Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Tell-Tale Heart

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's impossible to say how this idea first entered the decorator's brain...

But now it will haunt us both day and night.

This cake makes a mockery of my horror, Chris L. It's also really icky. Tell me, do all University of Texas cakes look like week-old medical specimens?
Tauna said...

Are you sure that's not a uterus? I always thought the University of Texas' mascot was a uterus...

dmontag said...

To the "decorator"'s credit, my first guess when I looked at it was "Texas Longhorn". But, I'm a big football fan, so I had a good idea of what it should look like.

Enjay said...

This would be the prize winning entry in the "Poop a Texas Longhorn for Thanksgiving" contest. Oy Vey.

Suzanne Dargie said...

I'm SO glad you mentioned University of Texas or I would have been baffled all day wondering what could have inspired such a monstrosity!

...meaning that's supposed to be a Texas Longhorn, NOT a gouged out heart on a necklace.

Jenn said...

That's just...wrong. In other news, congrats on being the Site of the Day on ew.com!

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Or is it a Texas Long-Horn?

Wicked said...

Ewww. That cake looks... just scary.

Anonymous said...

Blech! If you hadn't identified what it's allegedly supposed to be, I never would have guessed. It does, indeed, look like the remnants of an autopsy dropped on a cake.

Jessica said...

That is pretty hidious. I figured out that it was a longhorn right away but it does look a bit decayed.

Lexi said...

Wow it looks like a pile of oddly colored poo.

Anonymous said...

University of Texas? Hmmm, I think that maybe it's meant to be a longhorn steer skull rather than a rotting heart dangling from two severed arteries. Sadly, it's better at conveying the latter rather than the former.

Summerschilde

Rachel said...

That looks more like something that came out the other end of Bevo!

All Adither said...

Poop with horns! Wow. Cut me a slice!

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Andrea said...

and the bleeding dye in the frosting in the.... um, "horns" ... just adds to the appeal, YUM! ewwwwwwwwwww!

C. Beth said...

Oh, dear, no. I know a whole lot of UT fans who just might pass out looking at that.

Etiquette Bitch said...

omg, on first glance, i thought that *was* dog doo. uck. then i thought, "maybe it's supposed to be the UT logo."

i pity the recipient of this wreck.

mammafingerholz said...

Eeeew!

Yay for first comment (in both respects!)

RichS said...

My first thought was that it looked like something my dog would leave in the back yard. Delicious.

Fluffy Cow said...

Perhaps you are to slice it with a scalpel...

WV- pantop... opposite of pan bottom.

Lisa said...

OMG, that is just a disaster. I thought the same things: anatomical specimen, of what sort I could imagine at least three; taxidermy gone horribly wrong; and turned 90°, a snake or komodo dragon head in profile.

Kara said...

The one right above the "heart" that's cut off in the photo looks disturbing too. Almost like the blue and brown "winter" cake.

Leslie said...

Hmm...looks like we have some left atrial enlargement. I suspect it's from too much buttercream.
(I just have to say that working at a med school, AND having grown up in Texas, this one amuses me to no ends).

Anonymous said...

oh, so appropriate for a longhorn cake. I'm an aggie, of course!

Badcakesmakemesad said...

It looks like a poop that grew horns.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

i sure thought that was a uterus~ ack!

kerry said...

is that what that's supposed to be? because i thought it was an anatomically correct heart made out of poop.

Glory von Hathor said...

They missed off the ovaries.

Megan said...

Oh. My. God. That is disgusting!

Kathryn said...

I go to UT, so I immediately knew what it was, but I really didn't want it to be... Maybe an Aggie did it?

Laurie said...

Where are the ovaries?

Caitie Miller said...

Haha this is so horribly wrong in every way. I love it.

Anonymous said...

It looks like the Texas longhorn steer massacre.

Pithlet said...

I'm so glad I read the comments. I'm not the only person who thinks their mascot looks like a uterus. The Fighting Uteri.

Alix said...

Autopsy specimen cake! Yay! I'll have me a big ol' slice of ventricle please and we'll save the aorta for after dinner.

Priceless. Jen, you've outdone yourself as usual. Need an assistant?

ipa said...

Jen,
Please stop it. I've run out of incontinence things and now I have to do another load of laundry!

A uterus! OMG - the funiest thing I've ever seen!

Indi

Bonnie said...

hmmm...who knew there were so many, many ways to make icing/frosting look like poo? Only here at cake wrecks are we free to explore the variety of colors and textures that give cakes that poo-esque feel. I agree with Andrea...the fact that the dye has bled into the frosting gives this particular poo attempt an added and unnecessary element of realism. Go U of Poo!

~Bonnie B~

megryphon said...

This is marginally better than the year a co-worker brought our supervisor a frosting decorated cow-pie for Christmas.

Just, ... WHY?

o<\\\\\;^) Jan the Gryphon
http:\\gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/

wv: hiessest - and boo and thumbs down

Maggie said...

As a Texas Tech fan, I'm glad it looks like something a Longhorn with digestive problems produced.

Beautiful Wreck!

Meg said...

Being a non-sportsfan, I first thought it was a poorly executed reindeer. Well that was my third thought, the first two were obviously heart and uterus.

Justine said...

I can hear the decorator talking to her buddies now, "Well since I trimmed them off and put them on this necklace, Steve stays home at night. No more divorce talk either!" Yikes!!!!!!

Calantha said...

I couldn't decide if this was depicting a rather macabre necklace Angelina Jolie would have worn in her younger years, or if someone was paying homage to blossoming ob/gyns in med school.

Motorcycle Grandma said...

I wasn't sure what this was suppose to be. I thought it was a very bad attempt at a reindeer

What I want to know about all these cake wrecks, does anyone buy them? Ever?

zm said...

Here is the EW site of the day link, in case you haven't seen it!

FreedomFirst said...

Eeeuuuwww! I can't tell if that's a vital organ, or some post-Halloween/Thanksgiving orange frosting poo!

Mrs. Newlywed said...

wow I thought it was a uterus and fallopian tubes.

I was way off.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

OKAY! He's under the floorbooooooards! You caught me red handed, you baking bastard!

Meg said...

UT shall now be called "Poo T." Or is this a UT-erus?

Oh, the puns!!!

Jennie said...

Looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting... except, you know, horrifying.

Rose said...

I guessed it was a Texas longhorn but that's proably because i live in Texas

word- muness this cake in pure muness

Peckish said...

Gees, guys, it's just the mascot, UTerus.

Cassykins said...

Most definitely a uterus or a heart. Maybe both. What would that be? A hearterus? A uterart?

Katie said...

Honestly, this cake looks like it should have been on the buffet table at an OB/GYN convention. My first thought of what it was, like others, was a uterus and falopian tubes. Seriously. Since I knew that couldn't possibly be what it really was, I was actually stumped. I never would have guessed UT mascot, but I can kind of sort of maybe almost see it.

Anonymous said...

Hookem' Horns....maybe?

Heide said...

What is it?

Jenny said...

An Aggie probably decorated it that way on purpose.

Shellee said...

Are you sure this wasn't supposed to be one of the weird "Baby Shower Cakes"? It really does look like a uterus.

Courtney said...

I love it!

Signed,
Another Aggie

Anonymous said...

Yeah, if it weren't for the comments, I'd have no idea what this was supposed to be. Well, I'm making an assumption that someone made an unidentifiable wreck, rather than deliberately decorating a cake with the leavings of a dog inflicted with severe bowel problems.

Anonymous said...

Why does the longhorn have no face? Also, I found a CakeWrecks mention on PopWatch this morning on www.ew.com. Didn't know if you knew or not. Love this blog!

Dani said...

Is that what it's supposed to be?

Carrie said...

Thank goodness you said University of Texas. I had absolutely no idea what in the world that was supposed to be. I had convinced myself that it was indeed a "heart". Sad.

Jongudmund said...

That actually gave me an all body dry heave.

Dodi said...

Perhaps it's suppose to be a graduation cake for a Pre-med student from UT? Who might be going to be a Gastoenterologist someday?

woofless said...

Yeah. I would have NEVER guessed that was a University of Texas Longhorn. And I, too, know what it's supposed to look like.

If you hadn't pointed it out, I would have spent the rest of my day wondering why someone would design a moldy-looking heart on a cake :).

edalat said...

Uterus made out of poop! I love it ... I'm so ordering that for my "Happy Menopause Party".

Anonymous said...

Being from Texas (and having lived north of Austin), I knew it was supposed to be a longhorn...But, it was rather scary-looking (and did look like something from the wrong end of a longhorn).

Are we sure the cake wasn't done by an Aggie fan? I know quite a few rabid Aggies who would probably enjoy that cake :o)

Kelley said...

Saw varsity's horns off...

I bet an Aggie did this cake.

Mella said...

What is THAT , because to me it looks like a dog left it there

Sarah said...

That's what happens when you get your degree from the TAMU School of Cake Decorating.

Hi Kooky said...

I vote "Uterus & Fallopian Tubes with Poo Overtones."

Charly said...

The "decorator" must be a Texas A&M fan...haha!

Scritzy said...

"No, no, no! It was supposed to be a WHITE cattle skull on a BROWN background, you color-blind moron! Now get back there and start over. You don't have time to use brown frosting, just airbrush it."

Such a mooooooooving conversation.

Word verification: cadess. A female cad.

Becky B said...

It actually looks like an attempt at a Texas Longhorns cake. And since I believe they play Wisconsin this weekend in the bowl games (my hubby is a Badger Alum), perhaps a lovely Bucky the Badger cake is next to it?

Debbi said...

Nope. Uterus/fallopian tubes or bleeding heart. I do NOT see a Texas longhorn AT ALL. Even after it was mentioned. I do love the brown scalloped border ... adds so much to the "design" ...

Lulubelle B said...

UT Longhorn or pile of poo? Jen reports, you decide! So gross!!

Anonymous said...

Being an OU fan....i think this cake is appropriate. ha ha

Leading into Life said...

I guess I was the only one that thought it looked like a damaged brown jockstrap. I guess I know where my mind goes.

Anonymous said...

It looks like cow poo! (turns green in utter disgust) :(:(:(

Sport's Mom said...

It needs to be on Weird True And Freaky.

CaliGirl9 said...

I thought this was a sick medical school cake celebrating the completion of gross anatomy.

I need some therapy. That was just traumatic!

Illifornian said...

I saw this exact same thing on my lawn courtesy of my dog....

Anonymous said...

as a sooner girl I think it's exactly what a long-horn looks like...something that should be in the toilet! haha! This is probably my favorite wreck yet! Boomer sooner!

-camssoonergirl

Anonymous said...

LOL... I LOVE it! Perfect!

BOOMER SOONER!

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is roasted chicken...in frosting...one giant lump of frosting. Honestly these wreckerators need to learn that it will look just fine if the frosting is smoothed out into the shape or whatever the picture is supposed to be. ahhh!

Manders said...

Oh Poo!

Anonymous said...

Funny, when I first saw this, I thought, "Geez, that's an odd take on the Texas Longhorns logo." You know you've created a wreck when viewers think it looks like what it should but aren't really sure.

Word verification: tives, what will break out on Texas Longhorn fans who eat this cake.

Becky said...

I sure am glad you told us what it was, because I would have never guess that in a million years. Heart on a necklace is what I see...

Anonymous said...

Definitely made in College Station.

Anonymous said...

If this cake were only upside down, it would be perfect... I'm an OU fan, so any Longhorn cake would be a wreck. :)

Emily said...

That is maybe the grossest cake I have ever seen on this site. Eeew!

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Exactly how long has this wreck been out of the (piping) bag? It's a good indication that something has been unsold for long enough when the icing colors start bleeding. It's as bad as flies in the 5 year old window cakes.

Stunbunny said...

This would be perfect for the serial killer in your life celebrating a birthday! "Look honey! A human heart necklace cake!" "And it's still beating!"

friedrichfamily said...

I thought it was a 3D tongue sticking out of a line mouth.

Brandy said...

More like the Tell Tale Turd....

intothethickofit said...

I'm pretty sure I've seen that design before...in an infant's diaper. I'm surprised Longhorn fans weren't storming the bakery.

Chef E said...

OMG...I agree with dmontag, I am from Texas and at first glance thought of Tech, but yuck! Somebody needs to train that pastry chef, or boot the person that made her mad that day!

Katie K said...

*gasp* Oh. My. Horror.

No way would I have ever guessed that was a Longhorn. I was just relieved it didn't say "Wishing you a speedy recovery"

Deborah Godin said...

Silly us, we thought the U in UT was for University.

quinn said...

I think the first one is the "Deep (really deep) in the Heart of Texas" cake.

The snowman/chicken cake...
WOW.

Pangolin said...

So it's not supposed to be a poop necklace? Really?

Anonymous said...

Texas Longhorn huh? Would it be the sweetbreads of said longhorn perhaps?

Yuck!

Laura H.

Iris said...

This reminds me of the time I saw two banana slugs nestled together in a garden...they looked remarkably like this, only slimier. Neither the slugs nor this wreck make me want any cake!

Anonymous said...

I assume and Aggie did this.....

writtenwyrdd said...

That looks like poo on a string to me. Gross. Is it really a TX Longhorns logo?

Mandee said...

Um...I must not be up on my college mascots. Even though you identified it as a longhorn, I still couldn't tell what it was. That is one bad cake!!!

Brooke said...

Wow. What a horror show. And what a great idea for a blog! I'm hooked!

Mari said...

Are you sure that's not a tongue?

Susan said...

It's a Match Day congratulatory cake that does double duty for budding ob/gyns and coroners!

pharmgirl said...

Happy Transplant!

Good Luck in the Cath Lab!

or, might be good for a final break up...

Donna said...

Well, when I first saw the picture, and hadn't read the commentary....I thought it was an old dried up version of a va-jay-jay.

Second glance, a rotten uterus with fallopian tubes.

"Congrats on your hysterectomy"?

Amanda said...

It's not even an anatomically correct heart.

unless that's the pulmonary circuit. but who would want that? that's boring. the systemic circuit is way more interesting.

sleepsong said...

It looks more like a botched hysterectomy to me...

Crystal Copeland said...

Holy cow! Not in a million years would I have guessed a texas longhorn! Never, ever, ever!

Lauren said...

Oh, come on! This is a perfect "t.u." cake, right Aggies?!
Saw 'em off!

Anonymous said...

OMG, I thought it was a giant's poo, but yes I can see how it looks like a uterus. Still made me exclaim out loud when the page first opened.

cadylee said...

OMG, is that really supposed to be a longhorn? I actually thought maybe it was a horrible rendition of a heart. Like, "Congratulations on surviving your open-heart surgery; here's a pound of frosting to speed your recovery." I mean, shouldn't there be eyes or something if it's a steer?

Anonymous said...

I saw the longhorn right away (and I'm not a sports person), but that doesn't mean I *wasn't* disturbed by its close resemblance to a uterus.

I'm also of the opinion that it shouldn't look as though as though they placed a decapitated steer's head there, letting it slowly decay. It's an interestingly literal way of doing the cake, but perhaps not best for sales.

Tiffany said...

The first thing I thought was "pouch front g-string", you know, the kind male strippers wear.

Katie M. said...

My boyfriend looked at it and was like um....cooch on a string? Here I was wondering why anyone would interpret a dog who's had too much peanut butter in icing. If they wanted it be a UT cake..couldn't they have like air brushed it burned orange? It'd be slightly more recognizable.

Anonymous said...

Ew, ew and triple ew!!! :( Totally gross, whatever it's supposed to be.

Nancy said...

My first thought was University of Texas (my sister-in-laws will be proud) but I thought BeeVo (sp?) was alive not dead and rotting.

Hyena Overlord said...

It's a uterus...or a heart..or poo with arms...now I need therapy

wvotd nanish.."when I'm spouting off wisdom from my grandmother, I'm being "nanish".

sendingtheclowns said...

Well, they saw fit to put the thing in a plastic container; that says a lot. About WHAT, I don't know.
I noticed that this particular cake hasn't a price sticker on it...(!)
I noticed as well that it almost seems to be settled into some sort of dark-colored bin.
One might hazard a guess that the receptacle *could* be one of those used for, say, refuse, and what-have-you...that sort of thing.
I could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

Yea! As a native Austinite (except for my four..ok 5 yrs in CS) and an Aggie, i think this is Bevo with his horns sawed off!! And his face mutilated. But really, we keep things weird here...our bakers are usually stoned, so I wouldn't put it past them to make an organ looking bevo!

Puanani said...

Ick!

Zoltar Panaflex said...

Why would anyone need a strangulated vulva cake with horns?

Kris said...

I'm surprised so many people saw horns on this thing. My first thought was it was a double pile of poop with churros coming out the sides! Very unappealing to view, and almost stomach-turning to think of actually consuming such a disgusting looking pile of icing. *ick*

Scrapsies said...

Wow, whatever it is, it looks wrong. They should cut it up real quick before anyone sees!

Debbie, said...

Yep, it's a uterus.

RamblingDreamer said...

I sort of guessed what it was supposed to be, though I didn't associate it with a mascot (I don't watch football). I thought it was maybe a skull...

...a deformed, bashed-in skull.

Obviously, that's what killed it. A severe head/face injury.

Amy said...

Um...I saw something else in the design, but won't say.
Come on! Even an Aggie could do better, right? LOL
~Amy B

Anonymous said...

I have to give the decorator credit for trying...... But there is no way that I would have let that cake leave my sight for anything in the world. I would have promptly redone it!!

Tonia said...

It looks like a huge set of *you know whats* underneath a thong to me! Yuck!

Mandi said...

Blarch. I think i threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Leigh said...

Nah. Not the teasip's mascot Bevo. He's oh-so-easy to draw, and he's always 2-D.

This is clearly a seasonal cake. It illustrates the Grinch's heart AFTER it grew three sizes.

Y'all must not have that Christmas spirit yet!

Hillary said...

Am I the only one who thought 'Oompa Loompa Dance Belt'? I guess so...

barbj said...

My 7 yr old walked behind me, did a double take and then whispered in my ear "Mom? Why did someone make a cake with balls on it? That's just gross!"

Kristina said...

Wow, that's terrible! Tell me that didn't come from a bakery in Austin and if so, which one do I need to avoid?

Anonymous said...

So this is what happens when you put sooners and aggies in the same cake decorating room.

Nick said...

I don't even get it! What IS that???? It's so so sooo . . random! Ahh cake wrecks, you never fail to entertain me.

bryn said...

is it for a gynaecologist's graduation party?

Justice said...

Just saw this abomination on SpursCorral.com

Somebody was nice enough to share the horror. Hilarity ensued!

Ronnica said...

That's the best looking longhorn I've seen. Let's face it, they're all very ugly in burnt orange.

Boomer Sooner!

Margi said...

ummm... that's definitely a wandering uterus.. 'hysterical' in every way
Margi

Sara R. said...

I'm pretty sure that this is a celebration cake for someone who has just had a hysterectomy.

scap3goat said...

Heart? As a med student I'm more convinced it looks like a uterus from the typical body donator - soaked in formalin for at least 3 months.
Thinking of it, that brown stuff around that thing do look a little like small intestine...

PB&Chutney said...

I like that it looks disgusting because I hate the Texas Longhorns. I'm an Aggie :) Can you do an Aggie cake??