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Friday, March 25, 2011

News Bites

It's time again for Headlines, Cake Wrecks style.



So I guess that's the last time Lisa sings Mariah Carey songs on deck.



It's a [booby] trap!



Best-sellers include:

"Man Valley's Toot Sweet"



"Whispers of Warthog"


And the top seller, "Pink Pirate."

For manly men who enjoy the scent of rum, brine, cedar, and - of course - cotton candy.



Or maybe it was a microphone.

Which, come to think of it, would explain that really obscene PA announcement the other day...


Thanks to Alyssa B., Kathy B., Haley L., Jodi B., Camille W., and Naresh S., who think karaoke night just got a lot more interesting.
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54 comments:

  1. Jules AFMarch 25, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    The news either gets more depressing or more ridiculous every day. I think I'll take the more ridiculous, as it provides you two with some awesome material!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Adorably DeadMarch 25, 2011 at 9:42 AM

    Love the microphone XD

    ReplyDelete
  3. Loo-E Loo-IMarch 25, 2011 at 9:43 AM

    You know, I thought bakers would *want* people to eat their cakes, not make them into body parts that no one wants to even *think* about!

    Here...you can have the slice of butt crack! Yummmm. Not.

    Don't we tell kids not to put toys in their mouth?

    I wish I had this wv yesterday!
    Cybomom is 1/2 cyborg & 1/2 mom

    ReplyDelete
  4. EllenMarch 25, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    Now that's how I like my news!

    That poor pirate has no mouth -- how can he (she?) say arrrrrrrhhhh?

    wv - redisho

    I think I'll cut up a redisho ver this cake -- a nice change from carrot jockeys.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Doctor TarrMarch 25, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    I'm still laughing at "Man Valley's Toot Sweet".

    My verification word is "seste", which is pretty close.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Gloom RaiderMarch 25, 2011 at 9:53 AM

    That's not a three-flippered, one- footed penguin in that first cake?

    I feel slightly disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KarenMarch 25, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    Hmm, are you sure that first cake is a deformed dolphin? I thought it looked more like a deformed albino penguin. With an iceberg off to the right.

    ReplyDelete
  8. colleenozMarch 25, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    I too thought that was some kind of Chernobyl penguin on the first cake. "Congratulations on your new Ta-Tas"??? .
    And "Man Valley Toot Sweet"- I know the Chinese eat moon cakes but they're different :-)

    My wv is very appropriate today:
    Shaty: Today's cakes are all pretty shaty

    ReplyDelete
  9. AngelaMarch 25, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    I'm not sure "congrats on your new ta-ta's" works on any sort of cake, whether wrecky or not. It frightens me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Danger BoyMarch 25, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    That really looks NOTHING like a microphone.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    +
    Happy Tenth Birthday?
    Kids grow up too quickly these days.
    I think I got a Barbie doll for my first birthday. This lucky girl gets a personal massager cake. Sooo jealous.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    OMG. I really have no other words for the "microphone".

    ReplyDelete
  13. MayMarch 25, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    I really like how the "butt crack" was obviously made by someone dragging a finger through the icing. It just adds a touch of class that you don't often find in butt crack cakes. And of course, the imagery that thought brings with it is just lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  14. MayMarch 25, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    I like how the "butt crack" was obviously made by someone dragging a finger through the frosting. It adds a touch of class that you just don't find that often in butt crack cakes. Also, the imagery that thought brings with it is just lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  15. amchornetgirlMarch 25, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    I think the butt cake and the warthog are both well done...although offputting as something to put in your mouth!

    ReplyDelete
  16. NaomiMarch 25, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    I just noticed the photo credit on the pig cake-- it's one pair of glowing red eyes away from an obscure Amityville reference.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    XD XD that SO does not look like a microphone

    ReplyDelete
  18. elissaMarch 25, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    That's a dolphin? I thought it was a Dr. Moreau experiment combining the head of a penguin, an extra flipper, and the tail of a pregnant mermaid.

    Huh.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    Nothing says "I Love You" like a warthog-shaped cake.

    Crack Ills!

    -- rocketride

    ReplyDelete
  20. elissaMarch 25, 2011 at 10:52 AM

    I have to say, I do kind of like the warthog. I'm not sure he's appetizing, but he's...winsome, in a warthoggy kind of way.

    ReplyDelete
  21. melMarch 25, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    That thing on the first cake is the reason I never go in the water...who knows what kind of horrible mutant might be in there.... And, I hope that the recepient of the microphone/sex toy combo cake is celebtrating 10 years in dog time, not human time....baaaaad parents.....


    wv - sylaqu: These cakes are so bad you just can't cut the bakers any sylaqu.

    ReplyDelete
  22. ChaniMarch 25, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    That dolphin is too good! :) HAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  23. AmyMarch 25, 2011 at 11:16 AM

    I choked on my coffee when I saw the "microphone" cake. Dear god, that was for a girl's 10th birthday? If I was her parent, I would have refused to pay for it and grabbed an ice cream cake from the local Carvel/Ben & Jerry's/Dairy Queen.

    But not before I took a snap of the cake so I could show it to my friends and we could laugh hysterically over it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. teriMarch 25, 2011 at 11:18 AM

    ok but the first one looks like the result of a bird and dolphin hook up!

    ReplyDelete
  25. ChezGateauxMarch 25, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    the plumber's cake gives new meaning to the phrase "this tastes like ass"

    And I can only hope that the new ta-tas don't look as much like bowls as her cake.

    WV:Nazooduc

    Nozadolphin on za furst cayke!Nazooduc!

    ReplyDelete
  26. StellaMarch 25, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    The ta-ta's comment throw me for a loop. Let nip that one in the bud...

    ReplyDelete
  27. DonnaMarch 25, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    My first thought on seeing the "microphone" cake (code word for "sex toy") was, "My God, who on earth would let a 10 year old see this??? Somebody call Child Services!"

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    Maybe I'm just really childish, but the line that made me laugh out loud was "It's a (booby) trap."

    ReplyDelete
  29. Caroline BMarch 25, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Dolphin? Microphone? OK, if you say so.......

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    I made a birthday cake with a microphone on it once. I swear it looked like a mic, but I got ribbed for giving my (male, straight, married) friend a cake with a penis on it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. elissaMarch 25, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    According to the article, there is actually video of the snake/ta-ta incident available on YouTube. In case anyone is interested.

    Hey, where'd everyone go?

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    I thought the microphone cake was a test tube. Maybe its because I'm a science student. Maybe my mind is pure and innocent. What we know is nobody thinks "Hey, that's a microphone!"

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM

    I agree with others, it looks more like a penguin with 3 flippers. If it was supposed to be a dolphin, it is even worse than I though!

    ReplyDelete
  34. WendyMarch 25, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    Are you sure that's a dolphin? I thought it was a mutant duck...or something. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    Totally thought the "microphone" cake said "Happy 10" Birthday"

    ReplyDelete
  36. Fluffy CowMarch 25, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    Yeah, I'm voting sex toy on that last one...

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    I don't know about 10 year olds today, but when I was 10 I would have thought "Why am I getting a cake shaped like a bullet or is it a submarine." I have no brothers and was a pretty innocent kid.

    WV: princimm: What you give the principal to keep him from calling your parents. or what a chocoholic prom queen takes to the prom.

    ReplyDelete
  38. CHRPMarch 25, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    As a cake it's pretty wrecky, but if you're going to make a warthog cake, I'd guess it would look like that.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Managed HostingMarch 25, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    This should be aptly titled "Creepiest Cakes." I don't know how I would feel if someone were to bit into my breast or butt crack.

    ReplyDelete
  40. ToreyMarch 25, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    BIG GIGGLES at that last one (: (: (:

    ReplyDelete
  41. NPR cannot die!March 25, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    omg! over half of these were on the taping on npr's "wait wait don't tell me" i went to last week!!!!!! they would definitely appreciate the boob cake for the snake (they talked about that for a good 20 minutes haha!)

    ReplyDelete
  42. crowleyancantoMarch 25, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    Imagine being the blushing recipient of the ta-tas cake...if you weren't expecting it.

    ReplyDelete
  43. JeanCMarch 25, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    all PA annoucements are obscene- I work in a place where we are regularly interrupted by PA announcements which tell us that they are testing the PA system

    ReplyDelete
  44. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    what flavoured cake would be used for the butt one?

    ReplyDelete
  45. CraigMarch 25, 2011 at 10:41 PM

    #1 The epic struggle for survival between penguin and squid ends in a draw. I never knew they were natural enemies..

    #2 Someone thought of this and ordered it, while someone else agreed to make it. And they say good taste is dead?!

    #3 "Well sure, there's no buckle, no fly and two patch pockets in front, but how can we make SURE people know which end is up? ...I know!" [Extends Fickle Finger of Fate]

    #4 What's inside -- deviled ham?

    #5 It's about time that the story of Pinkbeard the Pirate was told!

    #6 The question is, is this a faithful *reproduction* of the customer's wishes or did the wreckerator flunk Propriety 101? Couldn't we have made the notes bigger or included a stand to better convey the concept of 'microphone'? Maybe squared off the lower end? Something?

    I'm just glad no states, cities, place names or traditions were harmed in the creation of today's post.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Jaclyn HartleyMarch 25, 2011 at 11:12 PM

    I actually thought the "plumber butt" cake was adorable!!! I might have to make one of those!!!

    Love the site!!! Keeps me laughing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. NanciMarch 26, 2011 at 12:46 AM

    Mental note: never take a drink from my cup while reading Cake Wrecks. The "new Ta-Ta's" almost killed my computer....;)

    I LOVE this site!!

    ReplyDelete
  48. ArleneMarch 26, 2011 at 1:02 AM

    My first thought on seeing that microphone is why on earth is someone giving a vibrator cake to a ten year old?? Lol I honestly would not of figured that was a microphone and I just bet the wreckerator did that on purpose. And that manly perfume lmao when I saw the butt crack guy.. scary.

    ReplyDelete
  49. KatzenMamaMarch 26, 2011 at 1:17 AM

    Is that a "Dolphiguin" on Lisa's cake?

    And the butt crack...looks more like a canyon than a crack.

    I'm definitely getting "Whispers of Wharthog" (WOW) for my husband for Christmas this year.

    Great Job, J&J (I'll leave it to y'all to fight it out for whose "J" is first.)

    ReplyDelete
  50. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 3:36 AM

    I actually like the warthog cake.

    --TJFox

    ReplyDelete
  51. ShannonMarch 26, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    hahahahaha- thanks I needed that!

    BTW: What's up with that Dolphin's flipper? Or the extra one?

    wv: dapho- A poor gentleman.

    "He's a very dapho in his Sunday best"

    ReplyDelete
  52. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    At least the second pic is accurate with the rather large seams where it connects back to the "body"...

    ReplyDelete
  53. blindconfusion8March 26, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    my 4yo daughter, and 5 yo old son literalyl fought out loud, anout whether that is a dolphin or a penguin... for about 20 minutes... it was BAD... bad wreckerator... bad, bad, bad...

    ReplyDelete
  54. ChrisApril 5, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    I want that butt-crack cake! Wish I'd had that for my birthday!

    ReplyDelete

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