Saturday, October 25, 2008

Great White Snark's Top 5 Awful Dalek Cakes

Saturday, October 25, 2008

One of the few blogs I keep up with these days is Great White Snark, a geek entertainment blog. Since Mike of GWS seems to enjoy skewering sci-fi cake wrecks there from time to time, I invited him to share the snark with us over here on Wrecks. I also (rather selfishly) suggested he do a feature on Dalek cakes, since I was raised a proper Doctor Who fan and love to stay in touch with my geek roots. (If that last sentence made no sense to you, then you're just going to have to bear with the rest of us geeks for today's post. Sorry.)

Now, Mike doesn't usually concern himself with our "professional-only" rule, but for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question - just so you can have all the guilt-free chuckles you like. So, enjoy!


In cakery--as in many things--good intentions and earnestness can only get you so far. And then you need good looks. Right? Imagine a world where Ross Perot has his own reality dating show on Fox and then tell me I'm wrong.

So when I swing a callous word or ten at these cakes based on the, uh... "likeness" of Daleks (mechanical mutant aliens) from the BBC TV series Dr. Who, remember that I'm a shallow, shallow man fixated merely on appearances. My words do not reflect upon the care, goodwill, and love that went into these cakes.

(Although, for my money, "love" means giving someone at least a halfway-decent-looking cake. C'mon, people.)

For the record, this is what an actual, honest-to-goodness Dalek looks like, for you non-adherents of esoteric British sci-fi TV shows:



And now... won't you join me in my callousness? (Or in my shallowness. Reader's choice.)


5)

This bloated bastard is the Dalek cake that ate the Dalek cake that had been recently chastised by its doctor for its dangerously unhealthy weight gain.


4)

Kind of a sad little guy, isn't he? I look at this and think, "The perfect 40th birthday cake for the man who's given up on his dreams."


This started down the road for "Dalek cake," but took an unexpected detour at "Nah, let's just cover a banana with whipped cream and stick some chocolate balls on it, because I've got a wicked case of the munchies after that bong hit I just had."


2)

Source, inspired by: 1 and 2

I'm sad to report this Dalek looked perfectly respectable before an ugly incident with an angry, runaway microwave.


Is it just me, or does the top half of this "Dalek" remind you of the giant, asteroid-dwelling creature from The Empire Strikes Back that tried to eat the Millennium Falcon?

Bad space snake. Bad.

Find more awful geeky cakes (and awesome geeky cakes!) at Great White Snark.
84 said...

umm.Destroy all humans? *Can't remember if that what they said or not*
I knew someone who was a fan of that show.I dont think I'd show these to them.I'd feel bad for makeing them cry.
And now that I look at the actual dalek.That could have easly been duplicated useing melted chocolate,poured into a pan,set in the fridge for a few hours,cut into shapes,then stuck together with more melted chocolate.
Damn I wanna try that now...

Poetikat said...

Where do I begin? I know what a Dalek looks like and none of these are it!
4)Looks like a cannibal or at the very least, one of Survivor's immunity idols
3) Is that a pickle on the right side?
2)Microwave cakes never work.
1) Rather upturned peanut-butter jar-ish, isn't it?

Bring on more, I say!

Kat

Becky B said...

All I can think of to say is, "Holy Crap." Hysterical.

Glory von Hathor said...

I think Number 4 is the best likeness.

Maybe number 1 was trying to do Davros. In buttercream.

You know, buttercream is hard to sculpt...

Stephanie said...

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Fanni said...

You are not the only one who first thought about The Empire Srikes Back when seeing the last one >_< One could actually say it was intented to be an asteroid worm and I wouldn't doubt at all.

Voix said...

I absolutely love both Cake Wrecks and Great White Snark, enough that you're both in my sidebar for daily clicking purposes. You guys have just brought me to a Saturday morning of geek-tastic joy. Thank you thank you thank you!

Gaia Iulia said...

I've pondered how I could do a decent Dalek cake... the basic answer is that it would be really hard. I've seen a couple of gorgeous professional cakes done, but most of the amateur cakes look... well, about like what you saw above.

Tobias said...

Holy cow, the last one looks like a post-digested peep that's coming to exact revenge. *shudders*

writtenwyrdd said...

Hilarious! I like nerdy cakes, myself, and can imagine doing a dalek or R2D2 at some point. But not if they come out that badly!

dameruth said...

More proof that Daleks have no sense of elegance . . . but can be funny as heck! :D

Allison said...

The last one is most definitely a space snake from Star Wars...love it!!!

Kenya Starflight said...

*falls over laughing* Sharing with all my nerd and geek friends, yes sir! Poor mutilated Daleks...

Northbear said...

I saw this on Engadget today and thought of your blog.

http://www.engadget.com/2008/10/25/crapgadget-not-even-suitable-for-gag-gifts-edition/

Thought you needed the Cake shaped USB drive :-)

http://vavolo.com/Func_info.asp,Func_ID,71,mode,1,Func_Name,Cake%20Royale%20USB%20Drives,,.htm

Sleep Goblin said...

Hooray for Dr. Who! (and also hooray for the sci-fi channel showing season 4 on fridays! because i am deprived of the bbc :( )

But... those cakes are rather sad. I think I'd be okay with getting 4 or 2.. but the rest? I don't care what you're trying to make, those cakes are a crime against humanity!

Emily said...

Thanks for the huge laugh this morning! I only know of Dr. Who from my father watching it when I was a child. I wasn't even familiar with this character and even I could appreciate these hilarious "look a likes". So funny. I just think they look like pieces of giant poop (can I say that)gone very wrong.

MK said...

LMAO those cakes need to be exterminated.

Bring on the TARDIS cakewrecks!

Anonymous said...

The whipped creme covered monstrosity looks like he's got a bloody eyeball protruding on it's stalk, his mouth is open in a silent scream, and he must know THe End Is Near.
Never did get into Dr. Who.

Hunnybee said...

Those are just so sad! Mostly they look like no other thought other than "hey lets make a dalek cake" went into it.

Alison said...

As a trained pastry chef (went to school and everything) and a devoted Doctor Who fan, these cakes are doubly bad, which makes this post doubly awesome.

rrr said...

Number 2, (since you were counting backwards) looks like a gay dalek with all it's pretty colored lights (m&m's) and such.
I was a bit relieved to see they weren't supposed to be professional cakes.
I don't think anyone would have been able to guess what they were really supposed to be unless they were told.
Funny, I thought I was the only one who knew about Dr. Who (the original) LOL!

Mella said...

putting a lot of stuff on top of each other doen't equal cake or decoration

Ma Val said...

I laughed! I'm a Dr. Who fan and this post cracks me up. Thanks so much.

Great White Snark said...

To you good folks who commented on just how very hilarious this post is:

You are attractive and savvy people who will go far in life. Fact.

Persnickety Ticker said...

Who the hell knew Dalek cakes were so popular?

Sadly...I am one of those closet geeks that knows exactly what a Dalek is...although, I would not make that public by going all cakey like that...

ksaldria said...

Eek! Exterminate! Destroy the Dalek impostors!

Miss Know It All said...

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Ell said...

I love daleks! I bought a dalek cake from Sainsbury's not so long ago. Very pretty thing, although it was extremely dry so we really don't eat it. It just takes up space in our fridge.

Anyway, the last cake seriously just looks like poop. Space poop.

kitchenrefugee said...

hmm, maybe these cake wreckers were as traumatized as I was by the scary bits when I was a wee kidlet and my big brother watched Dr Who religiously every Saturday night, and this is how he or she is exacting revenge or exorcising bad memories.

Ex-ter-min-ate!

PeppermintKiwi said...

Is it bad that I saw this and immediately wanted a Dalek cake that shows the inside of the Dalek casing? Because *that* wouldn't be gross or anything.

Hilarious post!

OmegaMom said...

Exterminate! Exterminate! Those faux Daleks must be exterminated!

Now I'm off to discover the Greek White Snark...

AlisonH said...

Does that last one look like Cookie Monster dressed in chocolate for Halloween to anyone else?

Darth Rob said...

You will obey, obey, obey. You will obey.
Lifelong Dr. Who fan here!

Anonymous said...

I swear that one was really not a cake but mashed potatoes and olives.

And that pretzel, just a little too phallic.

The last one was too much like a stuffed rodent.

Lhyzz said...

alisonh, I was going to say that it looked like a sad sock puppet.

Liz said...

How fantastic!!! And now I have a new blog to stalk!!

For the true Doctor Who fans... my hubby is a sci fi geek, big Dr Who fan... our daughter's name is Teagan.

FoxTrottinKate said...

As if I didn't love this blog already...you're a fellow Whovian!

Wow though...I wouldn't even have realized some of those were meant to be Daleks. That was just SAD. I'd hate to see their interpretations of the sonic screwdriver.

Gayle Carline said...

Who decided that a Dalek would be a good model for a cake, anyway? People! Stay away from the 3-D cake creations, unless you're a licensed professional!

clara said...

Those are so bad. I would love to see a good one, if there is one out there.

nc said...

ahahaha, I love the Missed Marks cakes...fantastic!

evil cake lady said...

this was an excellent guest post...long live the great white snark!

Alex said...

Yaaaaaaay Dalek cakes! This made my day.

Anonymous said...

[major Who nerd]Is anyone else reminded of The Happiness Patrol? All this candy abuse...[/major Who nerd]

*ahem* Anyway, I recently discovered this place and am absolutely loving it. And thank you, GWS, for doing this feature.

Kara said...

I'm curious to find out from the submitters of 4) and 3) what they used for decorations on the cakes?

Barb said...

I've always thought the Daleks were pretty funny looking anyway... come on, with the plunger on top and the cake beater arms??! :-)
But to me, most of these efforts look more like Mr. Hankey...

84 said...

Goggle fraking damnit...
I'm going to have to make a dalek cake.Or at least a dalek version of those chocolate rabbits you can buy at easter.Its been bugging me all day.I can't stop thinking about how to make it,what to use,and where the hell I would put the damn thing after it was made.
I don't even watch the show...

Anonymous said...

great. now I have to poop.

TB Tabby said...

Number 5 would be a lot uglier to me if it didn't appear to be covered in peanut butter cups, which I love.

rainbow.rock said...

im sorry.
that last one, looks like a pile of horse poo, maybe cow.
if you're lucky.
poor dalek really has taken a beating.

xo millie
www.crooked.blogspot.com

qlooop said...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR BLOG DEAR

هيمة القلوب
منتدى هيمة القلوب
اسلاميات

Mad Izatie said...

the one with the chocolate balls hanging off of it looked as if it were attacked by giant mutant mosquitoes. totally unappetizing.

~E said...

Um...on #5...are those cocktail weiners?

Yes?

Yeah, I thought so.

Eric said...

Hail, shallowness!! No wonder Daleks hate human!!


www.goinggreenaccidently.blogspot.com

Digit-8 said...

Nr 1 is great :)

MetalNoir said...

I've seen some pretty awful Dalek cakes before, but these infinitely outshine those on the wrecks-scale.

ipa said...

Thank you - Thank you - Thank you! When the world seems glum, I shall think of the Dalek cakes and all will be well!
Love your blog
IPA

Anonymous said...

Cake AND Doctor Who - talk about a dream date.
Surely a TARDIS cake would have been easier, except for what would have to be toxic amounts of blue food colouring.
And can I point out that no true Whovian geek/nerd (yep, that would be me) would ever, ever refer to the Doctor as "Dr". Almost as big a sacrilege as those cakes!

Alison said...

Someone please exterminate! these cakes. Seriously, those poor malformed Daleks. The Doctor should just put them out of their misery.

SuzanneE said...

A few of these Dalek cakes sure look like they are on personal dishware. Are you sure they are Pro Bakery cakes?

Lyddie said...

These are so awful, they barely even resemble Daleks. Yet, upon seeing them, i have the sudden desire to make my own, proper dalek cake, one that even the Doctor would like, despite the fact that the sight of them evokes fear in his heart.

Anonymous said...

I remember coming across a clip of Blue Peter that showed how to make a dalek cake...Most of which probably ended up like this. It involved a couple of jelly rolls set on end, I think.

LadyDalek said...

By the looks of it most of those Dalek-cake bakers followed the instructions on the BBC Blue Peter website and when you take that into consideration you have to admit they're pretty good.
I certainly followed those instructions but I'm not telling you which of those cakes I made.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/bluepeter/central/thingstodo/bakeit/dalekcake

Maire said...

ROFLOL

must destroy
must destroy

someone please please set the daleks after these cakes.

they are absolutely the worst representations of a dalek ever. a turd with chicken pox comes to mind when i looked at a few of them.

Jill said...

"I'm happy you're glad."
"I'm glad you're happy."

(shoutout to anonymous-@8:48) :)

Well, it was nice for the loved ones in question to *try* and please their Whovian family members....

Hilarious pics, though. Thanks, GWS!

warren said...

for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question

Both Tom and Colin? I'm impressed.

pudenda shenanigans said...

This is foolish. The fact that anyone would want a dalek cake is sad enough. Would you expect it to look 'realistic?' That's like wanting a cake to realistically look like a worn out pair of shoes. What's the point?

Pam said...

i am somewhat embarrassed to admit that we had dalek cakes at our wedding. let me say, they were for the groom's cake, and they were just the toppers for cupcake tree. i think, considering how nerdy they are, they came out pretty well...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pyjammy/423543116

and three years later, they are STILL in our freezer, looking somewhat worse for wear...

eli said...

Extermi-cake!

rhymeswithcori said...

i never thought i'd feel bad for a dalek, until i saw them all sad and melty!

ps- thank you eli for your extermi-cake comment. it made my day!

Aja said...

No, that last Dalek wreck looks like an Ewok! XD

Never seen the Doctor, but my friend and her family love that show to death...=)

LunaRoseNocturna said...

Wow - those cakes need to be exterminated...

seems like those cake makers totally gave up and threw something together...

Keely said...

i looked at these dalek cakes and i felt tears in my eyes. i've never felt so sad looking at a dessert before

quickfreerecipes said...

Exterminate Exterminate! The idea is there with these cakes, but they are just not quite...right...

CaraDara said...

These cakes are HILARIOUS! However, isn't your mission to display professionally made cakes? I don't but the "professional" label for any of these cakes. I mean, we can see the emptied bowl of frosting emptied candy bag in that last pic! Since when do professional cakes get served on regular dinner plates?

If, however, you're now including all wrecky cakes, then great. It's still pretty darn funny :)

I love our site!

pumpkinhaus said...

I love those poor little wretched cakes.....

DanThoms said...

oh wow, this was so funny. Here I am sitting here at work trying so hard not to laugh. There are small tears running out of my eyes and my stomach is vibrating. Oh man, those are some of the saddest cakes that I've ever seen.

diddlesgirl said...

um, even my two-year-old is at a loss for words... the last is a frog.. the others are not even cake apparently!

Anonymous said...

Yes, but what the heck is breakfast juice (#5)?

CrankyOtter said...

I'm going to have to go with Dalek 1 looks more like Mr. Hanky the christmas poo from South Park. Dalek 2 wasn't such a bad effort really. Still, not good looking cakes.

Anonymous said...

Ewwww! I hope they taste better than they look!

(I'm here via the doctorwho Livejournal community.)

Rose Cat

Echdinite said...

Me and my friends made a Dalek cake that I think tops that.

http://echidnite.deviantart.com/art/DALEK-CAKE-65501753

I am simultaneously proud/ashamed.

Ruth said...

i'm crying with laughter.
funniest thing i've read online in months.

Lian said...

I looked at the birthday one and thought "Well, you know, for a 4-year old it's not too bad. It's colourful and recognisable and 4 year olds don't care that much." Then I saw that it was actually 40... Ouch.

Sierra said...

Extermicake!!! Extermicake!!!

As a Dr. Who fan, these cakes were PAINFUL to look at! Awesome.

Jim McGrath said...

I have unlimited sympathy for anyone attempting a Dalek cake, having made one myself for my step-daughter's 8th birthday (pictures here). She seemed happy, if not massively impressed, but her big brother and one of our other friends (who is in his 30s) both made very impressed sounding noises!

drc said...

The most astonishing thing I learned from this post is...You're a man??? I've been reading all the posts and thought you were female the whole time! Now I may have to re-read all the posts!

Anonymous said...

Oh good lord...

I must say, a Dalek cake has gotta be one of the hardest things to do (and yes, I too have made an attempt for a friend's birthday - pics at sugaryflower.blogspot.com if you're interested), but still...

Thank you so much CakeWrecks for making me laugh - again! Love the site...

gojirama said...

My kids are recently indoctrinated Whovians, so I had to search this poct for them...had them on the florr.
Jenna

L. D. said...

"We are the superior beings"
Obviously not...

Alex said...

EXTERMINATE the bakers!

Cupcakes Lady said...

My son would love the Dr. Who ones. I'll need to show him. xx