Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Serious" Eats

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

For day two of our CW "Virtual" Tour we'll be virtually visiting Serious Eats. This food blog has something for everyone, whether you're a seasoned foodie (heh, "seasoned") or a bumbling incompetent in the kitchen like myself. So in honor of the occasion, here are some of the least appetizing food cakes I could find. Yeah. You're welcome, foodies.

Let's kick things off with a zesty selection of grilling poo, shall we?

Bam! There's nothing quite like charbroiled poo patties, is there?


"Abort! Abort! Those aren't sausages!!"

And speaking of flaming piles of...er, flames...how about some Smores?

That's everything you need right there: graham crackers, chocolate, airbrushed marshmallows on popsicle sticks, and enough red dye to give your dentist nightmares. Mmm.

Sometimes John and I worry that we eat take-out just a little too much. It's nice to know we're not the only ones, though:

That's a grooms' cake (note the oh-so-matrimonial rose petals). I especially love how the baker just cut out the Taco Bell logo and bells from the paper wrappers. Heh.

And lastly, I'd like to share my very own Cake Wrecks Wreck-cipe:

Step 1) Find a dropped cake that is beyond all hope of repair. (Alternatively, you can substitute a cake you dropped yourself.)

Step 2) Pipe a giant pink tube of icing down the middle of the cracked cake.

Step 3) Add sprinkles (Because everyone wants sprinkles.)

Step 4) Call it a "Hot Dog Cake"

See? Now that's a recipe I think I can handle.


Check out my interview with Erin Zimmer, where we talk about cakey controversies, other bloggers, and more, here.

Thanks to Amie A., Mel W., Brantly S., & Amy G.!

- Related Wreckage: Mixed Grill

"World" Tour Reminder: Hey, Orlando! Don't forget to come see me and John tonight at 5pm. Details are in the right sidebar. Hope to see y'all there!
Sara Michelle said...

That changes all meaning of the term "pink taco"

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Oh, *Gag*. I wouldn't want to be within smelling distance of those.

Taylor said...

That second one puts the "butt" in buttercream!
Zing!

Ceci said...

That groom's cake is vaguely reminiscent of something... Something that might be extremely inappropriate on a groom's cake...

Can't figure out what, though...

April said...

Maybe it's my perverted mind, but that taco doesn't.....ummm, look like a....uh....taco. It looks like......uh....something else. That desperately needs to see a gyno! lol

Amanda M. said...

ew. that taco bell cake looks like what happens after... oh, nevermind.

Thomas Westgard said...

That groom's cake looks, um, anatomical.

mn_me said...

oh my, Jen, how appetizing... makes me want to run right out and order any one of these yummy looking things... NOT

ANK said...

Am I the only one who has a serious problem with candies still in the wrapper when they're put on a cake? I mean, the wrapper isn't edible (and I want everything to be edible on my cakes because once I dig in, I don't stop to ask questions), and that means you have to pick it up, and take the wrapper off in order to eat it. After it's been sitting in icing. So, you inevitably get icing all over your fingers, at which point, you might as well just let the fork and knife sit where they are and eat the cake with your hands because they already have cake and icing all over them.
I'm sure everyone would have been able to figure out that those are pieces of chocolate, and even Hershey's chocolate on that "s'mores in ketchup" cake even if the chocolates didn't have the wrapper on.

Love Of The Hunt said...

That hot dog "cake" is ridiculous. Even I can bake better than that and I don't even know how to work my oven!

Thanks for the inclusion of Serious Eats...while your blog makes me laugh and shake my head in amazement Serious Eats just made my stomach rumble!

Beki said...

Just want to congratulate you for your article in the Toronto Star this morning. Didn't have your witticism, but it was great to some of you come this far north.

As for the cakes today. It is beyond me why you would want to make a cake look like a BBQ. If the person likes BBQ that much . . . just BBQ. Seriously leave the imitation cakes to, pregnant bellies and fish and oh the list, the list is endless. Ah well with out the BBQ'd fish bellies how would we wreck watchers do every morning. Keep em coming Jenn.

Auntie Meme said...

I read your comment as "So in horror of the occasion..."

WV: encha, "Encha sorry you saw that wreck before lunch?"

brenkachicka said...

EWWWEEEWWWE. Laughing and wretching alternately here.

Mick said...

H'mm more turd cakes..Fantastic.

There must of been an obscene smell around, when some of cakes were been baked.

Beki said...

Just wanted to post a link to the article and apologize for the terrible grammar. A 4 year old and toddler were hanging off me begging for a Bernstein Bears movie.

http://www.thestar.com/living/food/article/698853

Congrats again Jen.

Ophelia said...

Oh dear, when I saw that "taco" and read "groom's cake" all I could think was...

yargh.

And yes, as April said, desperately needs to see a gyno!

Vickie said...

And people wonder why I don't like chocolate . . . !

eilbeback said...

Okay, after that interview, Jen, I HAD to order the book. This truly is my favorite blog and I read a lot of blogs. I love the story of how it all began and can't wait to read more, now!

Anonymous said...

The taco cake needs a wax. Ewww.

5thsister said...

I don't want THOSE sprinkles!

Gina said...

To ANK-I have the same problem, take the wrappers off the candy before putting it on a cake covered in blood, I mean ketchup, err...frosting? hahaha

Also, I recognize the label on the top cake, it seems to come from a store that is local to CT, MA, RI, NY and NJ (Stop and Shop maybe?). I will make sure not to buy any cakes from there.

Amy said...

The sausages are just nasty.
~Amy B.
wv:scant--for total wreckage, stay away from scant amounts of red icing.

Anonymous said...

OMG that groom's cake is obscene - what on earth are the green bits supposed to represent?

Are you sure the 'hot dog' cake isn't the brides?

MzHartz said...

Gina and ANK-I, I agree. And I also agree, that red doesn't look like fire, it looks like blood. Perhaps I've been watching too many horror flicks.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

No thanks. I think I'll have a kabob cake and some of that potato salad cake.

JoMama said...

That Taco Bell cake looks like an exploding uterus! Why on EARTH would someone make that and then serve it at their wedding??

Oh, and I clicked on your article and was exposed to the most disgusting cake of all-the toe fungus one! GACK! Crawling bugs and toe jam on something that's supposed to be eaten?? No thanks!

Liza said...

I'm glad I am not the only perverted mind who didn't see "taco!" My co-workers and I got a good laugh out of it! And I have to agree with Anonymous, it DOES need a wax!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that other people saw that "taco" looks an awful lot like a "taco." If they intended that, it wouldn't be a big deal, but it looks a little...diseased...

SATURDAY IN THE PARK said...

Ugh. I think I'm gonna be sick all over that taco cake (and I actually like Taco Bell tacos)! Love how the "rose petals" look an awful lot like sour cream and cheddar potato chips to me...

Amber Schmidt said...

OMG......... the taco cake. I was totally stuck on the fact that the wrapper was actually affixed to the top of the cake when my hubby walked up behind me and stated something very similar to April's thoughts! LOL YIKES!

Gladys said...

Re: the groom's cake...I have no opinion on the anatomical-ness of the taco in question--I'm going to have to go back and look again--because all I could think when I read the blurb for that one was:

Matrimonial rose petals? I thought those were matrimonial potato chips.

Also, red icing-teeth. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

(wv: veoutabd. "I don't think I could veoutabd in the morning if it weren't for Cake Wrecks!")

Amanda said...

it's impressive how you always make me laugh. i just love this blog.
amanda

Kimberly Chapman said...

Aside from the not-so-subtle taco thing that others have mentioned, wtf was the decorator doing when they put the fondant on? Look at the bottom edge, or rather, lack thereof. I've seen little kids do a better job. That looks like a total lack of concern, which might be why the rest of the cake is so wrecky as well.

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

oh, the smores cake. awesome!

Suzanne Dargie said...

That Taco cake is SO wrong on SO many levels.

The grilling "poo" made me laugh out loud! The gaps in the mesh of the grill were so large, the "poo" burgers would have fallen right through into the cheddar cheese coloured fire!

Also I would like to say congratulations on the article in the Toronto Star newspaper this morning! My fiancee pointed it out to me! He knows I'm a big fan of your site!

Norkio said...

I'm glad you clarified those are rose petals around the Taco Bell cake, cos I thought they were tortilla chips.

WV: manakoen - what those little half-barbie dolls in the toilet paper cakes are called

Anonymous said...

Of course, OF COURSE the groom's taco cake is supposed to look like a "pink taco". duh. He's one of those high class guys--his friends will all stand around while he cuts the cake and say, "yep, yer gonna git sum tonite", wink wink. Let us hope he's still 17 yrs. old, which would somewhat explain his appalling selection of the theme.

THat cake is a lovely display of bad taste wreckiness, as well as bad execution, poor health of the uh, model, really, all it lacks is a spelling error and some directions spelled out like "put in right in the middle". LOL. One of the best ever. Lily

veg-o-matic said...

Well, you can call it a "hot dog cake" all you like, but that doesn't look like a hot dog to ME...

Yurk.

Sara said...

What creations!


Congrats on making the front page of the Entertainment Section in the Toronto Star, it made my morning :)

E.M. Green said...

#4 is more reminiscent of the result of...

W.V.: fucingui (that's just rude)

kgirl said...

Hey! Was very proud to see Cake Wrecks featured in our city's biggest paper: http://www.thestar.com/living/food/article/698853

Donna B. said...

First, I'd like to think that if I had a vat of lava, I'd make s'mores too.

Second, brides: NEVER, no wait, ALWAYS check the groom's cake.
1) That groom ordered a Taco Bell cake. With a big taco. And wrapper decorations.
2) The taco looks like a "taco". Mr. Groom thinks he's funny.
3) Everyone the bride knows (everyone) saw the "Taco" (wink wink) Bell cake. Then, they ATE it.

Now that I'm sufficiently horrified, I'm going to go stand over there and avert my eyes.

Lizzy Leigh said...

Are we *sure* the "hot dog" cake is icing and not a real hot dog?

Scritzy said...

Ew.

'Nuff said.

Tatersmama said...

Charbroiled poo patties with CHEESE! Yum...NOT!

And the taco cake? That is just wrong on so many levels! It's a little 'too' anatomical at this hour of the morning... but maybe that's what they were actually going for? hmmm?
URPPPP!

Anonymous said...

cake 5: Hot dog? Nope, not what I saw, especially with the yellow dribble on the top....argh, brain shuts down in self-defense.

MC from NZ

frigglesnitz said...

I think the Taco Bell cake and the hot dog cake are getting together later...and getting the appropriate shots after.

WV unbetr These cakes are most decidedly unbetr than the Sunday Sweet cakes.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jen! I was flipping through the paper this morning, when I see... BAM! An article on Cake Wrecks! Front page of the Entertainment section of the Toronto Star! Congrats on making it to the newsstands, it was a pleasure to see my favorite blog on my morning paper!

Laylah said...

Oh thank goodness, I was so worried I was the only one who saw something perverted in that grooms cake the second that I looked at it. I actually had to convince myself it was a taco, and not a.. uh... yeah. Taco. *wink wink nudge nudge* Eh? EH??

KarlyH said...

What disease is the Taco Bell cake giving to that poor...taco? *Cough*

Anonymous said...

The "cheese poo patty" looks especially *appetizing*

Anonymous said...

Those were hilariously scary and I am dying at the first comment LOL!

Buffy said...

The taco looks like it belongs on Britney Spears.

I used to like Serious Eats, until it got to be wayyyyy too serious and not much fun anymore.

Melissa said...

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks the Taco Bell cake looks like something out of a gynecology textbook.

Children of the 90s said...

Those rose petals around the Taco Bell cake are classic. It's like, yes, this is totally classless and tasteless, but let's sprinkle it with a little wedding cheer.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm...Smores served on a block of BLOOD!

Anonymous said...

All those cakes look wrong for different reasons. The Taco Bell taco one looks like a vagina with a serious infection. GROSS!

NYCGirl said...

TACKY Bell. I actually don't see the, um, anatomical-ness of it, but, really, it's just as well.

Anonymous said...

Well, I thought the Taco Bell cake was the worst thing I had ever seen, but then I got to the hot dog cake...

-Julie

peaches1111_00 said...

Don't forget the poo burgers with cheese!!

funnycide said...

That last cake reminds me of Apu picking lint and old Band-Aids off an ancient hot dog before putting it back on the rollers. Appropriately enough, it was part of a musical number about the benefits of doing a half-assed job.

R SAYE said...

So Jen ...My brother finally sent in a picture of the infamous Taco Cake. The box of laytex gloves happened to be cropped out of the picture. -R SAYE

Tammy said...

to show that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder- my son saw the smore cake and replied 'mmm, that looks good- can I have it for my next birthday?'

Mandy said...

The grill with the two "sausages" made me laugh so hard...I am literally wiping the tears from my cheeks. ABORT! That was so hilarious! I almost peed myself. My first time checking out this site and I will be a repeat visitor. Awesome job and creating some laughs.

A J said...

I that "red dye" is NOT DYE. If you look carefully at the edges of the cake, you can see that the red color fades away to right. If you zoom in, you discover this is caused by the fact that the "red dye" is red sprinkles.