, you really want the most bang for your buck:

So always look for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, "Bang!"

You should also familiarize yourself with what fireworks actually look like, so you don't end up with a bunch of...bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even if they are patriotically ~~potent~~ ~~powerful~~ penis-ish ones.

No, trust me, you don't want sprinkles.

I see...slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That's the red ghost from Pac-Man, kids. Now stop making me feel old.)

Important rocket safety tip:

The flamey bits should always come out the back.

Also, don't forget your patriotic donut holes!

At least they remembered the blue balls this time.

Oh, and Canada, lest you think I've forgotten you:

Happy Bloody Band Aid day!

(Once you see it, it's all you'll see.)

Thanks to Jessica G., Dawn S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., Saralyn T., & Jennifer O., who make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" while they shoot across the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y way, I mean.

Not a penis-ishy way.

NEW GOAL: Work the word "penis-ishy" into as many conversation today as possible. Starting...NOW.

My New Favorite Wedding Cake

2011-06-30T09:30:00.006-04:00

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?

Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,
'Cause nothing says "marriage,"
like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty.
How sad for you,
'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.

(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

The Far Side of the Bakery

2011-06-29T09:30:00.001-04:00

During the traditional "Ongo Longo" dance, the natives express thanks for the year's crops, the tribe's health, and for the glandular defect running rampant in the island's pigs.

The scientists found that results were mixed. Some mice seemed to enjoy the whistling spleen, while others were petrified beyond all bowel control.

As the minutes ticked by, Elmo realized with dawning horror that this was one staring contest he might not win.

Batman would later have cause to regret his rather insensitive "manual control" quip.

Wall-E considered. On the one hand, he adored Eve and wanted to make her happy. But on the other, he was surrounded by mounds of crap.

Thanks to Susan S., Beth M., Kimmi D., Bianca S., & Karen P. for the wrecks, and to Gary Larson - once again - for allowing me to be raised on The Far Side.

The Future's So Brite...

2011-06-28T09:30:00.008-04:00

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

Literally In A Class All Their Own

2011-06-27T09:30:00.003-04:00

It's a good thing graduation season is winding down, guys; I think the nation's Wreckerators need a little break:

I honestly thought this was a tribute cake for a CW fan.

It wasn't.

And if you're skeptical, allow me to show you this next gem:

I know I should be focusing on "where hat would be," but really I just want to know what the squiggle under Connor's name is. A stethoscope? A funky P? Or - for a little irony - is that where the hat should be?

Or how about this one?

I'll give you two guesses what the "junior league logo" looks like.

This last one is a little hard to read, so I'll transcribe it below:

1st line: Help, I'm stuck in a wreckery.

2nd line: No, seriously. Get me out of here.

3rd line: [indecipherable sobbing]

Thanks to Nick L., C.S., Shannon D., & Tanya G., who think that last baker needs to pull herself together; she's gone all to pieces!

Sunday Sweets: Geek Wedding Cakes!

2011-06-26T09:30:00.002-04:00

Hi guys! john (the hubby of Jen) here. Jen asked me to write Sweets this week since she is apparently "busy" doing "everything else." (What? I moderate comments!)

Now, the problem is that today we have thoroughly awesome geek wedding cakes, and I am not, in the strictest sense of the word, a geek. At least, not to the degree which I've married into. However, for your entertainment and enlightenment I will now valiantly attempt to decipher these cakes without the help of Jen OR the interwebs. (May the Shwartz be with me!)

Right then! Our first cake...

By Truly Scrumptious Cakes

...is something steampunky! (Is that a word?) The gears and general awesomeness give it away. I also guarantee that when Jen and I get married again (to each other, I mean), our wedding cake will be something like this.

Oh, good, another easy one:

Submitted by Jess; baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?

Batman and Wonder Woman! Great colors. And I think the bottom tier is... Metropolis? Maybe?

K, now they're getting harder:

Sub'd by Amanda H. and made by Dufflet

Right. The adorable mushroom toppers are from a Mario game, and the cake is decorated in binary. Booyah. Just don't go asking me to translate it. (And if you do, I'll guess it's something like "In geekiness, and in über geekiness, I thee wed.)

Now we're getting old school:

By Cupcake Couture

Oh yeah. PacMan and Mrs. PacMan! I missed a lot of my childhood because of those two. And PacMan should always wear a top hat, don't you think?

Look! It's Epcot!

Sub'd by Leah M. and made by Vallum House Cakes

Just kidding. (It's Spaceship Earth) (And no, that actually doesn't ever get old.)

Actually, I know that the thing on the side is an AT-AT because Jen has a baby one on her desk, and I know that Chewy would not be marrying an Ewok. (Though it's adorable on the cake.)

Okay! I'm on a roll! This next one is...um...

Sub'd by Chris M. and made by Pink Cake Box

No clue. I see math and hearts. Is there a video game with math and hearts? No?

(Why is Jen sighing so loudly behind me? And what is xkcd?)

Oh boy, I'm gonna get in trouble for this next one:

Sub'd by Maj G.; baker unknown

Is it... Zelda? Made of Lego? I don't... I never played it, so...

*sigh*

Look, this is harder than it looks, Ok?

Uh-oh..

Made by redpanda19

Oh! Oh! I know this! What is that show called?!? It's on the tip of my mind. It's got Bender and... that cyclops lady... Futurama!

Haha! And I've never even seen it!

Also, that crash-landing into the cake thing is genius.

This one I definitely know:

Cake by Queen of Cakes and topper by Sweet Frost Tops

Portal! Jen and I are actually playing the co-op version now.
(Well, not now now. I'm writing this post now. You get the idea.)

On a side note, I just realized something: If you write "The cake is a lie" on a cake, isn't that statement itself a lie? Technically, the lie is a lie since the cake is a cake.

Aaand now my brain hurts.

Let's wrap this up with one of my favorite cakes of all time, made by a baker who made one of our book tour cakes in Austin:

By Coco Paloma Desserts; photo by Sweet Caroline Photography

Godzilla!

And also a... transformer version of Godzilla?

Ya know, I just realized: I've never seen Godzilla. So Transformer Mrs. Godzilla could totally be in there. Huh.

Here's another angle:

Aaaamazing. Especially when you realize that the 'Zillas are edible. 'Cuz, oh yes, they are.

(And speaking of figures, did you notice the bride is holding the groom? Too funny.)

Well, I hope you enjoyed these geeky wedding Sweets, everyone. And if you have a Sweet of your own you'd like to share, please send it to Sunday Sweets (at) Cake Wrecks (dot) com.

Oh, and have a great Sunday.

I'll be playing Portal.

Darth's Greatest Hits

2011-06-24T18:45:00.000-04:00

Cake Wrecks reader Jessica H. has a yearly tradition with us: she sends us her daughter's amazing Darth Vader mash-up birthday cake, and we post it.

You might remember little Sarah's 4th birthday cake:

(This was Sarah's idea, by the way. Coolest 4-year-old ever? I'm thinking YES.)

Or her fifth birthday cake:

Ok, so it kind of looks like someone sat on it. But you have to admit: the mental image of Vader swatting at Tinkerbell with his light saber is pretty darn epic.

Anyway, Sarah recently celebrated her sixth birthday, and I think you'll agree it was her best Vader mash-up cake yet:

Darth Vader, riding a My Little Pony over a rainbow.

Oh, and the Pony has a Death Star on her butt.

Frankly, just the description is made of win.

All of these cakes were made by their local Dairy Queen, and this latest masterpiece was hand-piped by "a young guy who can't have been over 19 years old," and who was apparently quite worried that he didn't get all the details quite right.

Proving there may be hope for the nation's bakeries, after all.

Many thanks again to Jessica H., and also a belated "Happy Birthday" and "May the Force be with you," to my new favorite geek girl, Sarah, who I hear was super excited to see her first two cakes on the blog. Lookin' forward to seeing what you dream up for next year, Sarah! (And may I suggest...Rainbow Brite?)

Swing and a Miss

2011-06-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

NOTE: Today's post may not be appropriate for young children who understand double entendres.

Look, I'm not going to say I'm proud of what I first saw when I looked at this cake, butt...

Ok, I'm a little proud.

Also, dad's ball seems a little low.

Speaking of which, go ahead: tell me this placement wasn't intentional:

And maybe I'm out in left field here, but don't you usually tend to see this kind of thing around third base?

Still, at least that baker has actually seen a baseball bat before. This one seems to have confused it with some kind of joystick:

And in related news, something something "some kind of joystick."

See? These jokes practically write themselves.

Ah. I see the force is strong with this one:

Show off.

Also, is that a Chef's hat, or a pile of poo? 'Cuz I can't make heads or tails of it.

And finally, men, do you experience a burning sensation when you go?

...to bat, I mean? Go to bat?

Thanks to Adria P., Amy U., Stephanie D., A. R., Denise H., and V.D. for that last joke.

Tickled Pink

2011-06-23T09:30:00.003-04:00

Here in the good 'ol US of A, pretty much everything gets its own holiday. Got a toothache? February 9th is your day! Like air? So do I! Let's celebrate together on November 11th, National Air Day! And if anybody needs me on September 16th, I'll be enjoying National Stay Away From Seattle Day by, uh, continuing to live in Florida.

So anyway, today is National Pink Day, and by gosh, we're going to celebrate it - both the color *and* the singer. Why, you ask? Same reason we climb mountains: too much free time and we're crazy. DUH.

Hit it!

I think I just lost my talent
I don't know where it went.
Good thing I have this necklace
And lots of pink fondant:

Na-na-na-na na-na na
That's not even real fondant. (Ha!)

I got a brand new airbrush
I hope I'm using it right:

These sprinkles are giving me trouble,
Let's tuck 'em out of sight:

Na-na-na-na na-na na
That cake is out of sight!

Meh, so what?
I'm still a Wreck Star
I got my wreck moves
And I don't need yooouu.. except to buy my cakes.
And maybe not complain to my manager.

So...um...yeah.

[scuffing toe and avoiding eye contact]

Next verse!

The shower cake's on the table
I'm sure it'll be a hit:

This one may look like a sphincter,
But what else rhymes with "hit?"

Na-na-na-na na-na na
Something that rhymes with "hit!"

Meh, so what?
That'll buff out:

And four legs are so "out":

And Nicki is gooonnnaaa die!

Na-na-na-na na-na na

But pink makes it all alright!

Happy Pink Day, y'all.

Thanks to Rachel T., Amy U., Heather L., Sara H., Holly E., Brenda M., Sherry L., & Natalie W. for getting that song stuck in our heads. I'll just be over here humming It's a Small World for a while.

Reach for the Skyyyyy!

2011-06-22T09:30:00.001-04:00

Graduates, now that you've graduated, a whole new world of possibilities is open to you!

Possibilities like...

...getting arrested in an old-timey Western.

Oh, c'mon, I can't be the only one who hears Woody from Toy Story saying this, can I?

And that's not the only problem. Nope, it seems that some bakers are having trouble understanding what those white things are called:

And they're not doing so great on the "clouds," either.

Now, you might think that nixing the troublesome "sky" component all together would help:

But then, you also might think that's not how you spell "congratulations" OR "banner," so that just shows what you know. [eye roll]

Thanks to Meg K., Katie K., & Lindsey M., who prefer reaching for the stars.

Especially when they're named Johnny Depp or Nathan Fillion. (Mrowr.)

It's Sinfully Delicious!

2011-06-21T09:30:00.000-04:00

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporter JD R., who will play devil's advocate anytime, if it gets her chocolate cake.

Making New Friends

2011-06-20T09:30:00.005-04:00

In an effort to get to know you readers a bit better, today I thought we'd have one of you introduce yourselves. You know, foster a little more community and whatnot.

So, take it away, Debbie!

Hello! My name is Debbie, and this is my first attempt at a Cake Wrecks bio. So I'm nervous, but excited at the same time! Wheee!

So, I'm just going to start talking about what I like, and hope you like it!

Um. Let's see. I am... a relatively new Cake Wrecks reader. Um. I love...

...cats.

I love every kind of cat.

I love cats with fur, and cats without fur, and cats in hats, and cats that don't even look like cats...

[sniffle]

I'm sorry. I just...I just really love cats.

[wiping eyes]

And...and I just want to hug all of them because I love them but I can't 'cuz that's crazy I can't hug every cat. BUT I WANT TO. You know? I WANT TO HUG EVERY CAT.

[blowing nose]

Um. Wow. Sorry - I got a little emotional there. Heh.

I also like to...to...

[sob]

I'm sorry; I'm thinking about cats again.

I just...I just LOVE them, and I WANT them. I want them in a basket, and I want them in little bow ties, and I want them to be on a rainbow, and I want a house FULL OF CATS and we would all ROLL AROUND...

[more sobbing]

'Cuz they're all just so CUTE with their little whiskers...

...and their little ears...

...and their little delicious vital organs...

So, yeah. I guess you could say I'm a cat lover.

Um.

And I like to run.

Thanks to Minyassa, David G., Judy E., Briana T., Rachel R., Nancy S., Michelle F., Emily Z., & Stewart C., who are also inspired to run. Far, far away.

And if you haven't seen the live action version of today's post yet, here 'tis:

Sunday Sweets For My Dad

2011-06-19T09:30:00.003-04:00

We all know dads' tastes are just as diverse as, well, non-dads, so when it came time to choose today's Sweets I decided to hone in on one specific dad: mine.

By East Coast Cookies

So, here 'tis: Father's Day Sweets for my dad, Jim Yates. But the rest of you can feel free to look, too. :)

Hey, Dad, remember that time the neighbor's little boy snuck in to our house, grabbed your guitar, and dragged it down the sidewalk? Ah, good times.

Also, I don't think your guitar looked quite this cool:

Submitted by Kathy H. and made by her sister, Carol V.

And remember how you'd take me for rides on your motorcycle? The turns always scared me, but I loved having my very own kid-sized helmet, and the thrill of climbing into the seat behind you, hanging on for dear life, and thinking maybe my parents weren't quite so embarrassing, after all.

Although, come to think of it, your motorcycle wasn't this cool, either:

Submitted by Tifany D., made by Charm City Cakes

It's possible you've blocked this from memory, but you really did teach me to drive. In our ancient green Toyota pickup, no less, with a floor stick shift.

By CakeDesigns

Our truck was DEFINITELY not this cool.

It took me years to figure out what you did for a living. All I knew was you worked at a big, intimidating office/factory and you wore a suit every day. (Btw, you're, uh, some kind of project manager/engineer type, right?) I still remember the first time you asked me if your tie went with your shirt; it made me feel so important, that you'd ask for my opinion. Actually, I still feel that way, any time you ask.

By Homebaked by Audrey

And for the record: that tie + that shirt = perfect.

Remember when I came home crying because all the kids were making flashy, expensive models for a school project, and I didn't have anything flashy OR expensive? You sat me down and asked me what I'd like to do. Then we went to Skycraft Surplus (remember that?). In the end, I couldn't have been more proud: my project board's little Styrofoam car had real working headlights!

By pastrychik

To this day, I clearly remember "The Sociological Impact of the Lightbulb" - because my Dad helped me build it.

Remember Starbuck and Midnight, our pet miniature goats? We must have been the only family in an Orlando subdivision with two goats bleating in the backyard. I still can't believe you bought them for us. Heh.

Submitted by Amelia B. and made by Kick Ass Kakes

(Bet you were expecting a goat cake, huh?)

You were forever doing home projects, and I loved weekends when you'd ask, "Shorty, want to go to the Home o' de Pot?"

By justcakinmytime

We'd pile into our old green pickup, and you'd sing "Greasy Grimey Gopher Guts" and "On Top of Old Smokey" along the way. Thanks to you I still love the smell of sawdust and grease that hits me every time I walk into our local Home Depot - and today I rock my own tool belt.

By Highland Bakery

One night I peeked into the living room to see what you and Mom were laughing about, and there on the TV was a curly-headed man in a long scarf bouncing into a blue police box.

By The Mad Platters

Soon we were all watching together, just like we watched Star Trek and Night Court and Monty Python together. The next year you brought us to my very first convention - a Doctor Who convention.

(I like to think my geeky lineage came full circle when John and I brought you and Mom to Dragon*Con last year - thus starting a yearly tradition, perhaps?)

When we were little, you seemed to take sadistic glee in waking Ben and me with loud jazz music, water, or banging suddenly on our bedroom doors - but I'll never forget the time you woke us with "Who wants to go to Disney World?!"

Sub'd by Stacey R., made by nice icing

You never set limits on my future, Dad. When I wrote lousy poetry, you submitted your favorite to a national magazine - and you were more disappointed than I was when it wasn't printed. When I thought I wanted to be a professional clown, you got brochures for Ringling College. When I first introduced you to John, you asked if we'd set a date yet.

You taught me to pursue my dreams, marry only for love, and to always finish my Brussels sprouts.

Hey, two out of three ain't bad, right?

So thanks, Dad. Happy Father's Day.

(Oh, and see you at Dragon*Con.)

By Cookievonster

Happy Father's Day to the rest of you dads out there, too! May all your children grow up to make you proud - when they're not publicly embarrassing you on the Internet, of course.

A "Big" Contender

2011-06-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

It appears we have a last-minute entry for Father's Day Pictionary!

"Enjoy."

Admit it, Adam L: you see Cthulhu wearing Mickey Mouse ears in a spider cocoon, too.

When "Falker Satherhood" Is Just Too Wordy

2011-06-17T09:30:00.002-04:00

So, how do you tell your dad how much you appreciate him this Sunday?

Well, hopefully not like this:

"Fatters Day is kind of like Father's Day, only for fatties. So - and think carefully before you answer this - would you like a slice of cake, Dad?"

The moral here is if you add enough shredded coconut, no one will notice you wrote "Happy Fathday's Day."

Of course, if you do write it wrong, the good news is you can always fix it:

*sigh*

Oh, hey! If your father's dad is named George, then this next one almost makes sense!

What? I said "almost."

Now, brace yourself for my famous Goldmember impression in 3..2..

"My farza is toit loyk uh toyger! Schmoke and a pancake?"

[bowing] Thank you. Thank you very much.

Or, if you want to take it one step "ferther":

Ah, how I yearn for the day when I'll have a title* worthy of all-cap block letters.

"How are you, HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON?"

"Fine, thanks."

"Gerald, have you met HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON? She's quite snarky, you know."

"Yes, yes, I've known HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON for years!"

Ok, so the actual title needs work, but I rather like it. Especially since it would give the impression that everyone talking about me has Tourette's.

Thanks to Anony M., Brenda Jo, Jessica I., Kristen R., Kristina, & Toni S. who ARE ALL AWESOME PEOPLE.

*Update from john: As far as we can tell, this cake was not made for a Haitian dictator.

Ties That Bind

2011-06-16T09:30:00.002-04:00

Ah, neck ties. Those glorious, generic "Dad" gifts that men have enjoyed - nay, cherished! - since the invention of clothing. After all, what can make you feel more alive than a silk noose around your neck signifying lifelong membership in the greater corporate collective? Hmmm?

And, naturally, when it comes to getting dad a cake on his special day, bakers sure know how to please:

They, uh, also appear to have a rather low opinion of dads' fashion sense.

Or maybe they've read that a lot of men are at least partially colorblind, and decided Dad wouldn't notice:

I'm calling it: yellow and beige is the most disgusting color combination known to man.

Or maybe they think we were all raised in the circus.

"To Dad, Our Favorite Bozo."

Hey, remember that time Dad said his new tie from Aunt Edna looked like crap?

Well, they've got a cake for that, too!

The sprinkles really sell it.

Of course, then there are the bakers who've never actually seen a tie...

...but wouldn't think of letting that stop them.

But my friends, it doesn't have to be this way.

Just say "no" to tie cakes! Say "no" to boring clichés! Instead, go with creativity! Go with quality! Go with...

...a flaming Quidditch Snitch riding a unicycle on a tank top cake!

Yeah.

You're welcome, fathers everywhere.

Many tanks to Anne J., Luli M., Vanessa B., Denise M., Zoe I., & Becky T. for getting all tied up on our behalf. [mrowr]

Oh, and a belated "epi briday" to Dorothy "big deal" M. Nappy blob blob, Dor!

Father's Day Pictionary

2011-06-15T09:30:00.003-04:00

Looking for a fun bonding experience with Dad this weekend? Then how about a little cake Pictionary? It's easy! Here, I'll get you started.

Is this:

A) A sofa

B) A ball cap

or

C) Worth $3.99

The answer, of course, is D.

See? Easy!

Ok, your turn.

Is this:

A) An exploding cup of hot chocolate

B) A golf bag

or

C) An appropriate use of an ellipsis

("Aaand the results are in! Happy Father's Day... Bobby! That means Carlos, Jimmy, Leon, Billy, Brad and Tony are NOT the fathers!"

"NO! It ain't true! AAAH LUUUUUV YEEEEEW, JIMMEH!!")

Ahem.

Okay, now here's a tough one. Prepare for multiple multiple choices!

Is this:

A) A chubby bearded pirate with a missing foot sitting on a stack of marshmallows

B) Santa's love handles

C) The Hamburgler, turned inside out

D) Pretty much anything except a grill

or

E) Still more appetizing than this:

Ok, so maybe that wasn't so hard, after all.

Thanks to Sarah J., Amnesty, Kimberly M., & Rachel M. for playing!

ANSWER KEY:

Please tell me in the comments, because I have no friggin' idea.

Thank you.

Dad's Birthday Presents

2011-06-14T09:30:00.002-04:00

Father's Day is this weekend, so today I thought we'd celebrate the most important thing our dads ever gave us:

Balloons.

Yep, nothing livened up our childhoods quite like Dad's special birthday balloons, am I right?

And, sure, they weren't always perfect. Sometimes they were a bit small:

Or a bit big:

Or even shaped a bit wonky:

Sometimes they'd get lost on their way to the party:

Or they weren't durable enough to last once they got there:

Sometimes dad's balloons didn't seem to know if they were coming or going!

But the important thing to remember is that, in the end, dads' balloons always got the job done.

Score three for Dad!

Thanks to Kathleen, Jess, Jamie, Pontmarie, Pat S., Denise C., Kevin C., & Julie C. for the beautiful "balloons."

Wreck-A-Bye Baby

2011-06-13T09:30:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?

Wonderful!

I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!

Hey, a lot of those letters are right.

In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.

You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.

Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.

This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?

Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!

AHAHAHAAAHAA!!

BAHAHAHAA...

...huh?

AAAAAUUUGGHH!!

[blink blink]

Well.

Back to business as usual, then?

Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.

Sunday Sweets: Summer Lovin'

2011-06-12T09:30:00.006-04:00

While it's been well over three hundred degrees in the shade here in Florida since, well, the last Ice Age, I think we've finally reached a point on the calendar where we can *all* agree it is, in fact, Summer. So...

Bring on the Summer Sweets!!

Found via Cupcakes Take the Cake and made by Confetti Cakes

Woohoo! Beach pail cupcakes? Now THAT is what I'm talking about.
(Yes, really; they're cupcakes!)

Or how about this fun Tiki party?

By Pink Cake Box

Such a great grad cake.

Proper summertime attire is essential, of course:

Submitted by Beth B. and made by Art by Vanessa

Those flip-flops look pillowy soft - and delicious.

And what's summer without your favorite Hawaiian shirt?

Submitted by Maryanne S. and made by Blackmarket Bakery

Love the colors.

Of course, beachy summer cakes can be elegant, too. Just look at this gorgeous wedding cake:

By Betty's Sugar Dreams

(Even the netting is edible; it's made from flexible icing!)

Or this one:

Photo by MB3 Photography; baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?

Ack! Seahorses! I LOVE SEAHORSES. And these are gorgeous - so delicately done.

These cookies make me want to melt:

Submitted by Sarah K. and made by Nicole of Life's a Batch

And also maybe have a piña colada. On the beach. In Grand Cayman. Mmmm. Yeah.

Every single detail on this next cake is perfection:

By Sugar Siren Cakes

See the name spelled out in the open scallops? And the itty-bitty starfish? And the string of pearls? And the delicate flower petals? PERFECTION, I say.

And finally, my favorite:

By Le Torte di Toni

The lace molding, the graduated colors, the shells and letters placed just-so on the "sandy" cake board...simply stunning. Cakes like these make me love my job. :)

Now, everyone raise your popsicles - and here's to a great summer!

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Wrecky Conga Lines

2011-06-10T09:30:00.001-04:00

My dear bakers, I'm going to teach you how to spell "Congratulations" if it's the last thing I do. I mean it. We're going to sit down RIGHT NOW and hash this thing out, and I'm not giving up until each and every one of you can spell this word backwards, forwards, and without using a single letter "d." You hear me? I am NOT GIVING UP.

I give up.

Ok, look. How about you just abbreviate it?

Not that much.

No...

[head on desk] No...

[in fetal position under desk] Losing...faith...in humanity...

Does...does that really say "Congris"?

Does it?!

Ok, I have an idea.

[whispering in ear]

I'll take it.

Hey, Aimee T., David G., Colleen G., Lianne I., Super Happy Girl, Julie M., & Nicole V., you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand, do you? My cookie cake was slaughtered by a six-fingered hand.

Hats Off For Grads!

2011-06-09T09:30:00.002-04:00

Way, way, WAY off.

Seriously. I still don't see it.

Now, for the past few years this has been the gold standard for wrecked grad cap cakes:

And believe me, that is one tough standard to beat.

Still, this year's wreckerators are certainly giving it their "best" effort:

My. How...swirly.

This design brought to you by the bad guy in Fifth Element.

(10 geek points if you get that reference, and 25 if you know his name.)

And finally, my personal favorite: two cherries projectile vomiting on a picnic table:

I need an old cherry pitter, and a young cherry pitter.

A tip of the hat to wreckporters Angi C., Casey H., April P., Jennifer S., & Holly K., who find that the power of cake compels them. (Although that last one really is the pits.)

Six Ways to Celebrate Your New Engagement

2011-06-08T09:30:00.000-04:00

- With giant yellow donuts:

Mmmm. Doooonuts.

- With "lots" and "lots" of "hearts."

"Perfect."

- By planning ahead.

Way, way, WAY ahead.

- By stressing the importance of family:

Actually, Darth Vader fighting Luke in honor of an impending marriage is kind of awesome. Let's just hope your in-laws have a good sense of humor.

(And make sure the baby shower cake looks like this.)

- By comparing your new life together to violently killing things:

"Here we see the groom taking aim at his violently diarrheatic bride-to-be.

"Ah, young love."

(Don't worry, kids; he's only going to tranq her 'til the green diarrhea stops.)

Or, of course, there's always the old standby:

- A syrupy sweet public display of affection that'll leave your guests sick to their stomachs:

"Dude. Some of us are trying to eat over here!"

Thanks to Sandy S., Abbey A., Matthew W., Rachel C., Naomi H., & Jule Ann H., who are so syrupy sweet they should be on a stack of pancakes.

But I am not advocating cannibalism.

I'm Grad, I'm Grad, You Know It, HEEE hee!

2011-06-07T09:30:00.009-04:00

Graduation season is upon us, which means you're going to be seeing a lot of stuff like this:

But then, I guess you see guys in sunglasses driving trucks pretty often anyway.

Still, when it comes to celebrating your graduation, not just any cake will do. We're talking years and years of educational accomplishment here! You need something special. Something momentous. Something, dare I say...groundbreaking?

Booyah.

(I dubbeth thee "earthcake.")

Or, for those who like things a little twisted:

The Grad Tornado.

(Get off my lawn!)

You could also go the "Wait...what?" route:

Are You Grad! Are You Grad!

Wait.

What?

Well, if all else fails, there's always the simple, heart-felt, "Congratulations":

Or, sure, something like that.

Thanks to wreckporters Tracie K., Jessica S., Shelley G., John I., & Heather W. for the education.

------------------------------------------------

Aaaand...HEADDESK!

2011-06-06T09:30:00.000-04:00

To learn the definition of the term "headdesk" you could look it up in the urban dictionary.

Or you could just look at these cakes.

Your spelling's not! Thanks!

(Bonus: Read that line out loud, and every preschooler within earshot will love you.)

STOP.
It's time to get the hammer.

Roo Hoo? Dangit, now I want a Yoo Hoo.
Do they even still make those?

Basketball fans, the ball's in your court.

So remember: it's "i" before "e" except when you're trying to draw a friggin' peace sign.

Which, incidentally, is supposed to look like this:

[repeated thudding sound]

[rubbing forehead] Thanks to Shawna K., Mary D., Caitlin I., Stacey S., & Angi A. for this awful headache.

Sunday Sweets: Back to the 80s

2011-06-05T09:30:00.003-04:00

I'll admit it: I was a child of the 80s. I'll also admit to telling people my name was Jem, not Jen, when I was younger. (And then I'll admit that when I just said I told people my name was Jem when I was younger, I meant I did it yesterday.)

So, dust off your Power Glove, lace up your high tops, and crank that Olivia Newton John cassette you've kept vacuum-sealed in your storage shed, cuz it's time for Sunday Sweets, 80s Style!

First, we've got to have some My Little Ponies:

By Courtney's Cakes

Submitted by Carla M.; Made by The London Cake Company

Did anyone else love that delicious, rubbery kid-toy plastic smell? Mmmm... ponies.

Remember when it was 1989, and you had a crush on Lance Davenport, so you made him a mix-tape, gave it to him between classes, and then spent all of Science class drawing "Jen luvs Lance 4-eva" on your book cover?

By Sweet on Cake

Yeah, me neither.

Remember when Lance Davenport invited you over to listen to the mix tape on his hot new boom box, and then he told you he had a crush on your friend Jerry?

by Karren's Specialty Cakes

Yeah... me, neither.

Hey, look! ROBOCOP!

Submitted by Sarah A. and spotted here, but baker unknown.

Part hardened cyborg policeman, part yummalicious chocolate and vanilla.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and appreciate this Ferris Bueller's Day Off sneaker cake, you could miss it!

Made by Stacy W

Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?

Check out this totally tubular and (mostly) fondant-free Gizmo cake:

Made by CW reader Jessica M.

Aww. I wonder what happens if you eat it after midnight with a glass of water.

I am in love with this fondant-free Harry and the Hendersons cake.

By Carmen Rose - and thanks to Lisa P. for finding it!

It's SO COOL. And it takes me right back to being a kid.

Next, you're going to tell me there's an awesome Jem cake out there.

By Meghan's Cakes

Woohoo! Check out that airbrushing! Truly outrageous.

Ok, next you're going to tell me there's an awesome Weird Al cake out there.

...

No one? Dang.

Hey, look! Pac-Man!

By Jet City Cakes

I wonder if I could eat this cake as fast as I lose at Pac-Man. Probably.

Ever see a cake go 88 miles per hour?

By Charm City Cakes

Great Scott! This amazing 8-foot Delorean was created for the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future.

(And now I officially feel old.)

Here's one of my most favorite wedding cakes ever:

By Amy Cakes

Fluorescent splatter paint! I love the 80s rock-star theme. Super cool beans.

And finally, this ode to the 80s wedding cake has it all. Check out Sloth as the officiant in front of Castle Grayskull!

Made by CW reader Alexandra W.

But, wait! This isn't the whole thing- that's just the TOPPER.

Here's the rest:

I pity the fool that doesn't love this cake.

Now, quick, who can name all the 80s references?

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

I Guess The Butt Was Laughed Off?

2011-06-03T09:30:00.001-04:00

I like Dexter. I know it's a horrible show and I shouldn't, but I do. (This is John, by the way. Jen claims she'd rather "exercise" than sit through a single episode. Harsh.) Still, there's one thing missing that I think would make Dexter truly great: puns.

Think about it. The occasional "good" CSI-style pun could transform Dexter from a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner into a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner...with puns.

Allow me to demonstrate. (With a little - ok, a lot - of help from Jen.)

Random cop 1: "Hey, Dex! Take a look at this blood splatter in the garden."

Dexter: [serious look] "Well, I guess the killer didn't stop... to smell the roses."

Random cop 2: "Oh, man! It looks like the victim's nose was sliced off with a cheese grater!"

Dexter: [putting on sunglasses] "Hmm. I smell a rat."

Random cop 4: "And his feet were thrown over the back wall!"

Dexter: [taking off sunglasses] "So you're saying he got a little...foot loose."

Random cop 753: "I think we found the rest of him over here by the tool shed! Does this look like murder to you, Dex?"

Dexter: [putting on sunglasses again] "Ab-solutely."

Random cop Bob: "Cause of death appears to be a small steel marble lodged in the brain. The vic was a famous marble-collector, but a few seem to be missing from their cases."

Dexter: [squinting] "So losing his marbles was the last thing to go through his mind."

Random cops: [applauding]

Random cop 8675309: "What the...? Hey, Dexter, I think we have an extra limb over here!"

Dexter: "Huh. Maybe the perp was looking to get a leg up on killings."

[silence]

"No? Ok...uh...

"This is a killer who never toes the line."

[everyone avoiding eye contact]

"Still no? Ok, ok, I got it:

"Looks like those little piggies went, 'Whee whee whee! We're DEAD.'"

Thanks to Kelly M., Joanne D., Jenny W., Emma R., & Anna I. for putting murder...on the menu.

Although I don't think I'll be eating again any time soon.

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Sure, Just Write That Anywhere

2011-06-02T09:30:00.003-04:00

I'd ask you how you feel about this, Krystal K., but it's written all over your face.

[bowing]

Uh thank you. Thankyouverramuch.

Get Used to Disappointment

2011-06-01T09:30:00.004-04:00

It's time once again to take all your lofty dreams of realized cake-ordering expectations... and douse them with the bitter dregs of cold, hard reality.

Oh, yeah. It's gonna be THAT good.

What they ordered:

What they got:

And here I thought all carrots grew under the ground.

Ordered:

Got:

A tip of the hat for an exceptionally crumby job.

Ordered:

Got:

Finally. A baby cake I wouldn't mind cutting.

Happy day at the pool:

Nightmare at La Brea Tar Pits:

Anyone else having flashbacks of Tasha Yar's death scene?

Thanks to Megan G., Candace R., Alisha T., Catie S., & Suzanne S., who all "exceed expectations." Mostly because my expectations are really, really low.

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Save The Cakes

2011-05-31T09:30:00.003-04:00

Did you know that, every day, thousands of cakes go unpurchased?

It's true. These shunned desserts sit lonely and unloved on bakery shelves...

...only to eventually be shipped off to the day-old bread outlet.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

For a reduced price, you can help these poor, unwanted cakes find a place where they will be loved, cherished,

...and eaten.

That place being your belly.

Yes, your contribution can help provide loving tummies for rejected wrecks!

And just think: for the price of a candy bar, you can help turn these stale, unwanted, frosting-slathered sugar bombs...

...into a continuous sugar-high for someone else's hyperactive children.

And really, isn't that what we all want?

So please, visit your local bakery today, and save the cakes. For our future. For our children. And, for the love of Betty Crocker, tell them to stop making cupcake cakes while you're there.

I really can't take this kind of thing much longer.

Thank you.

Thanks to our "generous" "sponsors" Carly R., Garrett B., Jill B., Cheryl, Sabra L., Rasha H., and Dan & Christine M.

Flagging Enthusiasm

2011-05-30T09:30:00.003-04:00

For reasons so obvious I won't even bother trying to explain them, Memorial Day has come to be synonymous with one thing and one thing only.

(Wait. There's also the furniture sales.)

Ok, two things and two things only.

Furniture sales, and this:

Just to clarify, I'm talking about grilling, not fecally suggestive icing puddles.

Yep, all over the country people are celebrating our military heroes by consuming good old-fashioned American hamburgers...

Flattened and with mayo on top, the way our founding fathers intended.

Hot dogs...

You can tell it's a hot dog because it clearly says, "Hat Dog."

...and, of course, whatever these are:

I'm going with "flaming Doritos."

Of course, bakeries know there's more to this holiday than food that looks like the other food you'll be eating today. That's why they also offer more "patriotic" designs; to stress the importance of remembering and honoring the sacrifices of our military.

It's just about dignity. You know?

Or how about a duck? A duck is totally patriotic:

Especially when you write "USA" on the flag so people know what country they're in.

Well, however you choose to celebrate it, may you have a wonderful Memorial Day. And remember: always show pride in your country by letting your freak flag fly.

Unless you'd rather eat it, of course.

Whichever you choose, just get rid of it. [shudder]

Thanks to wreckporters Chris W., Olivia I., Ashley P., Ashleigh G., Sarah B., Jessi J., & Heather M. for the grilling.

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