Anyway, for our first lesson, Susan, the Bakery manager, taught me how to make a dog cake. I did it with an Ancient Latin flourish!
April 12th, 2011 - I think I'm getting the hang of this! Three more orders filled today: one for a school spirit cake...
...one for a Dora the Explorer cake...
...and one for Easter.
This decorating thing is a breeze!April 13th, 2011 - Wow. I've been asked to teach an advanced decorating class at Wrecky Mart! I've learned so much since my early days at the bakery. How foolish I was then, making all of my cakes look the same! I was such an amateur.
Fortunately, I've since mastered the art of using color...
Evoking emotion...
And replicating Grimace from the old McDonald's commercials.
Who knew I could ever become such a master of decorating?Besides, I got a lovely farewell cake from my associates - the ones I taught everything I know:
Viva los Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory Academy!
Thanks to Heather H., Jen S., Manda, Donovan F., Dylett B., Stephanie V., Leslie W., & Amanda K. And, in the ancient words of my forefathers, "Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam."
Were these at the same bakery ?
ReplyDeleteI really don't know what to say when i find the dead dog to be the most appealing cake in the lot. There has to be something wrong with that...
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, i can't find anything really good about the others to make me change my mind.
Nothing says "buy & devour me" like swirling piles of colored poo attempting to look like a dog.
ReplyDeleteWV: ophal
ReplyDeleteThese dog cakes are just ophal!
cc
LOL love the journal entry blogs! with appropriate wreck photos
ReplyDelete@Angie--I loved the way your phrased that!
wv: supess. I had to supess my gag reflex on that nasty green icing color.
meanwhile, the sadistic side of me wants to get the dead dog cake for my new-dog-owner-s-i-l who keeps interrupting every phone conversation with me to babytalk to the dog. the little shit-zu
Best motto ever! "I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."
ReplyDeleteAlso, the hot pink puppy cake is way tiny... Hope it wasn't expensive! *tugs collar*
Does the label on that last one say "Cupcake Critter?" A CCC by any other name....
ReplyDeleteI'm a Latin teacher, and I always tell my students to be on the look out for "Latin Moments"---when Latin happens to appear in your everyday life. Who knew I'd have a Latin Moment on Cake Wrecks?
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! (as always!)
ReplyDeleteThe first cake reminds me of my son's pet hedgehog, "Daisy". Now I think maybe he should rename her "Sprinkles"!
hahaha the story for this one is genius!
ReplyDeleteLatin for the WIN!!!!! %)
ReplyDeleteI want a pet hedgehog!
ReplyDelete@zoomom - OMG, I am totally naming our next dog Sprinkles. That's hilarious. :)
ReplyDeleteIf she had been smart, she would have told her employers, "Bis repetita placent."
ReplyDeleteBTW, as a wage slave with a Master's in Old Testament Theology, I appreciated the humor in this. Especially "the best 14 years of my life." I would cry if it hit any closer to home.
Oh no, I see the wv and now I gotta post.
ReplyDeleteNot swirling piles of colored poo.
That will not do! That will not do!
Not even on a snickerdoo
dle should you add a purple poo
dle! Don't you ever use your noo
dle? Keep your basics, mind your batter
If you're no Pollock, make no splatter!
And notonapu pu platter
should a <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OFIZEtv4ths/TYAYYiLwb-I/AAAAAAAABlQ/0-aO4k97nJo/s1600/Dylett%2BB%2B.%2Bow%2B.%2Bpink%2Bdog.jpg>flaming pup</a> appear.
I love the "Evoking Emotion" cake, because it looks so much like my mom's dog! I'm not going to eat it though, because that much black icing makes me want to puke.
ReplyDeleteThis post was GREAT!
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, since I studied just a smidgen of Latin in school, I also loved the Latin "motto."
I even managed to make out about five of the words on my own before I had to look up the others. Heh.
Soooo mannnnnnnnyyyyyyy dog cakes........
ReplyDeleteThe heavy-handed airbrush cakes are always my favorites. :)
Oh, fnark. That should've read:
ReplyDeleteAnd notonapu pu platter
Should a flaming pup appear.
New wv: Now, hentsha embarrassed by all that?
Haha, this made me giggle.
ReplyDeleteHehehehehehe what were they trying to do there??
ReplyDeleteI had the unfortunate pleasure to working a Target Bakery for 4 years. I hated making those stupid animal cupcake things. I would have loved to a few like the last one in the post to express my feelings.
ReplyDelete"I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."
ReplyDeleteJackie did a much better job than the free Internet Latin-to-English translator! Thank you, Jackie!
Y'know, this blog is really going to the dogs today-- which means we need a "dogapult." Although I imagine a cat CCC would work as well for ammo. Wonderful post.
ReplyDeleteCake Wrecks should really sponsor an event where competitors bake/buy wrecks or CCCs, and then catapult them to see which entry gets the best distance. The winner gets a copy of the next book -- c'mon, Jen, it'd be a great book "launch."
Censeo Toto. Nos in Kansa esse desisse. ("Quiet, Toto. We're not in Kansas anymore.") -- from a plaque in the law library at CU Boulder.)
I kinda love that first doggy. It just looks so sad I want to cuddle it. I don't however want to eat it because it looks as if it's eyes and nose are made from either black olives or black lickoriche.
ReplyDeleteOne of which is delicious but has no place on a cake and the other of which is disgusting and has no place in the universe.
Thanks to that last picture, I now have the song "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun" running through my head.
ReplyDeleteAnd to your forefathers I say, *et cum spiritu tuo*.
Okay whenI get home I'm breaking the ol' Latin to English dictionary.
ReplyDeleteWow, this blog has really gone to the dogs today.
ReplyDeleteBa-dum-dum-crish.
I don't think that first cake is a dog at all. I'm not ASPiring to change anyone's mind, but I hope you will grASP what I mean when I say: something that looked a lot like that fell down my shirt collar one time and stang the bejeebers out of me, all the way down my back! I hoped that somebody would PHNIC (wv) it off but they didn't.
ReplyDeleteCaveat emptor id est cave canem!
ReplyDeleteDe gustibus non disputandum est.
Ha ha ha!
ReplyDeleteThe part where she "got fired" with all those "quotation marks" forcibly reminded me of Chris Farley's Bennett Brauer from SNL. Bwa ha!
Oh yeah. And those cakes! -As usual, the commentary was the best part. (So glad so there are so many wreckerators to make this blog possible!)
Is it bad I kind of like the Easter one? It's like the puppy is cuddling up the Easter eggs and I don't know why but it's adorable. At least, as adorable as a frosting pile and some plastic bits can be....
ReplyDeleteis it wrong that I actually kind of like the dead dog cake?
ReplyDeleteat least it's funny - the others are just downright scary!
(the diary entries were, however, hilarious!)
Carpe Canem!
ReplyDelete(of course, you'll get icing all over your fingers . . . )
Well, who doesn't just love a dead dog cake! A great cake to give the kids when they say "Why can't we find Fido?" And I couldn't help but notice that dogs 2 and 3 have their faces on their paws!!! Is this some twisted form of experimental cake-cloning! Cut off the paw and a new dog grows?? But the best are the colorful poo-dog cakes! They are the perfect melding of the dichotomy of form and content!
ReplyDeletewv - kerse: to say naughty things in a foreign language
great post.. too funny
ReplyDeletei would have a hard time eating any of the pups though
I just sat at my desk at work and got strange looks for giggling to myself. My favorite was the Spiderman cake!
ReplyDelete"Puppies are cuddly
ReplyDeletePuppies are cute
They're never nasty or mean
I'd give a home
To all the lost puppies
If ever one day I were queeeeeeen!"
(The funny part is, that song was running through my head *before* I read today's post.)
Hilarious as always. The antidote to my stressful day!
ReplyDeleteA road kill cake should show more squishage.
ReplyDeletewv: rentil - When I saw all those dog CCCs I rentil I got them out of my head.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post but to those people who don't understand Latin I say: Bene, cum Latine nescias, nolo manus meas in te maculare.
Mmmm, headcheese... I learned about that from the Little House books.
ReplyDeleteDog head cheese?
This worries me a bit, that I know this - but that second cake, with Spider Man, looks to be Ms. Lion - "A rambunctious male dog who belongs to (Spiderman's) Aunt May. Although he doesn't have any super powers, Ms Lion became a founding member of the Pet Avengers and saved his feline team-mate, Hairball.
ReplyDeletehttp://marvel.wikia.com/Ms._Lion
The rest of them I have no explanation for...
Wow,,, someone must really like making dog cakes....
ReplyDeleteWV: Moddl - I wonder if they had an actual dog to come Moddl for these wrecks... *shrugs shoulders*
Wow. Who knew one wreck could be so versatile? Truly, the frosting-encrusted vaguely dog-shaped Wreck goes with anything.
ReplyDeleteOr nothing. But to the Philosophy of Latin Dance student, is there really any difference?
Your story entries are sometimes forced, but this narrative is awesome. It explains so much about those stupid dog cakes!
ReplyDeleteThe common thread: these are all CCC's, aren't they. Now I get the catapult tie-in: must...resist...urge...to...hurl...
ReplyDelete#2&3 (with apologies to Barbara Anne): Why are the paws turned up? I don't want to think about how that could even happen. The hand in #3 has the wrong finger raised.
#6,7 & 8 prove that food coloring should be a controlled substance. Very tightly controlled.
#6 looks like you could still see it with the lights off. I just wish they could have found a bigger container.
Speaking of 'not good eats'...
What is in the lower left on #8? I could guess it is supposed to be 'dog food' but from here it looks like used dog food.
#9 What should happen to all CCC's (patooie!).
Any that are not called out: Why? Not 'why did I not call them out,' but 'why do they exist'.
I've always thought that no force in Hell could make me buy one of those dog cakes. But I would buy the roadkill cake without a second thought. That's hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIdentical Doggie Disasters all across the board. Did the Fuchsia dog get into some paint cans? Bad!
ReplyDeleteDon't usually comment, because by the time I get there, many people have said what I want to say. But why has no-one else mentionned the thing on top of the pink one? Am I the only one seeing a naked, splayed plasticine figure? And if so, should I seek professional help?
ReplyDeleteWere these all from the same bakery?
ReplyDeleteLOL almost peed my pants!
good one.
Shared this one w/ my 11 y.o. daughter. Her comment on the last cake: "Your reign of terror has come to an end, puppy!" Should I be proud or frightened?
ReplyDeleteHa! Google translate didn't do too well...
ReplyDelete"I have a catapult. All the money, you were left to a huge stone on your head in the wood."
Hmmm....and with all the rules Latin has, you would think translation would be fairly straightforward. Now I wish my high school had offered Latin.
I'm glad JackieBean knows Latin!
I also liked the roadkill dog best!
The "evoking emotion" cake is actually pretty adorable for being so sloppily made... and kind of unappetizing. That's one way to solve the old "too cute to eat" conundrum.
ReplyDeleteHilarious post, as always!
ReplyDeleteAnd H Lynnea @ 11:03 - love dead puppies (a la Dr. Demento)
Had that one running through my head til I got to STephanie @ 1:11 where the VeggieTales kicked in... lol!! The story of Esther will never be the same.
"Catapultam to have. If not money omnem me dabis , to capitis your large stone monstrous to send."
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHAHA! Gotta love that Free Online Latin to English Translation page.
Best ever! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteJen, you MUST take Sharyn in Superior's idea and run with it- a CCC launch- please, please, please, please, please. Shoot, I'll help organize it and everything (maybe we could have it at E.P.C.O.T.)
ReplyDelete@H Lynnea FOR.THE.WIN!!!!! If I could bold it and put it in a bigger font size, I would! :D
@Craig- appreciate the apology, sir, but you're still slacking. (shakes finger)
I truly adore the roadkill one and plan to superimpose that over all the others in my head- even if I'm in Wrecky Mart. LOL
-Barbara Anne
"Give me all your money or I'll lob a rock at your head."
ReplyDeleteSo glad high school latin is finally paying off.
Oh my goodness! I'm trying SO HARD not to laugh out loud...my kids just went to bed...
ReplyDeleteThese cakes are soooo funny!!!
Thanks for the laugh...I needed it!!!!
Amy
hands down my most favorite CW entry to date!
ReplyDeleteWV: milks - cause everyone needs something to wash down dead dog with.
I have had such a terrible day and then I come here to find the cake I took a picture of! (The dead doggie...may he rest in peace.) Loved this post long before I got to the end. Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteActually you really don't have to have any previous experience to be a cake decorator at Wal...er Wrecky Mart. I've been a decorator there for 4 years now and I learned everything I know there. However, I like to think I've surpassed my teachers. I'm convinced that one of them reads this blog and uses it for inspiration, because she's made just about every wreck on here.
ReplyDeleteOh my lord. I just laughed until I cried, then laughed some more. Awesome post.
ReplyDeleteIt...I...what...
ReplyDeleteI don't think "on a dog with swirly poo eyes" was written under "I want sprinkles".
Hmm I say that wreckerator is obsessed with "dog" cakes. Man if this is the same bakery I would really consider hiring someone else for the job lol. Unless they are into all dog cakes all the time.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, thank you for making me laugh. And laugh and laugh. Love you guys.
ReplyDeleteThe new bakery manager clearly was a vicious tool of upper management.
ReplyDeleteBut really, who puts a sick cake like that out for sale??
It upset my little Blondie, but I told her "illegitimi non carborundum!"
PS I will try your Latin on my boss today. Wish me luck.
PPS Kinda liked the "I'm sorry I peed on the carpet" cake.
--Blondie's Mom
wv: latterma -- Your father's second wife.
"I have a catapult, Unless you give all your money to me, I will hurl a huge stone at your head."
ReplyDeleteI too majored in Ancient Latin Philosophical Dance Theory. Or rather, History and Classical Studies, which is basically the same thing.
Thank you for giving me something Latin to translate. It happens far too rarely in my daily life.
WV: Aftablu. In the color spectrum, indigo is aftablu.
Damn you, Cake Wrecks! You forced me to dust off the old college Latin textbook and translate pluperfect tenses. This is a trespass most vile for a Friday...
ReplyDeletewv: duxima. The leading drake in a brace of ducks. "Elmo, being the most brilliant and handsome drake in the community, was the duxima."
Falcore?
ReplyDelete@ninja dude 11
ReplyDeleteI think they are! The brown "BAKERY" logo on the cakes are all the same!
So my 4 year old son is looking over my shoulder at this post and goes "Mommy, I know what that is!" pointing to the first... creature... "It's a MOLE RAT! See cause it has no fur and it's all wrinkly!"
ReplyDeleteSeriously haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Your narration in conjuction with dog after dog after... was too much. I actually have tears in my eyes. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI read this whenever I need a lift and can't stop laughing!!! The doggie cakes and commentary would be an hilarious coffee table book!!
ReplyDeleteAre you kdding me, you need a lot of training and then I don't think that would help.
ReplyDelete