I'll pause here to allow you time to grasp the magnitude of that statement.
[grasping magnitude]
Now, as every red-blooded, hot-dog-eating, slightly-balding American knows, nothing is more important to our national identity than the hat. From the traditional baseball cap...
Fun fact: Baseballs were originally square. Look it up....to the sexy fedora...
Sex Y.Ahem.
I said, "the sexy fedora."
There it is.Now, where was I?
Oh, right.
Hats are a regular part of our lives. As such, we should cherish this regularity...
Oh, right.
Hats are a regular part of our lives. As such, we should cherish this regularity...
...ten gallons at a time.Hats are also a great way to celebrate certain festive occasions.
Like volcano eruptions:
Like volcano eruptions:
Or massive, unexplained squid migrations:
Or even just winning a race by a hare:
So today, let's use our heads.
And, of course, stay safe out there...
And, of course, stay safe out there...
...no matter how hard that may be.Hey Mary R., Ellen B., Tonya M., Bridget E., Lindsey, ML, Erin G., Lindsey M., and Jo., no lie: it took me three months to realize that thing is supposed to be a hard hat.
So do you think the first fedora's top is a twinkie cut in half covered in icing? That is all I can see. What a fun surprise if it is.
ReplyDeleteThe last one..... what is it?
ReplyDeleteI don't know who that 8th cake is supposed to be, but he/she/it put me off cake for a month...
ReplyDeleteno lie, my wv is Mangi - that's some mangi hair on cake 8
Number 5 looks more like a Dalek with a Winnie-the-Pooh gun than a volcano...
ReplyDeleteShagger? Shagger? WTF?!
ReplyDeleteThat second to last one looks like Brian Mcfadden!
ReplyDeletehttp://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/05/20/article-0-006983A400000258-388_468x286.jpg
Rachel
Why in the world would would you make a hat shaped cake (well, kinda) for a 5 yr old girl's birthday? Poor little Laura .......
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD that last one....it's a hard hat, I guess, but did they have to do it in a pink fleshy tone? Eeeewwwwww.
ReplyDeleteHey, Jen, ya gotta stop grasping magnitude in public!
ReplyDelete:)
Like yesterday's post, this one also put a song in my head -- Allen Sherman singing The Mexican Hat Dance, which contains the immortal lyrics:
". . .There are Mexicans dancing on derbies.
There are Mexicans dancing on caps.
They just throw their fedoras
Wherever the floor is,
And start doing horas and taps."
Love that internal rhyme!
Congradulamationish Shagger birthday wishes. For whatever that last thing is.
ReplyDeleteI guess it depends on what kind of "hard hat" we're talking about, right? Sorry, was that too much?
ReplyDelete"...regularity." Heheh:) Good one!
ReplyDeleteThe third one is a double wreck in that they spelled the word CongraDulations. Doh!
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or is that face cake Gary Busey on a good day? And the last one, wow, just wow.
ReplyDeleteHere we go again ... the shared birthday cake. Laura is turning 5 and has 5 candles, while unnamed sibling is turning 6. What could be more appropriate than a fedora cake. Topped with iced Twinkies. Yes, Ryan, that was the first thing I noticed, too.
ReplyDeleteI also saw Gary Busey.. scary.... and that first one- It's supposed to be a hat? I thought it looked more like a grave site for 2 dead twinkies.
ReplyDeleteThe last one looks like a Romulan death mask! Crazy!
ReplyDeleteA hard hat? Really? I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe poor Laura really likes Indiana Jones.
I find that pink dome shaped thing with 'shagger' written on it positioned beneath the scarily goitred hairy blonde man-cake really disturbing. Shagger does mean the same thing in the US as it does over here, right? ..erk.....
ReplyDeleteI am so glad Google Ads put up "Fedoras! At VillageHatShop.com" in my feed reader on today's post. Google is stalking you, and not doing a very good job of it.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I think if you look at those 10-gallon hat cupcakes upside down, they're really just poo butterflies...
ReplyDeleteAre those twinkies on the first fedora?
ReplyDeleteMy mother wears hats quite often. I wonder if knows of the celebration for tomorrow?
#1: see, the blind albino legless striped turtle doesn't like square baseballs either. He's either pouncing on it or shying away from it.
ReplyDelete#2: WHY would a five year old girl need a fedora for a birthday cake?? what are these parents thinking? maybe it's really supposed to be a hot dog bun minus the hot dog for some strange eating fetish? I just. don't. get.it. Or maybe she likes to play dressup in "boy clothes." from the 50's.
#3: okay, a lumpy WHITE fedora. kinda pimp-like. I'm a little suspicious of Brandi's profession...and maybe Matt's. Are they celebrating a successful week?
#4: ah, poo hats with red ribbon and blue flowers. what COULD be the occasion? maybe for the pimp's bridal party.
#5: Poor Pooh and Tigger trying to escape that hideous volcanic eruption and hot lava spots! going over the side in a barrel (er, honeypot)
#6: looks like a tarantula that had a little too much to drink at a Christmas party and got left behind, passed out in the mess with the confetti, the hat, and the green hue...He looks so lonely. I kinda like that cake! I see a story happening here.
#7: is that an Irish turtle? looking a little leprachaunish there
#8: dude, that head is scary. the hair, the skin, the huge chin, the creepy eyes staring at me....
#9: LOL Shagger cake! which end is up? smooth, flesh colored fondant...."Shagging" is slang in Britain for "adult activities" involving nudity. WHAT is going on with that cake? I'm not convinced it's a hard HAT
I'm not going to say what these "hats" really look like. I'm not. I'm not. I won't do it. No, you won't drag me into that muck.
ReplyDeleteAnd you didn't even point out the fact that Congratulations is spelled wrong on the fedora cookie!
ReplyDelete#4 to me looks like four little poo frog faces with a green fly crawling across them, leaving a red trail along the way.
ReplyDeleteoops....BLUE flies on #4.
ReplyDeleteYou don't think the "Congratulations" one is a strapless wedding dress?
ReplyDeleteThe last one looks like the top half of a Kewpie doll.
ReplyDeleteConGRADulations? are white fedoras getting confused with graduation caps? or is it from pimp & ho school?
ReplyDelete@Sandy C: grave site for two dead twinkies? LOL
@Katie: if Laura likes Indy Jones, I'm glad her mother had the wisdom to NOT include the whip. glad "Shagger" doesn't have a whip either, for that matter!
wv: sumbra. what a drunk non-mexican person remembers as a "sombrero."
if that white thing is a strapless wedding gown, it's awfully SHORT. (and looks like a shortened version of what was on "My Fair Wedding" last night)
ReplyDeletewv: fiestso. Events calling for big hats.
That penultimate cake reminds me of Brett Favre. Good thing it was a cake of his head....
ReplyDelete-Melissa
Kate, I thought the same thing... and I prefer to think of it as a slightly wrecked pimp hat and not a totally wrecked dress..... though maybe the bride is deformed and the dress was drawn to match the custom-made dress that would fit her weird, deformed body?
ReplyDeleteI am laughing and laughing, guys the comments are almost funnier than the cakes!
ReplyDeleteIm nearly ROFL
best stuff this week .
HEY- that Head cake looks like my exboyfriend from college. Seriously. He was ALL chin. Slightly better looking than the cake, and WAY smarter. I hope.
ReplyDelete"Shagging" still makes me giggle, because everywhere else, it means what you think it means. But here, in South Carolina, it's a dance. The official dance of South Carolina, actually. It's kind of like a really slow swing dancing, so it's not even interesting to watch, in my non-Southern perspective. But I will never forget the first time I saw a resume where someone had listed "Shagging" as a personal interest--it was then that I had to start questioning my decision to move here.
ReplyDeleteHa! Ten gallons of regularity.
ReplyDeleteNothing says "fun!" at Laura's birthday party like a brown hat cake! Now wait... is Laura 5 or 11? Or 5th at being 11? Wait, I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteThis post has reminded me of a wonderful thing. If you have never seen Hats of Meat before, you need to. Seriously. No, really.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous at 11:43-- O.o I hope that person never applies for a job outside South Carolina. Can you imagine the reaction to that item on their resume if it isn't for a job in the porn industry?!
ReplyDelete#1 Given that's a CCC (patooie), that means they are using *round* cupcakes. So 1 cupcake = a round baseball. Make a bat out of the extra three cupcakes rather than a square ball!!
#2 Maybe poor Laura's a fan of riding? And it was easier to do an oddly-proportioned but at least well-iced hat than a horse?? Oh wait, that's not a helmet. And there's 11 candles... hope she can't count yet! And why is the Happy birthday not written below the Laura 5th?
#3 A very short poufy-skirted strapless wedding gown for a very fat bride? Or one of those massive white hats worn in-- Texas, I think??
#4 Those don't look like hats. they look like flaccid anatomy... would biting in to them make a woman a Bobbitt-wannabe?
#5 I hope that recipient isn't scared of clowns. Or their hats! And why is Winnie and Tigger sitting on its side??
#6 It does look like an algae covered squid... or else it's one of yesterday's pompoms under a party hat?
#7 A hat-wearing unhappy leprechaun turtle? for a birthday?? Yeah. Well, at least that store did it as a cupcake mosaic rather than a CCC...
#8 Given that probably took quite a bit of time, I bet that the decorator was very proud of that cake, and would be horrified to learn it's considered a wreck. With a chin that size, I think that guy is related to a former Canadian prime minister...
#9 Aren't construction site hard-hats supposed to be yellow to make the wearer more visible? Because that looks more like a "hat" on another "hard" "head". And the "shagger" applies more to the latter than the former!
#1 These aren't even cupcakes, they're brownie bites. With that as a scale guide, perhaps a cupcake would have been a better choice for the baseball? But that's why I'm not a wreckerator, I suppose.
ReplyDelete#2 Happy Birthda, y Laura 5th! The evolution of language is a fascinating study, as is pondering the significance of the fedora or the counting skills of the candle person.
#3 Matt & Brandi. From graduation to reception, in the same limo. On the same day. Oy.
#4 Turn them upside down, they're butterflies! The versatility of poo is truly amazing.
#5 Continuing the theme, the wreckerator helpfully included characters from Winnie-the-POOh on the clown hat to help explain... absolutely nothing.
#6 And again. I guess the wreckerator ran out of brown frosting. Or some bystander, knowing what was about to happen, hid it all.
#7 Sometimes, the labels provide a clue. Not this time. Ya can't give what you don't have.
#8 Poor Harpo. Everyone warned him about steroids, but he just wouldn't listen.
#9 Shagger, BAABYY! Is that styrofoam?
I was so distracted by the, um, skill required to make a square baseball out of round cupcakes that I'm going to have to go back later to appreciate the other wrecks fully. Seriously, how DO you make a square creation out of round objects to represent a round object? It really boggles the mind.
ReplyDeleteOh, and as if I didn't already have the Indiana Jones theme song stuck in my head from rewatching one of them the other day... Excuse me while I go find my whip and hiss that I hate snakes.
The funniest thing about this post is that every cake today also has so many other funny things going on besides the wonky hats.
ReplyDeleteLike "cake" #1. Brownie bites frosted like a CCC? Really? Am I the only one gagging at the notion of all that white frosting mounded upon a brownie? Yuck!
I would never have guessed that the last one was a hard hat. It probably would have taken me years of guessing to get to that.
ReplyDeleteOMG that CHIN that CHIN!
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw cake #6, my first thought was, "Happy birthday, Cthulhu!!" I wouldn't want to be the one to present him with that cake, however...
HAHAHA...shagger.
ReplyDeleteRe: #2..I couldn't swear to it, of course, but I think Laura's fedora is in honor of Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb. Or really...his alter-ego, Agent P: http://www.myfreewallpapers.net/cartoons/pages/phineas-and-ferb-perry.shtml
ReplyDeleteIs the last one a cervical cap?
ReplyDelete~Julia
Cake #2: This, it seems, is Indiana Jones's little-known Stetson hat. Although, tbh, the brim looks like it got steamrolled, if they'd just cut off that edge in front between the Twinkies it really wouldn't have looked quite that terrible!
ReplyDeleteWV: bellytoo: what that last cake looks like (shudders).
"Congradulations" on another fine post.
ReplyDeleteOh, and "Hats off to thigns which vaguely resemble hats... And square baseballs!" O_o
...aaaaand that last one just took my dirty deployment-spouse mind RIGHT into the gutter...
ReplyDeleteHead... Hard... the disturbing fleshy hue of the "Hard Hat" cake... not to mention the seductivly written "Shagger"...
OMG my husband needs to get home REALLY soon... sadly we still have 6 months left...
Keep me laughing Jen (& John)!
At first I thought the fedora cuppies were very small anatomy lessons, as they all looked like a snapshot of the digestion lesson. Lots of frosting intestines, mmmmmmmm!
ReplyDeleteThe pooh volcano cake makes me think of that horrible movie, Joe vs the Volcano. Didn't Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan escape in a barrel or something? Anyhow, that's what I thought of. I still have no idea what it's supposed to actually be. Pooh vs the Volcano Cake?
Wait - am I the only person who saw the connection between "regularity" and those ten-gallon poo hats?
ReplyDeleteis the 6th time Laura is turning 5? isn't she getting a head start about lying about her age? or maybe she's 5 and wants to be 11?
ReplyDeletealso, I wonder what the hard hat says on the side. P.S. something?
i think the last one is supposed to be a construction hat.
ReplyDeleteI just want to know why is there a volcano in Hundred-Acre-Wood?
ReplyDelete-Alison
I thought the last one was a swim cap. Do they still use those?
ReplyDeleteBaseballs were originally square! I read it in B.C. Since when has Johnny Hart been anything but trustworthy?
ReplyDelete#8 is obviously President William Jefferson Clinton.
ReplyDeleteDuh
*eyeing the last cake suspiciously*
ReplyDeleteCrikey! That Croc Hunter cake is a beauty!
ReplyDeleteAck! Does the first fedora have twinkies on top (under the fondant)?
ReplyDeleteThank you for not sticking a candle in the helmet.
ReplyDeleteWV: ingne. The sound made when candle is inserted.
As a person who truly loves hats and wears one almost every time I leave the house, I'm happy to know about Hat Day.
ReplyDeleteThese "cakes", not so much. Yikes!
I thought maybe Laura the 5 year old liked Toy Story. They thought, well I can't make Woody, but surely I can make a cowboy hat. Um, no...
ReplyDeleteI'd still be staring at my computer trying to figure out what that last one was if you hadn't said it.
I thought the last one might be a body part from an alien autopsy, but I was afraid to imagine which part.
ReplyDeleteYou've GOT to be pulling our legs: there's no WAY that's a hard hat!
ReplyDeleteIf that was my face on the that cake I wouldn't be happy!
ReplyDeleteAre congradulations only for graduations, and congratulations for other special occasions? This misspelling shows up almost as much as definately. Come on people, definitely!!!! At least they don't usually write definately on cakes!
ReplyDeleteOK, spelling rant over. Now breathe, breathe...
okay, I liked the hard hat, I thought it looked nice... That is actually one thing you could ding the fondant on to enhance the appearance... have you ever seen a perfect hard hat? Hope you found a party, if I could wear a hat at work I so would do it, just because, but since my hair has grown back, cannot use that whole chemo-made-my-hair-fall-out-so-it-is-okay-for-me-to-wear-a-hat....
ReplyDeleteCould they have done a worse job on the face of the second-to-last one? He looks like Voldemort with a blonde wig.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I don't recall ever seeing "Winnie the Pooh and the greenish-yellow volcano with red polka dots" ... Surely with a title like that, it'd be at least as memorable as "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day" ... This merits at least 4 rides in the new Fantasyland
ReplyDeleteI find myself coming to this website a lot and saying "I don't get it, is it supposed to be a penis?"
ReplyDeleteI can't get over the coolness that you offer all this entertainment for FREE! Y'all do SUCH a great job! I needed a giggle, and as usual, you delivered! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThe first Fedora cake looks like a Twinkie cemetery. I guess they really don't last forever.
ReplyDeleteRIP Twinkie the kid.
That's a hard hat? Thought it was a scary body part.
ReplyDeleteThe tortoise looks depressed it was turned into a cupcake cake. Can't say I blame it.
ReplyDeleteOh great. "Walk the Dinosaur" has just been replaced by Men Without Hats "Pop Goes the World" and (last cake) "Safety Dance." Thaaaannnnks.
ReplyDeleteFantastically hilarious as usual. Your blog is a daily staple for me. So much so that I was inspired to start my own blog: http://antiqueatrocity.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteThanks for the inspiration!
Second to last cake: This wreck will end up 35 years old, thrice divorced, and living in a van down by the river!
ReplyDelete~Rose Thorne
omg that fedora!hahahahaha
ReplyDeleteI'll be seeing that face in my nightmares :)
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, I kinda like #7. He's kinda cute. And compared to the rest of them, he's fairly normal! Also, I like turtles :-P
ReplyDeleteWhat was that last one? It seemed vaguely obscene...
ReplyDelete-B
The last one would be pretty appropriate for a bris
ReplyDelete