Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Little Too Much Ginger, Perhaps

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Some people collect stamps, or art cards, or limited edition laser-etched Animaniac propeller beanies*.

I collect photos of ridiculously decorated gingerbread men.


* Actually I'm just hoping this is true, because I'd love to see one.


I started when I realized a lot of bakeries sell gingerbread cookies year-round, and so try to decorate them to go with all the different holidays. Which gets, shall we say, a little silly:

Get me an old priest and a young priest...

Oh, and a glass of milk.


I'd look alarmed, too, if someone stole my torso and left my bloody limbs scattered around. [shudder]

And a personal favorite:

The guy on the right looks like he just had an alien chest-burster episode, only with a giant leprechaun.

Which, you must admit, is kind of awesome.


No, Mr. Scary Clown Man, actually, I do *not* want your sprinkles. Thank you.



BRING ME THE HEAD OF STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!

Then be a dear and glue it to a cookie, won't you?

Purrrrfect.


'Course, the best designs are usually the ones that ignore the "man" shape altogether:

Not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for "Catwoman."


Ok, this is getting ridiculous.

Really ridiculous.


No, really REALLY ridiculous.

Death by poodle.

(Also, $2.19 for that? Really?)


Not sure what these blue things are, but boy are they appetizing!

Bwhahahahaa!

Just kidding.



Still, I ask you: what's wrong with the time-honored, classic gingerbread man design?

[snicker]

Actually, this one is pretty awesome, too.

But this - THIS - on the other hand:

This must be stopped.

Think of the hippos.


L.G., Jas D., Ginger G. (yes, really. Heheh.), Leah O., Sean R., Lauren A., Kim, John D., M.L.W., & Eyal, thanks for contributing to my collection! Now I just need a Valentines' one. (Hint hint.)
The Boob Nazi said...

Is that clown supposed to have boobs?

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow! I had no idea that poor, innocent gingerbread men cookies were being defiled by such an amazing array of frostings.

The "classic" designs are my favorites, of course (cuz who doesn't love biting off a head or limb and imagining [or making] a cry of pain?); however, I must confess that I rather like that green alligator/crocodile one that's using the gingerbread man as his own personal lily pad....

Sharon said...

I had no idea gingerbread makes an appearance in stores all year long. Doesn't in my neck of the woods (and I'm SO GLAD if this is the result).

I can't tell if the clown is a man or woman...it has boobs and SOMETHING else???

Red and Blue things....crabs and head lice?

Sharon's Edible Art

Sharon said...

They now sell cookie cutters of the gingerbread man with no head, and bite marks in the body. That's SO WRONG.

Maimed Gingerbread Men

Sharon's Edible Art

joyce said...

This reminds me of when my three boys were little and would run their matchbox cars over the gingerbread men to make them look like road kill. I think it is a guy thing. I envied moms of girls.

these gingerbread men are like nothing I have ever seen. wow

Fluffy Cow said...

Hey Bob Nazi- I see boobs too! Scary clown man is scary clown Ma'am!!!

Stella said...

It's no wonder why they keep running away...

Sheri said...

I am so making those part-eaten gingerbread men for our Christmas party! I LOVE them.
Sheri

Anonymous said...

The last one has me scratching my head a bit. I see the hippo, and the tiger, and the dog. But what's with the blonde-haired purple-bearded pink-faced ladies and is that one on the right Spiderman?? He's so sneaky...

SuzG said...

I have not laughed this much in ages. It's all so surreal and hilarious. What makes me uncomfortable is that someone actually thought these were good, creative ideas. *shudder*

marybindc said...

I think that poodle one is depicting something that's illegal in, well, ALL of the states of the U.S.

Amy said...

Although it in no way belongs on a gingerbread man, the goldfish is adorable!

Kathleen in Canada said...

Oh my goodness... I just found our gingerbread cookie idea for the year! I can't wait to put the screaming gingerbread figures on the table Christmas Eve LOL

Donkaloosa said...

I want an Animaniacs propeller beanie!!!!!!!

Jessica said...

The Tooth Monster is my favorite. I work for dentists, and they would love it!

Katie said...

Hahaha. I love the broken gingerbread men. And the monster one below them.

Alma said...

I agree with Sheri, the half-eaten gingerbread men are now a requirement for any holiday party!

And does anyone else think the blue sharks are funny because it looks like they are using corpses of gingerbread men as surf boards?

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL I kept thinking of Gingy from Shrek! His infamous "Not the gumdrop buttons" line and having his legs "stitched" back together! *snicker*

wv: nessequ: It's not nessequ to make gingerbread men all year long.

kingshearte said...

OK, now having gingerbread all year is one, thing, and decorating it for the various holidays, sure. But... do they only have one cookie cutter? Is there some rule I'm unaware of that says that gingerbread cookies must be in the shape of a person? If you want to make a Halloween black cat cookie, why not just use a cat-shaped cutter? It's all very strange.

Sharon said...

Are these being marketed as Transformer Gingerbread Men, or the Amazing Morphing 'Man? If so, I've missed out and need to start baking some right away. I can tell they are going to fly right off the shelves this Christmas.

Sharon's Edible Art

Casseopia said...

http://www.amazon.com/Cookie-Sutra-Ancient-Treatise-Crumble/dp/0761138099

Libby said...

Love the partially eaten gingerbread men!

Have you seen the zombies? Or the Dr. House one? I also like the gingerbread skeletons for Halloween!

(Last one is shameless link to my own blog, but notice I DID use the correct comment code!)

RoseinBloom said...

Sharon beat me to the gingerbread cookie cutter punch. They're going to be a central part of my family's gingerbread house this holiday season... :D (Along with a cute Victorian city, destroyed by giant gingerbread men... which is really tame compared to last year's brain, or the derailed train and dead cow from the year before that...)

Karyl said...

I can't believe there are so many with such bad ideas. And we can't let the kids see these. It's hard enough trying to convince them to put on the buttons. They don't need any more options.

Jenniffer said...

I'm with the Boob Nazi, that scary clown cookie has some big red scary nipples. I WILL have nightmares!

westicles said...

It's no wonder The Doctor always checks to see if he has been gingered after each regeneration.

Roxie said...

Humm, do you think the last one is a sprinkle approach to the dreaded "jazz hands?"

A.J. said...

I agree with what someone else said, you have NO other cookie cutters out there? None whatsoever?

And that clown gingerbread man/woman will haunt my dreams tonight

Janel said...

Is it just me or does that poodle have 6 legs. Death by giant poodle bug?

Donna said...

The Gingerbread Monster is oozing awesome!

jankie98 said...

I see I'm not the only one that loves the partially eaten gingerbread men! I guess that means I'm not THAT wrong!! lol But, yeah, the others are ridiculous! I wonder if anybody actually BUYS these things???

Anonymous said...

I love how the leprechaun and the pot of gold need to be formally identified as gingerbread cookies...

Anonymous said...

Ze clown is not a scary spider. Ze clown will not tie me up and srow me in ze basement.

...#4 begs to differ.

KatjaMouse said...

I actually have the *ABC Gingerbread cookies (* Already Been Chewed). Much hilarity around the holidays when it comes time to decorate the cookies.

I'd send pictures but I think my parents packed them up with their stuff when all of us moved out at the same time.

Wild Cakes said...

Well if you REALLY want valentine's gingerbread people, there are some hilarious naughty gingerbread couples cookies out there!

Deirdre said...

I have a set of the bitten cookie cutters! In honor of the year we asked my suspiciously quiet 2-year-old son, "Are you sneaking Christmas cookies?" "Not yet . . ." But if we had decorated them like some of these (ack--that clown!) it probably would have scarred him for life.

Anonymous said...

Okay...the last one? I know Jerry Garcia was a bit tubby in his later years, but putting him alongside hippos for comparison is just cruel. The wreckerator DOES get props for the lollipop guitars, tho.

WV: consing. Yes, Jerry, you "con" sing well.

Maria said...

Have you seen the Ninjabread Men at Fred & Friends? They are awesome!

http://www.worldwidefred.com/ninjabreadmen.htm

Mamakitty1978 said...

Am I the only dirty minded person who thinks that the clown gingerbread man looks like he has.....hehehe, *whispers* boobies! Ohhh I actually said it, *giggle giggle*

Anonymous said...

Heheh, I like a lot of things.

Anonymous said...

Per the poor gingerbread men with missing limbs, now you can buy cookie cutters that make the missing piece seem slightly more intentional:

http://www.perpetualkid.com/abc-cookie-cutters---gingerbread-men.aspx

They're called ABC* cookie cutters...the * is to inform you that ABC stands for "Already Been Chewed"

mladybright said...

I think the hippo is the least offending item on that tray. Just MHO.

I agree that it's 'Miss' Scary Clown. Um, red... um...

Totally LOL (and scared my son) when I saw the death by poodle!

I'm not sure what some of those blue things are. Any clues? Please, y'know, blues clues?

Awesome partially eaten and decorated to reflect! I'll have to try those. They'll go over big with the family. (maybe someone was trying to sell the broken ones, too?) Kind of like the bunnies at Easter -- ears or tail first?

NOW I'm in the mood to do some baking!! (my family thanks you)
~~Di

Trevor said...

The clown wants you to have his Man Sprinkles it seems.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Jen . . . I cry for the poor gingerbread men with alligators and other random things stuck on top. At least I would if I wasn't laughing so hard. The leprechaun one made me spit out my coffee. Add me to the posters who liked the Tooth Monster and the broken ones with sad faces. THERE'S a baker with a clever use of those otherwise unsellable broken cookies!

Megan said...

Why would a bakery give a gingerbread man crabs? :P

Sara said...

umm, i think the clowns boobs are up a little too high.... lol

CookieD'oh said...

Maria, I got the Ninjabreadmen cutters for my son (6) this year. I am officially the coolest mom EVER.
(Oh, and they are the coolest cookie cutters EVER.)

Anonymous said...

The 11the wreck from the top is red crabs and blue octupii.

brenda said...

Oh my, what IS that poodle doing to the gingerbread man?!

Danger Boy said...

Just a nice, simple, gingerbre...OH MY GOD whatisthatpoodle DOING to that man?????

wdiscard said...

Am I the only one who thinks the blue sharks look like body building fish?

Aliza said...

RoseInBloom... I think you're my new best friend. The imagery of your gingerbread destruction had me in stitches!

I, too, loved the broken gingerbread men. And the monster. And the alligator! And thanks to Marybindc's comment, I can't look at the poodle cookie in quite the same way. And I have to say the lollipop ones made me giggle.

And yes, somebody please inform these wreckerators that other cookie cutters do, in fact, exist.

Trevor said...

Oh, and I should state that this is a very well-timed post. I'm making gingerbread this year, so this gives me an idea of what to avoid doing (like I needed these tips)

blah blah said...

Pretty sure the blue things are fish and the red ones are crabs. Which is kind of hilarious...

Craig said...

So far, anyway, @marybindc.

The last three are from places (figurative and literal) from which I wish to stay far away.

"Here's an order for blue shark cookies. Before you ask, I have no idea. Since you made 1,000 gingerbread men last week instead of the 100 that were ordered, only one kind of cookie exists until they're gone, got it? No matter what the decoration is, no matter what the final result resembles. [Why do I have to be a bakery manager? I'd rather be a lumberjack...]"

Does anyone else hear 'Mack the Knife' when viewing the shark cookies?

Margot/Cecilia said...

I really LOVED this post.

"Death by poodle."
hahahahahaha!

Kara Lynn said...

Strawberry Shortcake looks like Tit Head off of Little Niki!

Roses said...

*Me, too!

Marissa and Aidan said...

why is there only one "Spider ginger man" in the case? Is it because the rest have already sold out?

Darcy and Sharon said...

Those decapitated ones look like they were made by Calvin & Hobbes :-)

Laura P. said...

I'm thinking those blue things are deformed fish. And my coworkers are probably wondering why I was going into coniptions over here when I saw the maimed gingerbread men! Those are AWESOME!! Want to bake!

LD said...

Gingerbread + Halloween = win

...Merry Christmas?

Jenn said...

LOVE these!!! ;)

and well, my DH and I, one year for Christmas made 2 very "special" gingerbread adults. Well-endowed adult gingerbread cookies I might add ;)

Yep, you are thinking along the right track..... we made anatomically correct gingerbread cookies (only 1 of each). In our defense, it was 1:30am and we had been baking all day... we were tired, silly and having fun :)

Angela said...

"Not my gumdrop buttons!"

Gwyneth said...

I love the 'classic' ones! I might have to make some!

Stephanie said...

It's like a bad interpretation of vinylmation onto a cookie.

Michelle said...

Why is Spiderman hanging out with all the hippos in the last one?

Susie said...

We make sugar cookies at Christmas and get tired of the same old shapes, so we frost them to look like fish, or Puffles, or sunflowers instead of stars and snowflakes and gingerbread men. It's funny. But we don't sell them.

And I admit, I've made bloody gingerbread men, but they usually lose their limbs in baking accidents. FUNNY!

Anonymous said...

I have only one word: "... ... Why?!?!"

Dawn said...

The gingerbread men that befell an horrible accident remind me the snowmen built by Calvin. Of Calvin and Hobbes. I knew I didn't need to clarify it for you, Jen, but for others it may have been the thing that pushes them to Google Calvin Snowmen and get those wonderfully warped creations of a creative little boy. Kind of like the wreckerator who was stifled by the bakery work.

wv - chronic - REAL WORDS?

Gina said...

OK, the mutilated zombie gingerbreads are pretty awesome... you have to admit that.

T said...

oh... my....

is somebody in the bakery just having fun with the decorators "let's see what they do with THIS!"

BADKarma! said...

Faith an' Begorrah, nuthin' sez "St. Patty's Day" liek a fien Leprechaun Chest-Boorster, I allus say!

Oh, an' somboody waek oop Hicks...

Jenn (dish) said...

I agree with the sentiment that gingerbread can be cut into more than one shape. My son loves ginger cookies, so we made ginger-bats for Halloween one year...and they were not gingerbread men with wings since I have *more than one* cookie cutter {gasp}.

wv=bralizin "I believe the ginger man/lady needs a bralizin on his/her nether regions..."

sedienaleeb said...

the poodle looks like hes doing something other than death to that poor thing. im almost a fraid to ask.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does the fish one have very happy grass?

Star B. said...

Too true about the Creepy Clown Hermaphrodite, boobs, but way to perky.
The Awesome Monster Gingerbread is a masterpiece!! The teeth even are shaped like teeth. You don't get that kind of artistic likeness by dumb luck.

Jenamarie said...

The one that the bakery was charging over 2 bucks for, I originally read the label as "degraded gingerbread man" instead of "decorated gingerbread man". That would have certainly been more appropriate...

Funny post, as always! :)

Amy said...

Have you seen these gingerbread cookie cutters, just think of the possibilities.

http://www.bakedideas.com/EnlargeGingerYoga.html

Marytoo said...

So that next-to-last one...is that a mouth full of teeth on its torso???

Anonymous said...

This post makes me wish I had taken a picture that year that my mom made gingerbread folks with chocolate sprinkle, uh, "body" hair.

Diana said...

Is that one with the teeth supposed to be a dentata? Its creepy.

Elizabeth C. said...

I'd like to see an animaniacs propeller beanie too!!

The leprechaun is surprisingly well done - if only they had just done it on a sugar cookie or atop a cupcake to begin with instead of as an alien.

Is it just me or does Mr. Clown have REALLY perky moobs?

Also Strawberry Shortcake's suspenders(?) look more like they are a part of a set you might purchase at an *ahem* adult novelty store.

It was nice that they flattened the icing on the cat, thus making it look slightly less like black poo on a gingerbread man...

The fish cake at least has a gingerbread man with some modesty?

The poodle looks less like a dog and more like an advertisement for some really scary Nair for Senior Citizens!

I really like the scared broken ones!

In the last one.... Is that... hippos, spiderman, a tiger making "o face" and ... several blondes with purple beards? It is? Okay just checking ;)

Elizabeth C. said...

ALMA - OMG yes! Snort out loud in the office!

Elizabeth C. said...

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/star-wars-cookie-cutter/ THESE would make awesome gingerbread cookies

Deborah in California said...

Ok, ya' got me. I laughed out loud for at least a minute - the alligator on the gingerbread man. Was "alli" using it as a surfboard? Mysterious and hilarious. Love you guys. May the Season bring you as much joy as you bring to others. Hugs from Deborah in California

Anonymous said...

I had just finished reading the book Dress Your Gingerbread: Bake Them! Dress Them! Eat Them! by Joanna Farrow. Nowhere does it show anything like these.

One year for Christmas we made 144 dozen (a ton) of gingerbread boys and girls. None of them looked like these.

Obviously, I am sadly lacking in imagination and icing skills.

Tricia L said...

My personal opinion of the taste of gingerbread is that I would just as soon eat cakeboard. Clearly, some of these decorators seem to feel the same way and have converted tasteless, dry gingerbread men into miniature cakeboards. I am, however, liking the green alligator, BTW.

Margot/Cecilia said...

:)
The first one looks really yummy to me. Well, except for the plastic ghost, which was totally unnecessary. They had it with the "boo": We get it, they're ghosts!

(sorry about my weird English)

Anonymous said...

I'm hoping the Tooth Monster is a spongmonkey--you know, those little roadkill guys that used to sing in the Quizo's commercials.

Victoria

Anonymous said...

For the first time I have to make gingerbread men with my 7 year old. Now that I've seen these I know mine can't be any worse!

Jasry said...

I'm not alone in liking the partly-eaten gingies, eh? Warped minds think alike.
The rest are just pretty dang sad. And over-iced.

Halesbales said...

That last one...Hippos, clowns, spider-man, bearded ladies...er, what?

Cake Cop said...

What about a maniacal gingerbread man (or even better 'gingerbread woman') dripping in bloody icing to go along with the hacked up victims of his knife wielding, frenzied attack?

"Run, run, fast as you can! Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!".... Ummmmmm, sorry pal, but I think the slasher did in fact catch and maim you.

Anonymous said...

anyone else look at the giant mouth cookie and think "I'MA CHARGIN' MY LAZER!!!!"?

pikkewyntjie said...

I don't think that's "death" by poodle unless you mean "death" in a Medieval euphemistic way. You know the guy in Australia who married his dog? Yeah, I think these were served at the bachelor party.

Donna M. said...

Love the partials! Now I know what to do with the broken cookies I get :D

Monica said...

LOL. The one with a poodle actually made me think, "Wow, this is the first time I've seen a bearskin rug lying on a person!"

Thank you for turning my bad day into a "B.A.D."...day. I really needed a laugh. You rock, Jen.

dewgiesgirl said...

Looks like the little old woman got to these gingerbread men after all. Gaela

Pauline said...

Why the hell do they even use a gingerbread man platform? Why not just a square or a rectangle? If you're gonna cheat,at least be a lazy cheat.

mizdarlin said...

Ijf you think that $2.19 is expensive for a gingerbread...thingy..you've obviously never been in a Canadian bakery..even the chain stores are insanely expensive..
Gotta say that I loved the "challenged" gingerbread people..now that's makin' lemonade! Ashamed I didn't think of it, instead of just wolfing down all the broken ones...

Anonymous said...

I'm loving the tiger/tigger and Spiderman gingerbread men on the last one, partictularly tigger's expression. Also, those blonde 'girls' kind of look like Miss Piggy to me.

Ricebubbles said...

The crocodile (or alligator I suppose)has a rather... interesting head shape, maybe we need to call in the flesh-coloured-fire-hose-department to deal with this threat

Shannon said...

I believe the blue things are supposed to be jellyfish. That is the only thing that would make sense, right? Funny wrecks!

Anonymous said...

Anyone else have fond memories of the head-changing femme fatale from "Return to Oz" thanks to that Strawberry Shortcake cookie?

Marnie said...

Why on earth would you put a red crab (or poodle, or spidey face, or anything else, etc.) on a gingerbread cookie? That's just weird. Although the cat is kinda cute.
Love the pan with the homage to Calvin and Hobbes!

Cutelilsnot said...

omg a clown with nipples....

ladypyrate said...

LOL! Along the lines of the "maimed" gingerbred cookie cutters, the Mutter Museum sells a "Conjoined Cookie Man" cutter. Of course I had to have it, because what fun is life without Addams Family cookie men???

(BTW... Am I the only person that has problems with the verification words? I have to submit 2x's because the first time, the text box does not appear on screen...)

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

I do like the "wounded" gingerbread men. Great way to prevent waste.

JKS said...

these are hil-AR-ious! Lovin' the alligator!

Jessica said...

That one gingerbread man DEFINITELY reminds me of THIST amazing piece of internet.

And if that's what the decorator was going for, then I will place all my bakery orders with that person for the rest of forever.

Arlene said...

Now I need to add fear of Gingerbread man/things to my list right underneath Stephen King's IT clown.. nothing can scare me more than those lol.

Anonymous said...

I am 46 yo and have always scoffed at those of you who find clowns to be terrifying beings. I will scoff no more, I am one with you now. Thanks for that, Wreckerators

Anonymous said...

I think the "blue things" are supposed to be octopi.

Anonymous said...

Death by poodle is the best description ever. Genius.

But is it only in the UK then that gingerbread men have no link with Christmas? We just have them all year - and whole families too. Yet to see maimed gingerbread children though!!!

Isabella said...

I must admit that the Death by Poodle is pretty awesome. I have a "small" dog (she's 26 pounds at last check!) who thinks that if you are lying down on the couch you must be dying. Her method of doggie CPR is to sit on your chest and lick your face until you tell her to get away. Personally, I think the cookie is just trying to show doggie CPR. It's an educational tool.

Amanda said...

Wow. I had no idea gingerbread was an all-year thing. Where is this the case? Haha!

That second to last one.. I'm actually kind of impressed by how realistic the teeth are.

Tara said...

Um, what??? A gingerbread PERSON is to be a gingerbread PERSON! You don't have to use the gingerbread man cookie cutter just because you are making gingerbread! Yikes.

WV: opreph: These cookies belong on opreph's favorite things episode!

hilaryarlene said...

On the one with the red goldfish shaking her pink tail feath..., well, fins, I do think it's appropriate that the baker would cover the gingerbread man's private areas with some leaves. I really appreciated it.

ABB said...

That Mr. Scary Clown Man is looking a bit... uh... nipply!

Karen said...

Ah, someone mentioned Calvin & Hobbes for the "medical ward" tray - I see where you're going there! Too bad they didn't use red icing, though. *smack smack - what are you saying????*

Elizabeth Douglas said...

These are all, for the most part, horrific, yet, I'd eat any of them. Now that the season of gingerbread men is upon us, I CAN'T FIND ANY ANYWHERE! I want that gingery goodness so badly...even a wreck would do. <:(

WV:Ovenn "Pop some gingerbread men out of the ovenn give 'em to me!"

designz said...

I'm sorry, but some of those look like they are trying to breed! YUCK!

Meagan said...

My husband pointed out that it is death by a 6 legged poodle.....bahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

If you snicker at maimed gingerbread cookies, you should read Jasper Fforde's The Fourth Bear: http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/The-Fourth-Bear/2225302/product.html
-Voula

Anonymous said...

Check out these ginderbread men
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oulQwIP9VQQ

Iroshi said...

Okay, now I know what cookies my little monsters and I are making next year for Halloween! I absolutely ADORE the ones with the body parts missing and blood spatter! (Of course, I frequently refer to my 6-year-old girl as a cross between Princess Barbie and Wednesday Addams, so you can understand what it's like around my house. ;)

Anonymous said...

Good lord, what is WRONG with bakeries that think those are a-okay?! The one with the poodle on it looks like a dead body. And another... well, it had crabs.

And they SELL these to people?

Stephenie Daily said...

Is it just me, or is that fish one borderline risqué?

Cat said...

What's up with those blondies in the last photo? They have beards!

Pip said...

I once worked at a bakery ( was front end... never handled a cookie but to put in a bag) that was downstairs from a dojo (martial arts studio)and we used to make "karate-kid cookies;" gingerbread men, painted white, with happy faces and colored belts. Yeah... I don't work there anymore.